Til the Day I Die
by MyImmortal329
Summary: Sequel to From a Distance. After boarding the train to Denver from Boston, Sully and Michaela embark on a journey of pain, healing and love with Albert and Lydia.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**'Til the Day I Die  
Written By, Ashley J.  
Written September 9, 2005 **

Chapter One

"It's so beautiful out here, Sully," Michaela said softly, as she held onto the window sill. "I'm so happy you brought me." I looked at her with such love and devotion in my eyes. I couldn't wait to see her face when we got to Denver, and I couldn't wait to see her reaction to Colorado Springs.

"I'm glad ya said ya wanted to go." I stood up and moved to stand beside her, while Lydia and Albert lost themselves in a quiet conversation. Michaela and I stood together, her back leaning against my chest and my hands resting on her stomach. God, I couldn't wait until the day when I could feel a child of our own moving in there, kicking her. I couldn't wait for us to start a family. I kissed her neck softly, and her face flushed. She giggled a little as the sun sparkled against her hair and warmed her face. "We're almost home. We got the rest of our lives, Michaela."

"I'm glad I'm spending it with you." Another violent jolt startled us both. "Oh!" She turned and pressed against me as the train shook. I smiled as our eyes met, and I held her in a protective embrace. I stared down into her amber and emerald eyes. I wanted to give her everything her heart desired. I hoped I could do that and more.

The train whistle blew, snapping us all out of our thoughts.

"We're almost to Denver," I announced. I took Michaela's hand, and I sat down in one of the chairs. She grinned and sat down in my lap, something she'd grown accustomed to doing, though she blushed like a schoolgirl every time she did so.

As soon as the train pulled into Denver, we boarded a stage coach, deciding not to wait until the next day. It was comfortable, and we spent our time talking. I was growing more and more anxious to get to Colorado Springs. I was nervous for Michaela, because I wasn't quite sure how she was going to be received by the citizens. I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted her to have to feel no pain. I wanted her to be loved and respected by the town.

I pulled my arm around her as we rode, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I noticed her watching the scenery pass us by, as Lydia and Albert did the same. It felt good to be there with my wife and friends. I wasn't a stranger, and this place wasn't strange. Colorado Springs truly was home, and I couldn't wait to get there.

Thankfully, it didn't take long.

"We're home," I announced proudly as the stagecoach rolled into Colorado Springs. Albert and Lydia grinned at one another excitedly, as the town rushed out to meet us and to get their packages that were probably three weeks late.

"I'm home," Michaela breathed, inhaling the sweet mountain air. I saw Loren and waved him over. He saw me right away and hurried to greet us.

"Sully!" Loren yanked open the stagecoach door and greeted me with a handshake. I was grateful to be home to a place where I wasn't a complete stranger. I got out and held my hand out to Michaela, so she wouldn't have to jump out by herself. I knew she was perfectly capable of doing it herself, but I knew how to treat a lady with respect, and I didn't want a lady jumping out of a carriage and possibly falling and making a bad impression on her first few minutes in town. She took my hand thankfully, and I helped her out to stand in the soft Colorado soil. Michaela breathed a breath of fresh air and wrapped her arms around my neck. It felt so good to hold her like that. We were quickly interrupted, but it was a happy surprise to see Loren up and about the way he was.

"Dr. Mike!" Loren said with a smile. "It's good to see ya." Michaela pulled away from me for a moment. Loren automatically saw the wedding ring, and he looked up at me. I knew that I had a smile on my face. I couldn't hide it, and he elbowed me in the ribs. I played along, but I was sincere when I pulled my wife closer. Being near her was exactly what I needed, because even though this land was my place of comfort, she was the one thing that made it all complete.

"It's wonderful to see you, Mr. Bray. How are you feeling?" She asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Just fine. C'mon, Dr. . . Mrs…Sully?" He shook his head, as we all laughed in the commotion. "Dr. Mike. It's less confusin'. I'll help ya get your things." Michaela and I watched as Albert and Lydia stepped out of the stagecoach, surveying their surroundings. Many people stared, and many others were too busy getting their packages off of the stagecoach.

"Ya gonna stand there all day?" I asked with mock annoyance. They looked at me quickly, not sure of what to think. "C'mon. We're all tired, and I think we should get some rest."

"First things first," my beautiful wife said with a smile. "Where could I find Mr. Bing?" I looked around to see Horace grabbing the mail bag.

"Horace!" I called out. The telegraph operator looked over at me with a smile. He moved over, and I shook his hand. "Horace, this is my wife, Michaela Quinn-Sully. Michaela, this is Horace."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Michaela said, her smile brighter than the sun. She looked so happy. I only hoped she'd stay that way, though Colorado Springs could take some getting used to. I saw her look at me when she saw the quaint little town for the first time. She had been filled with such amazement, shock and uncertainty. But, I knew she'd love it. It would take a little time. The town was like most of its citizens. It took a while to warm up to, but when you did, you never felt more comfortable.

"What do we call ya? Dr. Quinn or Dr. Sully?" Horace asked with concern creasing his brow. Michaela looked at Loren and then at Horace.

"Dr. Mike works for me. It's much less confusing. Besides, my father calls me Mike." A few folks in the crowd laughed, and Michaela blushed. I gave her shoulder a soft squeeze and glanced at Horace.

"Michaela's been wantin' to get those papers signed."  
"Oh! 'Course. Follow me." Sully looked at Loren.

"We'll get yer stuff over to the boardin' house…I mean…the new clinic." Loren rushed off with a few townsmen, and they carried all of the travelers' belongings toward the clinic nearby. Michaela and I followed Horace to the telegraph office.

Lydia and Albert stayed behind, and they set their eyes upon a house at the end of town. It was a tall, white house right next to Grace and Robert E.'s place. I glanced back and saw the smile on each of their faces, but I decided not to question it yet. At that moment, I wanted my wife to be comfortable with her surroundings. So, we walked into the telegraph office, and Horace began searching through the stacks of papers on his desk. Michaela looked around, and I smiled as her eyes glimmered with excitement. There was such a fire in her, and I was glad to see that coming to Colorado Springs hadn't made that go out. On the contrary, it burned even brighter! Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I was glad she was happy.

"Ah. Here ya go," Horace said with a smile. He placed the papers in front of her, and she handed him payment for Mr. Bancroft from the Bank of Denver. I watched as she scrawled and squiggled out her name onto the paper, Michaela Quinn-Sully M.D., the ink permanently staining proof of her ownership and our marriage. When she was finished, she seemed to glow. She had a clinic now. "Congratulations, Dr. Mike."

"Thank you, Mr. Bing."

"It's just Horace, Ma'am." Michaela smiled.

"Horace, I should be receiving items periodically throughout the next few months. I've sent for things from home and for the clinic."

"I'll see that ya get 'em as soon as they get here."

"Thank you." Michaela took my hand, and we walked out into the sunny street. Grace was walking over from the café with a basket hanging from the crook of her arm. Albert and Lydia joined us.

"Welcome home, Sully!" Grace said, pulling me into a hug. I laughed and hugged back.

"Thanks Grace." When I pulled away, I put my arm around Michaela's waist. "This is my wife, Michaela Sully."

"Dr. Quinn," Michaela said with a smile. Grace raised an eyebrow. "You may call me Dr. Mike if you wish. It's a very long story." Grace laughed and shook her head. "I'm sure you'll hear all about it later."

"Welcome to our town."

"Thank you," Michaela replied, blushing. Grace turned to Albert and Lydia.

"These are our friends Albert and Lydia Johnson," I explained.

"Lydia's going to work as a nurse for me," Michaela said proudly. "That is…after the baby gets here." Lydia smiled and rubbed her swollen belly.

"Well, it's nice to meet you folks. I'd stay and talk longer, but I got a café to run. Why don't ya come over? A free meal's waitin'."

"I've never turned down a free meal!" Albert said hungrily. I laughed and nodded.

"We'll be over in a few, Grace." Grace nodded and walked off toward her café.

"We found a nice little place at the end of town," Lydia spoke up. "We both saw it as soon as we stepped off of the stage!" Her gray eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and I watched as she and Albert held each other for a moment. I looked toward that house again.

"Thought ya wanted to live outta town?" I asked.

"I do, but it'll do until I find the right land and…build my own home…our own home." I raised an eyebrow. Albert Johnson didn't look like he had one ounce of carpentry skill in his body. "I wanna build it for my family." Lydia laughed softly.

"He's been talking to you too much, Sully," she replied. "You'll have to help him when he gets the notion to build something."

"I can build," Albert said with faux offense. Lydia grinned and kissed his cheek.

"Did I say you couldn't?" Before Albert could answer, Michaela spotted it. Her clinic. She looked up at me, and I nodded.

"That's it." Michaela hurried over, and I watched her with a smile spreading across my lips. She was so happy. I couldn't have been happier for her. Horace had given her a key, and now she was using it to unlock the door. I walked up behind her as she stepped inside, taking in the small but spacious room. It had potential, and I could tell by the way Michaela eagerly went about opening windows to get the stagnant air out.

She seemed so lively as she almost bounced from foot to foot as she examined every inch.

"It needs a lot of cleaning," she said with a sigh, "but I love it. It's perfect." She hurried over and pulled her arms around my neck. She thanked me with a kiss that I wasn't quite sure I deserved, but I happily accepted it!

Albert and Lydia piled in, admiring the features of the old boarding house.

"It's lovely, Michaela," Lydia said with a smile. At that moment, Lydia almost reminded me of Michaela's cheerful oldest sister, Rebecca. I was so glad that Michaela had such a good friend in Lydia. They'd both been through a lot, and it was good to see that they had each other to talk to when they couldn't talk to the men in their lives. Though, I did like to think that Michaela could speak to me about anything.

"Remember, you're both welcome to stay upstairs for as long as you need," Michaela pointed out.

"We don't want to be a bother," Albert replied.

"You're no bother," Michaela insisted. "Now you're staying, and I won't have it any other way." I grinned at my wife's persistence, and Lydia and Albert happily accepted her offer, though they were interested in talking with the bank about buying that empty house at the end of town. "Before we do anything else, I'd like to give Lydia a proper examination."

"No, no," Lydia insisted. "I feel just fine, and the baby's kicking away." Michaela looked at her with apprehension, but she finally nodded.

"It needs to be today." Lydia nodded.

"Later. For now, I want to see Colorado Springs!" I felt my stomach growling, and it seemed loud enough for everyone to hear, but it appeared that they didn't. I looked around and took a deep breath, smelling Grace's fine cooking wafting in through the open windows.

"What do ya say we go get a bite to eat first? I'm feelin' pretty hungry now." Her arm came around my waist, and I looked down at her with a smile. We shared a soft, lingering kiss before we followed Lydia and Albert out of the building. Michaela happily locked the door behind us, and I led our group to the small café behind the clinic. Michaela seemed enchanted by it, and I loved seeing the town through her eyes. It was beautiful to her; full of possibilities.

We settled down at a table in the center of the café, and it wasn't five minutes before most of the town was swarming around us. Grace was serving us her specialty: meatloaf, her husband Robert E. was talking to Albert, Lydia and Michaela, and I even saw Abagail Anderson standing there with her husband Martin. They were smiling as they listened to Michaela and Lydia talk about their upbringings in Boston. I felt like an outsider, but I didn't mind. I loved the way that the town was asking about her, even if it was mostly the women. I saw the some of the men, including Jake and Hank, talking quietly and walking away. I knew it would take a while to get through to them, and I wasn't sure if she ever would, but the town was already welcoming her.

"When's the baby due?" Grace asked as she looked at Lydia. Lydia flushed, and Albert took her hand.

"November," she replied quietly. She left out the fact that she and Albert had been married just over a month. They really didn't need to go into detail about that, because honestly, it shouldn't matter to a bunch of people that they didn't even know.

"Ya'll can't be more than newlyweds," Grace laughed. Lydia bit her lip and nodded.

"We haven't been married very long, but we're more than happy about this baby." Everyone smiled, assuming that they'd been married and blessed with a child right away, and as Lydia and Albert talked about the upcoming birth, my eyes met Michaela's, and we seemed to be communicating a silent agreement. We both wanted children, and we wanted them right away.

For now, everything was perfect and just the way I wanted it. But, both Michaela and I were ready to start the rest of our lives together in this town. We couldn't wait to get started.

* * *

Michaela Quinn-Sully woke in a bed at the Denver hospital, her head pounding and wrapped in gauze. She touched it, wincing as the top of her head hurt. What happened? She couldn't quite remember. So, she lay there and closed her eyes from the light in the room. She needed to remember, and her memories were jumbled for a moment. Everything was fuzzy, but as she took several deep breaths, things started to return to her. 

_Smoke, dust and blood filled her nostrils, as she woke in the overturned train car. She couldn't see when she tried to open her eyes, and she felt the hot blood rushing down her face from a cut somewhere under her hairline. She groaned and tried to move, but she was pinned under something or someone. She wanted to cry, but she feared that only blood would fall, not tears._

_She coughed, but the pain in her head grew more intense. She tried to move again, but pain overtook her body. She didn't think anything was broken though, so she wanted to pull herself out and help others. She could hear their screams; their cries of agony. It was killing her to not be able to move and help them._

_Michaela blinked into the darkness, seeing nothing but the small filters of light coming from the side windows which were now directly above her. She reached for something, anything, and she pulled at a curtain next to her. She pulled herself, feeling the object weighing her down move a little. She cried out as she pulled herself into a sitting position._

_"Sully!" she screamed. "Sully! Sully!" She heard no response, only the incessant wails of those injured in the other cars. "Sully? Albert? Lydia!" She was beginning to grow frantic. She hear a soft whimper from nearby. It was female. Lydia. "Lydia?"_

_"Michaela," she groaned. "Something's wrong. What happened?" _

_"I'm not sure, Lydia. Are you hurt?" She didn't receive a reply, and her heart began to pound. "Lydia!"_ _Michaela started to feel her way around, but she soon became dizzy and fell unconscious once more._

She opened her eyes. Her heart was fluttering. Where was Sully? Where was everyone? She squinted in pain and looked around. She wasn't alone. A few other patients were lying unconscious in beds near hers. She looked down at herself. Her dress was covered in blood, and she couldn't be sure if it was hers or someone else's. She wanted to get up. She had to find her husband. She had to make sure that he was all right.

"Sully?" she asked aloud, not expecting an answer but hoping for one. She sat up, all of the pain in her body rushing to her head. She groaned, but tried to pull herself out of bed despite the pain.

"What are you doing?" asked an older man as he rushed into the room. "Lay back, Miss."

"No, I need to find my husband," she said softly.

"Don't worry," he replied soothingly. "Rest now. I'm Dr. Bernard." Michaela winced a little.

"Dr. Michaela Quinn," she groaned.

"Well!" he chuckled. "I've heard a lot about you." She didn't care. She didn't care about anything this man had to say. She only wanted her husband.

"Sully," she groaned. "I need to find…"

"Just rest now," Dr. Bernard replied. "You may have a concussion, so you shouldn't be up and about."

"I don't care! I need to find my husband. We were on the train. He was…I need…"

"All survivors of the train wreck were brought here," Dr. Bernard explained. "I'm sure your husband is here, so don't worry. Rest now. We'll get it all sorted out as soon as you're feeling better." Michaela realized that she was getting nowhere with this man, so she nodded solemnly. She waited for him to check the other three patients, and once he was out of the room, she pulled herself up and began to walk toward the door, feeling unbearably ill. But, she walked along anyway, ignoring all of the pain she was feeling in her head.

So many people were sitting and lying in the halls, victims of the train accident. There were so many that they didn't have enough rooms on this floor of the hospital for all of them. She felt guilty. She was much better off than many of these people. Why should she have gotten a bed? Perhaps it was because she was a woman. Most of the people lying on the ground were men. It was then that she spotted a little blonde boy standing by the wall, crying into his hands. He didn't look injured, merely out of place. She couldn't walk away without checking on him. It was her duty as a doctor and her will as a compassionate woman.

She slowly, stiffly knelt beside him.

"Are you hurt?" she asked softly. The little boy looked up at her, his tear-filled eyes sparkling as they looked into hers. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and shook his head.

"They took Ma away," he said softly. Michaela felt a lump rising in her throat, and she put her hand on the boy's shoulder. "We brought her in, and she was hollerin'. She was hurtin' real bad. I can't find her."

"Who's we?"

"Me and my brother and sister," he replied. A taller boy with matching blonde hair walked up behind the boy and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry if he's botherin' ya, Ma'am."

"He's no bother," Michaela assured him. "I saw him crying, and I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help. I'm a doctor." A girl with equally blonde hair walked up beside the older boy.

"Looks like you're the one that needs a doctor," she pointed out.

"I'm fine," Michaela replied. "The three of you?"

"We're fine, Ma'am. Right, Brian?" Brian nodded. "We're just waitin' on our ma. We're on our way to Colorado Springs." Michaela nodded sadly.

"So was I." She paused for a moment. "I hope everything turns out well for you."

"Thank you," Colleen said with a hesitant smile. "If you're a doctor, ya know 'bout pregnant ladies, right?"

"I know my fair share," she replied.

"Maybe once ya get to feelin' better, you can check on our ma. They took her back there." Colleen pointed behind two swinging doors. Michaela nodded slowly, blinked a few times and slowly started on down the gauntlet of train wreck victims, their eyes piercing daggers into her for being able enough to walk around. Most of them were too critically injured to move at all. She felt her heart break for them. Her soul was aching. She needed him. She needed to see him and know that he was all right.

"Michaela?" Michaela turned at the voice. Albert was standing in the hall, his clothes in disarray; his skin covered in blood and sweat. More able-bodied victims were carrying in those who couldn't move.

"The room at the end of the hall has an empty bed," she said quietly to anyone who would listen. One man nodded his thanks, and Michaela turned her attention back to Albert. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Just a cut or two, but I got that taken care of. Lydia…she's not waking up. The doctors are afraid that the train…well, maybe the baby…" His voice cracked, and Michaela reached out to hug him.

"She's going to make it, Albert. Don't worry. Lydia's strong. She's gone through a lot to have this baby, and she's not going to give up yet." Albert tried to be positive, and he nodded when he pulled away. "I need to find him, Albert."

"Sully," Albert said quietly. "I saw him. I mean, I haven't seen him, but I saw them bring him in. They carried him…that way." Albert pointed forward, and Michaela swallowed hard. "I don't think he was conscious, Michaela." Michaela tried not to hear him. She didn't want to hear that about her husband. Sully was alive. He had to be. She wouldn't let him die, because she knew his spirit was strong. His body was strong.

Michaela moved down the hallway, her feet feeling like lead. Was she dreaming? The pain in her head told her 'no.' She peeked into every room, seeing the pain and the suffering that she'd seen so many times during her years as a doctor, though this was the first time she was truly experiencing the personal pain for herself. It seemed so surreal. She wanted to take their pain away. She wanted all of the suffering to go away. Where was the light?

"Sully," she choked out as she moved closer to the end of the hall. "I need you." She suppressed a sob, but it was replaced by a wail of emotions. Where was he? Where?

The last room at the end of the hall had a faint yellow glow about it, setting it apart from all of the others. All sounds stopped as she walked in, and she felt like time was frozen, and she was the only one allowed to stand in the center of it all; feel it's consequences.

She saw him. He was lying on a bed as flat as a board. One hand clutched the red, black and white beads that hung from his neck. The other was resting at his side, resting without a care.

Her tears froze. She couldn't move or breathe or think. She stared, seeing nothing but her husband's body lying there. Was he dead? Oh, was he ever going to open his eyes again and see her? Would she ever get to look into those azure oceans and see such amazing life and love? Of course he'd wake up. He had to.

"Sully," she whispered, finally gaining the strength to walk across the yellow room. Sully didn't move. He didn't flinch. He laid there, his eyes closed and his hand clutching his beads next to his heart. She trembled as she sat down on the bed. Her eyes were damp with tears. Her lips trembled, and a sob escaped. "No. No. No." She shook her head and put her head upon his chest. "Sully, please wake up. Please. Don't go away. Don't leave me."

"Miss, you're not supposed to be in here," an older man said as he walked in. He was obviously a doctor, but she didn't care.

"I'm his wife," she whispered, her hand gently tracing the contours of Sully's face.

"I'm terribly sorry," he whispered, his eyes downcast.

"He's not dead," Michaela snapped without lifting her head. She was listening to Sully's heart, hearing it beating strongly; beating for her.

"Of course not, Ma'am," he replied. "But I'm afraid your husband has slipped into a coma. He may not make it through the night."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Blankets were being held out on the balconies and beat with switches to get the dust out, and pillows were being fluffed for reasons I knew nothing of. Michaela and I were working on fixing up the recovery rooms upstairs, and we already saw a few minor problems that needed to be taken care of. But, I knew a hammer and a few nails would fix it, and we had plenty of time to worry about it.

"These beds are perfect for recovering patients," Michaela said with a smile upon her lips as she brought in a blanket and folded it, placing it at the foot of the bed. I watched her and sat down on the bed for a moment. She smiled and moved across the room. I knew she could feel my eyes on her, and I could see her cheeks growing red. I loved the way she could flush at just a look, and it made me feel good to know that she was as crazy about me as I was about her.

A knock came to the door, and Lydia walked in with a smile upon her face.

"Michaela, do you need any help?" she asked, her fingers moving upon her extended stomach, touching the places that I could only assume she felt the baby kicking at.

"You can help by resting," Michaela replied. Lydia sighed with a chuckle and sat down in a chair beside the balcony.

"Where's Albert?" I wondered, hoping Hank and Jake hadn't gotten to him. I didn't think that a liquored up Albert would be very pleasant on our first night in Colorado Springs.. Lydia felt her cheeks growing red.

"Some of the men stopped him to ask questions about the new lady doctor," she laughed. "They didn't figure that asking you would help, so they're swarming around poor Albert." Michaela rolled her eyes and shook her head with a laugh.

"They could ask me," Michaela replied. I crossed the room toward her and smiled.

"Yeah, but maybe they wouldn't know what to say to a beautiful woman from Boston that had the courage to go someplace new and try somethin' different. What have they done that's so great?" Michaela turned in my arms and let out a content sigh. I loved it when she did that, because I knew that I'd eased her worries. "'Sides, Albert would only have good things to say about ya."

"I certainly hope so!" she exclaimed, wriggling out of my arms to fold another blanket. I walked over to stand upon the balcony. I watched as Mr. Bray swept off his porch floor, his white hair sticking out underneath his nicest hat. A few townswomen were picking out fresh apples and polishing them on their skirts. Down the street, Hank Lawson leaned his bar chair against the railing of the saloon porch and took a long puff on his cigar while other men questioned a bewildered-looking Albert. Albert was clutching a briefcase and trying to answer all of his questions in Michaela's favor. Jake, who was about two inches shorter than Albert, seemed to be towering over the poor man. I felt the need to rescue him, but when Robert E. gave Albert a swift pat on the back, relaxing him, I knew he could survive on his own.

A knock came to the open door, and I turned to walk back inside. Loren Bray's daughter Abagail was standing there. She smiled when she saw me, and I saw a look of jealousy cross Michaela's face. It was the same look that I'd seen her wearing so many months ago in Boston. I felt guilty for feeling a little aroused by the idea of Michaela being jealous. She knew that I'd never love another woman the way I loved her. She knew I'd never look at another woman the way I looked at her. But, her jealousy was endearing, and it made me love her all the more.

"Hope I'm not interruptin'," she said softly, smoothing her hand over her long, black hair that was pulled up into a bun. "I just wanted to come see if everybody was getting settled."

"Of course you're not interrupting," Michaela replied quietly. "Come in." Abagail shook her head.

"Oh, I can't stay. I just wanted to come say hello. Dr. Quinn, I'm real glad the town council voted for ya to come work here. Ya saved my pa's life, and I'll always be grateful." Michaela smiled a little, and Abagail looked at me, her eyes staring into mine for what seemed like a full minute. It made me uneasy. Her entire presence made me feel awkward. She had appeared to be happily married when I'd seen her with Martin, and now, she was looking at me as if she was a young schoolgirl in love.

"Thank you," Michaela said quietly, looking at me for a brief instant.

"I also wanted to say congratulations on the wedding. I'm happy for you both." Abagail played with the wedding band upon her own finger for a moment. "Martin and me are real close by, so if ya need anything…" Her eyes fixed on mine again, but my gaze moved toward Michaela, and I gave her a wink to let her know that all was well. Lydia was oblivious to the unspoken words that we were sharing, and after Abagail left, the color returned to my wife's face.

"That was sweet," Lydia said with a smile as she rested her hands upon her belly. I watched Michaela swallow hard, think about saying something, decide against it and place a folded blanket upon a bed.

"Michaela?"

"Hmm?" she asked, a hint of surprise and relief in her voice that I had called her name. Lydia realized that something wasn't quite right, so she stood.

"I'm going to make sure Albert's all right." She gave us both a smile before she left the room. I walked toward Michaela, and her cheeks began to turn a soft rosy color, beautifully contrasting with the colors of her eyes.

"Somethin' botherin' ya?" I wondered, knowing exactly what was bothering her but wanting to hear it from her.

"No," she replied, obviously lying.

"Michaela," I said sternly, as I gently touched her shoulder. She surrendered under my touch and turned to face me. "Ya can tell me anything."

"I think she's still sweet on you." I chuckled and shook my head.

"She's married, Michaela. She's got a husband, and she's…"

"I know," she replied. She moved away from me and shut the door. "Sometimes people are married to one person and attracted to someone completely different." I was surprised to hear this coming from her, but I knew she was insecure about some things. I knew I would have spent forever proving to her how much I loved her, even if she never believed it. But, she did believe it, but I wanted to work just as hard anyway. However, I loved playing with her too. Sometimes, she didn't realize what I was doing, but pushing her buttons seemed to enhance our desire for one another, and it made us see one another in new lights all of the time. We loved to challenge one another, and it was something that kept us on our toes. We were comfortable with it, and our love grew from it. We challenged one another in positive ways to counteract the difficult challenges of everyday life.

"What are ya sayin'?" I teased. "Are ya attracted to somebody even though you're married to me?" Michaela shook her head and slightly rolled her eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sully," she said, turning away from me. But, I took her hand in mine, and she turned back to face me. "Of course I'm not."

"Well, the notion had to have come to ya somehow. What's goin' on?" For a moment, something flickered in her eyes. Did she really believe that I believed this? I didn't believe it, though it was always nice to be reminded that she had eyes for only me as I had for her. We both had our insecurities, after all.

"Sully, I was merely stating a fact! That doesn't mean it's true in our case," she said, placing her hands on the curve of her hips. "If you truly believe that I would be…" Her face flushed. "Sully, this conversation is entirely inappropriate."

"Why's that? We're married. We ain't got nothin' to hide from one another." I stepped closer, and my eyes bore into hers. She stepped backward, and her hands gripped a bedside table. "Unless there's somethin' ya wanna tell me?" Michaela's face was flushing furiously, and my own smile was growing wider. She knew I was pushing her buttons on purpose, and I saw that flicker of excitement dance across her face.

"You're the only man I look at, Sully. You're the only man that makes me…makes me feel the way I do when we're together." My smile faded, and I gently touched her cheek.

"Prove it," I replied, my voice lower than a whisper. Michaela's arms eagerly encircled my neck, and I kissed her with such intensity that I thought we'd both knock over the table behind us. She giggled against my lips, as I pulled her closer, and she finally pulled back.

"Sully!" she exclaimed in a whisper. "What if…" I slowly pulled away and strode across the room. I could feel her eyes on my back, and it thrilled me to the core. I made sure the door was shut all the way, and I turned the lock. I heard her breath catch as it latched into place, and I turned toward her. We met halfway, and I pulled her close. "Where were we?" Moments later, we were losing ourselves in one another, sharing and exploring as if it was the first time. We could never tire of this, and that was one of the many reasons I adored the love we shared.

* * *

The words spun around and around in her head, yet she still couldn't grasp them. Sully in a coma? No, it wasn't possible. It absolutely could not be true. Sully was strong and able, and he fought too hard to ever slip into a coma. Despite her vast medical knowledge, Michaela couldn't accept that Sully was lying there before her but couldn't open his eyes to look at her or move his hand to hold hers. A coma? No. A coma was next to death for many people, and Sully couldn't die. He couldn't leave her, when they'd just started their life together. What kind of sick, cruel joke was it to let a husband and wife travel to their new life together, only to be halted by a horrible train wreck? What kind of a God could let this happen to her husband? 

"Sully," Michaela whispered, scooting her entire body onto the bed beside him, resting her head on the pillow beside his head and whispering into his ear. "Sully, open your eyes. Let me know you hear me." The doctor looked away. He was intruding where he didn't belong. He had to leave, and he knew it. He slipped out unnoticed, closing the door behind him. "Sully, let me know you hear me." He didn't move, and her tears began to fall with ease as her entire body trembled. "Please don't leave me. Please. Prove them wrong. Wake up, Sully! Wake up, and tell me you're all right!" She closed her eyes and nuzzled her face in his neck. She felt the pulse of his heart beating strongly against her lips, and she kissed him. She wanted to wake him, to rouse him, but nothing worked. She put her hand to his chest and felt his heart beating so strongly. Everything was right. Everything was perfect, except he wouldn't wake up. It was killing her to know that her husband was everything he always was, except he couldn't prove it. She knew he could hear her. Her heart told her he could, but she couldn't get him to wake up. "Fight. Fight for me, Sully. Please don't give up. You're stronger than that."

She held him, as she sobbed against his neck. Her tears stained his shirt, and she brushed her hand against his hair, feeling its softness against her skin. She felt the dried blood where he'd hit his head, and she wanted to fix him. She wanted to take away the pain. She could heal, but she didn't know how she could heal him. She was in no frame of mind to heal her husband. She wanted to, but her body was too exhausted. If she tried, she'd kill him.

Michaela felt cold now, and she curled up tightly against him, holding him close and willing him to survive. She thought she felt him stir, but when she looked up into his face, she knew he wasn't coming back yet. She knew he was fighting, but he hadn't broken free. He was a fighter, and she knew that if she gave him time, he'd make his way back to her. He had to.

The door opened a little, and Michaela wanted to scream, but she couldn't find her voice. She looked over to see the little blonde-headed boy standing there.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't know nobody was in here. I was…tryin' to hide." Michaela pulled herself off of the bed, keeping an eye on Sully for a moment. She turned back to the boy.

"It's okay." He nodded. "You can come in." Michaela bent down a little and lifted up a layer of her skirt to dry her tears.

"I'm Brian," he announced. "Colleen and Matthew are my brother and sister, just so ya know." Brian looked around her to the man lying on the bed. "Who's that?" he asked in a small voice. Michaela swallowed hard.

"He's my husband. His name is Sully."

"What's wrong with him?" the five-year-old asked with big, bright, sad eyes. Michaela felt fresh tears forming. He sensed her pain. "Sorry."

"No. No, it's all right. Where are your brother and sister?"

"They went to see Ma. They thought I was with 'em," he explained. "I snuck out, 'cause I didn't wanna see my Ma hurtin'." Michaela felt that lump in her throat growing larger.

"They're going to be worried about you."

"I'll be ok. I can take care of myself."

"You're awfully young," Michaela replied, kneeling down onto the cold, gray floor.

"I'm almost six," he protested, his two front teeth missing. Michaela smiled a little. She couldn't help it. She stood and reached for his hand.

"Let me take you to your mother before she worries." The little boy shook his head and moved away.

"Can't I stay here for a little while?" He moved across the room toward Sully's bed. "Is he an Indian!" His little hand reached out to touch the buckskin fabric of Sully's pant leg. Michaela moved to stand on the other side of Sully's bed.

"No, but he's a friend to the Indians."

"Gosh, I never met an Indian before. Think I might meet one someday?"

"There's always a first time," Michaela said with a hesitant smile. Brian looked up at her.

"Ya said you're a doctor?"

"Yes."

"I didn't know ladies could be doctors." He scratched his cheek with his fingers. "What's your name?"

"I'm Dr. Quinn," she replied. "Michaela Quinn-Sully, actually." Her fingers played along her wedding band. She hadn't really sad that last part for his benefit. She just wanted to say it to let her heart believe that she would always and forever remain his wife.

"That's too hard to remember. What else to people call ya?" She thought for a moment.

"My father calls me Mike."

"Dr. Mike," Brian replied. "I can remember that. If anybody ever needs a doctor, I'll tell 'em to go see Dr. Mike." Michaela smiled at the boy's innocence, and he moved to look more closely at Sully. "Bet he's real nice."

"Yes," Michaela whispered.

"He must be real tired. He's sleepin' awful good." Michaela turned away so he wouldn't see her tears start to fall, but she couldn't help it. She let out a sob, and Brian hurried around to her. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make ya cry, Dr. Mike. Please, don't cry." He took a dirty handkerchief out of his pocket and offered it to her. He was so sweet that she couldn't refuse him. She took it and dried her eyes. "I hope he wakes up real soon, Dr. Mike." Michaela nodded, taking a deep breath, her heart beating quickly, breaking for the sweetness in the boy's voice and the sadness in her husband's grim condition.

"So do I." She took his hand in hers. "Come along. We'll go find your mother." He finally nodded, and Michaela took him out of the room. She stole a quick glance at Sully, hoping to see him move, but he didn't. He lay there like he had when she first found him like that. She sighed and turned out of the door and into the hallway, looking forward, hoping that when she came back, he'd be awake to tell her it was all a horrible mistake.

Brian led her through the double doors and down a hallway, where Colleen and Matthew were frantically searching for their brother. Colleen saw him first.

"Brian!" she exclaimed. The young girl rushed to kneel beside her brother. "Ya ain't supposed to run off like that! We thought ya…ya got…"

"Don't ever do that again!" Matthew interrupted, scolding his little brother. Brian looked down, yanking his hand from Michaela's. He seemed to disappear within himself, and Michaela noticed it in the way he slumped his shoulders and placed his hands in his pockets. "I'm real sorry, Ma'am."

"He told me your mother was hurting. Is she feeling better?"

"She's better," Matthew said quietly. Colleen shook her head.

"Our ma's a midwife. I've seen ladies like this. It ain't good." Brian snapped up.

"Dr. Mike can fix her." Matthew and Colleen looked at one another in confusion. Brian looked up at Michaela. "Fix her, Dr. Mike." Michaela gave a defeated sigh.

"Brian, I would love to help your mother, but I haven't got the supplies…"

"It's a hospital," Matthew said quickly.

"But I'm not in charge…"

"You're a lady. Ya know how these things work. Ya didn't see the man who tried to look at Ma earlier. Please, Ma'am. Dr. Mike?" Michaela sighed softly.

"Alright," she whispered. "I'll see what I can do." Michaela followed the children out of the hallway and into the room where several pregnant women were resting. Most of them were sleeping, and there wasn't a doctor in sight. The children led her to a bed in the corner where a middle-aged woman rested with her hands on her stomach. Worry creased her brow, and she looked as if she'd been worrying for quite a long time. G ray hair was starting to sprout at her temples, and she fascinated Michaela. She looked like a woman who knew her place in the world and had learned to accept it.

"Her name's Charlotte," Colleen whispered. Michaela knew she looked terrible. Her eyes were red from crying, her hair was a mess, her clothes were stained in blood, and dirt stuck to the dried sweat upon her face. But, Charlotte looked past it all.

"Hello," she said tiredly.

"Hello, Charlotte," Michaela replied. "Your children tell me you're uncomfortable."  
"You could say that," Charlotte chuckled. "But nothing is ever comfortable these days." She looked Michaela over. "You don't sound like you're from around here."

"I'm not. I'm from Boston. My husband and I were traveling here."

"You were on the train, weren't ya?" Charlotte asked quietly. Michaela nodded, but she changed the subject.

"I'm a doctor. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't know," Charlotte replied. "The doc who just saw me didn't seem to know much 'bout my condition. I told 'im that there's some scars left from when the youngest was born." She gestured toward Brian. "Told 'im that the doc I saw in Kansas said I might die givin' birth. Said they'd have to take the baby." Michaela was amazed at how bold Charlotte was to say those words in front of her children, and she noticed how strong the children were being. Little Brian was trying, but the world was still a big, scary, confusing place to him.

"Well, I could examine you and give you my own opinion."

"Ya don't think the other doc would care?"

"It's not up to him. In my opinion, it should be up to the patient to decide how she's cared for." Charlotte smiled a little.

'Thanks, doc." Michaela nodded and went about cleaning her hands for a proper examination. Just as she was cleaning her hands, Charlotte gripped her stomach and let out an ear-shattering scream.

* * *

Lydia woke in the unfamiliar hospital room, remembering the events of the train wreck and feeling sore and tired. Her eyes adjusted to her surroundings, and she smiled when she saw Albert sleeping with his chin propped on his hand. She gently ran her fingers through his dark curls, and he stirred. He realized she was moving, and his eyes popped open, and he took her hand in his. 

"How are you feeling?" he whispered.

"Tired," she whispered. "I feel like…I hurt." Her hand moved to her stomach. "The baby?"

"Just fine," he whispered. "The both of you were lucky." Lydia let out a relieved sigh. Her heart stopped racing, and she slowly calmed. Albert tenderly played with the loose tendrils of hair that framed Lydia's face. "I was so worried." Lydia smiled coyly and placed her hand upon her husband's cheek.

"There's no need to worry about me or this baby. If we can survive a bullet and a train wreck, I think we can survive just about anything." Albert softly kissed her forehead.

"Don't joke like that, Lydia. I don't want you saying things like that."

"I'm sorry, Albert. It's been a rough few months, and I think that making the best of them is easier than sitting around complaining about it." She sat up a little, and Albert watched her like a hawk. "Would you stop? I'm fine." She couldn't help but smile at his worry. She knew he was only concerned about her, because somehow, she always ended up being caught up in something that could ultimately end badly for her or the baby. She knew she needed to be more careful, but there really wasn't any way to prevent getting shot or being the victim of a horrible train accident. "How about you, my love? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I'm mostly worried about you."

"Sully and Michaela?" Albert's expression faded to one much grimmer. "Oh no…they're not…"

"No," Albert replied hastily, shaking his head. "Michaela might've had a concussion, and Sully…Sully might not wake up. I saw him when they brought him in, and I overheard doctors talking. He might not make it through the night, Lydia."

"No," Lydia whispered, shaking her head. "Not Sully. This shouldn't be happening to them." She sighed heavily. "It shouldn't be happening to anyone. I need to see Michaela."

"She's probably still with Sully. I'll go look for her, but you should rest." Lydia nodded her thanks and tried to relax against her pillow. She watched as Albert moved into the hall. He began to search for Michaela, and it wasn't long before he heard a voice from behind him.

"Sir? Sir!" Albert turned. "Were you aboard the train that crashed?"

"Yes. I was."

"They're bringing in all of the baggage and other possessions that they could salvage." He pointed the way to the luggage room, and Albert nodded absently. It didn't matter right now. Nothing mattered but his wife and his friends, and he had to do whatever he had to in order to help them.

* * *

"Charlotte, breathe. Don't panic," Michaela coached as the older woman grabbed her stomach and screamed out. Matthew pulled Colleen and Brian close. 

"What's happening'?" Brian wondered. Colleen knew. Matthew knew. Michaela swallowed hard.

"Charlotte?" Michaela asked. "When are you due?"

"Beginnin' of September," Charlotte cried out. Michaela sighed heavily.

"Alright. I believe this little one wants to make its appearance a little bit early. But, it's only a couple of weeks early. Don't worry, Charlotte." Charlotte shook her head.

"Worryin' is in my blood, doc. I can't help it." She closed her eyes and breathed through the pain. Michaela looked at the children.

"Go find her doctor." They stood, stunned. "Now! Go on!" She knew that she shouldn't be doing this right now. But, Charlotte needed her, and that child needed her. "Charlotte, just relax. This baby's going to be here soon, and you'll have four beautiful children." Charlotte cried out again, and Michaela watched the doors, waiting for the children. When Charlotte cried out again, blood and fluid spilled onto the sheets. Michaela knew this baby wasn't going to be able to be born this way. She had to take it, and if the other doctor didn't have to arrive soon, she'd have to work alone.

She reached for any supplies she'd need, and she set them out close by.

"Charlotte, whatever you do, don't push. Hold it in. You can't push." The children immediately returned with an older doctor. He was about her father's age with a bald spot in the middle of his hair.

"What on Earth is going on here?" he asked bitterly.

"This woman needs a Caesarian Section," Michaela called out.

"That is my patient, Miss!" he replied.

"I understand that, but I'm a doctor too, and I need assistance here. She can't give birth naturally."

"I'll be the judge of that," the doctor replied, pushing past Michaela. Charlotte was in too much pain to protest, and Michaela was stunned as she was pushed aside like yesterday's breakfast. Michaela moved toward the children when they began to weep, and Charlotte fixed her eyes on them, trying to get her mind off of the pain. She watched as Michaela put her hands on Brian's shoulders, and he turned to hide his face against her hip. Colleen was gripping Matthew's arm tightly with one hand and the back of Dr. Mike's shirt with the other. "Get those children out of here, Miss." To Michaela, this man was just like Dr. Lancaster in New York. He was pushing her aside and giving her small tasks just to get her out of his hair.

"I should help, doctor."

"You are not in any shape to perform such a surgery! You're fresh off of a train wreck, you're covered in God knows what, and you're hysterical. I will not have a hysterical woman butchering my patient!" Brian began to tremble against Michaela, and she knew that this wasn't such a place for children.

"Come along, children."

"No! My ma's a midwife, and I help her. I know what happens when they cut 'em open. I seen it before, Dr. Mike!" Colleen tried to hide her tears, but they were obvious.

"Your mother's going to be just fine. Come along. This will be over soon, and you can come back and see her. Matthew picked Brian up and put his arm around his sister. The four moved into the hallway, and Michaela leaned against the wall in exhaustion. Charlotte's screams could be heard, and the children's eyes averted to every other possible place in the hall. Brian was whimpering in Matthew's arms, and it broke Michaela's heart. Then she thought of Sully. She had to see him. She knew she should be with him, but when she saw the scared, trembling forms of Charlotte's children standing there, she knew she couldn't leave them alone. They needed to take their minds off of what could go wrong.

"Michaela!" came a voice at the end of the hall. Michaela turned toward Albert's voice as he hurried down to meet them.

"Albert? Is it Lydia?" Fear grew inside of her. "Is it Sully?"

"No, no. A lot of the luggage was recovered from the train. It was brought here for the victims to claim. I thought maybe you'd want to find yours and Sully's if it was salvaged." Michaela nodded her head in exhaustion.

"I can't leave right now, Albert. You know the luggage we carried." Albert nodded in understanding and started to turn away. "How's Lydia?"

"She's awake. She's in good spirits."

"Good," Michaela replied. Albert wanted to say more, but he didn't think it was the time. He gave her a nod, and then he nodded at the children. A moment later, he disappeared out of the hallway, and Michaela was left alone with the children.

"Why's it so quiet?" Matthew asked, moving toward the door.

"Matthew, don't go in there," Michaela warned. "The doctor will be out soon."

"You're a doctor! You should be in there," Colleen exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, Colleen. It was out of my hands this time."

"Ya shoulda took it in your hands then." She began to sob again. Michaela sighed softly and gently rubbed the girl's back.

"It's going to be all right. You'll see."

"Pa left us. Ma can't leave us too," Brian whispered.

"Hush, Brian," Matthew said softly. "Ya don't gotta go tellin' everybody our life story." Michaela sighed heavily and turned toward the doors. She wanted to help that poor woman in there. Hysterical female? She scoffed. He certainly was a lot like Dr. Lancaster, and she had a strong feeling that she was going to get that reaction from a lot of people.

"What do you think? Do you think it'll be a boy or a girl?" Michaela asked, trying to lighten the mood. Colleen sighed heavily.

"I sure hope it's a girl. It's getting mighty crowded with all these boys around."

"I want a brother!" Brian protested.

"Well, it can't be both, so which is it?" Matthew asked with a laugh. "I wouldn't mind havin' another little sister myself. The one I got ain't so bad." He suddenly realized why Michaela had asked the question, and she gave her a nod of thanks. Silence followed for several more minutes, everyone wondering what was happening and hoping for the best.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Michaela and I finally had to light an oil lantern once the sun went down. We'd been locked up in our room for quite some time, and we were lying in each other's arms, enjoying the quiet. We hadn't had time alone since we were in Boston, and being on the train had been quite a hectic experience. Michaela had always been cautious due to her worry that Albert and Lydia would hear us. Though, I wasn't sure that Lydia and Albert had realized how easily we could hear on those long nights upon the train.

My hand moved under the covers and touched the sensitive skin upon her belly. She moaned a little, and my hand pressed against her. She turned to her side, and she looked up into my eyes.

"How long do you think it'll take?" she wondered.

"I dunno. I suppose it could be any time," Sully replied.

"Someone women have more trouble than others," Michaela said quietly, her eyes full of worry. "Sully? What if I can't…" I smiled and shushed her with a kiss.

"You're strong, beautiful, healthy and young, Michaela. You can do anything." I pulled my arms tightly around her. I hated when she worried, and I honestly didn't think she had anything to worry about. I kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her nose and finally her mouth, recapturing our passion. She pulled away a few minutes later, and she looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Sully?" She looked up at me, wanting to say something but not finding the words.

"What is it?" I coaxed. "Ya can tell me anything."

"I haven't wanted to get my hopes up, and I . . . I don't want to get your hopes up." My heart began to swell with joy and pride already.

"Michaela…"

"I haven't…I mean, my monthly…" My hand caressed her belly again, and I pulled her close, kissing her.

"Michaela, I've noticed somethin' different 'bout ya," I explained. "I just didn't know what it was. Somethin' glows 'round ya. Michaela, I can't wait to see ya heavy with our child. I can't wait to feel her kickin' 'round in there." Michaela sighed and rested her head upon my shoulder. I felt a tear trickle down her cheek and onto my chest, but I didn't care. We were a part of one another. Her tears were my tears.

"I hope it's true, Sully. I want nothing more than to start a family with you. I am a little frightened."

"Me too," I admitted. "But, havin' a baby with ya…I can't think of anything I'd want more." Michaela smiled and stretched in my arms.

"Good," she whispered. She started to get up, but I pulled her back to me.

"Where ya goin'?"

"We still have so much to do, Sully!"

"It can hold 'til tomorrow, can't it?"

"Well, I suppose so," she replied, "but it'd be so much easier if we took care of it this evening," Michaela explained. I began kissing the flesh upon her neck, and she relaxed in my arms. "Or tomorrow…" And we were lost.

* * *

Hours had passed since Charlotte's water had broken, and unfortunately the doctor hadn't taken her to surgery until now. He had come out shortly after making Michaela and the children leave, and he had decided to wait a while before performing the operation. Michaela had insisted upon doing something, but he'd threatened to have her removed from the premises if she did so. He said he had the power to have her arrested, because she was a patient in this hospital, not a doctor. Michaela, knowing that she needed to be there for her husband, had decided to stay out of it, and she had kept the children under her watchful eye.

Charlotte had lost a lot of blood before the doctor took her away, and now she was fighting for her life and her child's. Michaela only prayed that the two would survive. She couldn't bare the thought of witnessing three children lose their mother and a sibling in one day, though she'd witnessed it before. So, out of her fondness of little Brian, her sympathy for all three of the children, and the need to keep an eye on Sully's condition, she had invited the children to rest in Sully's room. So, three cots were laid out. Two were sleeping while Matthew pretended to sleep to make everyone feel better. Once in awhile, Michaela would catch a glimpse of him staring right up at the ceiling, and when he'd feel her staring, he'd close his eyes and bluff a snore.

She thought she heard Sully stir, and she gave his hand a squeeze. But, Sully continued to lie there, unmoving, unchanged. Dr. Bernard had taken over Sully's case after he'd given Michaela a clean bill of health. She'd questioned him about any possible operations, and Dr. Bernard had told her that he would consider surgery if Sully didn't wake within the next twelve hours or if his condition worsened. For now, all they could do was wait and pray that he survived the next twelve hours.

Albert had brought the recovered luggage into the room, and some items had been lost. Surprisingly, Michaela found that her money pouch was still tucked away beneath her undergarments in one of the trunks. Thankfully most of the big items had been sent ahead a few days before they left Boston. She only hoped those items would be waiting for them when they arrived, though it didn't really matter right now.

Michaela sighed as another doctor slipped in, wrote something on a chart and moved out again. She hated waiting, and she despised most of the doctors except for Dr. Bernard. He was a patient, kind older gentleman, and she found that he was easy to get along with. He didn't frown upon her for who she was, and he treated her with respect and decency.

Her eyes were growing heavy, but she refused to sleep. She wanted to be awake in case Sully woke, but something in the back of her mind told her that wasn't about to happen anytime soon. She sighed, wishing this was all a dream. If it was, they could wake up and already be in Colorado Springs by now. God, she wanted that more than anything. Living in a dream world didn't seem like living, however, though that reality might be better than the one she was living now.

"Ma?" Brian asked, sitting up and rubbing his tired eyes. Michaela stood quickly to go to the boy's side, but an overwhelming wave of nausea stopped her. She gripped her stomach, feeling the events of the day hitting her fast, making her ill.

Matthew sat up in his cot and looked at his little brother.

"Ma's not here, Brian. She's still in surgery." Brian rubbed his tired eyes, and it broke Michaela's heart.

"That's right. I forgot." He looked down and folded his hands in his lap. At that moment, Michaela felt a hand grab hers, and she looked down to see Sully's hand.

"Sully!" Michaela gasped. "Sully, wake up. Please, wake up." The children looked over at the scene, and they immediately rushed to gather at the doctor's husband's bedside. "Sully, please…" He never opened his eyes, but his lips moved. Air came out from his lips into a single word.

"Baby," he breathed before he slipped back into unconsciousness.

"Hey! How'd he know about Ma's baby?" Brian wondered. Michaela shook her head.

"I don't think he meant your mother's baby, Brian," Michaela whispered softly. Tears formed in her eyes and clung to her eyelashes. She took in a shaky breath just as Dr. Bernard walked in.

"How's the patient?" he asked grimly. The children turned around quickly, and Michaela snapped her attention at him.

"He spoke," she whispered.

"What?" The doctor swiftly moved across the room to examine Sully. "This man isn't awake, Dr. Quinn. You're exhausted. Perhaps you were dreaming?"

"No! I heard it too!" Brian insisted.

"I think we all did," Colleen replied. Sully's hand was still holding Michaela's as strongly as it could be if he were awake. She picked it up and kissed his knuckles one by one.

"Come back to me," she breathed. "Come back."

* * *

"Baby," I breathed as I touched her stomach and nuzzled her neck. She grinned and ran her hands along my arms. The night was breaking into the wee hours of the morning, and Michaela and I had hardly slept. I felt guilty for keeping her awake, but she didn't seem to mind.

"We don't know for sure, Sully," Michaela whispered.

"We will soon, won't we?" I wondered. I brushed my hand against her belly again, and she sighed softly,

"Yes," she breathed. "Within the month, I would assume, and that's if we conceived right away."

"I think we did," I replied with a grin. "Felt like somethin' happened anyway." She giggled as my hand ran up her side and found her breast.

"It did," she answered, rolling onto her side to face me. "Something wonderful happened. We both felt it then."

"I feel it now." It was then that nature called, and I got out of bed. I pulled on my buckskins, and she sat up.

"Sully?" she questioned. I gave her a wink. "Come back to me." I hesitated at the door a moment. "Come back." The blush upon her face told me what she wanted and needed. I moved toward the bed and leaned down to kiss her softly. Her arms snaked around my neck and pulled me closer, but I pulled away. I didn't want to. God, she was tempting me, but I couldn't concentrate. I needed a different kind of relief.

"Too much water," I laughed against her lips. "I really gotta go." Michaela sighed softly and nodded, leaning her forehead against mine. I wondered what I was thinking, and I left her with a kiss that made us both breathless before I left the clinic to find the nearest outhouse.

* * *

"I'm sorry," Dr. Bernard said quietly. "If he did say something, it was obviously a momentary flash of life. He's not showing any other signs of waking up. You should know this, Dr. Quinn." The fact was that she did know it but hoped that miracles could happen for her husband. She felt alone without him, though somehow, she knew she'd never be alone. Something in the back of her mind and in the bottom of her heart told her that she would never be lonesome.

The children's expressions were grim again, and Michaela felt the lump in her throat almost cutting off her air supply.

"Let's go check on your mother," she suggested. She leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to Sully's forehead. When she pulled away, the children were waiting solemnly at the door. She ushered them out with tears in her eyes.

They walked down the long corridor to find Charlotte's doctor speaking harshly with a nurse. Michaela felt a small hand tugging at hers, and she looked down to see Brian slipping his hand into her hers and squeezing it tightly. She gave his hand a squeeze too and smiled weakly at him. She felt a little better now.

"Maybe if God helps Ma get better, he'll help Sully get better too," Brian said softly. "Ya been real nice to us, so ya shouldn't have to be alone." Alone. Michaela felt that word play at her heartstrings.

"Dr. Monroe," Michaela called out, her voice wavering with uncertainty.

"How's Ma?" Matthew broke in. "Charlotte Cooper. How is she?"

"She's resting."

"Can we see her?" Colleen asked.

"I'm afraid not. She's sleeping." The doctor started to walk away, but Matthew grabbed his arm.

"The baby?" The doctor looked quite annoyed by now.

"Penelope!" he called to the nurse before she rounded the corner. She looked back, anger hidden under a mask of obedience.

"Yes?"

"Mrs. Cooper's children would like to see…" He was interrupted by another doctor and quickly walked away. Penelope nodded toward the children. She disappeared into a small room as the Cooper children waited in the hall. Michaela felt like a fly on the wall observing this scene. She didn't belong, and she knew it, but somehow, she felt like a part of the family. Colleen wiped her palms on the sides of her skirt, and Matthew removed his hat, ran his fingers through his hair and placed it back upon his head.

Michaela heard an infant's crying, and it all sounded so completely foreign to her. She wanted it to sound familiar, because she wanted a child with Sully, but his word had shaken her. He'd said it. He'd said 'baby,' and that scared her more than anything, and she didn't know why. Perhaps it was because she didn't know if she would ever get the chance to have a family with him. That's what she wanted. She wanted a family. She wanted her husband, and now she might have had it all taken from her in an instant just because she wanted to come out West.

There wasn't time for 'what ifs,' and Michaela knew it. She had a husband to think about. That was her primary concern, but the children were too. She barely knew them, but here they were, on their own in a strange city with nobody to care for them except for one another.

"For Charlotte Cooper?" Penelope said with a smile as she walked up with a bundle in her arms. The blanket was white and moving in her arms, and Michaela couldn't help but be enchanted by the sight of it. The children gathered around the nurse, and Michaela felt as if she was standing on the outside looking in. The children were smiling and touching their new sibling. It was a part of them; a part of their family, and Michaela slowly began to move away.

"Dr. Mike!" Brian called out. "Come look."

"Oh, Brian, I don't think…" She didn't feel right about it somehow. Charlotte was the one who was supposed to be witnessing their first encounter with the baby, not her! The baby cried out, and the nurse adjusted it in her arms. She slowly handed it over to Matthew, and he stared at the child with pure love in his eyes. He had another sibling. He silently vowed to love it as much as he loved Colleen and Brian and to protect it from harm.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Brian asked eagerly, touching the soft blonde fuzz that covered the baby's head.

"You have a little sister," the nurse said with a smile. Michaela felt a pang of sadness wash over her. Sully wanted daughters.

"A girl!" Colleen exclaimed with excitement! Finally, a little sister!" Matthew smiled down at the baby and kissed her upon the forehead. "Ma wants to name her Katherine. Katie Cooper."

"Hey Katie," Matthew said softly. "Welcome to the world." He looked at the nurse. "Can we take her to Ma?"

"The doctor said…"

"I know, but Ma'd want to see her." The nurse looked over her shoulder and finally nodded.

"Only for a moment," she whispered. "Hurry." Michaela lingered in the hallway, and the nurse stepped up to her. "Miss, you can go in."

"No. I'll stay here. I don't belong with them. I'm merely watching over them for now." The nurse looked at Michaela with bewilderment.

"Well, you certainly looked like you belonged." The nurse shrugged her shoulders and walked inside to join the children. Michaela put her hand to her stomach and closed her eyes. She shook her head, wiped away the tears, and she started down the hall toward Sully's hospital room.

* * *

"Ma," Matthew whispered, taking the little one into his arms. "Ma, ya gotta wake up and see who's here."

"She needs her rest," the nurse explained. Charlotte's eyes opened slowly, and she blinked sleepily. She smiled, however, when she saw all three, no, four of her children at her bedside. "Mrs. Cooper, you have visitors."

"Ma," Colleen said softly. "It's a girl!"

"A girl," Charlotte breathed happily. "I knew it." Matthew slowly placed the baby in Charlotte's arms, and tears began to fall down her cheeks. "Oh. Oh, my. She's so beautiful." She kissed the baby's forehead tiredly. "Little Katherine. Kate. Katie." Charlotte swallowed hard.

"Congratulations, Ma," Brian said with a grin. "Can it be a boy next time?" Charlotte laughed despite the pain, and she nodded.

"I'll see what I can do." She winked and looked up at the nurse.

"Now that you're up, Mrs. Cooper, you should try feeding her." Charlotte nodded, blinked her eyes a couple of times and smiled at the children.

"I think I should."

"Children, could you give your mother a little privacy?" The children nodded quietly, and they left the room. Charlotte held her daughter in her arms and caressed her cheek. The nurse helped her with her gown, and in no time, little Katie was suckling at her breast.

"My little one," Charlotte whispered. "I worked so hard to get you here. I'm only glad I was able to see you born." Something didn't feel right, yet everything felt right now that she was holding her precious baby in her arms.

The child opened her eyes, and they stared into Charlotte's. She knew this was her mother. She looked comfortable in her mother's arms, yet she seemed weary. She seemed to sense that something wasn't right. She pulled away and began to fuss, and Charlotte held her close, her tears falling uncontrollably.

"Don't cry, sweet baby," she whispered. "You're not old enough to have somethin' to cry about yet." She kissed the soft hair upon the baby's head and sighed quietly. "Mama's gonna make sure you have a good life." She swallowed hard. "Even if I can't be the one to give it to you." She relaxed back against her pillows, and the baby began to nurse again.

* * *

Matthew walked into the stables outside of the hospital. Their wagon had broken down again, and their horses and belongings were being stored safely there. He had promised Colleen and Brian that he would be back for them, and he had left them waiting in the hallway outside of their mother's room. He needed time alone. It was today that really brought back memories of his childhood and how things should have been. Colleen and Brian didn't remember, but he did.

He found his family's possession, the few they had left, and he pulled the locked box out. He pried open the lock and took out each thing one by one. His mother's diary was placed aside along with the deed to the farm in Kansas. Then he pulled out the birth certificates, sighing heavily, and he leafed through them. Charlotte had filled them out for each birth, and each had been preserved with great care. There was Brian's, signed by a shaky hand after his traumatic birth. There was Colleen's, signed with ease after a calm birth. There was his, signed with such pride to have a firstborn son. Then there was the fourth.

"Mitchell Ethan Cooper," Matthew said quietly, running his finger across the name. He sighed heavily and shook his head. He still remembered him. He would always remember.

"What're you doin' out here, son?" came a voice from nearby. Matthew turned swiftly to see the stable master. He quickly put the items back into the box and put it away.

"N-nothin,' Matthew replied. "Just came to pick up somethin'."

"How's your ma doin'?"

"She's fine." Matthew put his hat back on his head and rushed out of the stables. He stood outside in the hot August sun, and he closed his eyes momentarily. It was then that he heard the voice.

"Matthew?" His eyes flew open, and rage immediately bubbled under the surface of his skin, bubbling up almost to the point of explosion. He turned on his heels and came face to face with Ethan Cooper.

"Pa," he said quietly with a hint of venom coursing through his veins.

"What are you doin' here, boy?" Ethan wondered, stepping closer.

"Lookin' for you," Matthew replied. "We were goin' to Colorado Springs to find ya, since ya didn't care to tell us where ya were."

"Ya left your ma all alone out on that farm?"

"No! We brought her with us."

"What? What the hell were you thinkin', Matthew?" Ethan asked. "Charlotte ain't in no condition."

"Not anymore," Matthew replied. Ethan took off his hat and scratched his head under a wiry patch of hair. "Where've you been?"

"On my way home," Ethan replied.

"It's been months since we heard anything!" He was frustrated now.

"I'm real sorry 'bout that, son, but things've been hectic. I lost all my money on the way to California, and I had to turn back. I was comin' home."

"Lost it all, did ya? How'd ya get back?"

"I made a couple dollars and won some of it back gamblin'. I was getting ready to wire ya back at the farm."

"Ain't no farm left," Matthew said quietly. "Burned down. That's why we came out here." Matthew folded his arms across his chest.

"Where are Colleen and Brian?"

"They're in the hospital with Ma."

"What's Charlotte doin' in there?" Matthew started to walk away, but Ethan grabbed his arm. Matthew shrugged him off. "Matthew!"

"How am I supposed to believe ya were actually lookin' for us?"

"Would I have called out to you if I hadn't been?" Matthew sighed. He had a point. "Take me to Charlotte." Matthew finally nodded. Maybe she would be happy to see him. He doubted it, but maybe it was worth a try for the kids' sakes.

"All right, but I don't want ya upsettin' anybody." Matthew walked off, and Ethan followed up behind to be reunited with his family.

* * *

Albert walked into Sully's hospital room to find Michaela sleeping in a chair next to Sully's bed. He slowly walked over and placed a tray of food on the bedside table. Michaela woke to the smell and put her hand over her mouth.

"I thought you might be hungry."

"I'm not," Michaela whispered. She yawned and shook her head.

"You need to eat, Michaela."

"I don't have much of an appetite, Albert. Thank you for the thought." Her stomach curdled at the thought and smell of food. Albert noticed her grimacing, and he took the tray to another patient. When he returned, Michaela was holding Sully's hand. She looked up at him. "How's Lydia?"

"She's sleeping," he said with a smile. "She's had a long day."

"The baby?"

"Still safe and sound inside of her. She's having some cramping, but the doctors aren't too worried."

"Lydia's strong and healthy. She's been through a lot for that baby. I don't think anything is going to stop her from carrying it to full term." Michaela yawned again and looked at Sully.

"Any change?"

"No," She whispered. "I've been praying for him, Albert. I don't think it's working. Maybe…maybe I should do something."

"You're doing all you can for him, Michaela. You're not in any shape to go cutting on him. You're exhausted. You're trembling. You need nourishment." Michaela shook her head.

"I'll rest and eat once I know he's going to pull through." Albert sighed heavily. She was stubborn, but she wasn't taking care of herself properly.

"Michaela, Lydia's going to be released tomorrow," Albert said quietly. "We're going to head to Colorado Springs, because I want her to rest, and I want us to get settled. But, I can come back and stay with you and Sully until he's free to come home." Michaela appreciated Albert speaking about Sully as if he was going to survive.

"No. Stay in Colorado Springs. Make sure everything is settled there. I'll be receiving a lot of things from Boston. See to it that they're taken to the clinic. You can tell Mr. Bing that I'll sign the papers as soon as I'm able." Albert nodded.

"Don't think about this right now."

"It helps," Michaela whispered. She looked down at Sully. She furrowed her brows, finally noticing that Sully's usually tanned skin was becoming paler. She swallowed hard. "Albert? Does Sully look pale to you?" Albert stepped into the candlelight.

"A little." Michaela looked up with fresh tears in her eyes.

"Go get Dr. Bernard." Albert hesitated for a moment, but he soon rushed off looking for Dr. Bernard. Michaela squeezed Sully's hand and touched his neck, feeling for a pulse. Her heart began to race. His pulse was weak now. No! This couldn't be happening. "Sully, don't do this to me! Don't you leave me." She put her hand over his chest. "I feel your heart beating, Sully. Keep breathing. Keep fighting for me. Don't leave me." At that moment, Dr. Bernard rushed in with Matthew. He did a quick examination, looked at Michaela and shook his head.

"He's slipping away. We have to operate now."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Charlotte watched as Penelope carried her newborn daughter away for a bath. She sighed and rested her head tiredly upon her pillow. Her body was in tremendous pain, but it was worth it to see her beautiful little girl. She looked so much like Colleen had when she was born. Each of her babies had come out looking the same, really. Brian had been tiny, but he'd had the same eyes and the same blonde hair. Matthew had been the biggest of them all, and then there was Mitchell. He'd been almost Matthew's weight, but he'd been almost yellow when he was born. He'd been sick from the time he was born until the time he took his last breath in his sleep.

Colleen and Brian came walking in.

"Penelope said we could come sit with ya. How ya feelin'?" Colleen asked, moving to pour water into a basin. She wrung out a sponge and wiped her mother's forehead.

"Just fine, darlin'," Charlotte promised. "Don't fuss none over me."

"She had Katie. Is Katie okay?" Brian asked.

"Yes. She's perfect," Charlotte said with a smile. Colleen could hear the exhaustion in Charlotte's voice. Poor Charlotte deserved to rest.

"C'mon, Brian. Let's let Ma get her rest," Colleen said softly, taking her brother's hand. Before Charlotte could respond, the doors opened, and Matthew entered with a confused expression upon his face and tears in his eyes. Right behind him was Ethan.

"Ethan!" Charlotte exclaimed. "What in the world…"

"Charlotte," he breathed, a flood of emotions coloring his face. Charlotte didn't buy it for one moment, but she was too tired to tell him to leave. "The children told me ya were in here. I had to make sure you're all right."

"I'm fine, Ethan," she said, as he moved to hug her. She winced in pain, and Matthew took his father's arm.

"Careful with her," Matthew said quickly. Charlotte felt Ethan pull away, and she waited until the pain subsided to open her eyes. "They had to cut the baby out." Ethan looked somewhat surprised, and he turned back to Charlotte.

"Are ya feelin' okay?"

"I'm fine now," Charlotte lied. "The baby's fine too, if you were wondering." Ethan settled down on a stool beside the bed, and Matthew pulled the children toward the door.

"But…" Brian protested.

"Let's leave 'em be for a minute," Matthew said reluctantly. Once they were gone, Charlotte breathed a heavy sigh.

"What are you doin' here?"

"I saw the boy out at the stables."

"Ya just happened to be in Denver, did ya?"

"I was comin' home, 'til I saw ya were here."

"Do you expect me to believe that? We've heard from you once, Ethan!"

"I sent out more letters, Charlotte, I swear I did. Maybe it was after ya left home."

"There ain't no home left."

"Matthew told me that. Said it burned down."

"Right to the ground," Charlotte replied. "If I hadn't woke up, we would've died."

"I shoulda been there," Ethan said quickly, taking off his hat and placing it on his knee. Charlotte looked away and shook her head.

"Yeah, you should've been," she replied. "But I got us out anyhow." She looked back toward him. "You don't have to stay, Ethan." Ethan took her hand, but she pulled away from him. "Don't. You should leave."

"I ain't goin' anywhere. I was comin' home to ya, Charlotte," Ethan explained. "Ya gotta believe me. I've straightened out. I know I belong at home whether or not I got a good job or not. My place is with my family."

"We don't even have a home. Not anymore."

"I'll re-build."

"No. Ethan, ya ain't suited to bein' a family man. I saw it 'fore the children were born. Ya don't need to stay. We've done alright without ya." Ethan sighed heavily.

"I'll make up these past couple months to ya. I swear it, Charlotte. Let me have that chance. I've missed ya all so much." Charlotte looked away. This wasn't the man she fell in love with so long ago, but he was still the father of her children. "The baby?"

"She's fine."

"She?"

"Katherine. I call her Katie." Ethan let out a slow breath.

"I always wanted two of each," he chuckled. "Where is she? I wanna see her."

"The nurse'll bring her back later. I need to rest, Ethan. You should go see the children."

"No. I'm stayin' right here with you. I'm here now, Charlotte. I ain't goin' nowhere."

* * *

The next afternoon, Michaela was feeling rested and lying back in a cot beside her husband's hospital bed. Her hand was on her still nauseated stomach, and her eyes were fixed on her husband's still form. He'd come out of surgery nearly six hours ago, and he was not showing any signs of waking up.

Six hours. A lot had happened in six hours. She'd grown faint after Sully's surgery, and thankfully, Dr. Bernard had been there to catch her. Michaela had insisted she was fine, but, after an examination by Dr. Bernard, she'd received some very interesting news.

She let out a heavy sigh and focused her eyes on the ceiling. She traced patterns with her eyes along the cracks, and she felt herself feeling even worse. She swallowed air, trying to settle her nerves. Nothing wanted to work. Nothing wanted to help. Tears stung her eyes, for she knew what was wrong. She knew it, and she would have to face it sooner or later. But right now, she needed to focus on Sully's recovery.

His pulse had returned to normal after the surgery, and Dr. Bernard had promised Michaela that the compression from the hit he took was repaired, though Sully had to fight to survive. He was growing weaker, and it would take a lot of effort to make it back to consciousness. Michaela had faith in her husband. She knew he was going to make it.

A knock came to the door, and Michaela sat up, feeling her head spinning. She gained her composure and smiled weakly when she saw Lydia and Albert standing there. She stood and walked over to them.

"You're leaving?"

"We can stay a little longer, Michaela," Lydia said quietly. "Perhaps it would be better that way?"

"No. You go on to Colorado Springs."

"I don't know about this," Albert said quietly. "The doctor going with isn't the friendliest fellow."

"Who is it?"

"Dr. Monroe." Michaela shuddered inwardly. "You've heard of him?" She couldn't help but feel relived that he would be out of her hair for a little while, though she felt bad that Lydia would have to go to him for problems until she was able to go to Colorado Springs.

"Yes," Michaela replied. "You should hurry if you don't want to miss the stage."

"We'll take care of everything once we get there," Lydia promised. "We'll make sure everything is taken to the clinic." Michaela appreciated how Lydia and Albert were taking charge. Lydia wrapped her arms around Michaela's trembling shoulders. "He's going to wake up, Michaela. Believe that."

"I do," Michaela whispered. "With everything I have, I believe." Michaela felt tears trickle down her cheeks again, and she brushed them away before they pulled out of their hug. Albert was the next one to hug Michaela, and he gave her a squeeze.

"We're just a telegram away," he promised.

"I'll be there as soon as I can to settle the paperwork with the bank," Michaela promised. "Give me a week or so."

"We'll take care of it until then," Albert promised. "Just worry about taking care of yourself." Michaela nodded, and she watched as her friends walked away. She moved back toward Sully's bed and sat down. She shook her head slowly.

"Do you remember when we first met?" she whispered, smiling a little. "I believe we were in a similar situation as we are right now." You were the patient, and I was praying that you would survive. I fell in love with you that night, I think. You were beautiful to me. Your eyes were so blue, your smile wasn't there, but it followed shortly after. I loved your spirit, Sully. You had such a fighting spirit inside of you, and I knew that it was one to match mine. We were destined to walk separate paths only to join in the middle and continue on together. We're so different, Sully, but in the same respect, we're the same. We share a soul, and we can't live without one another. I don't know what I would do without you, and I certainly don't want to find out."

She rested her head upon Sully's arm, and she sighed softly, her fingers playing with the curls that poked out from the bandages. He looked so different wrapped up like that. But, he was beautiful. She missed his eyes, though. She missed looking into those sparkling blue oceans and feeling that all was well with the world.

She picked his hand up in hers and laced her fingers through his. She leaned up to his ear and softly kissed the flesh there. She needed to give him something to look forward to; something to hope for and wake up for.

"I'm pregnant," she breathed. Tears spilled out again, and she let out a sob. "Don't let our child grow up without his father." She pulled away from Sully's bed and curled up in her cot. She began to sob into her hands, her entire world seeming to crumble and curl up around her. Alone. She did feel alone, now more than ever.

Pregnant. She certainly was overjoyed, and she was expected to deliver in March. But, her happiness was obviously overshadowed by Sully's grim condition, and she wanted him to wake so she could see the happiness in his eyes when she told him again. A baby. She couldn't believe it! But, the thought of her husband never getting to hear the news, see his child grow inside of her and be born into the world brought the tears again, and she sobbed louder, feeling even more ill by the moment.

"Don't cry," came a small voice from the doorway. Michaela turned onto her side to see Brian standing there with his hands in his overall pockets. She smiled a little and dried her tears.

"Brian," she whispered. "Is something wrong?" He shook his head.

"Nope. I just wanted to come see ya."

"Does your family know where you are?" she asked, pulling herself up and smoothing out her skirt before wiping her eyes. Brian shook his head sheepishly.

"Nope, but I was gonna go right back. Ma's not feelin' real good, and the other doctors are too busy to look at her. Could ya go see her?" Michaela smiled a little.

"Brian, I'd be happy to go check on your mother. But, you have to promise not to run off without telling your brother and sister where you're going."

"Don't ya like me comin' to see ya?" Michaela knelt in front of Brian.

"Oh, of course I do! I just don't want you to worry your family! I'm sure they love you very much." Brian nodded.

"They do. My pa came back, and he's been tryin' to get us to be a real family again with him. I think Ma's mad, 'cause he's been gone a long time." Michaela stood and took Brian's hand.

"Well, let's get you back to your family before they start to worry." Brian nodded, and Michaela led him out of the room and down toward the maternity hall. Colleen, Matthew and Ethan were walking toward them.

"Brian!" Colleen exclaimed. "Ya gotta stop doin' that!"

"Don't worry. He's fine," Michaela assured them.

"Thanks Ma'am," Ethan said, tipping his hat. "I don't believe we've met. Ethan Cooper. I'm their Pa." Michaela felt unnerved by this man, and she saw the way his eyes roamed over her body. But, she swallowed hard and nodded her head.

"Dr. Michaela Quinn," Michaela replied.

"Doctor? Well!"

"She's gonna go check on Ma," Brian announced.

"Alright, well, thank ya, Ma'am. Me and the kids were 'bout to go find some dinner." Michaela nodded. She glanced at Matthew who looked utterly uncomfortable. He was standing as far away from Ethan as he could in their small group, and Colleen didn't look very comfortable either. Michaela wished she could help them, but she knew that it wasn't her place; it wasn't her family. No matter what she sensed about Ethan Cooper, it wasn't her place to step in and voice her opinion.

She watched the children walk off with him, and she walked in to see Charlotte. Charlotte was cradling her sleeping daughter, and Michaela smiled at the scene.

"Good afternoon, Charlotte," she said with a smile. Charlotte looked up, her eyes bright but her face pale.

"Afternoon, Doc."

"I just ran into your husband and children in the hallway. Brian asked me to come check on you. He says you're feeling ill?" Charlotte looked down at baby Katie.

"I was, but I'm feeling better." Charlotte smiled. "You wanna hold the baby?" Michaela felt her heart skip a beat, and she found herself thinking of her own child.

"Oh, Charlotte, I don't know…"

"C'mon, Doc. I'm sure you'll be fine with her. She's sleepin'." Michaela bit her lip nervously as Charlotte handed the child toward her. Michaela easily took the baby toward her bosom, and she cradled her carefully. The baby's mouth made a sucking motion for a moment before she yawned and was still. Michaela smiled a little, and Charlotte grinned, observing the lady doctor with her youngest child.

"You'll be a good ma someday. Ya don't have children already, do ya?" Michaela smiled and shook her head.

"Not yet. My husband and I haven't been married long." Charlotte smiled. "He wants children as much as I do." Tears glistened in her eyes. Charlotte reached out and touched Michaela's knee.

"God only gives us what we can handle, even if sometimes it don't seem like it. Your husband's gonna wake up."

"You believe so?"

"I know so," Charlotte said with a smile. "I've got a mind for these things. You wait and see." Michaela sighed softly and looked down at the precious life in her arms. She couldn't believe that within several months, she would have one of these of her very own. It was frightening, especially because these were tiny, helpless creatures that needed so much attention and love. Oh, Michaela had more than enough love to give, but she was afraid to give too much of it and be hurt again. Her mind drifted to Sully. She had loved him with everything she had, and now he was lying unconscious in a hospital bed. What if she put too much hope into having this child? What if God had decided that she wasn't allowed to be happy? "Doc?" Michaela blinked a few times and swallowed hard, feeling her mouth growing dry.

"Hmm?"

"Everything all right?"

"Yes. I was just…" Charlotte eyed her.

"You're thinkin' 'bout the life ya got growin' inside of ya." Michaela's eyes widened, and she passed the baby back to Charlotte.

"How did you…?"

"I'm a midwife, Doc. I know these things when I see 'em. Three months, I'm guessin'?"

"Two," Michaela replied coyly.

"And your husband don't know, does he?" Michaela blinked away the tears.

"No." She bit back a sob, and Charlotte reached for her hand.

"You've got a lot of goodness in ya. I see that. I see ya with my children, and I know that you've got what it takes to be a mother. Ya might not see it or feel it yet, but it's there. Ya got a good heart, and your husband and future children are real lucky to have ya." Michaela swallowed the lump in her throat and sighed softly. She felt at ease with this woman, and she felt grateful to have somebody to confide in.

"I only hope Sully wakes soon. He wants children so much…"

"He'll wake up," Charlotte replied. "If he's as strong as ya think he is, he will. Just give it time. Good things come to those who wait." Michaela smiled and nodded her head.

"I've heard that once or twice. Sully and I…we're really not the waiting type." She blushed. "We married five months after we met." Charlotte chuckled and shook her head.

"There's nothin' wrong with young love." Charlotte smiled sadly. "I remember what it's like." She sighed and winced in pain a little.

"Charlotte?" Charlotte held her hand up.

"Just a little sore, Doc."

"Would you like me to examine your incision?"

"Do ya need to?"

"It's good to check for infection every several hours. How long has it been sine your nurse checked you?"

"Yesterday evenin'," Charlotte replied. "She said she'd have the doc come take a look, but he never came. I think he left for Colorado Springs today, didn't he?" Michaela swallowed hard and nodded her head.

"I should examine you then." Charlotte placed the baby in the crook of her arm, and Michaela cut away the bandages. Charlotte winced in pain, and Michaela bit back a gasp. "Charlotte, I'm going to go find a doctor."

"You're a doctor. What's wrong?"

"I'm afraid the tissue has become infected. Charlotte, it needs to be cut away before the infection spreads." Charlotte closed her eyes.

"I knew it," she breathed.

"What?"

"I knew somethin' wasn't right."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Part of me thought it was all in my head. The other part thought that if this was the way it was supposed to be, I'd have to accept it anyhow." Charlotte sighed softly. "Do what ya gotta do, Doc."

* * *

I stopped the wagon outside of the new homestead, and I smiled, watching Michaela's eyes light up with excitement. In a matter of weeks, our home would be complete, and we could move in and start a new life in a new home.

"Oh, Sully!" she exclaimed. "It's beautiful. It's more beautiful that I had imagined, and it looks finished!"

"Almost is," I replied, locking the wagon wheels and helping her down. I took her hand and led her up the steps that led onto the porch. "Just a few things I gotta do inside 'fore we can move in." I pulled her into my arms, and her arms willingly moved around my neck. We pressed into one another as our lips met and caressed each other. She moaned into my mouth, and I pulled her closer. But, then it occurred to me, that I might be squeezing her too tight, and I pulled back.

"Sully," she whispered with disappointment coating her words.

"Just in case…"

"I'm not going to break," she assured me. "And, I don't think our child would want its father to stop holding its mother when she wants him to." My hand moved between us and caressed her belly. She smiled and put her hand over mine. "Do you truly believe it, Sully?"

"Truly," I whispered, leaning in to caress her lips with mine again. My hand fumbled with the key, and I unlocked the door. I swept my wife up into my arms and carried her across the threshold. She giggled against my lips, and when I put her down, she pulled away and looked around. Her eyes sparkled as she looked about the place. I stood in the doorway, watching her move from the living room to the kitchen to the mantle. She ran her hands along the stair rail, and she looked at me curiously.

"Is it safe to go upstairs?" I nodded.

"Go on." I followed her up the steps, and my hand rubbed her back as we ascended. She looked down the long hallway at the top of the stairs, and she looked back at me curiously as I kept one foot firmly planted on one step, and the other right above it. "Go on. There's a surprise waitin' at the end of the hall." She looked up at me, her eyes sparkling with intense curiosity. I pulled her toward me, my lips crushing down onto hers. She responded eagerly, and my hand moved to grip the railing so we wouldn't fall backward.

When we pulled apart, Michaela turned and moved to the first room. It was small but comfortable-looking, and the windows faced the sunset. We came to another room that was a little bigger with windows that faced the same direction as the last. We passed another room, and we finally came to the room at the end of the hall.

"Open the door," I whispered, nuzzling her neck. She bit her lip anxiously and opened the door. She gasped when she saw what awaited her.

"Oh, Sully," she breathed. "It's…it's beautiful." A hand-carved bed sat against one wall, the intricate designs of feathers engraved into the wood. The mantle across from the bed was made of stones, and my arms ached at the memory of setting each of those to fit together. "You must have spent weeks on this alone." She moved toward the bed, and her fingers traced along the lines of each carved feather.

"I'm glad ya like it," I replied, stepping up behind her. I smiled and moved to the other side of the bed. "There's somethin' else. I'm glad I made it when I did." I reached down beside the bed, and I hoisted a carved cradle into my arms. I placed it on the bed, and I watched as Michaela's eyes grew teary, and her lower lip trembled. She was beautiful when she was like this, and my heart swelled with joy. She moved around to my side of the bed, and she sat upon the mattress that I'd already fitted into it. That look in her eyes told me she wanted me and needed me, and I put the cradle away. I sat down beside her and wrapped my arm around her. Tears spilled down her cheeks, and I brushed them away without a word.

"I never thought I could be so happy. You've made me so happy." She licked her lips and thanked me with a kiss at the corner of my mouth. She found my lips and captured them with her own. I responded eagerly, and I laid her down upon the bed. I looked down at her, and her fingers played with the hair that fell into my eyes. She brushed it back continuously, and she let out a soft sigh. My hand moved up her thigh and rested upon her belly, cupping her and cradling the life I knew we'd made together. Without a word, I kissed her again, igniting the flame of our passion once more.

We officially christened our bedroom for the first time, wrapped in each other's arms and bodies, kissing and caressing, loving and nurturing one another with all of the powers we possessed. In the aftermath, we lay together, a pile of exhausted but sated limbs. We held each other close, not wanting to let go. My hands massaged her arms and played with her golden hair. She was perfect to me, and our bodies were parts of each other's. It was an incredible feeling to be so in tune with one another. I could practically hear her heart beating. I could feel her moving in my arms, and I knew when she needed me again by the way her lips curled up, and she sighed, her eyes flashing with those embers of desire.

She sighed against my lips, whispering that she loved me, and I returned the favor by caressing those parts of her that sent her higher than ever before, and we spent the afternoon like that, holding one another, living in the moment and dreaming of the future.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Lydia and Albert's stagecoach rolled into Colorado Springs late that afternoon, and the sun was already starting to fall into the Western sky. Dr. Monroe had fallen asleep on the ride, but when horses came to an abrupt halt, he woke and looked at his surroundings with a scoff. The door opened, and a man reached out for Lydia's hand. She accepted it and smiled gratefully. Dr. Monroe and Albert quickly followed, and the crotchety old doctor stalked off toward the saloon, forgetting about his luggage.

"Welcome to Colorado Springs," the man who'd helped Lydia out said. "Name's Jake Slicker, Ma'am."

"Lydia Johnson. This is my husband Albert." She slipped her arm through Albert's, and he smiled at her.

"Wait a minute," an older gentleman said, slipping past Jake.

"Dr. Mike wired and said she was comin' with the two of ya. Where is she? Where's Sully?" Lydia and Albert eyed each other for a moment.

"Mr. Bray, right?" Albert remembered. Loren shook his head. "Mr. Bray, I'm sure you received our telegram about the accident?"

"Yeah. So? What's that got to do with…"

"Well, we couldn't put so much on paper, but Sully was terribly injured. He had surgery, but he might not make it." Loren looked down as several crowd members murmured words of shock.

"What about Dr. Mike?"

"She's fine. She'll be along in a week or so to settle the contract with the bank. She asked me to take care of everything until they arrive," Albert explained. "First things first. Could you point us in the direction of the clinic? My wife and I would like to take our belongings there."

"Ya can't go in there 'til the lady doc signs the contract," Jake piped up. "It's against the law."

"Leave 'em alone, Jake," Loren grumbled. "The lady's expectin'. She needs a place to stay, and I say we don't give 'em nothin' to fret about."

"Thank you, Mr. Bray," Albert said with a nod. He took Lydia's hand and one of their cases. A few young men gathered the rest of their belongings and carried them over to the clinic. A young black woman hurried over to them as they started after the young men.

"Name's Grace! My husband Robert E.'s the blacksmith here in town, and I run the café nearby. If either of ya need anything, just let me know."

"Well, thank you Grace," Lydia said with a bright smile. "That's very kind of you." She rubbed her swollen belly sheepishly. "I am a little hungry. Are you, Albert?" He nodded.

"I could go for a hot meal."

"Well, come on over. Lots of folks have been askin' 'bout the lady doctor and her friends. Ya gotta give us all the details 'fore she gets here, so we'll know what to expect." Lydia giggled and shook her head.

"Michaela's nothing to be afraid of. She's a kind, compassionate, good-hearted woman. Your town is lucky to be getting such a wonderful physician. She's saved my life before, so I can tell you from experience that your town will be in good hands."

"Well, it's your town now too, folks, so make yourselves at home."

* * *

I lit a lantern that night as we sat upon the floor of the living room. Michaela grinned as she pulled a brush out of her pack. She began to run it through her hair, and I watched her, my eyes focused on her form that sparkled in the dancing light of the flame. 

"It's getting late," she breathed as the crickets began to sing outside. They sounded so loud that they could've been an orchestra playing for us and only us. I smiled across the lantern at her, and my hand reached out to brush against her cheek. She closed her eyes, a smile curling at her lips.

"I hadn't noticed," I replied with a chuckle. "Think they missed us in town?"

"Maybe," she whispered, "but it's nice being out here alone. It's peaceful." I nodded my head, and Michaela stretched out her neck a little. I watched her, and she was almost cat-like as she shuddered and stretched some more. I half expected her to crawl across the floor and pounce, but I knew my Michaela, and I knew she was much too conservative to do that…at the moment. Though, she had her moments. In the heat of things, Michaela could surely surprise me, and I certainly never objected to any of those surprises.

"C'mere. Lean against me," I said with a smile. I took her hand and pulled her into my lap. Her legs rested against mine, and her back rested against my chest. My hands began to rub her arms and her shoulders, and soon, her head lolled against my shoulder as I massaged her.

"That feels nice," she breathed. I buried my face in her hair for a moment, inhaling the sweet smell of her soaps. Her body trembled against mine, and he hand found my knee, giving it a slight squeeze. Just as our lips found each other's, Michaela pulled away quickly.

"Michaela?" I asked. She stood, her face pale. "Michaela?" She shook her head, put her hand over her mouth and rushed to the door. Before I knew it, she was dropping to her knees in the dirt, emptying the contents of her stomach. I grimaced and hurried to kneel behind her. I lifted her hair out of the way, and I rubbed her back as she continued. "It's all right."

Tears were in her eyes when she looked up at me. I handed her a handkerchief to dry her eyes and wipe her mouth with.

"I think it's safe to say it, Michaela." She nodded.

"I'm pregnant," she breathed. Her pale face flushed with emotion in the moonlight, and I pulled her to me, kissing the top of her head.

"We're gonna have a baby!" I exclaimed, barely containing my joy. I would have picked her up and spun her around, but I'm sure she appreciated that I didn't. I was sure that neither one of us would have wanted for her to get sick again.

I led her inside, and we moved to the floor together. I lay back, and she lay back in my arms. My hand moved to caress her stomach, and she sighed softly. Our child was growing inside of her, and I knew it. I knew she could feel it, and it made me wonder how it felt to feel that. Michaela was amazing for being able to endure growing a life and birthing it nine months later. She was the strongest woman I knew, and I knew that when the time came, she would give all she had to bring a healthy child into the world.

We fell asleep that night just holding one another and thinking about the future. We were going to be parents, and our lives would surely never be the same again.

* * *

Dogs were barking, guns were firing, and the rain pounded down upon his sore back as he rushed through the backwoods, searching for an escape but stumbling and falling in his own blindness. His fingernails were broken, his fingers were oozing blood from week-old scabs, and his arms were sore from pulling and pushing and falling multiple times. 

Once the sounds of the dogs' barking grew faint, David collapsed against a large oak and caught his breath. His bad eye was completely glazed over, and it was impossible to see from it. His good eye darted about, searching for danger and an escape at the same time. His lungs burned like hot coals, and his entire body shivered in pain. The outside felt cold to him as opposed to the hot, un-ventilated cell he'd been placed in.

He bit back a cough, and he slowly removed the bits of cloth he'd torn from his shirt to use as bandages. The blood and scab tissue stuck to the cloth as he ripped it away, and he bit his lip to stop himself from screaming out loud.

"She needs me," he breathed. He threw the bloody pieces of cloth in one direction to throw off the search party, and he started running in another, his feet aching. He felt as if glass was being shoved into between the cracks in his toes and into his heels. The more it hurt, the harder it was to stop from screaming. One word echoed between his ears as he ran. One word put an extra spring in his step. One word pushed him further through the trees. Michaela. Michaela. Michaela.

* * *

Katherine Cooper slept soundly in her swaddling blankets next to her mother's hospital bed. Michaela kept an eye on the baby girl, knowing it was getting close to time for her next feeding. The nurses had been caring for her while Charlotte was in surgery, but now, Charlotte was resting, and it wouldn't be long before she woke. Michaela felt terrible right now, however, because she knew exactly what she had to tell her once she did wake. 

Michaela had convinced a few doctors to assist her with the surgery, and seeing as she was no longer a patient, she had taken over as a doctor full-time, and she had led the surgical team. Unfortunately, when the surgery began, they'd discovered that the infection had spread beyond the tissue, and they had had to do an emergency extraction of Charlotte's uterus. Normally, they would have needed permission, but seeing as Charlotte had been unconscious, and Ethan hadn't been anywhere to be found, they had done the life-saving removal by choice. She hoped Charlotte would understand that she did this to save her life, though she wasn't sure if she had.

Katie began to squirm, and Michaela snapped to attention right away. The baby's face was turning red, and she looked as if she was about to start crying. Many of the other women in the ward were sleeping or nursing their own infants. Michaela did the only thing she could think of, and she picked the baby up into her arms.

"There now," she crooned. "There's nothing to cry about." She smiled as the baby blinked her tired eyes and squirmed some more. The baby began to fuss louder, and a few women looked over at her. They smiled a little and went back to their own babies.

"Dr. Quinn?" Michaela looked up to see Ethan and the children walking in. "A nurse just told us Charlotte had to have surgery?" Michaela swallowed hard and placed Katie in her bed. She stood.

"Children, why don't you sit with your mother?" Sensing this was no time to argue, Matthew ushered his younger brother and sister toward the hospital bed. Michaela led Ethan out into the hallway. "Mr. Cooper…"

"Ethan?" Michaela swallowed hard.

"Charlotte had an infection from her delivery, and I had to cut the tissue away…but…"

"But?"

"I'm afraid I had to remove her uterus. The infection had spread too far." Michaela looked up into Ethan's eyes.

"What are ya sayin'?"

"I'm saying…Charlotte won't be able to have anymore children. After examining her, it's amazing she carried your daughter as long as she did. She had a lot of scar tissue." Ethan rubbed his temples. He wasn't sure what to think of his wife not being able to have more children. "I'm sure this is a terrible shock to you, Mr. Cooper, and I would have asked permission, but you were out with the children, and I needed to act quickly to save her life."

"Is she gonna wake up?" he wondered.

"She should wake soon." Michaela's voice wavered.

"But?"

"It's possible that…the infection wasn't removed in time." Ethan took a deep breath and moved toward the door. "Mr. Cooper, I need to make sure you're aware that…"

"That my wife might die?" Ethan nodded, and Michaela was taken aback by the lack of concern in his voice. "I'm going to go sit with her." Michaela sighed softly and leaned against the wall. She put her hand on her grumbling stomach, and she shook her head. Her world was starting to spin. She took a few deep breaths and slid down the wall, her legs giving out underneath her.

She closed her eyes, feeling the world move around her, and she rested, waiting for the moment to pass. Something was out of balance, and it wasn't just her body reacting to her pregnancy. No, something was happening. Something big.

* * *

A storm was brewing. The wind was picking up, and Michaela stirred in my arms as lightning flashed. I sat up slowly, knowing I needed to shutter the windows. I disentangled myself from Michaela's arms, leaving her lying there on the floor, her dress splayed out around her. She continued to sleep, and I crept outside. Something wasn't right. Someone was watching. I could feel their eyes on my back as I moved about the porch, shuttering the front windows. I felt a tingle of apprehension run up my spine, and I stopped as the wind changed directions. I turned toward the barn, and I saw a lantern swinging in the doorway. A dainty, pale hand held that lantern, and an eerie sensation filled the air. 

"Sully?" Michaela stepped out onto the porch, wrapping her arms around herself from the chill of the breeze.

"Michaela, go back inside," I said quietly, my voice not even coming to fruition. She stared at me blankly, and her gaze followed mine out to the barn.

"What…"

"Go back inside," I said louder. Michaela stood motionless. She seemed to be trapped in the same trace that I was. Her legs moved her toward the barn, and I tried to go after her. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I could barely see anything but her form floating ghost-like toward the eerie shadow in the barn. I wanted to scream for her! My mind screamed her name, but my lips pursed together in a horrified frown. My ears were closed off to every sound except the intense wind. My heartbeat became faster and faster, and it felt as if it was cracking and breaking through my ribs; beating violently out of my chest.

The figure stepped out of the barn, and Michaela froze.

"Abagail?" my voice echoed. Her black hair stood still in the wind, her eyes dark and full of sorrow. Michaela's hand reached out toward her, and Abagail drew back like a frightened cat.

"Abagail. I want to help you," Michaela breathed. I watched in horror as my wife touched the icy exterior of Abagail's robe. Michaela pulled away, her face twisted in fear.

"Michaela!" I screamed out to her. When I expected Michaela to fade away as if in a dream, she didn't. She straightened up and looked right at Abagail. Abagail began to sob, and my head began to spin. What was going on? My head was pounding. My body was feeling weak. I wanted to wake up from this dream. This wasn't a perfect world anymore. Something was wrong. "Michaela! Come here!" I couldn't go to her. Michaela was reaching out to Abagail. She was afraid for her. Abagail's tears dried, and her face twisted into a hideous nothingness. Michaela fell silently into the dirt, blood pouring everywhere as the knife stuck between her ribs up to its hilt. I swear I saw David laughing in the darkness, as an infant's cries whistled through the wind.

"Michaela!" Sully's eyes flew open, and he reached for her, grabbing onto a hand. "Michaela!" Everything was blurry, and he couldn't think straight. Abagail had murdered Michaela. No! Michaela couldn't be dead. She couldn't be. "Michaela!" His eyes closed tightly, and he felt a hand grip his. "Is it you?"

"I'm here," came a soft voice. "Sully, calm down. Calm down. I'm here."

"Michaela."

"N…"

"I love you," he breathed, his head fogged with confusion. "Michaela…"

"Sully, relax. Relax." Her voice. That wasn't Michaela. He felt cold. He heard the infant crying. He sat up, his head feeling as if it was splitting in two. David was laughing at him. The baby was crying. Michaela was bleeding.

"Michaela!"

"Someone get a doctor!" that frantic voice called. Sully drew back, his eyes focusing on her plain form. Her black hair was pulled up into a simple bun, and her pale skin mocked him, reminding him of his dream.

"Abagail?" he coughed, his lungs burning. "What did you do? Where is she?"

"What?"

"Michaela. You…you killed her." Abagail drew back in surprise.

"I don't know where she is," she breathed. "You were alone when…" A young doctor came in with a sedative, and he immediately injected it into Sully's arm.

"No!" he cried out, but he was too weak to resist. A moment later, he was powerless. He couldn't move. He could only lie there and try to comprehend what reality he was living in. "Michaela…"

"No!" Colleen screamed, ripping open the door and tearing out into the hall. Michaela stood quickly, forgetting about her nausea for a moment. She caught Colleen.

"Colleen! What is it?"

"No!" she cried, falling to her knees. Matthew rushed out, tears in his eyes, his hair pressed down against a tear-streaked face.

"What…"

"She…Ma…" Matthew whispered. He knelt down onto the floor beside Colleen and drew her into his arms. It was then that Michaela knew what had happened. She shook her head and covered her face with her hands. Tears began to flow, and she wiped them away.

"Not Charlotte," she breathed. How could this happen? Charlotte had four amazing children who loved her so much. They hadn't even gotten to say goodbye. Why? Why Charlotte?

Brian burst out into the hall and ran right into Michaela. His arms wrapped around her waist, and he buried his face in her side.

"Ya gotta wake her up! Please, Dr. Mike! Make Ma wake up!" Michaela pulled the little boy up into her arms, and he wrapped his arms around her neck. He began to cry louder, and she held him close. Ethan Cooper appeared from the room, his face emotionless, his knuckles white from gripping the brim of his hat. Michaela half-expected him to comfort his children, but he did no such thing. He looked at her as she held Brian, and he turned to walk away. "Please. Please. Wake her up, please!"

**_Author's Note: Thank you all for your support and feedback:) More will be posted soon!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Michaela watched as Charlotte was taken away, her helpless baby girl being left alone in her little bed. She stood there watching as the Cooper children followed the nurse who took her away. Ethan was nowhere to be found. Michaela had confirmed Charlotte's death, and now there was so much more to think about. But, all Michaela could think about was how there were four children left without a mother.

Katie began to scream for attention, and Michaela rushed to pick her up. She felt a lump forming in her throat, and she tried to swallow it, but it only grew larger. She sighed and rocked Katie back and forth. She was silent, and she held her, watching her little lips quiver in agitation.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Michaela whispered. "Your mother's in Heaven right now. She's not suffering anymore." The baby began to take big, gasping breaths through her tears, and Michaela felt utterly guilty. She started out of the ward and toward the nursery. She needed to get this baby some food quickly.

"Dr. Quinn!" Michaela spun around with a whimpering Katie in her arms. Ethan came down the hall with his hat still gripped in his hands.

"Mr. Cooper. I'm terribly sorry."

"Ya did what ya could, and I'm grateful," he said quietly, no emotion in his voice. Michaela looked down at Katie.

"I was taking her to be fed. Mr. Cooper, you'll need to learn now to feed her from a bottle," Michaela explained. Ethan took a step backward when she moved toward him. "She's going to need to get nourishment that way."

"I…to tell ya the truth, Ma'am, my wife did all the child rearin'. I was just there for discipline and to bring home the money."

"You're all they have now, Mr. Cooper."

"No," Ethan said quickly. "I can barely take care of the family I got left. I can't take have another mouth to feed. I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I can't take another one." Michaela's eyes went wide.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm sayin' that I'm sure there are ways of doin' things in special circumstances."

"Special circumstances? Mr. Cooper! Your wife just died, and your family needs you! All of your family." Ethan backed away.

"I'm sorry. I can't take on another mouth to feed when I barely got enough money to feed the ones I got. Find her a good home, Dr. Quinn. Find her a home where she'll have a Ma to love her just as much as Charlotte did." Ethan turned and walked away.

"Mr. Cooper! Ethan!" But, he didn't turn around. He kept walking; walking away from his youngest daughter. Michaela suddenly felt a wave of discomfort, and she felt dizzy again. She looked down at the child in her arms, and she tried to force the tears to go away, but they didn't stop.

She burst through the doors of the nursery and deposited the baby into Penelope's arms.

"Dr. Quinn?"

"She needs to be fed," Michaela replied softly. Penelope nodded slowly.

"Are you all right? You look…"

"I'm fine," Michaela replied quickly. "Please, take care of her for a while. I'll be back later." Penelope nodded her head and watched with worry as Michaela walked away, feeling guilty for leaving that little girl alone without nobody to care for her except a nurse who knew absolutely nothing about her. She also felt guilty to admit to herself that she could distinguish Katie's hungry cry from her wet one. That wasn't supposed to be her job. That was supposed to be Charlotte's, and Charlotte was gone now. Katie was virtually an orphan, unwanted by her own father.

* * *

Matthew stared off at nothing as he sat in the hall with each arm wrapped around one of his siblings. His head pounded with ache, his cheeks burned with tears, and his heart hurt from breaking so much. Ethan was gone. He'd said he wanted to get a breath of fresh air. Matthew almost hoped he wouldn't come back, but something told him that God wouldn't be so kind to him.

His eyes burned, and he closed them. Every time he closed them, he saw his mother lying there asleep…dead…asleep. Every time he thought of her, he remembered the day they laid his twin brother to rest. He'd always felt guilty for not being there. He hated himself for not being there. He hated Ethan for making him leave. He remembered the last time he'd seen Mitchell alive.

It had been the first day of Spring the year Matthew and Mitchell turned five years old. Mitchell was sick, as usual, and the fishing trip that Ethan had been planning for months could not be cancelled because of a sick child. Matthew hadn't wanted to go without his brother, mostly because he felt guilty that he was born healthy, while his brother suffered bouts of illness once or twice a month.

_"I ain't goin' if you ain't goin'," Matthew said as he knelt beside his identical twin brother's bed. Charlotte paced back and forth with baby Colleen in her arms. "I'll stay here."_

_"No," Mitchell said feebly. "You go on. Pa's waitin' for ya out there."_

_"But it ain't right," Matthew protested. "C'mon, Mitch. I don't gotta go. I wanna stay here with you. We're brothers. We ain't s'posed to leave each other behind." Mitchell smiled and sat up in bed. He pulled something out from under his pillow. "Your lucky fishhook?"_

_"Catch somethin' big for me, Matty." Matthew sighed heavily._

_"Ya promise you'll rest and feel better when I get back?"_

_"I promise."_

_"Really promise?"_

_"Yup," Mitchell said with a grin, his two-front teeth missing. Matthew still had his two front teeth. Mitchell seemed so much younger than him, though he always lost his teeth first. He seemed so frail and small compared to his healthy brother. They barely looked identical. Mitchell's hair was paler than Matthew's, almost white, and dark circles shadowed his eyes. He was tired all of the time, and the doctors weren't sure how to help him._

_"Well, only if you're sure," Matthew replied._

_"Go on! Pa's waitin' on ya!" Mitchell insisted. "Have fun, Matthew." Matthew watched his brother for a minute before gripping the fishhook in the palm of his hand, turning around and sloshing out the door in fishing boots two sizes too big. _

_"See ya in a week!" Matthew called to his brother. The door shut behind him, and he rushed out to meet his father at the wagon. _

Matthew remembered it all so clearly, and he remembered coming back like it was yesterday. They'd come home to find Charlotte standing outside with Colleen on her hip. She was in tears, and Ethan rushed in to see what was wrong. Matthew had gone up to his mother, and all she could do was hug him with her free arm. It had been so confusing for such a small boy, but he'd run in to tell Mitchell about the big fish he'd caught that had gotten away. Nothing mattered but telling that to his brother to see the proud smile and the shine in his eyes. He would be proud to hear that his lucky fishhook caught it.

_"Mitch!" Matthew exclaimed, running past his mother into the house. When he got inside, Ethan's hand stopped him. "Pa! Is he sleepin'?" He lowered his voice considerably. Ethan knelt down in front of him._

_"Son, somethin' happened," he said quietly. Matthew cocked his head to the side._

_"Whaddya mean?" Ethan pulled the boy close._

_"Ya know how Mitchell was always real sick, right?"_

_"Not all the time. We're s'posed to go down to the creek when he's feelin' better."_

_"No, son."_

_"We can't? Did he get in trouble? Lemme go yell at him. I was gone a week, and he's already getting in trouble?"_

_"No, boy, listen to me." Matthew sighed heavily._

_"What, Pa? He ain't gonna get a whippin' is he? Lemme go talk to him. I'm sure he didn't mean it, Pa, honest!" Ethan placed his hands on Matthew's shoulders and looked him in the eyes. This was the first time Matthew had ever seen him cry. "Pa? Don't cry. Whatever happened…I'll fix it. I'll fix it for ya. Ya don't gotta worry."_

_"He's gone, Matthew."_

_"Gone? Did he run away? Kay, I take it back. You can whip him."_

_"No. He didn't run away. Matthew, your brother…he's…he's gone. He's with God now."_

_"Why!" Matthew asked, shock and confusion in his voice. "He ain't s'posed to be up there! He ain't old enough."_

_"God thought it was his time, son."_

_"But…why didn't he say goodbye, Pa? Why?"_

_"It was his time, boy. Sometimes ya don't get the chance to say goodbye to the people you love." Charlotte walked into the house, and Ethan stood to go to her. He pulled her into his arms. "When'd it happen?" _

_"Early this mornin'. He held out as long as he could, but he couldn't hold on anymore." Matthew watched his parents with confusion dripping from the fear in his head. What were they talking about? He couldn't be gone. What was gone anyway? Was it the same as being dead? When you were dead, you didn't come back. Maybe Mitchell was just visiting God. Maybe he would come back. _

_"Mitch!" Matthew called, running to the back of the house where his brother's still form lay in the bed. He looked so small, even smaller than he had a week ago. "Wake up now. Don't go botherin' God." Matthew touched his brother's cool shoulder and shook him. He pulled back at the feel of him, and he began to cry. "Don't go to sleep! Wake up! Wake up!"_

"Wake her up, Matthew. Wake her up." Brian's whimpering broke Matthew from his dream. God, Brian reminded him so much of himself. Losing Mitchell had been like losing his best friend. That had also been the first time he'd ever seen Ethan act like a good father and husband. Those times had been few and far between, but that one he remembered most of all.

"I can't, Brian," Matthew said, his voice quivering. "Ma's in a better place now. She ain't hurtin' no more." That's what Charlotte and Ethan had told him about Mitchell. He knew it was difficult for a five-year-old to comprehend. He felt guilty for having to show his brother the truth of the world at such a young age. It was heartbreaking really. People were born, they got sick, and a lot of times, they died because of those illnesses. That was how the world had been working for generations. Now, the world had caught up to Charlotte, and it had carried her off to her final resting place.

He was sick inside, and all of the memories of the losses in his life were flooding back to him, pulling him under with the tide and drowning him. Brian began to cry louder, and Colleen's tears had long since run out. She was staring off, staring at nothing and wondering why God had to take her mother away.

"Time to go," came a gruff voice. Matthew looked over to see Ethan standing with his suitcase in his hand.

"What?" Matthew asked.

"We're goin' back to Kansas. We're takin' your Ma home to be buried." Ethan watched as they all stood.

"How're we doin' that?"

"We're gonna take the train. I know you've got some money your ma saved up, so we'll use that to get us back to Kansas." Matthew looked at his brother and sister and then at Ethan again. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind ya usin' it for this. Don't think she planned to up and die." Matthew watched his father. He was hiding his emotions, it was clear, but the way he was doing it wasn't helpful to anybody.

"I don't wanna be here anymore," Colleen whispered. "Let's go pick up the baby, and we can go."

"No," Ethan replied.

"No?" Matthew asked incredulously. "What're you sayin'?"

"I'm sayin' we barely got enough to live by ourselves. One more mouth to feed's gonna make it worse, 'specially 'cause she ain't got your ma to feed her. I asked the doctor to find her a home."

"She has a home!" Colleen yelled. "She's our sister!" The children stood together on this, and Ethan shook his head.

"Lord knows I'd like to take that child with us, but the fact of the matter is that we ain't gonna be able to give her the kinda life your ma wanted her to have…the kinda life she wanted the three of ya to have. Dr. Quinn's gonna find her a home. Don't worry. She'll be in good hands." Ethan turned and moved for the door.

"We can't even say goodbye!" Brian asked, whimpering. Ethan didn't answer, and Brian ran ahead after him to try to get him to change his mind. Matthew turned to Colleen and took her hand in his.

"Trust me on this. We'll come back for her," Matthew whispered.

"What if we don't find her?"

"We will. She's our sister. Who better to find her than her own brothers and sister? C'mon. Don't you worry 'bout nothin'. We'll find a way." He felt guiltier than ever right now for leaving, but he knew that if Dr. Quinn was in charge of finding her a good home, his little sister was in good hands. He couldn't shake the nauseous feeling that gripped every part of him, but he had to be there for his brother and sister. He had to help take his mother home so she could rest in peace.

* * *

Elizabeth stared out of the parlor window, the telegram from Albert and Lydia gripped firmly in her hand. She shook her head and watched the rain sparkle in the currently present sun. A moment later, the dark clouds passed over it again, and the parlor was bathed in dim daylight.

Josef walked in with his pipe in his hand, and he noticed his wife watching out the window.

"They're not coming back, Lizzie," he said quietly. "They're going to continue on to Colorado Springs as soon as all is well."

"I feel as if I should be doing something!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "I'm sitting here drinking tea, when my daughter is sitting at her husband's bedside, worrying herself sick! It isn't right, Josef."

"I know it isn't right, Lizzie, and as much as I want to go after her and help her, she needs to be on her own with this for a while."

"That's not like you, Josef…"

"I've kept Michaela under a watchful eye all of her life. She's twenty-six years old, Lizzie, and she needs to deal with this without us giving her the answers. She's a brilliant young woman, Lizzie. She's strong and capable of doing impossible things. Just you wait. She and Sully will be just fine."

* * *

"Where is she? I need to see her," Sully said after he'd calmed down significantly. "Where is she?"

"Who? Michaela? I haven't seen her. I don't know where she is."

"Liar! I saw you…the barn."

"Sully! What are you talking about? I've just come from Colorado Springs. Papa paid my way so I could come help. I came as soon as I heard. Sully, please, focus!"

"The baby was crying. David…"

"David? Who's David?" Abagail searched her mind. "You mean Dr. Lewis? The man I met when Papa was shot in Boston?"

"David…he's going to…you…" He was getting worked up again. He was delirious, and Abagail was frightened. He'd said "I love you," thinking she was his wife. But he saw her now, and it hurt to hear that he had such disgust in his voice. Perhaps he had been dreaming, and obviously his subconscious didn't think very highly of her. "Michaela! Michaela!" Abagail moved toward the door.

"I'll find her. I promise, Sully." She rushed out of the door in search of Michaela.

* * *

She had started walking and hadn't been able to stop. She was walking around the halls, avoiding every room that hurt too badly to think about. Poor Katie was in the care of strangers, what was left of the Cooper family was nowhere to be seen, and she suspected they had taken off, because Charlotte's body had been released to the family. They were taking her home. Then there was Sully's room. She had avoided it, because she couldn't bear to see her husband so helpless. She felt selfish for staying away. They were in this through sickness and in Hell. Well, this was Hell, and she wasn't going to let some ridiculous accident step between her and her husband. She had to be stronger than that. She _was_ stronger than that.

Her heart was pounding, screaming at her to go back to Sully. Something told her that she needed to. Her body was physically trembling for him. Something wasn't right. Her hand moved to her stomach, and she thought she felt a cramp.

"No," she breathed. She felt her world spinning, and she gripped the railing outside of the hospital doors. No, she would not let this happen. She was going to stay strong. She was going to take care of her child and her husband. She was going to keep her life on track. She wouldn't let this roadblock stop her. No. Sully would wake. She could feel it. He was getting better, and she needed to see him.

"Excuse me," she said quietly, pushing herself through the crowd. She wanted to scream and tell everyone to go away, but the crowd was so thick as they swarmed out of the hospital doors like hundreds of killer bees. She felt like she was suffocating. Her body was stinging with the need to get to her husband. "Excuse me! Let me pass!" In reality, it was only about ten people getting in her way, but she couldn't help it. She felt like they were crowding around her and preventing her from getting to her husband.

She sprinted down the hall like a mad woman, her heart practically tearing through her ribs. She could feel that he needed her. Her body was turning against her, and her mind was starting to spin, unable to wrap around the fact that she wasn't helping him by getting so worked up.

"Sully," she sobbed, feeling guilty for staying away for so long. She passed by a woman who she could have sworn looked like Loren Bray's daughter. But she didn't matter. Sully mattered.

Sully was sitting up in bed, staring at the door, a sense of peace washing over him. He was calming down. He felt that she was near. When she turned the corner, he thought his mind was fooling him. She stopped in her tracks, her hair in disarray, her cheeks streaked with hot tears. She was perfect.

"Sully." Her breath caught, and her heart stopped beating for a moment. He was awake. Her mind wasn't fooling her now. He had tears and fear in his eyes, but when he realized she was real, he was perfect again. "Sully?"

"M—," he started. "Michaela?" She moved toward the bed, and Sully scooted back a little, afraid to believe it was true. "You're alive?"

"Yes," she whispered. "I survived. Albert and Lydia too…"

"Abagail…" Michaela realized that he wasn't thinking clearly. It was to be expected. She moved toward the bed, and she sat down on the edge of it. She reached out, stroking the soft curls that poked out from under the bandages. The shaved patch on his head was covered, and a little blood stained the outside of the white.

"Sully? What are you talking about? What about Abagail?"

"She hurt you?"

"No. No, sweetheart, I haven't seen Abagail since she left Boston. It's been months."

"It was so real. She killed you. The baby…" Michaela felt her heart stop again. He shook his head. "You're not…Michaela, I'm so confused. What happened to me?"

"Lay back," Michaela whispered. She eased him onto his back and watched him for a minute. "We were in a train accident, and you were knocked unconscious. You slipped into a coma, Sully, and Dr. Bernard saved your life."

"Dr…"

"He had to…" She sighed heavily, her head pounding and her heart pumping with joy. "Never mind. You rest now, and we'll talk about it later." Sully's hand reached for hers, and he held it.

"Tell me you're real," he whispered, as he closed his eyes. "Tell me ya ain't leavin'." She smiled sadly, tears slipping down her face again.

"I'll never leave." She watched as he fell asleep again, and his hand tightened around hers. He wouldn't leave. He couldn't. He was strong, and he had proven that by waking up. She only wished she had been there when he had. It broke her heart to see him so uncertain; so scared.

* * *

"I hate you," Colleen said to her father as they sat upon the train that was taking them back to Denver. Ethan didn't look up from the newspaper he was pretending to read. They all knew he couldn't read, so why was he trying? He was hiding everything he felt, and Matthew hated him for that too. They were riding away from their little sister, and their mother was resting in a wooden box in the car behind theirs. What was wrong with that picture?

Brian picked at the hole in his boot. Ethan cleared his throat and put the paper down. He looked out the window, storm clouds threatening to spill over like his children's tears at any moment. Colleen began to sob again, and Matthew wrapped his arm tightly around her. Brian looked up at them and smiled, trying to break the tension, but when nobody smiled back, he sunk into himself and continued to pick at the hole in his boot.

A baby cried in a woman's arms a few seats away, and Matthew's icy glare bore into Ethan's heart. He wanted him to feel guilty for leaving Katie behind. This was a child that Charlotte had suffered and worked so hard for, and in the end, she died for her. Now, Katie was left in the care of strangers, and Ethan expressed no emotion over it whatsoever.

"Ma couldn't wait to hold her," Matthew spoke up, not caring if Ethan pretended not to hear him. "Those nights we were in the wagon headin' this way to find ya…she spent hours knitting blankets for the baby." His hands clutched the box that contained Charlotte's diary and the birth certificates. He'd placed a fresh one in there. Little Katie was a member of their family, no matter what Ethan said. "Ya never wanted us did ya?" Ethan looked up into Matthew's eyes, his irises clouded, his eyes unreadable. "Ya wish I woulda died like Mitchell."

"That's enough," Ethan said sharply.

"Is it?" Matthew wondered. "Did ya ever want any of us?"  
"I know I ain't been the best pa…"

"Ya got that right," Matthew replied. "What kinda pa…what kinda man leaves his newborn baby in the hands of strangers? What kinda man leaves his pregnant wife to go find work without sendin' more than one letter to let her know he's still alive?" Colleen and Brian were looking down into their hands that were folded nervously in their laps. "Ya ain't a man, Ethan. Ya never were." Matthew stood and walked out of the compartment, leaving the tin box on the seat. Ethan didn't even attempt to go after him, but Brian followed. Ethan tried to catch Colleen's gaze, but she looked away, keeping Charlotte's keepsake box firmly under one hand.

"I miss her," she whispered, her fingers playing upon the glass of the window. "This is the first time Ma's ever left us. She ain't comin' back. We didn't think you would either."

* * *

He looked at the blood on his hands as he stood in front of a grungy old mirror. A few nicks and scratches on his face were courtesy of the dull blade that had been used to shave his face. His hair was trimmed, and his clothes were changed. He looked nothing like the man who had escaped and had been chased through the backwoods by hunting dogs. He still looked terrible.

David stuck his stinging hands back inside of the water basin and watched the red blood and the brown dirt mix together.

"Ya need to put somethin' on that, Mister? Those cuts look pretty bad," the barber said, sweeping off David's shoulders.

"No. I'm fine," he replied.

"Don't look like it. Where you from anyhow?"

"Nowhere." David wasn't even sure of where he was now. He knew he hadn't passed the Massachusetts border yet, but he planned to find a train station and board in a day or so. He would get to Colorado Springs in no time. He would find his Michaela and rescue her from that horrible mountain man. She needed his protection, he thought, and he wasn't going to sit by and let her hurt. She deserved to hurt, he knew, but he missed her so. He loved her. He wanted to prove his worth to her by rescuing her.

"Mister, why don't ya take a bed in the back? Have a good rest? Ya don't look so good." David never knew that this little town existed. It wasn't dusty or unsettled like the West, but these people were almost as uncivilized and uncultured. They were worthless to him. Worthless like Sully.

"I'm fine," he replied. He started for the door.

"Hey! What about my money?" David tossed two bits in the man's direction, and the coins slipped between the floorboards. But, the barber didn't go after him. Something told him to stay as far away from that stranger as possible, and he hoped he'd never have to encounter him again. David stood on the concrete porch and looked up at the rain clouds with a smile. Yes, another storm was coming.

**_Author's Note: Thanks for the support and feedback, everyone! It means a lot:) More coming soon!_**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

_Warning: This chapter deals with a very sad situation. It isn't very graphic, but it's still sad, so you have been warned._

"Dr. Quinn," came a sweet, soft voice from behind Michaela. She jolted awake, hearing Penelope's voice. She glanced over toward Sully to see that he was sleeping, and for a split second, she thought he was in a coma again. But, he stirred in his sleep, and she breathed a sigh of relief. "Dr. Quinn?" Michaela turned toward Penelope. The young nurse was holding a sleeping Katie in her arms. "She's fed and changed, and she's lonely. I'm afraid she'll wake soon, and you have such a way with her." Michaela sighed softly and nodded her head. She took Katie into her arms, and the baby stretched, yawned and opened up her eyes. Michaela could have sworn she saw a smile as the baby drifted off to sleep again. "What are you going to do about her?" Michaela shook her head and shrugged her shoulders slightly

"I don't know," Michaela breathed. "He asked me to find her a good home. Charlotte would have given her a good home. I didn't know her long, but those children thought the world of her, and she of them. I don't know what to do."

"You'll think of something," Penelope said with a smile. "But to tell you the truth, she looks as comfortable with you as she did with her own mother." The nurse left the room, and Michaela looked down at the child in her arms. She felt a cramp again, and she winced. She knew it wasn't good. She was holding on and resting as best as she could, but her body was telling her it wasn't good enough. Her unborn child needed her to do everything possible to protect it. She wanted to, but stress and anxiety weren't healthy either, and they weren't going away so easily.

"Katie, you have no idea what kind of a world you've been born into, do you?" She sighed softly, and kissed the baby's cheek. "You need a mother to teach you what's right and wrong; one to show you the good there is in such a harsh world. You need a mother to love you and watch you grow and support you in all that you do." She blinked the tears from her eyes. "I could be her…but…" She felt that pain again, and she closed her eyes tightly. "Let's get you back to the nursery." She kissed the baby's forehead. "We'll talk about this later, sweetheart." She already felt like a mother to this little girl, and she wanted to be a mother more than anything. But, something wasn't right, and she needed to find Dr. Bernard.

She carried the baby down the hallway and found Penelope.

"Dr. Quinn?" They walked into the nursery, and Michaela put Katie down. Michaela stared down at the little girl, and a moment later, she felt the pain again and doubled over. Penelope rushed over to her.

"Oh!" She wrapped her arms around her waist, and Penelope caught her before she fell to her knees. "No! No!"

"Dr. Quinn!"

"My baby! My baby…" Penelope helped Michaela over to a chair.

"Sit here. Don't move! I'll be back." Tears rushed down Michaela's cheeks. This couldn't be happening! This was her baby…Sully's baby. She couldn't lose this child. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. He didn't even know. She needed him now. She felt guilty for this. She wanted to hold on, but she knew what was happening. Stopping it was almost impossible now.

"No!" she cried, doubling over in the chair. The pain grew intense, and she closed her eyes. She felt two arms lift her up, and she heard Dr. Bernard tell Penelope to prepare a bed. Michaela was being carried away, and when she felt the blood starting to trickle between her legs, she knew it was the end; the end for her child…Sully's child. "Sully…"

"It's going to be all right."

"I need Sully. I need him. Please, take me to him." Dr. Bernard whispered something to Penelope about Sully, and she nodded and walked away. Michaela felt herself being placed upon a bed. "Please. I need Sully. I know it's not…I just…I need him!"

"We'll get him. Don't worry."

* * *

Sully opened his eyes. She wasn't there. She said she wouldn't leave. Now Abagail was sitting at his side. 

"Michaela. Where is she?"

"I don't know," Abagail replied. "I just got here. How're ya feelin'?"

"I need my wife." He tried to sit up, but the pain was almost blinding. He lay back, and Abagail poured him a cup of water. "I need Michaela…is she okay?"

"As far as I know, she's fine. Ya had me worried for awhile…accusin' me of killin' her."

"I was dreamin'," Sully replied. "I'm sorry." He still felt uneasy around her, but he knew Michaela was alive. She was fine, and he had seen her for himself, hadn't he? At that moment, a young nurse rushed in.

"Mr. Sully?"

"Yeah?"

"Your wife's asking for you." Sully sat up in bed despite the pain, and Abagail got out of the way.

"Whaddya mean?"

"She's…she needs you. She may be having a miscarriage." Sully's eyes went wide.

"She's…she's pregnant. But that's a dream…" Sully shook his head. She had been pregnant in the dream. Abagail had killed her. But…he didn't remember her truly being pregnant. "Never mind. I gotta see her." Sully stood shakily, feeling ill but needing to get to his wife.

"Mr. Sully!"

"I don't care. I need to see her."

"We have a chair for you." Penelope took hold of his arm and lowered him down into a wheelchair. Sully felt sick, but he didn't care. He felt his world spinning as Penelope wheeled him down the hallway. When he heard Michaela's screams, he tried to get up. But, he nearly collapsed, and Penelope caught him with the chair.

"Please, Mr. Sully!" she exclaimed. "You can't help her now. Please wait there until she's able to have visitors. It isn't proper."

"I don't care about what's proper!" he screamed painfully. "I need my wife!" He pulled himself up and pushed his way into the room. That's when he saw her, tears and sweat dripping from her face, blood on the doctor's hands…blood. Sully felt himself grow sick, and he looked at Michaela. She was shaking and sobbing. Her body was crying out for his comfort.

"Sully," she sobbed. "Our baby…"

"Get him out of here!" Dr. Bernard called frantically.

"I want him," Michaela cried. They'd been apart for too long. This was no time to push him out.

"This is highly unorthodox," he muttered under his breath. He looked at Sully, and Penelope helped him back into the chair. Dr. Bernard continued to work on Michaela, and she began to sob harder. He watched as these two souls yearned to comfort each other, and he couldn't stand in the way of that. It wasn't his place. He glanced at Penelope. "He can stay. She needs him." Penelope slowly wheeled Sully's chair over to Michaela's bedside, and he took her hand in his. She squeezed it hard. He looked away from the blood and everything else that was going on. He stared into her eyes.

"Just look at me, Michaela. Focus on me. I'm here, Michaela. I ain't gonna leave ya."

"Promise?"

"I swear it."

* * *

"Ya didn't tell me," Sully whispered later that night, stroking his wife's hair off of her forehead as she rested comfortably. He was sitting next to her bedside, his entire body aching, but it didn't matter. Michaela was what was important right now. 

"You should rest," Michaela whispered, her voice hoarse from crying.

"I'm fine. I rested enough. How long did ya know?"

"Not long. I just found out. Sully…I'm sorry."

"Shh," he whispered. "Ya ain't got a thing to be sorry 'bout. Ya just need to focus on lettin' your body heal. Ya been through somethin' terrible."

"It was your baby too," she cried. "Our baby, Sully. It's gone…" She took a deep breath and shook her head. "It can't be…"

"I'm sorry, Michaela. I shoulda been…"

"You couldn't help it, Sully. You couldn't control what happened. I only just found out, Sully. I didn't know very long, but I should have taken better care…"

"Ya did the best ya could. I'm so proud of ya, Michaela. You're so strong. You're stronger than I could ever be." Michaela swallowed hard and shook her head.

"I feel like I let you down."

"Ya didn't. Michaela, I love you with everythin' I have. I almost lost ya 'cause of that accident, and I ain't gonna risk losin' ya again. This baby…it just wasn't meant to be." Michaela began to sob again, and he wanted more than anything to hold her in his arms, but it was then that Penelope came in.

"Dr. Bernard wants you both to rest."

"I ain't leavin' her," Sully protested. "I'll sleep in here."

"He wants you in your own room. It's important that you follow his rules, Mr. Sully. She needs rest, and you can see her first thing in the morning." Michaela let go of her husband's hand.

"You do need rest. You need to regain your strength," she whispered. "I'll be all right."

"I don't doubt you think that, Michaela, but I don't wanna leave ya right now. Not after…"

"Sully, please get some rest. You're not helping me by making yourself weaker. I'll be all right. Please, don't worry."

"It's my job as your husband to worry." Michaela felt the tears starting to form again, as he kissed her forehead. "I don't wanna leave."

"Go on. I'm going to sleep." She felt her body quivering from exhaustion, anger, nausea and just about every other emotion that caused her to want to cry. Penelope moved to the back of Sully's wheelchair. "Go." Sully finally submitted to his weak state and let Penelope take him away. Michaela curled up on her side, putting her hand on her stomach, and she sobbed into her pillow. Nobody had to know about this miscarriage except for her and Sully. It would be better to not speak of it to anyone. She didn't want their pity.

She closed her eyes, trying to picture that baby. She couldn't. She hadn't taken the time to think about what that child could be like or look like. She'd been too busy worrying about her husband and taking care of Charlotte's children. Now Charlotte was gone, and Sully was awake. The children were gone now. Except for Katie. Katie! She still had to figure out what to do about her.

She sighed, and her tear-stained eyes stared up at the dark ceiling. Her heart was heavy and full of guilt and so much motherly love left to give. She wanted a child. She wanted her child back, but she knew it wasn't meant to be. Whatever hardships had been meant for her had all come crashing down at once. Why now? Why did she have to lose her child now? What about Katie? Katie had lost her entire family. They were alike, really. They'd both lost so much, but at least Katie was too young to understand.

She turned back onto her side. She placed her hand on her stomach. She could almost feel her child in there, though she knew it was impossible. She didn't feel like she wasn't pregnant. She felt like everything was going to be all right, but how could that be when everything was a disaster?

"Dr. Quinn?" Penelope walked in with Katie in her arms. "I know this isn't the best time, but I thought you could use some company."

"Is Sully all right?"

"Yes. He's just fine. Gretta's taking over, and she's going to keep watch over him. You have a visitor outside too, but I told her it was late."

"Who?"

"Abagail…something. Gray?"

"Bray," Michaela breathed. Penelope's eyes widened, and she nodded.

"Yes!"

"She can come in." Penelope started toward the door. "Wait. Leave Katie. You're right. I could use the company."

"I was starting to think I shouldn't have brought her. I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. I know it happens to a lot of women. It doesn't lessen the pain any, but I know…how could I deny this sweet little girl? She deserves love, Penelope."

"That she does." Penelope gently placed Katie in Michaela's arms. "She's ready to go home, you know? If we don't find her a home within the next week, we'll need to send her to an orphanage." Michaela swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head.

"She'll have a home," Michaela breathed, her heart already taking this child as her own. "I won't let her go through life without one." Penelope left the room, and Michaela cradled little Katie. Abagail slowly stepped in, and Michaela looked up at her.

"Dr. Mike," she breathed. "I'm so sorry." Michaela bit her trembling lip.

"You heard about the baby?" Abagail nodded.

"Please, don't mention it to anyone," Michaela said softly. "Sully and I need to deal with this on our own first."

"I understand. Dr. Mike, I'm just glad you're all right. Sully too. I was there when he woke up." Michaela swallowed hard.

"You were?" Abagail nodded. "He was callin' for ya. You're real lucky, Dr. Mike. He loves ya an awful lot." Michaela nodded. She was lucky. She felt like the luckiest woman on Earth to have such a wonderful husband. She knew that he was going to help her get through this ordeal. They would see it through together, the way they were meant to. "I'll leave ya be now. I'm real sorry 'bout your loss. I'll be takin' the stagecoach back to Colorado Springs tomorrow to let everybody know Sully's awake. You'll be home soon?" Michaela only nodded, and she burst into tears again after Abagail left. She cradled Katie close to her body, and she waited out the night, afraid to go to sleep lest something else would happen that would affect her life forever.

* * *

"You've made remarkable progress, Mr. Sully," Dr. Bernard marveled as he removed the bandage upon his head. The hair was growing over the incision, and Sully's long hair was able to conceal the bald patch until it grew in. That didn't matter to Michaela, however, because she was grateful he was alive. That was what mattered. 

"When can he go home?"

"I'll start working on the papers now," Dr. Bernard replied. "I'd like for the both of you to walk around. If he doesn't feel dizzy anymore, he's free to go." Michaela grinned and looked at Sully.

"I told you," she whispered, kissing him upon the cheek. He smiled a little, and he kissed her hand. Dr. Bernard left, and Michaela took Sully's hand. They started for the door. Sully had been telling Michaela all about his dream from his coma. She found it amazing how she'd been pregnant in his dream. She had told him that he probably knew subconsciously that she really was pregnant. The one thing he hadn't told her about was Abagail killing her. He didn't want to upset her unnecessarily.

"When Abagail left," Michaela began as they walked down the hallway, "she promised not to say anything about…"

"Nobody needs to know if ya don't want 'em to." Michaela nodded.

"And, she's going to tell them that we're coming home soon. I can't wait to get there, Sully."

'Neither can I." He smiled at his wife as they continued down the hallway together, holding one another. Abagail and Michaela had become very good friends over the course of the last week. He was glad she already had a friend from Colorado Springs, but he was still weary because of his dream. "Any news on Ethan Cooper?" He knew how concerned Michaela was for that little girl. Michaela had told him all about Charlotte and the children, especially little Brian. He felt like he knew them, though he had never met them before. Michaela explained how Brian had come to his room a lot, and she said that Brian had been pulling for him to wake up so she wouldn't be lonely.

Sully had met young Katie, and he had taken to her right away. He and Michaela kept her company, and they took turns feeding her. She spent more time with them than she did in the nursery, though Michaela felt she owed the child that much. She felt as if she was somehow at fault for Charlotte's death, though she knew the truth.

"No," Michaela replied. "I don't think he's coming back. He's most likely back in Kansas by now." She shook her head. "Those poor children." Michaela turned to Sully. "We need to talk." He nodded his head.

"I know," he replied. "We've talked 'bout everything but…the miscarriage." Michaela led Sully to a couple of empty chairs in a secluded corner. They sat down together, and Michaela took a deep breath. "Michaela, ya know it don't mean we can't have more."

"I know," Michaela replied. "Sully, I've accepted that our baby is gone, because I know that holding onto the past isn't healthy. But…"

"But what?"

"My…my body hasn't accepted it. I still _feel_ pregnant, Sully. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel like he's still here with us." She shook her head. "I know it's silly. I hadn't known long at all…"

"It's not silly," Sully said softly. "You're his Ma, Michaela. Ya got the right to feel that way. I miss 'im too, and I never even knew…"

"I wish I'd told you when you woke, but you were so confused. I didn't…"

"You were right not to tell me. It only woulda made things more difficult to understand. It was so real, Michaela. It seemed like I was livin' life as if the train wreck never happened."

"I wish that were the case."

"No ya don't," Sully replied quickly, catching Michaela by surprise.

"Sully?" Sully stood shakily.

"It's nothin'." Michaela studied him carefully and stood up to face him.

"Tell me?"

"I don't wanna scare ya."

"Sully," Michaela warned. "Please?" Before Sully could say a word, Penelope came rushing down the hall.

"Dr. Quinn! We've found a family for Katie!" Michaela felt her heart break in two. "We want you to meet them, because you have a good sense about her." Michaela nodded and squeezed Sully's hand. He followed the two women down the hall and into a large room filled with sleeping and crying infants. An older man and woman were standing over Katie's bed, and Michaela watched in the doorway for a moment. The man was tall with graying hair, and he reminded her a lot of Ethan. His hand was firmly gripping the side of his wife's skirt, and Michaela didn't like that at all. He was tugging on the fabric as if to keep her at bay. The woman looked absolutely dreadful. She was shaking and calloused. She looked as if she'd had a hard life, and Michaela felt bad for her.

"Dr. Michaela Quinn, this is Mr. John Ryan and his wife Esther."

"How do you do?" Michaela eyed them, and little Katie began to squirm. The woman picked the child up, and Katie began to wail. John backed away and looked at Michaela with surprise.

"She always do that?  
"When she's around those she doesn't know," she said softly, her heart tugging. Katie had never wailed so hard with her. Katie obviously felt uneasy in the woman's shaking arms, and Michaela couldn't blame her. She looked at Sully who seemed to be thinking the same thing. They couldn't, in good conscience, let this little girl leave with these people.

"Look, we didn't come here expectin' a crier."

"All babies cry, Mr. Ryan," Penelope insisted. "Some more than others."

"Well, me an my wife got six boys at home who cry enough. We don't want a girl that does that too." Michaela scoffed at the man's words. How could they come to a hospital expecting to find a baby that didn't cry?

"John, please!" Esther begged. "Ya know we ain't had no luck…"

"Quiet," John said forcefully. Michaela quickly took Katie into her arms. "Well, maybe it wouldn't be…"

"I'm sorry, but we've already found a family for her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." Sully stepped up and put his hands on Michaela's shoulders, and for a moment, she thought he was going to warn her, but he didn't.

"That's right. Found a real good home for her," Sully replied, giving his wife's shoulder a squeeze. She looked back at him with surprise, and John took off his hat.

"We come all the way from Boulder…"

"I'm sorry for your waste of time," Michaela said quickly. "I'd be happy to pay your way home." The man shook his head and angrily stomped out of the nursery. His wife cautiously followed behind. Michaela and Penelope turned toward Sully.

"We'll have to start over now," Penelope said softly. "Or we'll have to send her to the orphanage."

"No need for that," Sully said quietly, a smile playing over his lips as he watched little Katie lay quietly in Michaela's arms. "I think Katie's already picked the family she wants." Michaela stared at him in confusion for a moment.

"Sully?" Penelope sensed that she needed to give them time alone, so she moved away to check on a few of her other newborn patients. "Sully, what are you saying? You want us to take her?" Sully watched as Michaela placed the baby down in her little bed. She was afraid to touch her now; afraid that her dreams would be taken away from her. "Sully, I don't…If this is about the baby we lost…"

"It's not," Sully assured her. "Michaela, nothin' is ever goin' to make up for what we lost, but we can't stop livin' life. This baby needs a home. You're good with her, Michaela. I know ya are. I seen ya with her, and it sounds like her Pa ain't comin' back." Tears filled Michaela's eyes and threatened to spill over. After everything that had happened lately, this child had been there through it all. Katie was a survivor, and Michaela knew that she was too. This child was meant to be a part of their lives, and Charlotte brought her into the world for a reason. Katie had a purpose, and it was up to Michaela and Sully to guide her through life to fulfill it. It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them. "Ya want this, Michaela. I know ya do." Michaela nodded her head. Oh, she wanted it. She wanted it with everything she possessed. Her heart was bursting from the need to be a mother and to love a child. The energy her spirit possessed was pouring from her heart, her eyes, her ears, her fingertips and her toes. She was a mother without a child. Katie was a child without a mother.

"I do," she breathed, "more than anything. But, Sully, I don't know how…"

"You do," Sully replied, pulling her into his arms. "You've been a mother since ya were born. You've loved, you've nurtured, and you've taught people. You're a mother, Michaela, and there's a little girl who needs ya more than she needs anybody." Her tears spilled over, and she shook her head.

"It isn't right. Our baby…"

"Our baby'd want his ma and pa to be happy. We'll be with him again someday."

"Oh, Sully," she breathed.

"Ya know it's right. Ya can feel it in your heart." He pulled her close, and they held each other up, keeping one another from falling as they had always done. "What do you want, Michaela? Tell me what ya want, 'cause I wanna give it to ya." She looked up into his azure eyes, and she saw the years that lay ahead of them. He was a grieving father, and she was a grieving mother. Grief was nothing to base a life on. It was time to make a decision, though her heart had already made it.

"Sully, let's take our little girl home."

* * *

"I almost don't remember what she looks like," Brian whispered as he, Matthew and Colleen sat around Charlotte's grave, planting her favorite flowers in the fresh soil. Colleen looked at Brian slowly. For being a girl of ten-years-old, she had sure seen more than some women saw in a lifetime. She'd been through a lot. 

"No," she whispered. "You'll never forget, Brian. You'll always remember how dark her hair was, and how folks always wondered how such a dark-haired lady could have three kids with hair as light as ours. You'll always remember how her eyes twinkled when she was yellin', 'cause she loved ya more than she was mad at ya. You'll always remember, Brian. Never forget." Matthew reached over and put his hand on Colleen's shoulder. "Matthew, when are we goin' after Katie?" Matthew looked toward the burned down farm. Ethan was rebuilding, and they were sleeping in the barn until he could finish the homestead.

"Soon," he said softly, gazing at Mitchell's grave. "We won't be away forever."

"Ya think they're takin' good care of her there?"

"I'm sure of it."

"Maybe Dr. Mike's takin' care of her."

"She's got a lot to worry 'bout, Brian," Matthew warned. "Takin' Katie…"

"She's a good lady, Matthew!" Brian insisted.

"I ain't sayin' she's not. I'm just sayin'…"

"Lunch ready?" Ethan asked, walking up. Colleen looked up at her father.

"I ain't had time to fix it yet, Pa. We been plantin' flowers on Ma's grave."

"I'm hungry. A man can't go all day without eatin'. I'm goin' into Topeka to take care of some business. Food better be ready 'fore I get back or ya'll will be doin' extra chores for a week." Ethan turned and walked back toward the barn. Matthew stood and sighed heavily.

"Brian, go help Colleen start a fire. I'll go catch some fish," he instructed. Brian nodded and took Colleen's hand. They hurried up the hill toward their burned down home. "Hey." The turned back to their brother. "Soon. I promise. Just as soon as I can, I'll get us back to Colorado. We're gonna get our sister back. We're gonna be a family again."

* * *

"Thirsty?" Lydia asked as she walked up onto the steps of the Sully homestead. Albert was sweeping out all of the dust that had collected since Sully had been gone. Lydia would have done it, but he insisted that she rest for the baby. So, Grace had sent out a jar of lemonade and a basket of fried chicken, and they were making a day of cleaning the dust and dirt out. They'd received word that Sully and Michaela were coming home and would be boarding a stagecoach the next morning. Twenty-four hours from now, they were going to be reunited with their friends. 

"Thank you, darling," Albert said, kissing Lydia upon the cheek as she handed him a cold glass. He drank the liquid down, and Lydia moved to sit upon the railing of the porch. She sighed softly and stretched her arms.

"It's beautiful out here. The town doesn't do this land justice. It's wonderful, and you don't even notice it when you sleep above the clinic."

"It is beautiful," Albert replied. "Someday we'll have our own house that faces the sunrise. We'll sit outside with the baby in the evenings and watch the sun go down."

"That sounds perfect," Lydia said with a sigh. "I can't wait, but I'm willing to, because I know it'll be worth it." She felt a swift kick in her side. "Oh!"

"What?" Albert dropped the broom and rushed to her side. "The baby?" Lydia blushed sheepishly.

"He just kicked," she grinned. "I'm sorry I worried you." Albert took a deep breath and pulled his wife into his arms.

"Have I told you how lucky I am to have you lately?" Lydia shook her head.

"No, but a reminder is always lovely." Albert's lips found hers, and they held onto one another. It was then that they heard a voice clear his throat. They both pulled apart, startled, when they saw a Cheyenne man standing before them with a wolf at his heels. "Oh!"

"I am looking for Sully. He was supposed to arrive from Boston. The Spirits told me he was harmed but is well now." Albert was stunned, but he realized that this must be Cloud Dancing, the medicine man that Sully spoke so fondly of.

"He's on his way home with his wife," Albert said quickly.

"The Sprits told me he was happy," Cloud Dancing said proudly. "When will he be back?"

"Tomorrow afternoon," Lydia spoke up. Cloud Dancing nodded.

"I will wait."

"He's going to be awfully busy when he returns," Albert spoke up. "But, you're welcome to stay around here. You look like you've come a long way." Cloud Dancing merely nodded. He had been on a vision quest, and he had only just returned.

"I will do that." Cloud Dancing moved toward the barn with Wolf, and Lydia looked at Albert and shrugged.

"We should start back into town before it gets late," she suggested. She playfully rubbed her stomach. "I think the baby's ready for some rest and relaxation, don't you?" Albert raised an eyebrow.

"The baby, huh?" She nodded, and they pulled one another into another kiss.

"All right. I'll go hitch the wagon." Lydia watched him walk off and smiled to herself. They had started to adapt quite well to their new surroundings. Lydia was itching to ride a horse, because she hadn't ridden in years. Once the baby was born, she knew she would be free to do so. She couldn't believe the birth was just over two months away. She couldn't wait to be a mother. She couldn't wait to see the look on Albert's face when their child was brought into the world. Yes, their child. She sighed softly and closed her eyes as she leaned against the porch rail of the Sully home. She only hoped her child would never have to know his true father. David Lewis was nothing but a bad memory, and Lydia intended to keep him that way.

* * *

"Excuse me, but where will the train be stopping next?" David asked as a conductor walked past. The conductor checked his schedule and cleared his throat. 

"Next stop? Topeka, Kansas," he replied. "We'll be pulling into the station in about an hour." David nodded.

"Good," he replied. From Topeka, he'd board a train to Denver. He was almost there. He was going to find the woman he loved and take her home. He knew she was going to be there. From what he'd gathered, she had gone with Lydia, Albert and Sully on the train to Denver, and they were going on to Colorado Springs from there. Colorado Springs wasn't Michaela's home. Boston was her home, and David would make sure she realized that.

"Your family is waiting for you." David turned to face a mysterious woman with long blonde hair pulled up into a bun. She was dressed classily, and she had a frown creasing her lips. She looked kind enough, but he wasn't sure what to make of her.

"What makes you think that?"

"You seem eager to get home to them." David shook his head.

"I don't have a family. I thought I did once, but…" He shook his head and turned away from her. She watched him. There was a sadness about him, and it was intriguing. She was the kind of person who could read people. She loved people and studied them closely. Dark sides always fascinated her, because she had met a lot of tortured souls in her life. Nothing could scare her, and David sensed that just sitting near her. She made him uncomfortable, and he moved away. He could feel her watching him, and for a moment, he knew what it felt like for Michaela when he had been watching her. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and his heart pounded in frustration, perhaps even fear. He glanced over toward her, and her eyes bore into his soul. Who was she? A demon? What did she want to talk to him for? She didn't even know him. Strangers were no good. Strangers were supposed to be evil.

He turned to look at her again, and her blue, devilish eyes continued to stare into his good one. His bad eye throbbed under his patch, and he felt very uncomfortable. Her lips curled into a smile, and he trembled. How could a complete stranger have such an effect on him. He couldn't let her get to him. She wasn't supposed to matter, so why was his mind focusing on how much she bothered him? A child nearby began to scream at his father, and David took solace in that. One more hour until Topeka, one hour closer to seeing Michaela again, one hour away from never having to see this stranger again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Julianna Garavaldi pushed her way through the crowd at the Topeka depot. She didn't want to miss the train. Her hand was gripping a bound leather journal. She held onto it for dear life, and she knocked a few men forward as she continued on. She was certainly a strong force, and she turned heads as she blew past.

She was stuck behind a slow walker, and she groaned loudly as the train whistle blew.

"Get out of my way!" she said angrily. "_Some_ people have a train to catch!" Just as she was handing her bags to a conductor, a loud popping noise sounded through the air, followed by the shudder of the locomotive. The conductor shook his head and handed the bags back to Julianna. "What was that?"

"Train needs repairs. It's gonna be at least a day…" Julianna fought back the urge to yell at the man for his incompetence, but she knew in her heart that it wasn't his fault.

"Damn," she hissed under her breath. That caused a few eyebrows to raise, but she turned and moved to sit on a bench at the depot. She opened up her journal and began to scribble furiously.

_Do these people understand the concept of deadlines? If I don't finish this book, my publisher will kill me. I really think he has that capability, though he loves me too much to ever want to hurt me. How does one expect me to write a novel about mental illness when all of these delays are driving me insane? I did meet a man on the train today. Something about him intrigued me. I don't know his name, but he looks like a man who has a tortured past. Unfortunately, that's what draws me to him. _

She heard his voice and looked up. There he was, standing next to a man with salt-and-pepper hair. She sat quietly, listening over the bustle and complaints of the other train-travelers. None of them were pleased about having to stay over in Topeka. She wasn't either, but she didn't have much of a choice.

"Can I help you?" the man behind the window asked the tall man with salt-and-pepper hair.

"I need to send a telegram to Michaela Quinn in Colorado Springs, Colorado." David's head popped up at the mention of that name. Ethan's hand shook, and when the man behind the window moved toward the telegraph machine, Ethan jerked backward. Was it Colorado Springs or was it Denver? He remembered the children mentioning both places. He wasn't sure where this woman doctor lived, but he wanted to make sure. He had to send word that he was grateful for her taking on his burden. "On second thought…I'll wait a while."

"Please move aside then, sir, so this fellow can tend to his business." Ethan nodded. He was a coward. He couldn't even send word to the woman who had taken on the duty of finding a good home for his youngest child. Charlotte would be disappointed, but what else was new? She had always been disappointed in him. "Sir?" David ignored him, and he watched as Ethan moved away. He spotted the strange woman from the train, and he watched as Ethan tipped his hat to her and said something completely idiotic. Perhaps he'd complimented her dress, her hair, her eyes. But David saw past that. His mind was wrapping around the fact that Ethan had said Michaela's name. No man had the right to say her name. How did he know her? Was he another suitor? He had to take care of it.

Julianna looked back down into her journal for a moment, and when she looked back up, the stranger from the train was gone. She looked around, wondering where he could have gone in such a short span of time. But, he was lost in the crowd.

She sighed softly and shook her head. She pulled another journal into her hands and ran her fingers along the smooth binding. This was her novel. It had been like a child to her. She'd given birth to the idea three years ago, and she had continued to watch that idea grow, and she had nurtured it with her melodic words, though the story was far from melodic. It was dark and mysterious, and she was being paid for it.

She looked back down at her pages and began to etch her words into the lines. She suddenly wondered who she was writing. Her main character was a rich, distinguished man of high status who had given everything for love only to be jilted and turned away like yesterday's news. He had been tortured and mocked throughout his early life, and he had created a good life for himself. But, it was too late. The early years had molded him into a creature who wanted to love but didn't know the proper way. Who was this man? She'd created him in her mind. She'd fallen in love with him despite his darkness. She fell in love with the part that wanted to love. She wanted to teach him how. Oh, if only he were real.

_His eyes used to hold such hope and love, but they're filled with anger, resentment and misery now. His skin is scarred from the beatings he took, and his heart is blackened from the hateful things he'd done. But, he hadn't known any better. He'd been molded to fit this lifestyle, and he knew nothing else. He battled good and evil in his head. His conscience had become an entirely different being, and when he stared into the mirror, he spoke to it, berated it and laughed in its face. They had locked him in asylums, but he'd always broken free. He lived under different names, and each of those names became a part of his personality, and soon, those names became their own personalities._

Julianna let out a deep sigh, her heart aching. She cursed under her breath for becoming so emotionally involved with one of her characters. She felt like she was losing her mind. He wasn't real. He was a fictional character made up in her heart and mind; a sad sort of bloke who wished he could do good but was too determined to love that he could only do bad to get what he wanted. He was tragic and fictional. He wasn't real…was he?

She shook her head and slammed her book shut. She stood with her belongings and started off toward the nearest hotel with the stranger's face slowly becoming a part of her tortured, tragic, fictional character.

* * *

The stagecoach pulled out of Denver with three passengers: Michaela, Sully and young Katie. Katie was sleeping in Michaela's arms, and Sully was sitting beside his wife with his arm around her. She leaned against him, and they watched the baby carefully as the stagecoach bounced over rocks and little hills. But, Katie slept soundly.

"She's beautiful," Michaela breathed tiredly. "Sully, she deserves so much."

"She does," he replied. "She's gonna have a good life, Michaela. We'll see to that." Michaela felt her stomach knotting up, and she felt very warm. "Michaela?"

"Would you mind holding the baby? I'm not feeling well." Sully nodded without a word and took the baby into his arms. He smiled as he placed her in his lap and watched her little head rest upon his knee. Michaela leaned toward the window and took several deep breaths of fresh air. Her stomach was turning, and she was starting to perspire.

"Michaela, I could tell 'em to stop."

"No. I'll be fine. I'm just…not used to all of this traveling. We've been stuck in that hospital, and it's just…I'll be fine." She gave him a half-smile.

"C'mere," Sully urged. "Lay back." He moved Katie into the crook of his arm and Michaela rested her legs on the seats across from them. She lay back, resting her head in her husband's lap, and she closed her eyes. His hand brushed the hair out of her face, and then it found hers. He held his wife's hand and held his baby girl in his other arm.

Katie hiccupped, and Sully kissed her forehead. Yes, she was his; his and Michaela's. She had been a part of the family for a while now, and he already considered her his. She fit right in. They had become parents sooner than they had expected, but they both loved this little girl so much.

"Both my girls are sleepin'," Sully whispered, nuzzling Katie's cheek with his nose. She grunted and let out a yawn, temporarily opening her eyes. "No no, Kates. Go back to sleep. Your mama and me'll wake ya when we get home." Home. He couldn't wait to show his world to his family. He wanted to share it with them.

He had a little cradle all carved out for his firstborn child, and it would be the perfect size for Miss Katie. He couldn't wait to see the look in Michaela's eyes when he showed her their home. It was almost finished, and hopefully, if he felt well, it would be ready to move into by the end of the week. Furniture was on its way to Colorado Springs, and some would already be there when they arrived. Everything was falling into place after a horribly rough patch, and their new life was almost ready to begin.

* * *

Lydia sat at a table at Grace's, sipping water and listening quietly to a conversation between Myra Logan, Abagail and Grace. Myra was trying to keep her young daughter Samantha occupied, and Grace was going on about how she couldn't wait to meet the new lady doctor. Abagail was working on a few pieces for a quilt she was making. Lydia's mind was elsewhere, as her fingers traced patterns along her stomach on her nicest calico dress. She was thinking about Albert and the townsmen. They had all gathered out at the Sully house, all except for Hank, and they were taking in furniture that had arrived, and they were making the place look nice. They knew Sully wanted to do it all by himself, but after hearing of the train accident and all, they wanted to do something to help him out.

Sure, not everybody was a fan of Sully's, but they'd all talked each other into helping out, especially because they were quickly becoming grateful that Dr. Monroe's stay wasn't permanent. They'd liked the idea of having him around at first, but they had quickly learned that his disposition left something to be desired, and they were almost relieved that the clinic would have a woman's touch. They figured she wouldn't be arrogant and snide like Dr. Monroe. But, they were trying to be prepared for anything.

"You think she'll be surprised to see her clinic all fixed up?" Grace asked. She was looking at Lydia. Myra elbowed her.

"Hmm?"

"The clinic? Ya think she'll like it?"

"Oh. Yes, she'll love it," Lydia blushed.

"I bet she dresses real fancy," Myra said with a dreamy, wondering look in her eyes. "Bet she's got lots of fancy things."

"Well," Lydia said quietly, "I suppose so, yes." She had quickly adapted to wearing her plainest dresses, and she had even taken to altering a couple of her Boston dresses so she wouldn't look so out of place. But, with her expanding waistline, she was constantly figuring out new ways to convert her fancy dresses into casual, comfortable work dresses. "She's a lovely person."

"Well, Sully's a good man, so I'm sure she's real nice."

"She is," Abagail said with a smile. "She's been through a lot. They both have." Grace, Myra and Lydia looked at her curiously. Abagail's cheeks blushed. "I mean, the train wreck and everything…" Myra and Grace bought it, but Lydia didn't. "I'm going to go check on the store for Papa." Abagail stood quickly and left the café.

"Excuse me," Lydia said quickly. She stood as fast as she could and hurried after Abagail. She was amazed at how fast she could move in her current condition! "Abagail! Abagail, wait." Abagail froze in her tracks and turned toward Lydia. "What's happened?"

"Nothing," Abagail replied quickly.

"Don't even try that, Abagail," Lydia said sternly. "Michaela is a very good friend of mine, and I think I have the right to know if something is wrong. I want to help."

"She asked me not to tell," Abagail said quietly.

"I don't care. She's my friend, and I'm worried." Abagail sighed and nodded her head. She nodded toward the mercantile, and Lydia followed her there. Lydia shut the doors behind them when they were inside. "Tell me." Abagail realized just how serious Lydia was. Her gray eyes were shining blue, and she was wringing her hands on her skirt.

"She…she had a miscarriage," she said softly, looking down, her fingers playing with her wedding band. Lydia sucked in a sharp breath. She hadn't even known Michaela was pregnant. She moved her hands protectively to her stomach. "Please, don't act like you know. I'd feel just awful if…"

"I won't," Lydia said quietly. "Thank you for telling me." She walked out of the mercantile and leaned against the shut doors. She took a deep breath and shook her head. She hoped her friend would be able to confide in her, and she only hoped that her own pregnancy wouldn't cast a shadow over their blossoming friendship. She hoped that she could help Michaela through this, though she was sure the only person who could completely heal Michaela was Michaela.

* * *

Albert wiped his dusty hands on his pants and finished nailing up a loose board. They were putting the final touches on what Sully had left unfinished, and this house was turning into a home. Jake tossed a cigar out of an upstairs window and looked around.

"Ya don't think he's gonna mind, do ya? I mean, a man wants to build a home for himself."

"He did build it," Robert E. spoke up. "We're just getting it ready for 'im to move into. After a surgery and a long trip, I ain't sure he's gonna feel up to doin' this."

"Man's got his pride," Jake replied, lighting the tip of another cigar.

"Pride's a foolish man's burden," Robert E. said, sanding down a rough patch on the wall. "Sully knows it." Jake glanced at Albert.

"You gonna build a home for yourself and your wife?"

"Yes. I'm thinking of purchasing some land close to town. I'd feel better knowing we weren't out in the middle of nowhere."

"I ain't never getting married," Jake said with a laugh, taking a long puff. "Any woman who wants to settle down with me better know how to cook, clean and do what I say." Albert rolled his eyes.

"There are such things as compromises in a marriage."

"Ya let her pull the weight?"

"We share it," Albert said quickly.

"Well, I don't see no reason for marriage. All they do is end in somebody drinkin' himself to death, runnin' off or getting a divorce." Albert straightened up and felt himself starting to perspire. "I know a fella who got married to the woman of his dreams, and as soon as the ring was on her finger, she tried to change him. They got a divorce, she took off with his money and left him with nothin'."

"Excuse me," Albert said quickly. He left the room quickly, rushed down the stairs and made it out onto the front porch. He took out his pocket watch and checked the time. They'd be home soon.

Marriage. He loved it…now, and he admired Sully and Michaela for how they made their marriages work despite their different backgrounds. He and Lydia were a lot of like, which he loved more than anything. Lydia was the light of his life, the breath in his lungs and the beating of his heart, but she hadn't been the only woman in his life. He felt guilty. Not even she knew, and he feared that telling her now would put a strain on their marriage. He'd never thought to tell her, because they'd been so much in love.

He sighed, shaking his head. He should have told her before they were married, but he'd been so ashamed. A failed marriage was already behind him, and he was still a young man. He knew Lydia wouldn't have judged him, but now that they were married, he knew she would be angry. Divorce. What a horrible word it was. He'd been busy with his clients, and she had been busy with her book. He couldn't believe it had only been five years ago. Five years? It didn't seem like a long time in the scheme of things.

They'd met in New York, and they'd fallen madly in love, or so they had thought. But, during his stay in New York, he had been busy with clients, and she had been busy with her books. It had been a marriage that ended quickly without much argument at all. Mad love had turned into uneasy friendship, which had ended with a heartbreaking divorce. He'd wanted to start a family, but she hadn't been ready. She wanted to do things that he couldn't conceive of. She'd been too much for him, and he knew that now. She'd ended things, and he was grateful to her now. She'd left. She'd broken his heart, and he knew now, that it was the best thing that could have happened. Now he was married to the woman he loved more than life itself. All he had to do now was figure out a way to tell Lydia without hurting her. He wasn't sure if it was possible.

* * *

"Where is he?" Colleen asked as they drenched the flames in water as the afternoon wore on. "He should've been back hours ago." Matthew looked out to the horizon, but all he could see were fields and trees. Ethan was nowhere in sight, and Matthew didn't dare suggest that perhaps he wasn't coming back.

"I'll go look for 'im. Colleen, you and Brian stay in the barn. If anybody strange comes 'round, ya know what to do." Colleen nodded and pulled Brian close.

"Maybe Pa ran away," Brian suggested. "Ya think?"

"He's already done that. I think he's too tired to do it again." Matthew put on his hat and looked around the place. He found one of the oil lanterns and struck a match. He watched as the flame lit up the fire-licked, blackened windows on the small box, and when he was satisfied with the amount of light it was giving him, he nodded to the children.

"I'll be back 'fore nightfall."

"Then why're you carryin' that?" Brian asked.

"Just in case. Sometimes people don't do the things they mean to. Sometimes they gotta break their promises." He felt guilty for saying that, because he knew his words had a big impact on Brian. Unfortunately, he couldn't take it back. "Don't worry. I'll be home sooner than ya think." He started off with the lantern and a canteen, and he felt his brother and sister staring at him as he headed off toward town.

* * *

"Michaela," Sully whispered as the stagecoach turned onto the dusty road that stretched into town. Michaela opened her eyes to see that the haze of the afternoon had flooded the stagecoach and had settled in around them.

"Hmm?" she asked, sitting up and yawning.

"Look outside," he said, a smile spreading over his face. Michaela blinked and stuck her head out of the window. All she could see for miles were trees, hills and mountains. She looked up to see two hawks flying together, circling one another. A deer poked his head out of a thicket, heard the rumbling of the horse hooves and darted back into the woods. Michaela smiled and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the pine and honeysuckle. "We're almost home." Michaela nodded.

"Yes," she breathed. She looked at Sully, and she smiled when she saw Katie sleeping against his chest, her little cheek resting against his shoulder. Michaela bit her bottom lip and slid the baby into her arms. Katie woke for only a moment and relaxed, molding herself against her new mother's bosom. "Look, Katie. We're almost home." She nuzzled the baby's cheek with her nose, and Katie yawned in her sleep. Sully watched his girls together, and his heart swelled with pride. Michaela was definitely made to be a mother, a teacher, a doctor, a wife, a lover…She was everything.

The stagecoach rattled into town, and Michaela's olive and hazel eyes flashed with amazement as she looked at all of the simple, wooden storefronts. The people were dressed in casual work clothes, and the children ran around in patched trousers and dresses. The smile grew brighter on her face, and she held little Katie up.

"Look, Katie. This is our new home." Sully reached over and put his hand on her shoulder, and she looked at him, her eyes glistening.

"You're happy?"

"Very," she whispered. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips, and she sighed against them. When they pulled back, Katie let out a grunt, and they laughed together. Despite the unsettled feeling in her stomach, she was happy. She was with her husband and little Katie, and she only briefly wondered if she was being foolish for wanting and having so much. He'd given her everything, Sully had. He'd given her a marriage, a child, a home and a place where she was needed. True, their child was gone, but they had Katie to look after, and she was just as much theirs as if she were their own child. "I only wish…our baby was here to see it." Her eyes welled with tears, and Sully pulled her close.

"He sees it," he whispered. "He sees what we see." Michaela nodded, letting her heart feel free for a moment. When the stagecoach came to a stop, Michaela immediately spotted Albert, Lydia, Abagail and Loren Bray. She waved to them, and Albert rushed to the front of the crowd. Sully opened the door and got out first, and Michaela handed Katie down to them. People whispered to one another, waiting to see the new lady doctor. Albert reached up for her hand, and she took it. The townsfolk were amazed that she wasn't wearing fancy white gloves, and the ladies marveled at the smooth paleness of her skin. Albert moved an arm around her waist and held her out. Her boots plopped into the dirt, sending it swirling up her skirt. She smiled at her friend and greeted him with a happy hug.

"Albert! It's good to see you."

"I'm glad you made it," he whispered, pulling out of the hug and kissing her cheek. He moved to Sully, and they shook hands warmly. Lydia rushed over to Michaela as Dr. Monroe climbed into the carriage without a word.

"Michaela!"

"Lydia," she smiled, trying to hide the fact that she was slightly jealous of Lydia's protruding belly. They greeted each other with a friendly hug, and Sully, after handing the baby to Michaela, helped Albert pull down their luggage.

"What a sweet baby!" Lydia exclaimed with confusion. "Who's is she?"

"Charlotte Cooper's," Michaela said softly. "We couldn't let her go to an orphanage," Michaela explained.

"That's very noble of you," Lydia said, looping her arm through Michaela's."

"No. We had to. She became our daughter," Michaela breathed. "I'm not sure how to explain it."

"You don't have to. Loving a child is an amazing feeling. I love mine with all of my heart, and it's not even here yet." Her voice faltered for a moment, and she felt guilty. Michaela noticed it, and Lydia tried to smooth it over. She wasn't supposed to know, and she couldn't let on that she did. Michaela would tell her in time. She was sure of it.

Lydia led Michaela and Katie out of the crowd, and several pair of eyes followed them. Some were friendly and inviting, while others were dark, questioning and intolerant. Michaela tucked Katie close to her and looked behind her, searching for Sully, but he was lost in the crowd, and Lydia was pulling her further away. Katie began to fuss during the commotion, and Lydia quickly led Michaela into the clinic.

"What is this place?" Michaela asked, not focusing on her surroundings but on the tiny child in her arms.

"Your office," Lydia grinned. Michaela's head snapped up, and she looked around. An examination table sat in the center of the room, her oak desk from Boston was in the corner, shelves lined the wall, cabinets held fresh linens, and crates of medical supplies were stacked upon the floor. Lydia pointed to the papers on the exam table, and Michaela moved over to them. "Mr. Bing left them for you to sign. He'll come back later to pick them up." Michaela placed Katie down on the table and swaddled her. She carried the papers over to her desk and opened the curtains to let the sunlight filter in. Lydia went around doing the same, and she watched as Michaela signed the papers.

"It's mine," Michaela said with a hint of surprise in her voice. She had a clinic of her very own now, and all she needed were patients to fill it. She heard Katie cry out, and she put the papers away and moved to care of her. "That's right, Miss Katie."

"Katie?" Lydia asked.

"Her mother named her Katherine," Michaela said with a smile. "Katherine Elizabeth Cooper."

"You're going to adopt her, aren't you?" Lydia wondered. Michaela looked at the child in her arms, and she smiled a little.

"We haven't worked all of that out, but I suppose we will. We want to give her a good home; a good life." Lydia smiled.

"She's a lucky little girl." Michaela shook her head.

"We're the lucky ones." Michaela bent down and pressed a kiss to Katie's forehead, and she turned to Lydia. "How are you? Any complications?"

"I'm just fine," Lydia said with a smile. "Luckily, I didn't have to set foot anywhere near Dr. Monroe," she said with a look of disgust in her eyes. "He's a very frustrating individual." Michaela chuckled and nodded her head. At that moment, the door burst open, and Sully came in with Albert. Michaela rushed to help them with the luggage.

"We've got it," Sully said quickly, wanting her to rest. She'd been through a lot, but so had he, so Albert was taking on most of the items.

"You should rest too," she whispered, kissing him upon the cheek.

"We got plenty of time for restin'," he replied. "But I got too much to show ya. I'll get our wagon from Robert E."

"Our wagon?" Sully nodded and winked at her.

"We gotta have a wagon now that we got a family, don't we?" Michaela smiled happily and gave him another quick kiss. She and Lydia watched as the men took the items upstairs to drop them off. She turned back to Lydia.

"How was your trip?" Lydia wondered.

"Long," Michaela laughed. "Luckily, Katie slept through it all."

"That's impressive for such a young little girl." Lydia moved toward Katie. "May I?" Michaela smiled and watched Lydia scoop the baby up into her arms. "Hello, sweet girl. You sure are lucky to have such a good mother and father. Yes you are." Katie gurgled, and Michaela laughed aloud. She felt happy, completely happy for the first time in a long time. She realized that she hadn't thought about the miscarriage in the past ten minutes, and that reminder set a frown upon her lips. "Michaela?" Michaela suddenly felt guilty for letting herself forget for even a moment. Her heart broke into tinier pieces, and she shook her head.

"Excuse me," she breathed. She moved into the side room, closing the door behind herself. She found a chair in the corner and sat down, burying her face in her hands. Her tears flowed with great ease, the dried tears before them leading them down invisible paths. She bit her trembling lip, but a sob escaped, and she heard the doorknob turning. She let the loose strands of hair fall into her face, and she sobbed with unabashed mourning. She didn't care if anyone saw her cry right now. She felt selfish for wanting to hide her sorrow from the world. She had been pregnant. She'd lost the baby. She felt guilty for her unborn child's death. Now what?

"Michaela," Lydia whispered, slowly sliding into the room without Katie in her arms. She kept the door cracked open a little, and she moved to kneel beside Michaela's chair. She took Michaela's hands in hers. "It's all right. I know."

"You…you know?" Michaela asked, sucking in a sharp breath through her nose.

"Don't be angry with her, Michaela. I made Abagail tell me, because I was worried about you. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Michaela whispered. "I didn't know for very long, but I was so worried about…about Sully and Charlotte. Then Charlotte died, and I had Katie to look after. Sully…I was so scared that I would lose him." She pulled her hands away from Lydia's and dried her own tears. "I was running too fast and too hard to stop. Everything was spinning, and I couldn't control it. I feel…"

"Yes?"

"I feel…I don't know what I feel. I'm angry," she breathed. She shook her head and stood up. "I'm not ready."

"I know," Lydia whispered. "When you're ready, talk to him. Listen to him. Make him listen to you." Michaela nodded her head and embraced Lydia fully.

"Thank you. Thank you for being here."

"I'll always be here," Lydia promised. They pulled apart and straightened up. Lydia brushed the loose hairs out of Michaela's face, smiling sadly. She was happy that Michaela had let herself be vulnerable and grieve. She didn't know her as well as some did, but from what she knew so far, Michaela was one who could take a lot of pain and carry it on her shoulders for a long time. She was happy that she could be there for her. She was grateful that Michaela had a wonderful husband to support her in the times she needed support the most. "Come on. Let's go see what those husbands of ours are doing." Michaela smiled and nodded her head before following Lydia out of the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Michaela had dried her tears hours ago, but Sully knew she'd been crying. He could see it in her eyes, the way her mouth quivered every time a distant look came upon her face and the way her hands wrung around one another when they weren't being kept busy by little Katie. She was a wreck on the inside, and he knew she was thinking about the baby they'd lost. He knew that she was trying so hard to have a good time on their first day in Colorado Springs, but pretending wasn't the best way to go about it.

It was late, and most of the folks in town had gone home. Jake had stuck around long enough to make a brief assumption of what Michaela Quinn-Sully was really like. He quickly assumed that though she seemed nice enough, any woman strong enough to tame the heart of a "wild man" and fight for her freedom to be a doctor was tough as nails. So, he'd gone to the saloon to have drinks with Hank, and though Loren had stuck around with Abagail and Martin, he'd gone to play a few rounds of poker. Grace and Robert E. had brought dinner, and Michaela and Sully had invited as many people as they could to share the evening with them. Myra, Horace, Albert and Lydia had accepted too, and they'd all sat around having a decent conversation, though Sully had the feeling that Horace was more interested in conversing with Myra.

Michaela hadn't had much of an appetite, and the only one who noticed it had been Sully. He'd kept his eye on her most of the night. She'd smiled, laughed, and she had made quite an impression on the folks in that town. Sully knew she was sad though, but little Katie always made her smile, and when she looked into his eyes, her face brightened. He was happy that he could make her feel better, but that didn't stop him from worrying.

"Sully," Albert said, closing the door after the last guest had left, "we ran into Cloud Dancing this afternoon." Sully looked up with surprise.

"In town?" Albert and Lydia looked at one another sheepishly.

"Actually, no. Out at the new homestead." Sully raised an eyebrow.

"What were ya doin' out there?" Albert cleared his throat and settled back down at the table.

"It was going to be a surprise, but I suppose there's no need for that now." Sully shifted in his chair and waited for Albert to continue. "Well, a lot things for the house came in this week, and we took them out there. Well, you left a list of things you still had left to do: some sanding, a few boards to put in place and a few things in the barn…"

"Albert? What are ya sayin'?"

"Well," Albert hesitated, "we…we did those things, and we took the stuff to the house." Sully sighed.

"I'm grateful, Albert, but I wish ya woulda waited for me. I wanted to…"

"You built the house, Sully. We wanted to do something for you. We were grateful for you bringing us along with you and Michaela, and we went to clean up, and I thought it might be nice if you didn't have to do much when you came back. You'd been in the hospital and in a coma for goodness sakes." Sully chuckled a little and shook his head. He glanced over at Michaela, who was completely consumed with Katie, feeding her from a bottle she'd purchased from a store in Denver.

"Please don't be too upset with him," Lydia said softly, "it wasn't just his idea. Many of the men in town helped out. I would have too, but Albert insisted that I rest." Albert took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm not. I just wish I coulda been here."

"You couldn't help it. We wanted to do something nice for you, so we did."

"I don't know what to say."

"Just say 'thank you,'" Albert laughed. Sully nodded and chuckled.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

"Don't mention it," Albert replied. This elicited laughter throughout the room, and Michaela looked up, only becoming coherent to the conversation after such a thunderous laughter. She pretended that she'd heard whatever had been said, and she smiled as Albert and Lydia said goodnight. Sully watched Albert and Lydia retreat up the stairs to their room, and she shut the door. He turned toward Michaela and moved across the room. She looked up, her happy façade quickly disappearing, as she put Katie's bottle aside.

"Katie's sleepin'," Sully whispered. "I'll take her up to bed."

"No, I can do it," Michaela said, starting to stand.

"Take it easy," Sully said softly. "It's been a rough day."

"I'm not going to break, Sully."

"Please?"

"You should be resting too."

"I feel just fine. 'Sides, I think it's 'bout time for us to turn in too. We've got lots to do tomorrow. I wanna show ya the homestead, I want ya to meet Cloud Dancin', and I want ya to meet Wolf. Maybe I'll take ya to Willow Creek for a picnic." Michaela smiled for a moment. "Or is that too much?"

"Sully, I don't know why you're so worried about me. Honestly, I feel fine. You're the one I'm worried about." Sully bent down and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"I'll be right back." He carried Katie upstairs to put her down for the night. Michaela stood, wringing her fists on her skirt. She paced about, blowing out the candles and dimming the lanterns so she could have a little light when Sully returned. She moved toward her desk and settled down in her chair. She closed her eyes, feeling a wave of nausea passing over her. She shook her head. She wasn't sure why she was feeling this way. Perhaps her soul hadn't yet purged the child she had been carrying. Perhaps she was in an adjustment period. She'd never gone through this before.

She was so lost in thought that she jumped and spun around when she felt Sully's hands on her shoulders.

"Michaela? What's wrong?"

"I'm just…tired," she said, looking away. Sully tilted her chin and made her look at him.

"That might be true, but that ain't what's wrong. Maybe I ought to get ya back to Denver and have Dr. Bernard examine ya again. Maybe there was a complication…"

"A complication?" Michaela asked. "I would say so, Sully! We lost our baby." Sully looked down.

"I didn't mean it to sound…" He took a deep breath and took his wife's hands in his. "What happened was somethin' neither one of us are gonna forget, but if you're still feelin' poorly after a week, maybe ya need to see a doctor again."

"I'll be fine, Sully. I don't think every part of me has fully accepted the loss yet." The tears were ebbing again, and Michaela didn't want them to spill over, but it was too late. Sully cupped her cheek in his hand and brushed the tears away. "I'm sorry, Sully. I'm sorry I lost our baby."

"C'mere," he whispered, pulling her into his arms. She practically collapsed against him, holding him tightly for dear life. "How many times do I gotta tell ya that nobody blames ya for this?"

"I do," she replied. Sully kissed the top of her head.

"Stop doin' that, Michaela. You of all people gotta know it wasn't your fault. As a doctor, ya gotta know it."

"As a doctor, I know the truth, but as a mother…" She shook her head and sighed heavily. "A part of me is always going to blame myself."

"I know," he breathed. "But, things are gonna heal in time. There'll be scars, but those are just reminders of the past. We'll move on, Michaela. We gotta do it for ourselves, for each other, for Katie…and for the baby we lost." Michaela pulled back a little.

"Yes, I know, but Sully…"

"But what?"

"What if…what if it happens again? What if we can't have children?" Sully creased his brow.

"What makes ya say that?"

"It's been known to happen. Some women can't…carry to full term."

"That ain't gonna happen to us."

"But, Sully.."

"No buts, Michaela," he said certainly. "We can do anything as long as we put our minds to it." Michaela nodded.

"I believe that," she breathed, "but I'm not sure if I should accept it, just in case." She swallowed hard. "It's getting late."

"It is," Sully replied quietly. "We ain't gonna solve this all in one night. We're gonna take it a step at a time. Day by day, month by month…the pain's probably still gonna be there, but it's gonna get easier." Michaela smiled a little.

"Yes," she breathed. "I'm lucky to have you, Sully. I'm not sure what I would have done if you hadn't been awake…"

"Ya woulda gotten through it, but I never woulda been able to forgive myself."

"It's nothing you could have prevented," Michaela replied. Sully placed his hands on Michaela's waist.

"And that's what I've been tellin' ya about the miscarriage."

"I could have…" He shushed her with a simple kiss.

"No use to wonder what we could've done. That's the past. We gotta look forward now." He moved toward the door and held out his hand. "Ya ready to start?" Michaela swallowed hard and placed her hand on her still-nauseated stomach.

"I can try," she whispered. Sully smiled as her hand fit into his, and they walked upstairs to sleep away their first night in Colorado Springs together.

* * *

Lydia stood in front of a wall mirror and twisted her long black hair into a single braid. Albert had long-since thrown his clothes over a rocking chair and crawled under the covers. But, he wasn't sleeping. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and his entire form looked tense. Lydia watched him; studied him as she put her hair into a braid.

"I can turn the lamps down if they're keeping you awake," she said, feeling a swift kick from her child. "I have a feeling I'll be up for a while, so I might sit out on the balcony."

"No, I'm fine," Albert said quietly, sitting up in bed and resting his back against the headboard. "I'm just thinking." She tied the bottom of her braid and turned toward the bed, rubbing her stomach through her gown.

"What about?" She climbed into bed beside him, pushing the covers away. It was too warm for those. Albert looked at her for a moment, noticing the way her eyes searched his as his searched hers. They tended to do that a lot, and they would spend countless minutes without words, wondering what to make of the other person's thoughts.

Her lips curled into a smile, and she settled down against the headboard with him.

"I bet I can guess." Albert smiled a little and reached over to rub her belly.

"Can you?" She nodded.

"I bet you're thinking about how wonderful Colorado Springs is and how happy you feel that we're here together. Our family is right here in this bed, and nothing and nobody is going to harm us." Albert swallowed the guilty lump in his throat. He couldn't break her heart right now.

"You read my mind," he whispered, giving her a sweet kiss. "Let's get some sleep." Lydia laughed.

"Ha! Sleep? I don't think this little one realizes that people sleep at night. I swear, he sleeps all day and is up all night.."

"Just try to rest," Albert said with a grin. "Before you know it, he'll be screaming for attention at all hours of the night. I suppose we should enjoy the quiet while it's here." They scooted down into the bed, and Lydia propped her head up on two pillows. It was uncomfortable, but any position was these days. Albert watched as she adjusted, and he lost the nerve to tell her about his past. He couldn't hurt her. He loved her too much to ever want to intentionally hurt or upset her, but she deserved to know. He would tell her soon. Right now, he was going to hold his wife and go to sleep and dream about the future, not the past.

* * *

Julianna stepped out onto the sidewalk, grateful for some fresh air from the stuffy hotel room she had been staying in. She had her novel in one hand and a dried up pen in the other. She had been writing furiously since she had arrived in Topeka, her muse screaming at her after seeing the stranger from the train again.

She looked up at the sky, and it was clouding over. She sighed. So much for getting some fresh air. Perhaps it was for the best, anyway, because it was dark. But, Julianna loved taking strolls in the dark. It was a time of day when the world stopped moving for just a few minutes. Her part of the world was mostly asleep, and she was free to see the world for what it truly was in its darkness. Of course, she knew it wasn't the healthiest view to have, but it was her view, and she used that darkness as a back theme in her novel. A few years ago, her novels had been happy and romantic. She knew better than to believe that love-at-first-sight nonsense, because it never worked. Well, maybe it worked for some people, but not for Julianna Garavaldi.

A young boy of about twelve ran by, almost knocking her off of her feet. She dropped her journal and pen, and he ran by laughing.

"Sorry!" he smirked as another boy quickly followed in hot pursuit. Julianna sighed and scooped down to pick them up, but two strong hands reached the items before she could. He straightened up, and she looked up to see the strange man from the train, the one she'd become so fascinated with.

"Hi," she said quietly, standing up straight and smoothing out her skirt. David tensed up a little, and he quickly handed her the items he'd picked up. "Thank you." David nodded. "You disappeared so quickly earlier. I wondered if you were even real." She laughed a little and felt like a fool.

"I had something to take care of," he said blankly, his uncovered eye still and glassy.

"Oh. Well, thanks again." He simply nodded and started to walk away. "Wait!" He didn't stop, but he seemed to walk faster. She sighed heavily. "Won't you even tell me your name?" David stopped, thought for a moment, and his entire stature seemed to change. It seemed as if some kind of darkness had lifted from his shoulders. He turned loosely. It was as if he'd woken from a deep trance.

"Andrew Strauss," he replied. Something about him was different. He look in his good eye wasn't dark anymore. It was friendly and charming, and that worried her. She stepped closer in the night.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Strauss," she said, extending her hand. "I'm Julianna Garavaldi." Andrew apprehensively took her hand, gave it a quick shake and pulled away. "I'm not going to bite. We met on the train."

"Train?" he asked. "What train?" He truly seemed to have forgotten all about her. "I've never met you before." She laughed a little.

"All right, if you don't want to speak to me, just say so. You don't have to pretend that I'm an idiot." She turned around and stalked off, but he followed her this time.

"I'm not myself today," he said quietly. "I apologize."

"It's quite all right, Mr. Strauss." She paused and turned to face him. "You seem different."

"You hardly know me."

"You seemed…"

"I seemed?"

"You seemed to be afraid of me earlier." Andrew shook his head. He looked into her eyes. This was who he wanted to be. He wondered if he could control it long enough to be happy for a few moments.

"Afraid? No. I…" Julianna looked up at the moon.

"It's getting late."

"Walk with me," he said quietly.

"Mr. Strauss," she said quickly, "like you said, I barely know you, and…"

"Well, we won't fix that if we don't take a walk." Julianna sighed heavily. He did have a point, but she wasn't so sure she wanted to get to know him, even though, in her mind, he was the man she thought about when she wrote her book. It wasn't healthy, but every character needed a face. Mr. Strauss' face just happened to be the one she saw when she wrote her main character. "I noticed a small café opened on the corner. Would you like a cup of coffee?" Julianna thought for a moment, gripping her journal so hard in her hand that she thought her fingers might break off. "You seem to be on edge."

"I'm fine," she said with a shrug. She straightened her posture and looked into his eyes. This was the same man she'd seen on the train, yet at the same time, he was someone else. He seemed brighter and more alive. She wasn't sure if she liked this side of him better than before. The original seemed more natural. But, maybe he was nervous. Maybe he just wanted someone to talk to. What if he was lonely? She was lonely too, and she couldn't deny herself the pleasure of having someone else to talk to, could she? It wasn't healthy to live life alone, after all. Sometimes she hated herself for reading and thinking too much. She knew way too much about life, love, loss and anger, and she knew that it was to her advantage to strike up a conversation with this mysterious Mr. Strauss. "Coffee sounds fine." She clutched her journal close to her, and her pen slipped around inside of her sweaty grasp.

* * *

_She was running faster and faster through the darkness. She wasn't sure how she'd gotten there, but she was terrified. How could she be back there? She could smell the waste that lined the dark cracks and corners in the alley. She could hear the stray cats hissing and scratching at their next meals. She could hear the screams of women being taken advantage of in their own homes. She could hear children crying and begging for mercy. How could this be Boston? It had always been safe…until David._

_He was chasing her, and she couldn't scream. The urge bubbled in her throat but couldn't break past the barrier of her wide-open lips. Her screams were animated and silent, and she could hear his steps growing nearer. She wanted to cry out or reach for something to defend herself with, but the walls were growing farther apart, and there was no light at the end._

_"If you scream, you'll be sorry," he snarled, pulling her close, his hand on her rounded stomach. She felt pain as his fingers dug into her, and she tried to fight him off. Her silent screams were replaced by the wailing of an unborn child. It cut through the air like a knife, and her head spun as she hit the ground._

_"No David," she mouthed, silence filling the blackness of the alley. He crawled over her, crushing her child under his weight. _

_"I told you I'd make you see," he replied, biting into her flesh. Hot tears rolled down her face and slipped into her hair. Her heart was pounding, and she couldn't breathe. Pain overtook her. "He doesn't love you the way I love you. I'll make you see it. I'll make you feel it."_

"No!" she exclaimed hoarsely, sitting up in bed, her body and hair drenched in sweat. Sully felt her stir and heard her crying, and he sat up next to her.

"Michaela!" He touched her back, and she drew away, pulling the hot, heavy covers around her body. "Michaela, it's me. It's Sully."

"No! No!" she sobbed into her hands.

"It was a dream. Whatever it was, it's over now," he soothed, reaching to touch her again. She flinched, but she grew used to his touch, and she fell back into his arms, clinging to him and burying her sobs into his neck to keep from waking the baby.

"It was David. He…the baby. David was…" Sully leaned over and struck a match, lighting the lamp beside their bed. He climbed out of bed and moved to Michaela's side, kneeling down before her. He took her hands in his.

"It was just a dream, Michaela. David's locked up where he belongs, all right?"

"I don't know," Michaela breathed. "I don't think so. Something tells me it isn't over yet." Sully softly kissed the back of her hand.

"Ya fret too much is all. Don't worry. David ain't ever gonna hurt us again." Michaela was still trembling, and Sully stood. "I'll go make ya some tea." Michaela nodded and watched him walk away. She hurried over to the bed that Sully had brought in for Katie. The little one was sleeping peacefully, the moonlight trickling in and caressing her soft face. Michaela tucked her blanket snugly around her and smiled. She moved toward the balcony doors and threw them open. She walked out and leaned against the railing of the upstairs porch. She looked at the slumbering town and sighed. It was too bad they had to sleep at night. Colorado Springs was beautiful under the moonlight.

She looked toward the house near the mercantile where Abagail and Martin lived. She noticed a light on upstairs, and she could see Abagail sitting in a rocking chair, staring out the window. She backed up into a dark corner, hoping Abagail wouldn't see her. She couldn't help but notice how sad the young woman looked, even from so far away. She could see a form lying under a blanket on the bed behind her, and she concluded that it was Martin. Martin and Abagail were still practically newlyweds, and Michaela hadn't thought that one would sleep while the other sat up staring out the window late at night. It was a beautiful portrait, but it was sad, because this was real life.

Katie began to fuss, so Michaela hurried back in and shut the balcony doors. She picked the little girl up into her arms and carried her to the bed. She knew Katie wasn't hungry, because she had given her a bottle shortly before putting her down.

"You just want to be held, don't you?" Michaela asked. "Well, I'll hold you forever if you want. You're too precious to ever let go of." Sully walked into the room with a hot cup of tea, and Michaela smiled at him. They carefully exchanged the baby and the tea cup, and soon, Sully was rocking Katie back to sleep. Michaela sipped at the tea and sighed softly. "Chamomile." Sully nodded.

"Feelin' better?"

"A little. Thank you," she breathed. She took a deep breath and set the cup aside to cool. "That dream took me back to the night that David tried to…"

"The night he tried to rape you?" Sully concluded, the sentence spilling from his lips like hot venom. Michaela nodded, folding her hands in her lap. "That's nothin' to be ashamed of, Michaela."

"I know. It's just difficult to talk about." Sully nodded in understanding. Michaela took a shaky breath.

"It was so, so real, Sully. I was pregnant, and he…he…"

"Take your time. Ya don't gotta talk about it now, if ya don't want to." She nodded.

"Yes I do. There is so much to talk about, but no matter how much I think about it or talk about it, it's never going to take away the memory. It's always going to weigh down on me."

"It might," Sully whispered, "but you're not gonna have to go through it alone. I'll always be here, no matter how hard ya push me away. I love ya, Michaela, and I'm here forever. You'll never have to go through it alone." Michaela smiled gratefully.

"I know," she breathed. "Promise me you'll never give in if I push you away."

"I promise," he replied. "Remember, we're both just as stubborn as the other."

"I think that's a good thing in this case," she replied. Sully got out of bed and put Katie back to bed. Michaela watched him carefully, and once she was satisfied that her little girl was comfortable, she settled back into bed and waited for Sully to join her. When he did, they pulled each other close and fell asleep, holding onto one another as they hoped to do for the rest of their lives.

* * *

Matthew blew hot air into his hands, as he rested against a large pine tree. He should have been back to the farm hours ago, but he'd scoured the fields from there to Topeka, and so far, there's been no sign of Ethan. Maybe he'd boarded and skipped town. Matthew wouldn't have been surprised.

An owl hooted in the distance, and the breeze grew surprisingly chilly, especially for a late-August evening. He felt guilty for leaving his little brother and sister alone at the farm, but he'd checked in a little earlier and made sure Ethan hadn't come back. He hadn't, and he was determined to find his father, wherever he might be. His head kept telling him to stop wasting his time, however, and he honestly wondered why he was worried about a man who had only caused pain for his entire family.

"What are you doing out here at a time like this?" Matthew grabbed his lantern and spun around quickly. A man dressed in uniform was riding a gallant stallion down a lonely trail.

"Lookin' for my pa, Sir," Matthew replied.

"What's your name, son?"

"Matthew Cooper, Sir," he replied respectively.

"I'm Sergeant Terrance McKay," the man replied. "I'm on my way to join my troops, but I've got some time. Do you need any help?"

"Yes Sir," Matthew said quietly. "My little brother and sister are gonna be worried."

"Well, let's start looking, and if we don't find your pa in an hour, I'll take you home, and you can spend all of tomorrow looking." Matthew nodded.

"He's probably passed out drunk somewhere," he said to himself. Sergeant McKay helped him up onto the horse, and they rode off in search of Ethan Cooper.


	10. Chapter 10

_This chapter contains a mildly graphic sexual encounter between two married, consenting adults. So, this chapter is rated, "Not for Kiddes."_

**Chapter Ten**

Sergeant McKay had helped Matthew search for Ethan, but eventually, the night grew too late, and he had to be moving on. So, he took Matthew to the farm, dropped him off and went about his way. Matthew thanked the kind man and fell asleep in the hay at the back of the barn. It was morning now, and Matthew was wide-awake, sitting outside around the fire he'd made to cook breakfast on.

"Matthew?" Brian climbed out of the hayloft when he saw his brother outside. "Matthew!" Brian took a few steps down the ladder and jumped the rest of the way, landing in a soft pile of fresh hay. Colleen followed suit, and they hurried out to gather next to their brother. Matthew scooped fish out onto flimsy tin plates and handed them around.

"Ya didn't find 'im, did ya?" Colleen asked, her eyes lowering to her food.

"I'm gonna go look again today."

"I'm goin' too," Brian said.

"Me too," Colleen replied.

"No! It's no place for the two of ya."

"So? You ain't much older."

"I'm the man of the house right now, so ya gotta do what I say," Matthew replied. "If we don't find Pa today, he ain't comin' back. If that happens, we're gonna do what we can to get back to Denver and get our sister."

"How we gonna do that?" Brian wondered, chewing on his thumbnail. "We ain't got no money."

"We'll find a way," Matthew promised. At that moment, the beating of horse hooves sounded around the barn, and Matthew stood with his brother and sister. They were shocked to see the uniformed man upon his stallion. "Sergeant McKay? What're you still doin' here?" He looked down at the three with worry and sympathy in his eyes. He slowly opened his mouth to speak.

"I think I might've found your pa."

* * *

Julianna woke in her hotel room, her head full of memories of the night before. She frowned as she pulled herself out of bed and wrapped her gown around herself tightly. She looked at the clock and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. She'd catch the train in three hours, if it was up and running, and she'd head toward Colorado Springs. She hadn't intended to go there, but she had heard how beautiful it was, and she wanted to see it for herself. Perhaps she would sit in a meadow and stare up at the well-known Pike's Peak for inspiration.

Her thoughts drifted to Andrew. He had been talkative and lively throughout their coffee conversation the night before, but he seemed to shut down as the night grew later. He hadn't even offered to walk her back to the hotel, and they had parted ways at the gate of the café. She didn't know what to make of him, but she was still intrigued. He reminded her so much of the man in her book who suffered from a mental disease that separated his mind into multiple personalities. But Andrew couldn't be the man she was writing about, could he? Perhaps it was her own mind that picked apart everything and everybody. She figured that she was thinking too much about it.

She hadn't found out anything about the mysterious stranger except for his name and the fact that he came from California, and on this morning, he was still a stranger to her. She felt cold, distant and confused. At that moment, she heard movement outside of her hotel room door, and she saw an envelope slip under the crack between the floor and the bottom of the door. She held her breath and slowly moved across the room. She bent down slowly and picked it up. Her name was scrawled across the front of the envelope. She opened it up and took out the note. She silently read it to herself.

_Julianna,_

_Meet me at ten for coffee._

He hadn't even signed his name, and that made her smile, because he had known she'd know who it was from. He made her nervous, but he made her heart pound, and that had to be something, right? She was tired of normal, simple gentlemen. She wanted someone different, someone who could continue to surprise her everyday.

She would probably never see him again, so should she go? She figured it would be foolish, but something about the way he looked into her eyes and saw right into her soul made her want to go. She looked up at the clock. She had an hour. She tapped her fingers upon the oak desk and read the note over and over again. She shook her head. It was no use taking a chance on a man who had obvious problems that she may never be able to help with. It was no use going into another relationship with such an uncertain future. She had learned her lesson. Love wasn't part of the plan any longer. She had a novel to finish, but something told her that this man was a part of her novel. He was turning into the man she'd dreamed up long ago. That was supposed to frighten her, but surprisingly, it didn't. It made him even more fascinating.

Julianna moved back toward the door, and she opened it up. Nobody was there, and she had figured he wouldn't be. She swallowed hard and went back inside, closing out the world. Her heart skipped and pounded, and she wasn't sure if she was going to make it to her bureau to put on a decent dress. She couldn't risk being late for her train either. No, this was no good. She wouldn't meet him. But what would she tell him if he took the same train as she did?

She wouldn't catch that train. She would take an earlier one. She'd leave first and ride away from him forever, because love wasn't worth the heartbreak, the pain, the broken friendships or the time. She'd wasted so much time trying to be a good wife, but she hadn't been. He'd tried hard to make it work too, and even though they were friends, it hadn't been enough to make a happy home. She wasn't supposed to be loved.

She found herself trembling, and she took in a deep breath. She moved to the desk and opened up her journal again.

I'll take the early train and avoid meeting him again. I want to see him, but I've learned my lesson time and time again. I wasn't born to be a lover, a wife, a mother or anything of the sort. I was born to be a writer, to learn and to teach the world what they don't know about me through my words. How can I let a stranger get to me the way he has? There is something dark in his soul, but I've responded to it. I hate myself for it, because I know it's foolish. He's certainly not the kind of man my mother would have chosen for me to marry. I had that man once, but that didn't work out. I broke his heart, and he broke mine when I had to watch him try to make it work. We didn't know we could do so much damage by not saying anything at all. Mr. Strauss was kind to me, but I don't think that's who he really is. My soul is yearning to learn more about him. Perhaps…perhaps I'll learn about him from a distance.

She closed her journal and quickly packed it away. Her eyes were on the clock as she dressed and fixed her hair. It was a quarter 'til ten by the time she left the hotel with her luggage in tow. She walked right past the café and straight toward the depot.

* * *

Albert had gotten an early start that morning. He'd woken at sunrise, and he had slipped out before Lydia could wake. He hadn't slept at all, and he wanted to take his mind off of telling Lydia about his past. But, she had woken not long ago, dressed and gone down to the telegraph office to see if there were any packages for her. Albert was chopping wood for Michaela and Sully. They were still sleeping, as far as he knew, and he wanted them to get the chance to rest as much as possible. He had to tell her, but now wasn't the time. It didn't feel right, but then again, it would probably never feel right.

"Albert!" Lydia said with a grin as she hurried down the street toward the clinic. "Great news!"

"What is it?" Albert asked, moving toward his wife, seeing the piece of paper in her hands.

"My cousin is coming for a visit."

"Your cousin?"

"Yes! He's my cousin from California, and you're going to love him!" Albert laughed a little and kissed her cheek. "Oh, I can't wait for him to meet you, but I must warn you that he's very protective of me. He was like a big brother to me when we were growing up."  
"What happened?"

"His family moved away, and I haven't seen him since I was ten or so. I can't wait to see him again. Oh, Albert, I'm so excited!" Albert chuckled at his wife's excitement, and he kissed her lovingly.

"If he's half as wonderful as you, I bet we're going to be good friends. What's his name?" Lydia blushed.

"In all of my excitement, I forgot to tell you! His name is Andrew Strauss."

* * *

Katie woke her parents with a loud shriek, and Michaela sat up, her heart pounding and her eyes wide. Sully sat up too, when he realized that Katie was up, and he quickly pulled himself out of bed. He pulled Katie into his arms and immediately handed her to her mother.

"I'll go fix her a bottle," he offered. Michaela nodded gratefully and watched as Sully left the room. Michaela pulled a fresh diaper out of the bedside table and began to change Katie. Katie squirmed and kicked and cried herself to sleep, and by the time she was in a fresh diaper, she was sleeping away. Sully entered with a warm bottle, and Michaela laughed.

"Too late," she grinned, "but I'm sure she'll feel hungry soon." Sully smiled and put the bottle aside. He pulled Michaela close, and they greeted each other with a good morning kiss.

"Mornin'. How ya feelin'?"

"Wonderful, actually. After I went back to sleep, I was so relaxed," she breathed. "Thank you for being there for me last night."

"I'll always be here," he promised. Sully heard something outside, and he moved toward the window. He looked out to see Lydia and Albert talking, and he looked toward his wife. "Looks like we slept in, or somebody got an early start." Michaela laughed and looked toward the clock.

"We slept in," she giggled. She gently cradled the baby in her arms, climbed out of bed, put Katie back down in her little bed and moved to stand behind her husband. She moved her hands up his back, down his shoulders, and she finally brought her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his back. "I could stay here forever, Sully." Sully turned and pulled her body close to his, cradling her frame against his.

"Me too," he replied, his eyes staring down into hers. They hadn't been intimate since they'd been in Boston, but he was holding back. He was worried about her, because he knew she was probably still tender from the miscarriage. Her olive and hazel eyes stared up into his, inviting him closer, silently asking him to be one with her. Their lips touched, and they breathed each other in, becoming one for just a moment, the rest of the world disappearing into the dusty streets of Colorado Springs. "Michaela?"

"Hmm?" she asked as Sully gently pushed her back. She looked up, her eyes full of confusion and hurt. "Sully? Don't you…"

"'Course I do. But, are ya sure it's time? After everything…" Michaela looked down, pulling her arms around herself. She as a doctor knew that it would be a good idea to wait a little while longer, but as a wife and a woman, her body was telling her it was right. He could see the need and frustration in her eyes, and he smiled.

"But don't you…"

"Don't worry," Sully whispered, bringing her hands into his and kissing each of them softly. "No need to worry 'bout me. I can wait for ya, Michaela." Michaela sighed softly, and she nodded, her eyes full of disappointment, but she fully understood, and she loved him for caring so much.

"It's difficult," she whispered, her cheeks flushing. "I want to make you happy."

"Ya do that every single day," Sully assured her. "I swear it, Michaela." She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck again. They held one another tight for just a little while, and when they pulled away, Sully scooped her up into his arms and carried her back to the bed. She was surprised, but she smiled and relaxed as he sat on the edge of the bed and smiled down at her.

"I thought…" Sully's hands began to unbutton her nightgown, and Michaela sucked in a sharp breath. Sully nodded.

"Ya trust me?"

"I do," she breathed. "Are you…"

"Shh." He leaned down and softly kissed her lips. "Just breathe." Michaela nodded and closed her eyes, feeling his hands pulling her under garments off. She moved a bit so he could slip the nightgown off of her, and she felt the temperature in the room get to her skin and cling to it. Sully's eyes roamed over her body, and she bit her lip, feeling self-conscious. Sully grinned and moved to press his lips to hers. Michaela anxiously looked toward the bed, and Sully placed his hand upon her cheek and turned her head back so he could stare into her eyes. "Don't worry. We just gotta learn how 'ta be quiet like on the train." Michaela giggled nervously as Sully's hands moved up her legs. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, feeling her body trembling with tension, anticipation, need, desire, love and so many other things. She had missed him, and there had been a time when she'd wondered if she'd ever get to feel his touch again.

As his hands caressed the parts of her that had ached for his touch, his kisses hungrily loved her and made her yearn for more. Her eyes squeezed shut tightly as new life poured into her. An intense power flooded through her system as she sucked in another sharp breath. Her toes and fingers curled simultaneously, and her moans were lost as she bit her lip and arched her back. She needed to feel this way, and it brought her back to her wedding night. He'd been so patient, and they'd both been so clumsy, not knowing quite what to do. But it had been so natural. They knew one another so well, and they fit together and moved together like a perfectly orchestrated piece of music.

Every bad thought and event that had happened lately flew out the window as he filled her with love and light and happiness, all with his hands and his kisses. The way he touched her was special. He wasn't rough or selfish, and this proved that he would do anything to please her, and oh, he certainly was pleasing her.

"Sully," she breathed as her head hit the pillow and her hands searched for his. His hands moved up her body, gently cupping her breasts. She placed her hands over his, making their experience more intimate. Tears flooded her eyes, and her lip trembled. She felt herself let go, and she relaxed against the sheets, her breathing still quick, but her tension winding down.

He moved to lay at her side, and she wrapped the sheet around her body. The tears fell, and Sully breathed slowly, studying her face as she came down from her natural high. Michaela smiled and reached over to brush a few damp strands of hair off of his forehead.

"You okay?" he asked. Michaela's cheeks flushed, and Sully watched her close her eyes tiredly.

"Yes," she replied, placing her hand on her chest, feeling her heart still thumping hard. "I never thought it could be like this. My mother never told me about these kinds of things." She felt her face growing redder.

"'Course not," Sully laughed. "But that's part of the fun of bein' married. Ya get to learn things for yourself." Michaela smiled and sat up in bed, feeling ill again. "Michaela?"

"I…" She slowly stood and pulled her gown on, her face growing paler by the minute.

"Michaela?" Sully moved to stand beside her. "Did I do somethin'?"

"No. I don't…" She placed her hand over her mouth and sprinted out of the room. Sully wanted to go after her, but Katie began to cry. He sighed heavily and moved to pick his daughter up.

"C'mere, Kates," he said softly. "Ya hungry?" He sat down on the bed and began to feed Katie her bottle, hoping that Michaela would come back soon. He was worried about her, and he was seriously considering wiring for Dr. Bernard.

When Michaela returned, her face was pale, but she looked like she felt much better.

"I'm worried 'bout ya, Michaela. What's…"

"I'm fine," she said quickly. "I'm going to go clean up." She pulled out some clean clothes for the day, tucked them under her arm and hurried out of the room. Sully quickly finished feeding Katie, and he put her down. He walked down the hall to a room he had had a copper tub put into. Michaela was pouring some exotic-smelling perfumes into the empty tub, and Sully smiled a little as she pulled her hair back and twisted it up so she wouldn't get it wet. He walked in, and she looked up. "Could you bring up some hot water?"

"Sure," Sully said softly. "Michaela…"

"I'm fine," she assured him. "All I need is a hot bath, and I'll feel much better."

"I don't believe ya. Somethin' ain't right." Michaela sighed heavily and shook her head.

"Sully, I assure you I'm fine. I'm probably getting used to…"

"Michaela," he interrupted, "at least let me take ya to Cloud Dancin'. He's the Cheyenne medicine man, and he's very wise. Maybe he'll have somethin' for ya."

"No," Michaela replied.

"Why not?" He sounded a little offended. "'Cause he's Cheyenne?" Michaela shook her head with frustration.

"No, of course not! I don't want you fussing over me, because I'm fine."

"At least talk to Cloud Dancin'. Please?" Michaela sighed and moved to hug Sully.

"If it'll make you feel better, I'll talk to him. I've been wanting to meet him anyway." Sully softly kissed her forehead.

"It will make me feel better," Sully replied softly. He kissed her forehead again, and she smiled up at him. "I'll go get that water for ya now." Michaela nodded and prepared for her bath, as Sully went to boil the water.

* * *

"I'm real sorry," Terrance McKay said quietly, as he walked alongside Matthew. They'd built a litter to carry Ethan's body back to the farm. "Do you know of anyone who would have wanted to hurt your father?" Matthew fought the urge to say 'anybody who's ever met him,' and he shook his head.

"No Sir," he said quietly. "Ya don't gotta follow us no longer. Ya should go after your troops."

"They'll understand. If they don't, they'll have to take it up with me." He patted Matthew's back. "You kids got a place to stay?" Matthew looked at Colleen and Brian who walked quietly alongside him.

"Yes Sir. We got a place," he lied. "We got an aunt comin' to stay. She heard 'bout our Ma dyin', and she's comin' to help."

"I'm real sorry for your loss."

"We'll be all right. Thank you, Sir." They descended the hill and moved toward the burial plot.

"Need any help here?  
"No Sir. I can take care of it. Thank you." McKay tipped his hat and patted Matthew on the back once again.

"Good luck." He left hesitantly. He didn't want the children to have to be alone, but he had his duty to the country to attend to. He only hoped that these children's misfortunes were through. They didn't need anything else on their plates at this moment. His heart went out to them all.

Brian waved as McKay rode off, and he looked up at Matthew.

"What're we gonna do now?" Matthew grabbed a shovel, the one they'd used to dig Charlotte's grave. He began to dig away, and Colleen and Brian stood aside, watching their brother with worry.

"Matthew," Colleen said quietly, "Pa's gone."

"That's as plain as day," Matthew snapped. Colleen was taken aback, and she felt Brian hug her around the waist. She soothingly rubbed his back. "You're scarin' Brian."

"Ain't we s'posed to be scared?" Matthew asked. "Our parents are dead, and our little sister is only God knows where!" Colleen burst into tears, and she moved away. Brian followed after her, and Matthew sighed heavily. He threw the shovel down into the dirt after making only a few digs into what would be Ethan's final resting place. "Look, I'm sorry, all right?" He was facing their backs, and Colleen's shoulders were slumped over. "I didn't mean it. I'm just…I'm sorry." He sat down on the dry grass and took big fistfuls of it, trying to release some tension, but it didn't really help. He threw the dirt clods away, and he sighed heavily. "I just ain't sure what we're gonna do, is all. We ain't got no money. He spent it all." He nodded toward Ethan's body. "Our little sister's back in Denver, and we ain't got no way to get to her."

"Can't we find a way?" Brian asked, turning toward him.

"It ain't that easy, Brian."

"We got to Denver without hardly any money before. Can't we do it again?" he wondered, moving to sit next to his brother. Matthew wrapped his arm around his little brother's shoulder.

"We can try, little brother," he replied. "It ain't gonna be easy. You up to it?"

"I am. Ma'd want us all to be together." He wrapped his arms around Matthew's neck and hugged him tightly. He looked up at Colleen. She'd turned toward him but had said nothing. "Colleen?"

"I'm glad he's dead," she whispered, shocking Matthew.

"Ya don't mean that."

"Yes I do!" she yelled. "He did nothin' but make us suffer, Matthew! He made Ma sad. He left Katie all alone! Now he goes and dies and leaves us all alone, and I'm glad! I'm glad he's gone, 'cause he was worthless!"

"Stop it!" Brian screamed. "Stop sayin' that!"

"He's right," Matthew said sternly. "First Ma left, now Pa. We can't argue 'bout this, 'cause we're all we've got." He stood, and Colleen ran to him to hug him.

"I'm sorry for the things I said. I…"

"I know," Matthew whispered. "Don't worry. I'll make sure everything's okay. We're gonna be fine." He couldn't tell them he was scared to death. He couldn't tell them that they were possibly facing more than they could handle. He had to be strong. He was a boy of fifteen, but he was the man of the family now. He couldn't let them down.

* * *

She boarded the train at ten after ten, and she relaxed against the stiff, straight-backed seats. She'd paid a little extra for an earlier departure, but she didn't mind. She would be avoiding another man, another relationship; another possible chance at happiness. None of it mattered right now. She wasn't at a place in her life where she could let herself feel something for someone, and she knew that Mr. Strauss was not the kind of man she should be feeling anything for.

A small child nearby began to fuss, and she held her tongue. She didn't want another miserable train ride, but she that was the price she had to pay to get her out of Kansas and away from Mr. Strauss. To avoid the horrible sounds of that child's incessant crying, she opened up her journal and began to write again.

_I feel like a foolish lovesick girl who will do anything to get away, but does it in such a way that he'll notice. I'm not in love. I'm merely in awe of the man's presence. He's a mystery, and I like that. But I'm not meant to feel this way. It's merely my foolish imagination running away with me. He's out of my life forever, and I intend to keep it that way. I've decided that wherever I decide to go, I'll be sure to stay in Colorado Springs for just a little while. I want to take in the beauty of the wild West, see the Indians or maybe a few bears in their natural habitat. I want to watch an eagle soar above the mountains, and I want to feel completely free from all of the pressures that I faced back in New York. I almost feel like a runaway teenager, angry with her parents for keeping her confined and pure. I feel like a rebel, breaking free from a life that is too small to contain me. I want to live and to see and to be! Marriage and family aren't for me…yet. I know that now. What I need is adventure and passion and to throw my inhibitions to the wind. It doesn't sound like me, but it's what I want. It's always what I've wanted. Damn those who stand in my way. They don't know me. Nobody knows me! Sometimes I feel like I don't know me._

"You didn't want coffee?" She jumped as the train shuddered and blew its whistle. She looked up into the good eye of David Lewis.

"Mr. Strauss," she blushed. "What are you…"

"I'm going to Denver," he said, sitting down beside her. "You didn't receive my note?"

"I did," she said quietly. "But, I wanted to take the early train. I'm sorry I missed you."

"You don't have to lie," he replied.

"I…"

"I'm not the man you met on the train that day," he said quietly, looking away. "There's a lot about me that you don't know." Julianna shifted in her seat.

"I'm sure there is, Mr. Strauss," she said quietly. "I only…" She sighed heavily. The train lurched forward again, and this time, it began to chug and move down the track. She realized that there was really nothing she could say to him. She didn't know how to speak to him, and making excuses were for children. "I didn't want to meet you for coffee today, Mr. Strauss. I'm sorry if I wasted your time."

"No need for apologies," he replied, "if you'll have coffee with me when we get to Denver."

"I'm sorry, but I can't," she replied. "I'm going straight on to Colorado Springs and then toward the ocean from there." He said nothing else, and he seemed to sink inside of himself. She watched as he moved to an empty seat, his posture growing rigid and distant. He wasn't the same man, and that sent chills up her spine. It excited her, and she despised herself.

* * *

"Ready to go?" Sully asked, pulling the wagon up outside of the clinic. Michaela was rocking a sleeping Katie in her arms as she waited on a bench. She smiled when she saw him. She was feeling much better now. She didn't feel ill anymore, but Sully insisted on having her see Cloud Dancing that day anyway.

"Yes," she replied. "I can't wait to see the home you've built for us."

"I hope I don't disappoint ya." Michaela handed the baby to Sully, and she pulled herself up into the wagon. Once she was settled, she leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

"You could never disappoint me," she breathed, taking Katie back into her arms. Sully slapped the reins, and the horses trotted off down the least bumpy road they could find. Sully was eager to get back to the homestead and see if he looked the way he remembered it. He couldn't wait to see Michaela smile when she saw it. He hoped she would smile, anyway, because he had built that house with the picture of her sitting on the porch with him, watching the children play in the yard. Yes, he had seen a lot of children in that picture, but he would respect whatever happened in the future and whatever Michaela wanted. It was her body, after all. She was the one who had to carry it for nine months and go through the pain of childbirth. Unfortunately, many men didn't comprehend what a toll pregnancy and childbirth could take on a woman's body.

Katie slept most of the way there, and Michaela watched as Sully's eyes twinkled as they neared their home. She was so happy that he was happy, though a part of her felt guilty than they were enjoying this and the baby they lost would never get to grow up and enjoy the true beauty of the land they called home.

A lovely two-story cabin and a barn came into view soon enough, and Michaela's eyes were full of enchantment. Sully was thrilled, because he knew that a lot of things couldn't compare to what she'd grown up with in Boston.

"This is it," Sully said, pulling the wagon up beside the corral and parking it. Michaela was speechless, but her bright smile spoke more than words could ever say. Sully climbed out of the wagon and took Katie into his arms. He held a hand out, and Michaela took it long enough to get her balance before she got out of the wagon. Once her feet were firmly planted on the ground, Sully took her hand again and led her up to the house. It wasn't long before a furry wolf came out of the barn.

"Oh!" Michaela exclaimed as the animal rushed over to Sully. Sully handed Katie to Michaela and knelt down to pet his companion.

"Hey boy," Sully said with a laugh. "Ya took care of things while I was gone?" Wolf licked his face, and Sully looked up at Michaela. "Michaela, this is Wolf. Wolf, this is Michaela. She's my wife, so ya don't gotta worry." Sully looked up. "He wouldn't hurt a lady anyhow."

"Hello Wolf," Michaela said, grinning and patting the wolf upon the head.

"I left 'im with Cloud Dancin'," Sully said quietly. He scoured the scene quickly, and a moment later, a tall Cheyenne Indian came walking out of the barn. Sully took Michaela's hand, squeezed it and led her over.

"Hello my friend," Cloud Dancing said quickly, a smile spreading across his face. They embraced and exchanged a few words in Cheyenne that Michaela recognized as "How are you" and "Good. And you?" She said a silent thank you that she'd took the time to try to pick up a few words through that book she'd read. It had certainly made a nice surprise for Sully on their wedding night.

"This is my wife, Michaela Quinn," Sully said.

"Quinn-Sully," Michaela said with a grin, winking at her husband. She extended her pale hand to Cloud Dancing, and his much darker one accepted it. She gave him a firm handshake. "It's very nice to meet the man I've heard so much about."

"I could say the same about you. You have made quite an impact on my brother," Cloud Dancing said cheerfully. "My wife is eager to meet you. Snow Bird has counted the moons until she would be able to meet the medicine woman."

"I would love to meet her," Michaela said with a smile. "I wanted to thank you."

"Thank you?"

"For saving my husband's life," she replied. "When he broke his ankle…"

"No thanks are needed. The ho'nehe guided me to him. The Spirits showed us the way." Michaela patted Wolf upon the head again.

"Then I suppose I should thank you too." Wolf proceeded to lick the palm of her hand and sniff at her skirt. Michaela suddenly felt dizzy, and Sully caught her, holding onto her and the baby tightly. Cloud Dancing stepped forward and helped Michaela stand up straight. He looked into Sully's eyes, and he saw the fear.

"She should rest." Sully nodded, and Cloud Dancing took Katie into his arms. A moment later, Michaela fainted away, and Sully scooped her up into his arms.

"Hang on, Michaela. It's gonna be okay." He rushed her into the house and up the stairs, where he placed her on their bed. Cloud Dancing found a cradle in the corner, and he placed Katie down in it and rushed to Michaela's bedside. Sully rushed out to bring in some fresh water, and Cloud Dancing said a prayer in Cheyenne. Michaela's eyes fluttered open for a moment, and she called for Sully.

"He'll be here soon," Cloud Dancing promised. Michaela was unconscious again. When Sully returned, Cloud Dancing looked up at him.

"She okay?" He sponged some water onto her forehead.

"She's strong," Cloud Dancing said quietly. "She has suffered. You both have." Sully nodded.

"Somethin' bad happened to her in Boston…somethin' I wasn't here for. And…we…we lost our baby just a week ago." Cloud Dancing nodded.

"The Spirits told me you have grieved. You were lost once, but you were healed." Sully's head snapped up.

"The sweat lodge? Ya think she'd…"

"She must be ready before she can go through the ritual. She must let her body heal from her loss, and she must understand that she cannot change the past."

"She knows," Sully said quietly. "She's just havin' a hard time is all. Sometimes I think she feels like she's losin' hope." Cloud Dancing shook his head.

"No. Hope is still inside of her. She must rest," he said quietly. Sully eyed him for a moment, confused, but he finally nodded. "I must get back to Snow Bird, but I will return soon."

"Thank you, my friend," Sully said. Cloud Dancing nodded and left quietly. Michaela began to stir, and Sully kissed her forehead. "How ya feelin'?"

"Dizzy," she whispered. "Is Katie all right?"

"She's just fine." Michaela sighed softly.

"I don't know why I still feel this way, Sully," her voice cracked. She was on the verge of tears, and Sully sat upon the bed and pulled her into his arms. "Maybe something is wrong, like you said."

"I don't think so," Sully whispered, "but I want to be safe. I'll wire for Dr. Bernard as soon as we get back to town."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

A week later, the beginning of September was in progress, and Grace came knocking at the clinic door. Michaela looked up from her patient's chart. Yes, she had one patient, and that only patient at the moment was Lydia. Most people were healthy, but the few who were in need of medical services preferred to go to Jake Slicker. She only hoped that their problems weren't too serious, though there was no way she could force them to come to her.

"Come in!" she called. Grace smiled as she stepped in with a tray balanced on one hand. She grabbed the other side of the tray and shut the door with her foot. "Hello, Grace!"

"Dr. Mike," Grace replied with a smile. "Big day."

"Why's that?" Michaela wondered.

"Stage is comin' in," she replied. "S'posed to be bringin' that doc Sully wired for." Michaela looked at the calendar, and her heart skipped a beat.

"That is today," she whispered. "Dr. Bernard wired and said he might not make it."

"I'm sure he will. I think I know what he's gonna say," Grace said with a knowing grin. Michaela cleared her throat.

"No. It's not that. I'm certain of that," Michaela said quietly. She smiled thankfully when Grace placed the tray of food in front of her. The smell was wonderful, but it upset her stomach to no ends, and Grace noticed it.

"Thought ya liked my meatloaf."

"Oh, I do," Michaela said with a nod. "I'm not feeling well today." Grace cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

"Deny it all ya want, Dr. Mike, but I still say you're pregnant." Michaela sighed heavily.

"What do I owe you for this?"

"Nothin'. It's on the house," Grace said with a smile. She gave Michaela a wink before she left the clinic, and Michaela placed her hand upon her belly.

"It's not possible. My baby's gone." She felt the sadness rising again, and just before the tears ebbed, Sully walked in with Katie in one arm. She hid her sadness, though Sully could still see it, and she stood up. "You're back!"

"Yep. Things went better than I thought out at the house, and I think we're ready to move in." Michaela breathed a sigh of relief. She did love living in town, but after seeing the beautiful home Sully had built for their family, she was more than ready to move in.

"Good," she said with a happy smile, as she gave him a tender kiss. Katie made a noise, and Michaela grinned, taking her into her arms. She had become increasingly attached to the little one, and she and Sully had already discussed adoption. They'd even placed advertisements in several newspapers from Colorado Springs to Topeka. In the past few days, there had been no response, and in three weeks, if nobody contested their wish to adopt, they would go ahead with the process and order the papers. They knew it was fast, but it was what they wanted. Katie was their daughter in their hearts and souls, and it was time to make it official.

"How ya feelin'?" Sully asked as Michaela placed the baby down in the bassinet Sully had fashioned for her.

"The same," she replied quietly. "The herbs Cloud Dancing gave me have helped some. He knows something, Sully." Sully nodded.

"He's seeking guidance from the Spirits," he replied. "I think he knows somethin' too." Sully pulled Michaela close. "But we'll know for sure when Dr. Bernard gets here." Michaela nodded nervously, and Sully felt her tremble. "Everything's gonna be all right."

"I'm glad you're so sure," Michaela replied, giving him a quick kiss. She noticed Sully hesitating and furrowed her brows. "What's the matter?" Sully took her hands in his.

"Remember me tellin' ya 'bout the sweat lodge ritual Cloud Dancin' guided me through?" Michaela nodded.

"Yes," she replied. "It was after you broke your ankle, and you were getting through the loss of your parents."

"And bein' without you," he replied. He kissed her hand softly. She responded with a smile. "Cloud Dancin' thinks maybe that's what ya need."

"Me?" Sully nodded. "Why?"

"Well, you've been through so much, and the Cheyenne believe that in order to heal, you must heal the whole person. You've been feelin' sick, and maybe it's cause somethin's off-balance. What David tried to do…and with the baby and all…"

"Sully, I know you're trying to help," Michaela said stiffly, pulling away and walking across the room, "but this is something I should deal with on my own."

"No it ain't," Sully replied, moving toward her. "We're married, and we're together through hell and high water, ya know. I ain't gonna let ya go through this alone." Michaela felt the tears ebbing again, and she sighed heavily.

"I'm not ready yet, Sully. I know what David did to me is the past. I know the baby's the past, but I can't stop from thinking about it."

"Ya ain't s'posed to. I didn't stop thinkin' 'bout my ma and pa, did I?"

"No," she replied. "But what is this ritual going to do for me?"

"I didn't think it'd work either," Sully replied, "but when I was in there, I saw everything good in my life. I saw you, I saw Colorado Springs. I even saw Boston. But, I saw that ya needed me too, and I willed myself to heal so I could come to ya. It showed me that life ain't all 'bout the bad things, but there's so much more to it than that. You're my life now, and I wouldn't have it any other way." Michaela breathed softly, and she responded to him with a loving kiss.

"I'm grateful for that," she whispered. She looked up into his eyes, blinking her tears away. "Sully? If I do this, will you be there with me?"

"If ya want me, I'll be there."

"Promise?"

"I promise," he said with a smile. Michaela grinned and nodded her head.

"It's something I think I'd like to experience," she replied. "I'm not sure how much it's going to…" He shushed her with a kiss.

"You'd be surprised," he replied. Michaela sighed softly and pressed a kiss to her husband's lips. She was about to pull away, but he pulled her in closer. She moaned against his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck. He picked her up a little, bringing her feet off the ground, and the kiss grew deeper and full of need. They had filled their nights with soft caresses and gentle demonstrations of love, but they hadn't become fully intimate since before Denver. "Is it too soon?" He was breathless, and Michaela moaned softly as his arms pulled her closer.

"No," she whispered. "It's not too soon." He captured her mouth with his again, and he moaned softly, feeling her tongue against his. When he pulled back, he brushed the hair out of her face and smiled. He glanced toward the clock.

"Ya think we have time?" Michaela looked over, and she gasped.

"No! The stagecoach will be here any minute!" Sully reluctantly put her down, and she gave him a sheepish kiss. She started to turn away, but he pulled her back, crushing his lips into hers. She giggled, and she gave into the kiss, deepening it and leaving them both gasping for breath. "I really…have…to go…meet…the stage," she said between kisses. Sully finally let her go, and he grinned, watching her walk away with a smile. Katie made a noise, and he moved over to the bassinet.

"What's the matter, Kates? Mama will be right back." Albert came walking down the stairs from his and Lydia's room. Sully looked over and greeted his friend with a nod. "Albert. You're up late."

"I haven't been sleeping well lately," Albert said quietly.

"Is it Lydia?"

"No. She's sleeping through the night, even with the baby kicking her." Sully chuckled.

"Well, you're probably just nervous 'bout becomin' a pa." He couldn't help but let his voice falter at the thought. Albert shrugged.

"I suppose that's it." Sully studied Albert carefully for a moment.

"Maybe it ain't. What's goin' on?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired," Albert replied. He sighed heavily and moved toward the door. He couldn't tell anybody when he couldn't even tell his own wife that he had been married before. He felt guiltier as the days wore on, and he knew that he was only making it worse by not telling her. "I'm going to get some fresh air." He left quickly, and Sully stared toward the closed door. He looked down at Katie.

"Wanna go for a walk, Kates?" She gurgled and sneezed, and Sully chuckled.

"I'll take that as a 'yes.'" He picked her up, bundled her up in a blanket and left the clinic quickly.

* * *

Julianna breathed a sigh of relief as she sat upon the bumpy stagecoach across from a kind, older gentleman who seemed to be of a distinguished class. She could tell he was a doctor from the bag he was carrying, and she felt safe. She'd boarded the stagecoach that morning, and she hadn't looked back. She hadn't spoken with Andrew since they'd boarded the train a week ago. Every time he looked at her over the week, he seemed to not know her. Now, he was somewhere in Denver, and she almost missed him. 

"A writer, I see?" the older man said as he glanced over at Julianna.

"What?" She looked down at the pen and journal in her lap. "Oh. Yes."

"Dr. William Bernard," he said, extending his hand to her.

"Julianna Garavaldi," she said quietly.

"You boarded in Denver with me," he said. "You got off of the train?"

"Yes. I'm from New York, originally, but I'm taking an extended vacation to finish my novel."

"That's healthy," the doctor said with a smile. Julianna smiled and looked out the window. "We're almost there. You seem anxious to put your feet on the ground." Julianna nodded quietly.

"Yes. I am." In a few minutes, she would be in Colorado Springs, and she could start relaxing. Perhaps she would forget about Mr. Strauss, but she highly doubted it.

* * *

The Denver hospital was quiet on this afternoon, and as David stepped in, he expected to feel her presence there, but he didn't. He only felt the stiff chill of imminent death and the pain of the grieving families that sat with their ill husbands, wives, mothers, fathers and children. The power of sorrow that he felt as he walked down the corridors shook him to his core. 

Penelope noticed him walking down the hall, and she shivered at his presence. He was tall and dark and obviously there with a purpose. He looked like he knew exactly what he was doing but was so uncertain about it.

"Excuse me, Sir. May I help you?"

"Perhaps," he said, his voice scratchy as if he hadn't spoken in a long time. "I'm looking for someone. A woman. Dr. Michaela Quinn. I'm a friend of hers, and she told me she was traveling this way. Have you heard or seen from her?"

"Oh! Yes, she's such a lovely woman," Penelope said with a smile. David smiled back, but something darker ebbed just beneath the surface. "She was here just a couple of weeks ago. You heard about the train accident?" David looked startled, but he nodded his head.

"Train accident. Yes…I heard, but I didn't know she was on it." Penelope shivered.

"Yes, but she and her husband are fine now, and they were going on to Colorado Springs," she explained. David held back the urge to cringe when he heard 'and her husband,' and he smiled.

"Good. I think I'll go there now and surprise them. They weren't expecting me for another week. Thank you Miss." Penelope nodded and went on her way, not thinking that she'd just done something terrible without even knowing it.

* * *

"Matthew? Where're we at?" Brian asked as the rickety wagon they'd acquired rattled into town. 

"Just outside the border," he announced. "You okay?"

"Yup," Brian replied. "Colleen's sleepin'."

"Let her sleep," Matthew replied. "You look 'round for a penny, and if ya find one, get a newspaper."

"Why?" Brian asked.

"'Cause it's nice to keep up on the news. Maybe there's somethin' bout the fella that killed Pa." Brian sighed.

"Well, where you goin'?"

"I'm gonna see 'bout getting us somethin' for lunch."

"Can't we go fishin'?"

"Map says there ain't no good fishin' spots' round for at least three miles, and we ain't had nothin' to eat since yesterday."

"I can wait," Brian said, trying to be tough, but his stomach ratted him out. Matthew chuckled, and he shook his head.

"Do as I said. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Kay," Brian replied, biting on his thumbnail. Matthew was certain it was becoming a habit. "I'll find a penny. I promise."

"You do that, little brother." Matthew walked off, and Brian jumped down into the dusty soil. He didn't mind getting his shoes or his trousers dirty, but he knew his ma would holler at him if he got all dirty. But then he remembered that his ma was in Heaven. Did that mean he could do anything he wanted? He looked up to the sky and smiled a little.

"I'll be good, Ma. I promise." Colleen began to stir in the back of the wagon, and she shot up quickly when she realized they were stopped.

"Matthew? Brian!"

"I'm here, Colleen," Brian said quickly, rushing toward the back of the wagon so she could see him. "Matthew went to get lunch."

"What're you doin'?"

"I'm findin' pennies."

"What for?"

"'Ta get a newspaper," he replied. Colleen yawned and brushed her blonde hair out of her eyes, pulling it back and removing her bonnet.

"I'll help ya." She jumped out of the back of the wagon and began to help Brian search for pennies in the dirt. Passers-by looked at them as if they'd never seen two children scrounging around in the dirt before. Brian looked down when he saw the negative looks people were giving them. Colleen patted his arm. "Don't pay no attention to 'em, Brian. They don't know what we been through." She took his hand, and they walked off to look for pennies someplace else.

Meanwhile, Matthew's stomach growled as he smelled the whiff of stew cooking and cornbread baking. His mouth watered, and he wondered how he could begin to pay for it. He had nothing to offer as payment except…except! He felt in his pocket, and he brought the simple band into the palm of his hand. It was his mother's. It was the one thing Ethan hadn't pawned off or gambled away. He had sworn to himself that he'd never give it away, because it was a part of his mother, but he never thought his little brother and sister would be starving either. He was living the worst scenario, and in his heart, he knew that Charlotte wouldn't frown upon him using it to feed the family.

He looked toward the local saloon, a run of the mill, rickety old building that stood at the corner near the café and the barbershop. He could see the smoke from cheap cigars swirling out of the swinging doors, and he could hear, loud, out-of-tune piano music following the stumbling drunks with scantily clad women on each arm out into the street.

Matthew swallowed hard, preparing himself for the stench of cigars, watered-down whiskey and sin. He glanced back to see his little brother and sister digging in the dirt, and it broke his heart. He'd have none of that anymore. He'd sworn to himself that he'd never gamble, but this was for his family. He had to feed them. Gambling could leave him out on the street with nothing lost except his mother's wedding ring and his dignity and self-respect, or it could leave him with a few dollars to feed himself, Colleen and Brian. Perhaps he'd get to keep the ring. He could only hope. He had to take that risk, because if worse came to worse, they would have to find another way.

He brought the ring to his lips and kissed it. He took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Ma. This is what I gotta do. I know you'd understand." His weakened boots pressed into the dirt, as he walked across town and up onto the porch of the saloon.

When he stepped in, a few saloon girls looked his way, eyeing him. He had no money to offer them, but they'd been taught long ago that every man who walked through that door had money and a purpose. That purpose was usually to drink his conscience away and spend the day throwing his money at cheap women who had one thing to offer. They'd been taught they were cheap and only good for one thing, and thought most of them believed otherwise, they pretended to be worthless in order to get paid. He felt bad for them, really, because they were there for the same reason he was. They needed to make a little money to survive and probably to feed their families, if they had family anyway.

"Hey there, handsome," one girl with particularly red hair and green eyes said, waltzing over to link her arm through his. She had no idea that he was a fifteen year old boy, but she didn't seem to care. She smelled of cheap cigars and watered-down whiskey, just like the air that had followed out with the drunken low lives that had stumbled out with a woman on each arm. "Ya here for some entertainment?" Matthew clenched his jaw.

"No Ma'am," he replied, taking off his hat and squeezing Charlotte's ring tightly in his fist. "Just lookin' to play a round of poker."

"What you got to bet?" came the gravelly voice of a man with short gray hair, dark beady eyes and a nasty scar running from his ear to his neck.

"Oh, C'mon Eddie," one of the girls said, sitting down in his lap. "He looks like he's good for the money." Matthew's eyes never broke contact with the older man's though he couldn't help but notice how his thick hand slapped the girl's behind and gave it a hearty squeeze. It made Matthew's stomach turn when she giggled and pretended to like it.

"Name's Ed," the guy said. "Have a seat. We're just startin' a new round. What you got to bet?" Matthew choked back a sigh and roughly placed the ring down onto the peeling poker table. Ed pushed the girl off his lap, and she fell on her rear and proceeded to laugh it off before moving to another man's lap, receiving practically the same treatment as before. "Ya don't look old 'nuff."

"I'm of age, Sir," Matthew lied. The man let out a coughing, choking laugh.

"What's with that 'Sir," hogwash?" The other men laughed and puffed on their cigars. "Let's play."

* * *

Julianna helped herself out of the stagecoach and felt the stares of some of the town's bachelors, as well as some of the married men, she was sure. She held back the urge to roll her eyes, and she accepted her luggage gratefully. She made her way onto the porch of the general store, and she took in the sights and sounds around her. 

"Welcome to Colorado Springs, Ma'am," said an older gentleman. "I'm Loren Bray. I own this here store." Julianna smiled a little.

"Could you direct me to the boarding house?" Loren stiffened up. This woman was obviously not from around here.

"We ain't got one, Ma'am, but if ya talk to the doc…the clinic was the boardin' house a while back."

"Could you tell me where to find him, please?"

"_She_," Loren stressed, "is right over there with that older fella." Julianna spotted Dr. Bernard with a beautiful young woman.

"Thank you," she said quickly. She left her luggage with Loren and hurried over to Michaela. "Excuse me, Miss." Michaela turned around, smiling warmly, and Julianna wondered if she was always this friendly.

"May I help you?"

"Yes, I was asking…that older gentleman over there about a room for rent," Julianna said quickly, motioning in Loren's general direction. "He said the doctor owns what used to be the boarding house."

"I do," Michaela said with a smile. "I still have a few extra rooms I could let out until business picks up, so you're more than welcome to one of them."

"Oh, that would be wonderful. How much?"

"Two-bits a week?" Michaela suggested, not sure of the going rates for situations like this. Julianna nodded.

"That sounds fair. Thank you Dr…"

"Dr. Michaela Quinn," Michaela replied. "I have an appointment just now, but if you would like to wait…"  
"I'll do that. Thank you," Julianna replied. She quickly moved through the crowd to find her luggage again. Michaela turned back to Dr. Bernard.

"Are you ready, Dr. Quinn?"

"Yes. Thank you for coming." Michaela lead him across town to he clinic, and Sully followed behind with Katie in his arms and Wolf at his heels. Sully grabbed Michaela's hand before she went in with Dr. Bernard. She whirled around and looked into his eyes, such hope there now.

"Everything's going to be all right," she breathed, squeezing his hand firmly. She gave him a kiss, a kiss that would linger until time stood still and faded away. "I promise." She kissed Katie's forehead before disappearing inside with Dr. Bernard. Sully quietly sat down on the bench to wait, and Lydia walked up, her hand tucked into Albert's.

"She's in there with him?" Lydia wondered.

"Just now, yeah," he answered. Albert shuffled uncomfortably.

"She's going to be fine, whatever the doctor has to say…"

"You're right. She's fine," Sully replied tensely. At that moment, Albert looked up to see the young woman people had mentioned getting off of the stagecoach. He looked once, twice, no, it couldn't be! He moved off of the porch. Four glances, five…no. No! Her eyes scanned the crowd, but she didn't see him. Six glances…seven.

"Julianna."

"What's that?" Lydia asked, moving to stand next to him. "Are you all right?" Albert looked away from the woman, and such guilt filled his eyes when he looked at Lydia. "Darling, I…"

"Lydia, I need to speak with you."

"What about?" It was too late.

"Albert…" He froze, his entire body growing rigid. Tears flooded his eyes, and Lydia looked confused, but she looked past him and at the new woman who was walking toward them.

"May we help you?" she asked. "Do you know my husband?" Julianna was a little taken aback.

"I'm sorry, maybe I'm mistaken. Albert Johnson?"

"I'm his wife, Lydia," Lydia said with a proud smile. "How do you know Albert?" Albert slowly turned, his heart frozen in fear, his soul quivering in the corner like a frightened child. Julianna looked into Albert's frightened eyes, and she looked into the confused, contemplative ones that settled in Lydia's features. "Albert? Are you going to tell me?" She looked back and forth between the stranger and her husband.

"I…" he started. His voice broke, and his face turned pale.

"Perhaps I should introduce myself," Julianna said quietly. "I'm Julianna Garavaldi from New York. I was…" Albert gave her a look that told her this wasn't the right time or the right place. "I know your husband. He lived in New York for about five years, and we…we were good friends." Lydia sensed the apprehension in the woman's voice. "Albert, I never expected to see you again, but I'm probably just as surprised as you are. I'll give you two some privacy. I need to go to the post anyway." She hurried off, worried that she may have unintentionally ruined another marriage for poor Albert.

"Albert? She's a friend of yours?" Albert was shaking, and he noticed Sully playing with little Katie on the porch. He reached for his wife's hand, but she pulled away.

"Can we talk about this in private?"

"Private? I don't think there is any place around here that is very private," she said, nodding at their surroundings. Albert sighed heavily.

"The church?" Lydia rubbed her stomach curiously. She nodded. Albert reached for her again, but she walked off ahead.

"I promise, Lydia…it's nothing that I…"

"We'll see about that," she replied hotly as they crossed the bridge and moved into the churchyard. "I do hope I'm overreacting, Albert, but you certainly haven't tried to confirm that. That's what worries me." Timothy was walking out the little gray church. "Reverend Johnson? May we have some privacy in your church please?"

"Of course," Timothy replied. "Do you need my help with anything?"

"No. This is something my husband and I need to discuss privately for a moment." She brushed past him and rushed into the church. Albert paused beside Timothy, and the Reverend patted him on the back.

"Whatever it is, Albert, good luck."

* * *

Julianna quickly stepped into the dim, dusty telegraph office, where a lanky, kind-looking fellow sat behind the desk. 

"Can I help ya?" he asked almost eagerly. She smiled at him.

"Yes. I was wanting to send a telegram to California…I'm not quite sure where, but I think it's San Francisco."

"To who?"

"Mr. Andrew Strauss," she said quietly. "I need some information about him." Horace thought for a moment, and his eyes grew wide.

"Why don't ya just wait a week or two and ask him yourself?"

"Excuse me?" Lydia asked quickly.

"He's comin' here to visit his cousin Lydia. The way she talks, he'll be here 'fore the month is up." Lydia was a bit shocked, but she shook her head.

"Andrew Strauss from California?"

"Yep. I think that's what she said. He's a doctor, and he's comin' to visit her and meet her new husband. He a friend of yours?"

"You could say that," she said, her throat becoming dry. "Thank you, Mr…"

"Bing. Horace Bing, Miss. And you are?"

"Julianna Garavaldi. It's…nice to meet you." She turned and left quickly. He was coming here? He was related to her ex-husband's wife? Could this have been planned out better? She looked up at the sky. Maybe it was a cruel trick. But, she had to admit that the thought of seeing him again thrilled her. She couldn't get over the attraction she felt toward him, and she could still feel it even though they were miles and miles apart. She sighed heavily, and she knew that things were about to get very interesting.

* * *

Sully stood when the door to the clinic opened. Dr. Bernard stepped out, and he looked at Sully with surprise. 

"Is she okay?"

"She's…she's fine," Dr. Bernard said quietly. "She wants to talk to you, though. She's very confused, though she understands what's going on. Being a doctor, she should." Sully felt his heart leap, but he wasn't sure if it was for joy or not.

"But she's okay? She's gonna be all right?" Dr. Bernard patted him on the shoulder.

"I suggest you talk to her." Sully nodded and rushed past him with Katie in his arms. He shut the door, placed Katie in her bassinet and moved toward the table. Michaela was sitting straight up, tears in her eyes, some already trickling down her cheeks and dampening her blouse.

"God…Michaela? What is it?" He took her hands in his. "Whatever it is, we'll see it through together."

"I…I'm so confused," she breathed. "I just never expected this! She was right, and she doesn't even know me yet."

"Who was right?" Michaela shook her head.

"The miscarriage," Michaela said quietly, "it did happen, but…"

"But what?"

"Sometimes this happens, Sully, and there's no way of knowing until…"

"Sometimes what happens, Michaela? What?" Without further hesitation, she blurted it out.

"I'm pregnant." Sully took a step back, but his hands still held Michaela's. She was clutching them tightly now.

"What? I don't…I don't understand."

"There were…there were twins, Sully. Something happened, and we lost one, but one of them is still inside me; still growing."

"You're still pregnant," Sully said quietly, his mind trying to wrap around the idea. "He's sure?"

"Yes," she replied. Sully thought back.

"He said…he said hope is still inside ya."

"What? Who?"

"Cloud Dancin'. When ya fainted last week. He said hope's still inside ya. He knew." Michaela swallowed hard, and she placed her hand on her stomach.

"I was just trying to accept that I wasn't pregnant anymore, but I still am. It's so…so surreal." She shook her head, blinking the tears away. "I'm not sure what to think or feel…"

"I didn't expect this. I was preparin' for the worst, but…but we don't have to."

"Sully, I'm happy about this, I truly am, but I'm afraid that we might be getting our hopes up. We lost one baby…what if…" Sully pulled her close, kissing her softly, tasting her tears and kissing them away.

"Don't think about bad things," he whispered against her lips, resting his forehead against hers. "Only good." Michaela smiled through her tears, and she nodded. She began to sob, and he pulled her into his arms.

"We've been given another chance, Sully. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure we have this baby. Whatever it takes." Their tears mixed together, and they held one another, comforting each other and silently rejoicing. Slowly, their lips met again, and their bodies reacted. He pulled her close, both of their worries and fears scattering to the wind. When their lips broke free from each other's, Michaela looked up into Sully's eyes and choked back a sob. "I need you." The words came from the back of her throat, and his hands entangled in her hair, pulling her back for a passionate kiss. "God, I need you," she moaned again, biting her lower lip. Sully nodded and pulled back, helping his wife off of the exam table. Just as they were about to take one another into their arms, Katie let out a cry. They were breathless, and they couldn't help but laugh. Katie let out another cry, and Michaela kissed her husband softly.

"I need you too," he replied huskily. She grinned knowingly and kissed him once more.

"Later," she promised. With that, she turned to tend to her little girl, amazed that in six short months, she was going to have another one.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

_This chapter contains a sexual situation that is not intended for younger readers. You have been warned!_

Michaela rocked Katie back and forth, as she sat in the bedroom of the new homestead. Sully had gathered Loren, Robert E. and even Jake Slicker to help move things into the new house. Michaela desperately wanted to help, but knowing that she was still pregnant made Sully cautious, and he wanted her to rest as much as possible. As soon as they'd found out they were still expecting, they'd decided to move into the new house and start living life the way they were supposed to.

Myra Logan tapped on the door, and Michaela looked up at her with a smile upon her face.

"Afternoon, Dr. Mike," Myra said warmly. "Thought I'd bring ya somethin' to eat. I heard the happy news." Michaela's eyes went wide.

"You heard?"

"Sully's practically beamin'," she laughed. "Don't be too hard on 'im. Ain't everyday a man learns he's gonna be a pa for the first time." She smiled down at her little girl. "Say hello, Samantha."

"Hi," the little girl replied. Michaela smiled at Samantha. The little girl had dark blonde hair and dark brown eyes. She was a beautiful child, though Michaela didn't see much of Myra in her.

"Hello, Samantha."

"She looks a lot like her pa," Myra said quietly, her voice choking. She cleared her throat. "She wanted to come see the baby. That all right?"

"Of course," Michaela replied. Samantha cautiously walked over toward the lady doctor and took a peek at the baby in her arms.

"She's little," she announced.

"Yes," Michaela replied. "She's only a few weeks old." Katie began to fuss, and Samantha stepped back.

"She's loud!"

"Yes," Michaela laughed. "When she wants something, she certainly is loud." Michaela glanced up at Myra. "I should feed her."

"We were just leavin'. We wanted to stop by and see how things were goin'. We got some gardenin' to do, right Sam?"

"Right, Mama," the little girl replied with a polite smile. "Bye, Dr. Mike!" Samantha left the room first, and Myra turned back to Michaela.

"Congratulations again, on the baby. You and Sully sure are gonna have your hands full. Sometimes I don't know how I can keep up with the one I got." She grinned and hurried after Samantha. Michaela sighed and looked at Katie.

"She's right. Mama and Papa are going to be very tired once your little brother or sister gets here." She couldn't believe it. Once the baby arrived, Katie would be around seven months old, and they would have two little ones to worry about. Katie wouldn't even be walking yet, which would make the entire situation a little more difficult.

Michaela grabbed Katie's bottle and began to feed her. She hummed a slow, soft tune as the baby ate, and she waited to pull the bottle away until after the baby was sleeping. She rocked her back and forth, hearing the baby's breath and feeling her moving ever so slightly in her arms. She was soft and tiny and so perfect.

"Charlotte would be so proud of her beautiful little girl," Michaela breathed. "She's an angel in Heaven now, and I'm sure she smiles down at you every single day." She heard footsteps coming down the hall, so she stood and placed Katie down in her bassinet, tucking the blanket around her snugly. "I'll be right back, sweetheart." She left the room and found Sully directing a few men to take a baby's crib into one of the rooms. She smiled and walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso, resting her head upon his back.

"Michaela?" he teased. "Is that you?" She gave him a squeeze and laughed.

"Who were you expecting?"

"Nobody but my beautiful bride," he replied, turning and taking her into his arms. He kissed her neck, and her face flushed.

"Sully! Someone will see!"

"So? We're married," he laughed.

"I know, but…" He shushed her with a soft kiss to her lips, and she sighed against him. When they pulled back, her lips curled into a smile.

"Baby's sleepin'?"

"Yes. She had her bottle and she's down for the next few hours."

"Good," Sully replied. "Maybe after I send these fellas home…" Michaela gave Sully a look.

"I do need to get back into town today."

"What for? The day's nearly over."

"It is not," Michaela laughed. "Besides, I want to clean up our room for patients."

"Can't ya do that another day?"

"I suppose I could," Michaela began, "but it'd be easier to get it taken care of now, just in case." She moved past him and down the stairs, and he watched her, his eyes staring at her intently, and Michaela could feel him watching. It excited her, and she glanced over her shoulder long enough to see the desire building in his eyes. She flushed red and hurried down the stairs.

It wasn't long before she felt two strong arms wrapping around her waist, and she spun around to face him. She smiled up at him, feeling his azure eyes connecting with hers. She wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders and let him devour her mouth with his own. Finally, she pushed him away and giggled, resting her forehead against his.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "but we have guests!"

"I told 'em they could go. We got all the stuff here for now." Michaela laughed.

"At least wait until they've gone," she whispered, giving him a soft kiss. Katie began to fuss upstairs again, and Michaela sighed. Sully let out a groan, and she kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'll check on her, and as soon as they've gone, we can have our time together." She felt his frustration, and hers matched his, but she had a daughter to tend to, and she knew they were both going to have to get used to the interruptions.

* * *

"I can't believe you never told me," Lydia said softly as she sat in the front pew, staring across the aisle at Albert in disbelief. He sat in the row beside hers, and he was trying to break it to her gently. Well, he had, but she'd still taken it hard. "I suppose if you said you had just courted, it wouldn't have been so hard."

"You wouldn't have wanted me to lie, and I didn't want to lie either."

"So you kept something so…so important from me?" Albert sighed and ran his fingers through his slightly curled hair.

"Believe me, Lydia, I didn't want to keep it from you," he said quietly.

"Then why did you? While we were courting, did you ever think to mention, 'by the way, I used to be married,' to me?" She tapped her fingers on the swell of her belly, and her eyes had never been grayer. She was rightfully angry, and Albert didn't like to be on the receiving end of that anger.

"I…"

"You were married to that woman," she said quietly. "I thought I had been keeping a huge secret before I told you that I was pregnant with David's child. But I told you. I told you, Albert! You could have at least had the courtesy to tell me your secret too."

"I didn't even think, Lydia. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you, and I've been wanting to tell you for weeks."

"Weeks? What about the past few months? What if you hadn't run into her again, Albert? Maybe I never would have found out."

"No! I would've told you," Albert promised. "I swear, Lydia. I was going to tell you." She looked into his eyes, and she saw the truth there, but she was so angry with him.

"If you had told me before we were married, I wouldn't have…I wouldn't have reacted like this. But to think that I thought…" She shook her head, tears spilling over.

"What?"

"Nothing," she breathed. "I can't see you right now."

"Lydia!" he exclaimed as she moved toward the door. "Please, don't do this! At least let me explain." Lydia turned toward him.

"Did you love her?" Albert looked away. "Did you?"

"Lydia…"

"Answer me."

"I…of course I loved her, Lydia. I wouldn't have married her if I hadn't. But, that's not important. What's important is that I found you, and I love you more than anything or anybody." Lydia nodded slowly.

"Why did you get divorced," she asked quietly. "You didn't look very unfriendly toward one another."

"It's the past, Lydia," Albert said quietly.

"Answer me. You owe me at that." Albert sighed heavily. "Tell me, Albert!" Her eyes were full of tears as she sat back down, and she was trembling with frustration. He knew he had to tell her. He couldn't let her fret like this, not while she was this pregnant.

"All right. I'll tell you everything," he breathed. He sucked in a sharp breath. "I moved to New York for a while, trying to get some new clients. I met Julianna, and from the beginning, we were good friends. She told me about her novels that she was trying to get published, and I told her about cases I hadn't worked on but I'd heard of. I think I fueled her desire to write some of the things she did. She once wrote a murder mystery based on what I had told her about some cases. I knew I shouldn't have been divulging any information, but I didn't release names, and I didn't tell her anything else. Once, I told her about a few clients who were psychiatric patients. I lost their cases, but she was intrigued by the idea of them. She began to jot down ideas for a novel. I was so awestruck that I was her inspiration, but I later realized she didn't need me. I fell in love, Lydia. I asked her to marry me, and we both thought it was a good idea. We weren't married long, Lydia. It was just five years ago that we divorced, and we…we…"

"Why did you divorce?" she asked again, almost fascinated by her husband's newest revelations.

"Do you really want to know?" he asked. That made Lydia's heart break just a little.

"I need to know," she said softly, looking down at her hands.

"I didn't want the divorce," he admitted. Her eyes grew wide and full of hurt and anger and sorrow.

"You…you didn't?"

"No. It was her idea, Lydia. She filed for the papers. I fought for our marriage, but…but it didn't last."

"Why? Why did she file?" Albert sighed heavily.

"She was involved with starting her book, and I was involved with my clients. I was an idiot, and a month into our marriage, I told her I wanted to start a family. I scared her, I know I did, because she hadn't wanted children from the start. She was busy, and she wanted to do things that I didn't think I could possibly do with my clients taking precedence. It put a strain on our marriage, and it dissolved quickly. She said she didn't want to make me wait for children. She wanted me to find somebody who wanted children as much as I did. I told her I'd wait for her, but she told me it was for the best. She filed shortly after, and…here we are today." Lydia stood quickly, when Albert moved toward her. "Lydia…"

"So, you…you didn't want to get a divorce. You loved her so much that you wanted to stay married to her."

"I did, but that's the past, Lydia. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Yes it does," she trembled. "Do you still love her?" Albert hung his head. "I suppose that answers my question." She started to move.

"Wait!"

"You expect me to sit here and…and…"

"You asked me!"

"I didn't think I'd…oh, Albert!"

"I don't love her the way I love you. I love her, because she was my first wife, and she was my best friend once. I'm not angry with her, because I know now that she did it for the right reasons, and I'm so grateful, because it gave me the chance to meet you." Lydia moved toward the back of the church, and she shook her head.

"If things had worked out, you would still be married to her." Albert moved toward her again.

"I suppose so. But, it didn't work out that way. I told you, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone."

"But you didn't love me enough to tell me from the start that you were married before."

"I was ashamed, Lydia! I didn't want you to think less of me, because I already had one failed marriage behind me. Just like you were afraid to tell me about what happened between you and David. You were ashamed." Lydia felt her skin stinging as if she'd been slapped in the face.

"Yes, I was, but I told you before we were married." She turned and stalked off, slamming the church door behind her and rushing away. Albert wanted to go after her, but he felt like he was in a nightmare where his feet were stuck to the floorboards and he couldn't go after her. He sat back down slowly and angrily slammed his fist into the seat of the pew. He held his tongue to stop himself from cursing in the house of God, but he was so upset. It wasn't her fault. It was his. Now he had to pay for his mistakes and hope he could convince her that she was all that mattered.

* * *

Julianna settled into the room above the clinic. She knew that there were occupants in the room across from hers, but she didn't know who they were. Obviously, they were out and about during the day. Dr. Quinn had explained how they would only be there temporarily. So would she, or so she thought.

She opened a few drawers and placed her belongings in them, being careful of her undergarments and corsets. She never wore those corsets, but she packed them anyway. They'd been something she'd carried with her all of her life, and they were more of a burden than anything. She looked at one particular corset, and she realized that it had been the one she wore on her wedding day to Albert. She sighed heavily, and she pushed it to the back, hiding it from view. She missed him, yes, but she wasn't in love with him. It had been five years sine she'd seen him, and she missed his friendship. She still had a heavy heart about the way things ended, and she remembered the look upon his face as he got on the train to go back to Boston. He'd been so lost, but she was grateful he'd found love again. She only hoped she hadn't put a wedge there with her arrival. How had she knows that she was going to run into her ex-husband in the most unlikely of places?

"She heard a commotion out in the hall, and she heard a woman sobbing. She moved to close her door, but she leaned against the wall, curious but not wanting to be obvious. She could hear Albert's voice pleading, full of worry and regret. It broke her heart.

"Please, please talk to me, Lydia," he said, trying to open the door. But, she'd locked him out. "Lydia, please open the door." Lydia's response was muffled, and Julianna sighed heavily, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. You know I am. I can't take back what I said…" Julianna heard the door open, and she figured that was Lydia. "What's that? Where're you going?"

"I'm going to stay in the spare room at Grace and Robert E.'s for a while."

"This is ridiculous," Albert said quietly. "Can't we just settle this now?"

"I'm too upset with you to settle it now. You can stay here."

"No, no. You stay," Albert said with a heavy sigh. "I'll sleep in another room."

"Don't do me any favors. I don't want to be under the same roof with you right now." She quickly stormed off, and Julianna could hear Albert's heaving breaths outside. She knew it wasn't her place to comfort him, but she couldn't exactly stay in the room across from his without letting him know. She couldn't let him stand out there and try to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart.

She slowly opened the door, and she stepped out into the hallway. Albert looked up with surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

"Dr. Quinn let me rent the room until I leave," she said quietly. "I can't help but think that I caused what…what just happened. I'm sorry about that. I had no idea you were here, Albert." He shook his head.

"No, it's not your fault. It's mine. I was an idiot."

"You should go after her," Julianna replied quickly. "She's going to be angry if you don't."

"You don't know Lydia," he said sadly. "She'd rather be alone. I'll try to see her tonight, but I'm not sure I'll have much luck."

"I can find another place, Albert," Lydia said, guilt filling her voice.

"No. Don't worry about it. That's the past, and we were friends once, right Jules?" Julianna nodded slowly, smiling a little. He still remembered the nickname he had for her.

"We were." She looked down the hall. "She must love you very much to be so upset with you about this."

"I love her more than life itself," Albert said quietly. "I've never felt that way about anyone before." He looked into her eyes, and she knew the truth. She smiled a little.

"I'm happy for you," she said softly. "Congratulations. I only hope I haven't ruined things."

"No," Albert said quietly. "She's upset. She has every right to be, but it'll work out. It always does." Julianna nodded as Albert walked away, and she retired back to her room. The Colorado sun was dimming, so she lit a lantern and pulled her journal out of her pack. She settled down on the bed and began to write.

_Colorado Springs is beautiful, and it's a place full of life and a plethora of different people. I'm not complaining, because there are so many people to study. There is so much inspiration that I can fill it surging through my veins. But, so much shadows the peace I first felt when I set sight on Pike's Peak. Not only did I learn that Andrew Strauss is coming back into my life, unintentionally though, but I may have caused extensive damage to my ex-husband's marriage. That's not what I wanted for him or for me. I feel terrible. I want him to be happy, and I can see that this Lydia makes him that way. I hope they can work it out, because I don't think I have any right to try to fix it. I've done enough by merely being here. _

She put her journal away and got off of the bed. She moved to the balcony doors and threw them open. She frowned when she saw the townsfolk leading their everyday lives. They had simple things and little money, but many of them looked so happy. Happiness was sometimes overrated. She enjoyed the drama that life brought, because she knew it made her a stronger person. Perhaps happiness was merely something to be cherished the few times it came along in her life. The first time she'd been truly happy was the night she started writing her first book. The second time was the day she married Albert. The third, well, she had to admit that she hadn't really had that third day. It was sad that she could count her truly happy days on less than half of a hand. She'd spent all of her time writing, and she had barely let herself enjoy it. She'd written for the moment, purging her thoughts and her feelings onto paper and twisting them around to fit the plot. But happiness had been something she'd tried to let herself feel at the end of a powerful chapter, but she hadn't felt that happiness, because her mind had been tugging at her, urging her to write more. She had been a slave to her craft for quite some time, and she had decided that after working on this book for so many years, she was going to take a break as soon as she was finished. She was nearly there, but she needed a decent ending for her main character. She didn't care if her publisher screamed at her for an hour or two, because a break was what she needed. She needed to live and experience some highly anticipated happiness. She wanted to be free.

* * *

"It ain't even lunchtime no more," Brian said tiredly, sitting on a tree log next to his sister. "More like dinnertime."

"Matthew will be here soon. Ya find any pennies yet?"

"No. You?"

"No," she replied sadly.

"I sure hope he gets here soon." Colleen sighed heavily.

"Don't worry," she replied quickly. "I'm gonna go check over there again." She pointed to a patch they'd searched a while ago. "Maybe somebody dropped somethin' since then."

"I'll stay here and wait for Matthew."

"No, you go on back to the wagon. That's where he'll be goin' when he's done."

"M'kay," Brian mumbled, chewing on his thumbnail.

"Stop doin' that," Colleen scolded. Brian quickly pulled his thumb away from his mouth, and he hurried back toward the wagon. It was as he was running that he spotted the shiny coppery coin in the dirt. He stopped and fell to his knees.

"Colleen! C'mere! I got one! I got a penny!" Colleen hurried over, and she patted her little brother on the back for having good eyesight.

"Good work, Brian. Let's go find a newspaper."

"Boy, you sure know how to play," Ed said, his words slurring together as the day wore on. Matthew was forcing himself not to choke on the overwhelming stench that seemed to cling to the creaky boards and the whisky-covered tables. "How old are ya, anyhow?"

"Don't matter, does it?" Matthew asked, pulling his winnings into his hands. He'd won about twenty dollars, which was more than enough to get himself and his brother and sister to Denver. They could take the train and still have plenty of money left over.

"Ya are gonna give the fellas a chance to win their money back, ain't ya?" Matthew looked at all of the eyes, dark eyes full of greed and liquor.

"I ain't got no time," Matthew replied. "I got a family to get back to." Matthew stood, and he moved toward the door with the money and his mother's ring in his hands.

"Wait just a second," Ed said, standing and pushing one of the girls off of his lap. "That ain't the way we play 'round here." Matthew turned back toward him, noticing the twitch in Ed's eye. Matthew turned toward the door again, and he heard a chair scoot across the floor. He didn't turn back, and he hurried out of the saloon. It wasn't ten seconds later that he felt himself being pushed, and he fell into the dirt. He felt his mother's ring dig into his side, and he was being pulled to the side and turned onto his back. A fist flew at his face, and he felt hands ripping at his pockets. He tried to fight them off, but it wasn't long before his body gave out, and he fell unconscious, as he was being beaten and robbed blindly.

* * *

Michaela stood in her nightgown, brushing out her long, chestnut hair as she waited for Sully to come up from locking up the house. It was their first night together in the homestead he'd built for her, and she had never felt so safe. A smile was tugging at her lips as she brushed, and she didn't notice Sully staring at her from the doorway, watching her smile and smiling back at her.

Her hand moved down her gown to rest on her still-flat stomach. She couldn't believe that in about six months, she was going to give birth to a child she hadn't been sure she'd ever be able to have. But this was happening. This was a life she and Sully had created out of their union and their love. This child was a blessing, and she only hoped that God wouldn't take this one away too.

"You feelin' okay?" he asked as he walked into the room, keeping the door open. They'd put Katie in one of the other bedrooms for this night, though Michaela didn't want that to be a permanent thing. She was willing to comply with Sully's wishes on this night, because it was certain to be quite an experience. They missed each other, and they needed to feel the closeness that only they could feel when they were together, joined as one and moving as one. They needed to thank one another for the blessing they shared that slept in Michaela's womb. They needed to hold each other and love and cherish the moments they had while they were still here. They'd been through more than most people had in a lifetime, and they wanted to make up for lost time.

"I feel wonderful," she replied, placing her brush on the bureau and watching as he crossed the room to add a few logs to the burning fire in the hearth. She watched as the flames licked at the fresh wood, sending white and black smoke up the chimney and into the night sky. She watched him remove his shirt and moccasins, and the initial jolt of desire sparked within her. Her skin was tingling under the fabric of her nightgown, and she could feel her most sensitive flesh reacting to the chill in the room and the sight of her husband's bare chest.

"Good he replied," moving to take his wife into his arms. Something was different in her eyes, but it wasn't something bad. He was trying to read her, but the desire he felt for her as she stood barefoot and in nothing but her gown, her nipples stiffening and showing through the white fabric and her hair falling loosely behind her made his mouth water and his own desire start to rise. "You ready?"

"I am," she replied, her hands taking his. "I want to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?"

"For everything," she breathed. "I feel like I know you better than I've ever known anyone. We know one another, body and soul." Her fingers slowly traced the outlines on his chiseled chest, and he thought his skin would melt under her touch. "You were patient with me after everything in Denver. You were…" Her cheeks blushed. "You were there for me when we couldn't…" She bit her bottom lip, and Sully grinned a little.

"Be together," Sully finished. She nodded.

"Yes. I never knew that…it…what you did…could be so beautiful."

"Ain't nothin' wrong with showin' the person ya love how much they mean to ya, even when ya can't fully show 'em yet." Michaela nodded, and she breathed a soft sigh, curiosity coating her breath. "Michaela? What is it?"

"I just…what you did for me was so selfless," she said quietly.

"I wouldn't say that," he said, his own face growing a little red. She choked back a giggle, but her face remained serious.

"I've heard that it…well, it's not…proper to do such…" Sully finally understood what she was getting at, when he felt her hand gently massaging his stomach.

"It ain't for everybody," he said quietly. "But when ya love somebody with everything ya have, there ain't nothin' improper 'bout it." She smiled, and he pulled her close. "Ya gotta feel good enough 'bout yourself." Michaela smiled, taking a deep breath through her nose.

"I love you," she breathed. "I've missed you." Without another word, Sully helped her out of her gown. He smiled at her form. Her breasts were slightly fuller, and her middle was starting to thicken. It was barely enough to notice, but after having worshipped every part of her body before, he noticed the slight changes, and he thought she looked incredible.

His buckskins were off in a matter of moments, and they walked hand-in-hand toward the bed he'd carved.

"Ya nervous?"

"A little," she replied. "It hasn't been so long, but it seems like it has. So much has happened." She took his hand in hers and placed it on her belly. "So much has changed."

"Not in our hearts," Sully replied. "We're still the same." This brought tears to her eyes, and he kissed her. His hand moved from her belly to caress her thigh, and she moaned as he lay her back on the sheets. "I love you."

"I love you," she breathed as his mouth moved from her lips to her neck. He made his way down her body, kissing every sensitive part of her. He wasted no time with her, loving her with his mouth and fingers. He wasn't greedy. He gave so much with only a few simple gestures. Her body cried out for release, and he found the spot that triggered the flood of desire that surged through her when he pleasured her in this way. She breathed his name, thanking him by the way she responded to his love.

He knew she was close, and he kissed his way up her body again, positioning himself between her legs. He saw that look in her eyes again. There was slight fear, apprehension, need and curiosity there. Her hands moved up his arms and onto his strong shoulders. She pushed him back a little, her bravery solidifying. She was breaking past the wall of propriety and shyness. She dared to do things she had never conceived of when she was with him. She crawled over him, worry in her eyes.

She was afraid she wouldn't please him, but as her thigh grazed him, and he shuddered under her, she knew she could please him. She felt completely in control. She knew she always pleased him, and that worried her. What if…what if? But it was more than that. She loved him more than words could ever express, and this was a part of it. He showed her love by the way he cared for her, kissed her, and she wanted to do the same. It wasn't so much as a need as it was a want.

"Michaela…" he breathed, as she kissed his chest, her breasts brushing against his muscles. He sucked in a breath as she kissed him lower, and he gently caressed her cheek. "Ya don't have to. I don't need…" She nodded.

"I know," she replied. "I…" She wanted to. She wasn't sure if she could say it, but she wanted to. "I love you. I want to be there for you too."

"Ya really don't…" His body and his mind were screaming at him to shut up and let her explore him. He wanted that with every part of his being, but he didn't want her doing something she wasn't ready for. But the look in her eyes told him this was another part of their intimacy that she was ready to accept. She wanted him to feel the way she felt when he pleased her. "You're sure?" he asked as she grazed against him again. She bit her bottom lip, a smile finally gracing her face. With a nod, she kissed him.

"Yes," she said, her hands shaking, her body trembling as she kissed him lower. He closed his eyes for only a moment, and they flew open again when he felt her hand like fire around him. He wanted to scream out, but he knew that if he did that, they'd wake the baby, and their evening would be over..

She trembled as she caressed him, held him, kissed him. The tender flesh on his lower belly jumped and tingled as her fingers massaged him. She was warm and silky around him, and his worries crumbled right then and there. She was still trembling, but she was under control, her body crying out for him, but she wanted to please him first. She felt empowered, and he could see the fire in her eyes. His pleasure heightened just knowing that she wanted him to feel what she felt.

"Michaela," he breathed, his hands reaching out, gripping at nothing, needing to latch on and hold on for dear life. He was quivering, and she could feel him, but she wanted him to feel the kind of intense pleasure she felt when he was there for her. Her heart pounded as she watched him and saw the way he reached to her. It made her entire being quiver. Loving him made her feel something she'd never experienced before, especially when she looked up to see his face glistening with sweat, his hands clenched into tight fists and his chest heaving in heavy pants. "Michaela. I can't hold on…" She nodded in understanding and pulled away from him. She sat up, staring into his eyes for a moment, her hazel and olive eyes filled with something new, perhaps more knowledge of her husband. But more than that, there was a sense of pride about her. She still felt so powerful. She felt right, and she felt appreciated, and it was one of the most erotic feelings she'd ever encountered. That power had completely aroused her senses, making her feel something more than just love. She felt closer and more connected to him than ever before. It wasn't improper. It was nothing of the sort. It was…beautiful. Tears formed in her eyes, and he caressed her cheek. "I told ya…"

"No," she breathed, lying back on the bed. "No regrets. How could I regret loving you?" He gathered enough strength to pull himself on top of her, his mouth tasting the flesh on her neck, his hands finding her most sensitive spots as he positioned himself. God, it had been way too long.

She arched her back, running her hands up his back, feeling the muscles rippling and the sweat gliding off of him. She closed her eyes, raising her hips as he filled her. She gasped, her body shattering against his as their inhibitions scattered to the wind in millions of tiny slivers. His hands supported his weight. He didn't want to hurt her or the baby, and he knew he had to be careful from now on, but she pulled him close, needing to feel his skin against hers. He moaned into her mouth when she kissed him fully. He moved in her, with her…for her.

They rolled to the side, and Michaela found herself in control again, feeling slightly shocked, but wonderful at the same time. He rolled to his back, bringing her up, holding onto her hips. She cried out and her hands found his chest and his shoulders. She leaned down, kissing him fully and passionately. She gasped into his mouth, whimpered and moaned, driving him further. He turned her onto her back, and he began his final thrusts, sending them both over the edge, their bodies threatening to release the tension that had built up over time.

The sweet sounds of their love making, their passion, their need for one another filled the room, and when they reached the end of their journey, they cried out, their bodies giving out and surrendering to completion.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Matthew coughed violently when he woke. It was dark now, and Colleen and Brian were kneeling next to him outside of the saloon. He groaned loudly, feeling pain all over. He felt the split in his lip, the bruising on his ribs and his eye, and he felt a tooth loose in the back of his jaw.

"What happened?" Colleen asked in a whisper, as out-of-tune music staggered out of the saloon. Matthew sat painfully, and he caught the glimmer of something in the dirt. He reached for it, and it was Charlotte's ring. He breathed a sigh of relief and tucked it in the only pocket that wasn't ripped.

"Nothin'," he murmured. "C'mon. Let's go find a place to set up camp. We'll look for dinner someplace else."

"I'm real hungry," Brian said quietly, his tough-guy attitude from early completely dissolved.

"We'll find a way," Matthew promised, tasting blood and dirt in his mouth. He could still smell the cheap cigars and watered down whiskey.

"But ya don't know how to hunt," Colleen protested. "Pa never showed ya."  
"Don't mean I can't try. C'mon," he said quickly. Colleen and Brian watched as he walked off toward the wagon, and they held each other close, following behind with worry.

* * *

_"No! Stay away from me! Please, go away! Leave me alone!" she screamed, clawing at the walls of the alley, her fingernails snapping and splitting as she tried to break through. He felt his hand moved around her throat, and he slammed her into the wall. She slid down into a puddle of something. She didn't want to know what it was, but she felt him pressing into her again a moment later, his fingers bruising her flesh._

_"You'll never forget," he seethed. "Never."_

_"David! NO!" She pounded her fists against him, kicked him with such fury. The blinding sound of the baby crying made her scream out. "No! My baby! My baby!" She was answered by a firm smack across the face, his knuckles catching the bridge of her nose. She cried out. Why couldn't anyone hear her? Why wasn't anyone listening? "Sully! Sully!" She screamed louder than ever, hoping he could hear._

_David's hand closed around her throat, and she felt his hot breath against her lips. She closed her mouth tightly, but he fought for entrance, and she bit him hard. She growled, and she was sick at the thought that it pleased him that she was fighting so hard._

_Pain ripped through her body, her stomach tightening with a contraction. She cried out as his hands pinned her down, his chest crushed against hers, stealing her breath. _

_"No! No! No! No!" she screamed over and over again, tears pouring down her face, mixing with the blood that was coagulating in her hair. She groaned in pain as his knee pressed into her stomach, and she tried to fight him off._

_"His baby," he breathed. "It wasn't supposed to be him. It should've been me."_

_"No!" she screamed, feeling her body giving out, but her mind and her will didn't. She screamed, but the sounds of the infant crying flooded and reverberated throughout the alley. She was drowning in tears, blood, lies, pain and degradation._

"Sully!" Michaela exclaimed, sitting up in bed, her hands on her stomach. She was in pain, and her face was damp from tears. Sully sat up in bed and saw his wife's naked form lie back on the sheets and curl up in the fetal position.

"Michaela!"

"It hurts," she cried. "It hurts." She was gasping for breath, and he was scared to death.

"Hang on, Michaela. I'm gonna get ya help. I'm gonna…I'm gonna go get Dr. Bernard."

"Don't leave me!" she pleaded.

"I gotta go, Michaela." Her hand grabbed his, and she squeezed it hard.

"Please don't go! I can't go through this alone." He heard the absolute fear in her voice, and he couldn't leave her now. She'd needed him once, and he hadn't been there. He couldn't leave her like this.

"What can I do?" he asked, his voice breaking along with his heart.

"Hold me until the pain goes away," she sobbed. "Make it go away." He slowly pulled her into his arms, and she clung to him, crying against his chest. "Not again. Not again. Please, God! Not again." He couldn't speak. He could only hold her as her body tensed, and she let out the most terrifying, painful cries he'd ever heard. He closed his eyes, holding her until she relaxed a little and her breathing slowed.

"Michaela?" he asked cautiously, pulling back from her and looking into her tear-stained eyes.

"The pain's gone," she breathed. Sully kissed her forehead, letting his own tears slip out. "I'm scared, Sully. I'm so afraid." Sully held her close, feeling her tears leaking onto his chest. She choked on a sob, and he rubbed her back. He held her for several minutes, letting her dry her tears. He was silent, knowing she didn't need him to speak right now. Her body seemed to relax completely, and he kissed her temple and her forehead.

"It's over now," he whispered. "Just rest. I'm gonna go get Dr. Bernard. Will ya be okay long enough for me to do that?" Michaela nodded, placing her hand on her bare stomach.

"Yes," she replied.

"You stay in bed," he urged, getting out of bed and pulling on his clothes. He handed her the nightgown she'd worn last night, and she smiled gratefully at him.

"I will. Will you bring Katie in for me?"

"Sure," he replied, worry still shaking and straining his voice. "Just lay back. Don't move." Michaela's heart was pounding, and her body was completely relaxed. There was nothing left of the pain except the memory, and she wondered if it had actually been there. That nightmare had been so real. You weren't supposed to feel the pain of your dreams, but she did with that one.

Sully carried Katie in, and Michaela watched as he eased her little head off of his shoulder and into the crook of his arm. It saddened Michaela to think that he may never get to hold a child of his own flesh and blood like that.

"Go to Mama," Sully whispered, softly kissing the top of Katie's nearly-hairless head. Michaela took her daughter into her arms and held her close.

"Hello, sweetheart," she breathed. "You're going to keep me company for a while. Is that all right?" Katie sighed softly in her sleep, and Michaela looked up at Sully with worry obviously in her eyes. "We'll be all right. Go on."

"I ain't sure I should go just yet."

"We'll be fine," she assured him. He moved toward the door, wrapping his belt, clad with tomahawk and knife, around his waist.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Just…stay in bed." He rushed out the door, and Michaela placed Katie down on the bed. She lay back and turned her head to look at her sweet baby girl. Motherhood was new to her, but she knew that it was a part of who she was. She wasn't just a doctor or a wife. She was a doctor, a wife, a mother and so many other things. She wanted it all, and thought she knew it might not always be possible, she could hope for the best. That's all she really could do right now.

* * *

_My blind passion lingers in the darkness  
Waiting for the perfect moment.  
I watch her heart grow bigger,  
As my overwhelming evil tears her away.  
Evil, I am not.  
I am what they created and molded  
From abuse and cruelty.  
A man of honor, I could be,  
But my blackened heart  
Beats with desire for the one I cannot have.  
But, I shall.  
She lives in a dream,  
And she will wake soon.  
I will wake her  
Soon._

David put his journal down and watched as the morning sun rose over Denver. He walked toward the window and threw open the curtains. Buggies raced past the hotel, as young men on horseback chased one another through the streets. A variety of beautiful young women made his mouth water, but none like the incomparable Michaela Quinn.

His blood ran hot at the thought of her. The need he felt for her was slightly tamed compared to before. Something had changed inside of him. Something had implanted within his soul and started growing, and it had all started the day he met that woman. Julie, Julia? Julianna! That was her name. He could see her in his mind, but when he'd talked to her, he had been somebody else, for the most part. He'd been watching and listening from a distance, his soul hiding in the corner while another part of him took over.

His bad eye began to throb behind the patch, and a memory began to surface. His head spun as he heard their conversation over coffee. A name. What name had he given to her? And…Andrew Strauss. He knew that man, but that wasn't him. What part of him had taken on that name? His recollection dimmed, and the pain overtook him again. He ripped off his eyepatch and threw it away. The light seeping through the window burned the cloudy white of his damaged eyeball.

He moved toward his medical bag and opened it up. He desperately searched for something, anything. He found a vile of something, and he swallowed it, not caring if it was for the pain or not. But, it seemed to help, and he fell back onto his bed, his mind writhing and stretching and thinking back.

"Andrew Strauss…"

* * *

June, 1865

"David, what the hell were you thinking back there?" a man a few years older than him asked as the carriage rattled down the cobblestones in San Francisco. "You could have killed that young man!"

"With all due respect, _Dr._ Strauss, I did what I thought was best. I saw all of the symptoms, so I did what my heart told me to do. You weren't there, were you?"

"I would have preferred for you to wait on me."

"You're never around when I need your assistance. I'd be better off practicing alone!" Andrew looked at him angrily, his eyes flashing with frustration. He'd been wanting to say that same thing to David for months. Now David had the audacity to imply that his colleague wasn't holding up his end of the partnership.

"I think that's a good idea," Andrew replied quickly. "David, I can't trust you with my patients."

"Excuse me?" David asked incredulously. "What are you talking about?"

"Jesus, I'm talking about today, yesterday, last week with Mr. Nelson."

"What about Mr. Nelson?" David asked, slapping the reins to make the carriage go faster. Andrew stared at him incredulously.

"You gave him the wrong medication! He died before I had the chance to save his life! He came in with a severe case of arthritis, David, and you gave him…"

"I know what I gave him! I made a mistake!" David spat.

"There are no mistakes in medicine. You should know that by now!" David slapped the reins again, and Andrew reached for them. "Stop the carriage. Stop!" But, David continued to go faster and faster, running away from the misery, the pain and the accusations. Andrew tried to push him away, but the horses broke free, and the carriage toppled over, spilling both Andrew and David onto the cobblestones. David screamed out like a wounded rabbit, and Andrew felt his arm snap as he hit with a heavy thud.

David was screaming in pain, however, and he had to put aside his anger. He held his broken arm close to his body and pulled himself toward David as the carriage wheels slowed and began to stop spinning.

"David! Can you hear me?" David groaned in pain as Andrew turned him to his side. He noticed the blood pouring from David's eye socket, and for a moment, he thought that perhaps he'd lost his eye, but he could see part of the iris through the blood. "Relax, David. It's going to be all right." Their medical bags were scattered on the ground, and several people ran to get help.

"You…" David seethed, wiping the blood from his face, but the blood quickly replaced itself. Before he could get another word out, he passed out cold, and Andrew worked as hard as he could to keep him alive.

* * *

"I see no cause to worry," Dr. Bernard said, rinsing his hands in the washbasin, as Sully sat next to the bed with Katie in his arms.

"But she woke up screamin' in pain," Sully said, his voice quivering slightly. "That ain't normal."

"No," Dr. Bernard replied. "But I see no physical reason that she would have experienced the pain." He looked at Michaela. "I suggest you take it easy for a few days, rest and get plenty of fluids and nutrients in your system." Michaela sighed. She had already planned on it.

"Thank you, Dr. Bernard."

"I have to catch the stage back to Denver, but wire me if there are anymore complications."

"We will. Thank you," Sully said with defeat in his voice. As Dr. Bernard left, Wolf came into the room whining. Sully handed the baby back to Michaela. "What is it, boy?" Wolf hurried out of the room, and Sully looked at Michaela. "I'll be right back." She smiled and nodded at him.

"I'll be right here when you get back."

Sully descended the stairs, following Wolf as he skillfully moved toward the door. Dr. Bernard was riding off in a borrowed wagon, and Cloud Dancing was making his way up the trail to the house. Sully went outside to greet his Cheyenne brother. They embraced.

"The sweat lodge has been prepared for the medicine woman."

"It ain't a good time," Sully said quietly.

"No harm will come to the child. Hope has been restored." Sully looked up quickly.

"Ya knew."

"Yes," Cloud Dancing replied, "but the Spirits spoke. They would not let me speak about it."

"We just found out," Sully explained. "Michaela had pain this morning."

"The ritual must be performed soon. She must purge her body of the past and let her spirit heal." Sully looked up toward the bedroom window. He knew it was what she needed. The nightmares were growing more frequent, and the pain had been so horrible for her. "But she must first accept our healing." Sully nodded slowly.

"Come with me." He led Cloud Dancing up the stairs and into the room. Michaela was surprised to find the medicine man with her husband now.

"Cloud Dancing?"

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. What's going on?" She glanced between him and Sully. "Sully?"

"The nightmares are growing worse," Cloud Dancing spoke up. Michaela swallowed hard and nodded her head. "The Spirits tell me much about the past. They tell me you are ready to move on." Michaela let out a slow, soft breath and put her hand on her stomach.

"I need to move on," she replied quietly. "Sully told me about the ritual. The baby…"

"The child will not be harmed. You will nourish your body, and you will learn the process. When you are ready, the healing will begin."

"I am ready," she said quietly, looking down at her little girl. She was more than ready to let go of the past and look forward to the future. David was a part of the past, and she believed in her heart that he would never try to hurt her again.

* * *

Julianna sipped coffee at Grace's and wrote a few lines down for her novel. She could feel many eyes starting at her, accusing her of something she had no control over. Rumor had spread that Albert had been married to her, so these eyes were staring and accusing her of breaking up a marriage simply by existing.

"More coffee?" Grace asked, walking up with a hot kettle in her hand.

"Yes, thank you," Julianna said quietly. Grace sat down and poured the cup of coffee. Julianna immediately picked up the sugar bowl and dumped at least ten or twelve cubes into her coffee cup. Grace raised an eyebrow, but decided not to question it.

"What're you writin'?" Julianna wasn't sure how to sum it up in so many words.

"Sometimes I think I'm writing my life," she said, her eyes staring into Grace's. Grace fidgeted in her seat, and Julianna smiled a little. "But then I remind myself that these characters truly don't exist. I've been writing them for so long that they seem to have taken on a life of their own."

"Really? How long?" Grace wondered. Julianna thought back, and she surprised herself.

"Going on seven years," she responded. Grace's eyes went wide.

"What on earth could ya be writin' about for seven years?" Julianna thought for a moment.

"A lot of things," she admitted. Grace smiled a little and caught Julianna's gaze. "Albert's wife is staying with you?" Grace tensed up.

"She is."

"I feel terrible," she said quietly. "I didn't even know I'd ever see him again. I hope she understands."

"She ain't mad at you, honey. Don't worry," Grace said. "It's somethin' she's gonna have to work out with her husband." Grace gave her a positive smile and walked off to tend to her other customers. Julianna sighed and closed her novel. She opened up her journal and began to write again. The breeze began to pick up, however, and her pages began to rattle and tear a little. She quickly closed the book and drank down the rest of her coffee. She had no appetite, though breakfast for her usually was coffee. She didn't know why. She actually hated coffee, but she hadn't protested the night she went with him.

She placed the proper payment down onto the table and grabbed her things. She needed peace and quiet, and she realized how beautiful the meadow looked. It was almost golden as the sun shone down on it, and the leaves from the woods sparkled orange, brown, red and yellow, while there was still an abundance of green. Autumn was almost here, and she could smell it in the air. It was so different than New York.

She sat down in a patch of grass that seemed to be directly under the sun, and she unfolded her books into her lap, closing her eyes for a moment of peace. Unfortunately, _he_ came into her mind again. She couldn't stop thinking about him. He wasn't good for her, and that was as plain as day, but she couldn't stop thinking about how handsome he was, and how he was so distant and mysterious.

Thunder rumbled off in the distance, and Julianna looked up. The sky was turning gray, and the clouds were rolling in, pushing the sun out of sight. She sighed heavily.

"So much for a nice day." She picked up her things and walked slowly back toward the clinic, getting caught in the beginning of the storm just before she escaped inside.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

_**Warning: This chapter contains a sexual situation not appropriate for younger readers**._

Michaela opened her eyes at the sound of the thunder. She was surrounded by Cheyenne women, who were adorning her in beautiful beads and wrapping her in a buckskin dress of some sort. Her hair was untamed and running long down her back, and she could hear the cries of her little Katie somewhere in he dark hovel. She looked over to see a Cheyenne woman with eyes brighter than the winter on a sunny day. The woman was holding Katie, who was wrapped in a thick fur blanket to keep her warm from the cool weather that was sure to follow the storm.

"I am Snow Bird," she said with a pleased smile.

"You're Cloud Dancing's wife," Michaela said with wide eyes. Snow Bird nodded and smiled. "My baby…"

"She is rested. Your husband brings food to camp with my husband. He will return very soon…before the ritual begins."

"These clothes?"

"They are not ceremonial," Snow Bird said, grinning at the medicine woman. "Your clothes were soaked in the rain on your journey to our camp." Michaela's head was dizzy from the steam that was starting to fill the lodge.

"I remember now," she breathed. "Katie shouldn't be in here."

"I will take her to my teepee," Snow Bird promised. "I will care for her as if she were my own until the ritual is complete."

"How long will it take?"

"It depends on the person's spirit. Some people take days, some a week, yet others heal quickly due to strong wills and spirits. Your husband believes you are one of those." Michaela smiled a little, and Snow Bird reached out to touch her stomach. She didn't move, but she stared into the older woman's eyes.

"A strong child grows inside of you," she commented. "You must nourish yourself now until the clouds part and the sun shines down." Young Cheyenne girls brought in bowls of food and skins of water, and Michaela wasn't sure what to make of it. "You must eat for the child." Michaela nodded, and she began to eat what they had to offer. The women began to leave the hut, but Snow Bird stayed a few minutes longer. When Katie began to fuss, she left Michaela alone and took the little one back to her teepee.

Michaela ate and drank and felt her body growing stronger. She watched the steam from the hot stones swirling up and spreading out over the dome of the lodge. It clung there, thickening like the rain clouds, and when she could eat nothing more, she lay back and watched as her eyes played tricks on her, and she saw her family through the semi-translucent fog. She reached out to them, but her fingers broke the veil of fog that protected her, and she began to shiver. She pulled a blanket around her body, and even though the temperature was almost sweltering, she couldn't shake the cold feeling of being away from her family and left to the mercy of the Spirits.

"Sully!" she cried out. He had promised to be there with her if she wanted him, and she did. She wanted him there with her. "Sully!" She sat up, her head light and her darkened world spinning. A moment later, someone entered, soaking wet from the storm. Michaela peered through the fog. "Sully?"

"I'm here. You okay?" he asked, moving toward her.

"Yes," she breathed. "I didn't know where you were. I woke up, and…"

"Do ya want me here with ya during…"

"I know I should do this alone," she said softly. "I want you here, but I know I need to be alone." Sully nodded and held her hand in his. He brought it to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss there.

"Don't worry," he said softly. "Cloud Dancin' thinks it'll be over by nightfall. You're strong, Michaela."

"I don't feel very strong," she said quietly, falling against him, his soaking buckskins dampening her dress.

"You'll feel better real soon, Michaela. I promise," Sully said with a soft sigh. "I'll be waitin' for ya when it's all over." Michaela nodded, and she felt Sully place a kiss to her forehead. A moment later, bright light filtered through the fog as Cloud Dancing entered.

"The storm has passed. It is time."

* * *

Matthew felt a lot better as the wagon wobbled along the countryside. They were covering a lot of miles, and they hoped to be in Colorado by the end of the week. Brian and Colleen were sitting in the back playing silly games, trying to keep the mood light. They had had a good breakfast, and they were set until at least the evening time. 

"Ya still got that newspaper from yesterday?"

"Yeah," Brian replied. "Didn't look at it yet, but I can't read it that good anyhow."

"Give it here," Colleen said. "I'll read it." Brian reached into his back pocket and pulled out the folded up newspaper. He handed it to Colleen, and she held it firmly in her little hands. "Says here that some fellas are goin' 'round robbin' stagecoaches."

"Anythin' 'bout Pa?" Matthew said, his jaw clenching.

"No," Colleen said sadly, scanning over the pages. Her eyes went wide, and she let out a gasp.

"What?"

"Oh my gosh. Says here that 'Byron Sully and his wife, _Michaela Quinn Sully_ of Colorado Springs would like to pe…pet…petition for adoption of the infant Katherine Elizabeth Cooper. All responsible parties should come forward before September 30th of this month." Matthew quickly stopped the wagon and jumped into the back to grab hold of the paper.

"Dr. Mike?" Brian asked, his ears almost perking up. "She's gonna 'dopt Katie?" Colleen and Matthew exchanged glances. "She's real nice. Bet Katie'd like it there."

"She ain't gonna adopt our sister," Matthew replied. "She's our sister. We'll take care of her." He looked at Colleen. "Right?" She bit her bottom lip, going against what her heart told her to say.

"Right," she whispered.

"C'mon," Matthew urged, climbing back into the driver's seat. "Let's get to Colorado Springs."

* * *

Lydia walked into the mercantile after the storm, and she began to pick up a few things for Grace as payment for letting her stay at her home for a little while. She was surprised to find Abagail running the store, and she noticed how sad the girl looked, and she couldn't help but be reminded of what it had been like after she was with David. She'd been so sad after all of it was said and done. 

"Good afternoon, Abagail," Lydia said with a soft smile, trying to hide her own sadness at the moment.

"Mrs. Johnson," Abagail replied, her frown quickly turning into a smile.

"Please, call me Lydia." Abagail nodded, and Lydia moved closer to her.

"Are you all right?" she asked softly. Abagail nodded her head.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired is all," she replied.

"Maybe you should have Dr. Bernard examine you before he leaves on the stagecoach."

"No. It's nothing, really. I'm fine." She squeezed on the side of her skirt to try to take the focus off of her pain. "Will this be all for you?" Lydia looked down at the items she had selected.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Would you like this put onto your account?"

"No thank you," Lydia replied.

"That'll be a dollar," Abagail replied. Lydia nodded and handed a dollar to Abagail. "Thanks."

"You're sure you're all right?" Lydia asked.

"Yes. I'm fine," Abagail replied, her eyes telling otherwise. Lydia couldn't force her to say anything that she didn't feel comfortable about, so she slowly left the mercantile. Abagail leaned on the counter and put a hand on her stomach. She'd been bleeding for a week. She shook her head and swallowed hard. She told herself she was being silly and that it was her monthly.

"Abby?" Martin came walking in, his clothes drenched from the earlier storm. His light brown hair was matted to his cheeks, and sweat rolled off with the rainwater. "Make me some coffee, would ya?"

"Can't ya just go to Grace's?" Abagail asked. Martin stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. She laughed as he kissed her neck, and she felt the stubble on his chin tickle her. "Martin!"

"C'mon, Abby. Ya know I like your coffee better'n Grace's." Abagail sighed and rolled her eyes.

"If you insist," she laughed. "Two lumps, right?" Martin nodded, and he pulled her into another kiss. The pain started up again, but she held back the gasp that attempted to escape. When he wanted to kiss her again, she pushed him back a little.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I…I just…"

"What's wrong, Abby? Ya never acted like this before. Sure, ya been quiet lately. What'd I do?"

"Nothin', Martin," she said softly.

"Ya been lonely at night, Abby. Don't think I don't know. I know ya get outta bed and sit at the window. Ain't ya happy?" Abagail blinked back her tears.

"I am," she replied. "I'm just restless. I've never been outta Colorado Springs. I ain't had time to do much've anything." Martin frowned.

"I'll tell ya what," he said quietly. "Come Christmas, I'm gonna take ya to Denver, and we'll have the honeymoon we ain't never had." Abagail's eyes brightened, and she felt happier than she'd felt in a long time.

"You mean it!"

"'Course I do," he replied. "I'd do anything to see that smile on you're face." The pain came back once more, and she let out a sharp gasp. "Abby? What's the matter?"

"Nothing! Nothing. I think ya just squeezed me too tight." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll go make your coffee. Watch the store for me." Martin nodded, and Abagail hurried away, trying to ignore the pain.

* * *

The pain grew intense, as the final minutes of the ritual passed on. The moon was high, and Michaela was writhing on the skins on the floor of the sweat lodge. Her body was coated in sweat, and her hair was damp. She'd pulled the clothes off of her body and wrapped herself in a buckskin blanket. Her entire body throbbed as she faced the demons of her past. 

Sully had heard her screaming out all afternoon and evening long, and he had had to restrain himself on several occasions from going in and holding her. He knew she had to do it on her own, no matter how difficult it was.

"Not the baby," she cried out, her eyes closed, a vision of David standing over her with her unborn child's blood covering his hands. "You did this to me. You made me afraid. You didn't want me to be happy with him. You wanted this. You tried to take what was mine." She shook her head, and she placed her hands upon her stomach. "No more. I won't let you do this." She gasped in the darkness of the sweltering lodge, and she felt the air escaping her lungs, choking her and making her heart pound. "No! No more! I'm finished with you! I'm moving on!" As if by command, David turned with a smile upon his face. He walked away, his hands clean and his heart beating almost pure. It made her sick for a split second, but the pain her body felt began to go away. "I'm sorry for what's happened to you. Nobody deserves whatever happened that made you this way. I'm sorry, David."

Sully clenched his fists, and Cloud Dancing put a hand on his arm.

"Not yet," he commanded.

Michaela felt the breath returning to her body.

"Sully," she whispered. "The baby…save the baby." He knelt behind her in the fog, his arms wrapping around her waist and his hands covering her stomach. "Sully, I'm safe with you." She moved to touch his arm, but he disappeared, and she fell back onto the furs.

"Mama." Michaela blinked, and the vision of a beautiful little girl with hair like her father's and eyes like her mother's stepped forward.

"I know you," Michaela breathed. The little girl nodded and reached out for Michaela. She stroked her cheek, and she wiped away a thick tear that escaped.

"I'm in a good place, Mama. Don't worry about me."

"I'm so sorry," Michaela sobbed. "It's my fault! I…I should have taken better care."

"You did, Mama. I love you."

"I love you, sweet girl."

"Anna," she whispered. "That's what you would have named me." Michaela's lower lip trembled.

"Yes," she breathed. She hadn't told anyone that. It was a name her heart had out. Not even Sully knew.

"Katie needs you now," Anna said softly. "You have to be strong for her and for Papa. I know you both love me, Mama."

"My little girl," Michaela whispered, reaching for her. She didn't want her to go away, and she could even feel her little hand slip into hers. She closed her eyes, but she could still see her. Her hair long, curly and dark brown, and her eyes hazel and olive just like Mama.

"I'll be with you forever, Mama. I know I will. You'll hold me in your arms at night until we're together again. I'll always be here."

"My little girl," Michaela repeated, "I wanted you so much. Your father wanted a little girl…"

"He has Katie now. She'll make you both happy, Mama. She'll watch over my twin brother." Michaela opened her eyes. "He'll have your eyes and Papa's hair." Michaela breathed a shaky breath, and she choked out another sob. "Please don't cry, Mama. It wasn't your fault. I'm with Katie's mama, and she's taking good care of me. I love you, Mama."

"I love you." The pain continued to weaken, as she heard her little girl's voice. The voice would always be with her and fill her heart and try to ease her nightmares.

"Doc," came a voice. Michaela smiled a little.

"Charlotte," she whispered.

"She's beautiful, ain't she? Katie?"

"She is. Oh, Charlotte, I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?"

"You know in your heart, don't ya?"

"Yes," Michaela whispered. "I'll never let her forget you."

"I know. I don't think I coulda picked a better lady to raise my baby. Ya did do the right thing."

"It's my fault…what happened…"

"No," Charlotte whispered. "I knew it was my time. I knew for months, Doc. Don't fret no more. Don't fret." At that moment, the pain was gone.

"She's been quiet too long," Sully said quickly. "I need to check on her."

"She will be fine," Cloud Dancing promised. "Come build a fire with me. When the flames are high, you may join her." Sully looked toward the entrance of the lodge, and he finally nodded. He touched the outside of the lodge.

"I'll be right back, Michaela. I promise."

Well into the night, Albert sat on the balcony of the clinic watching Lydia sit in a rocking chair on the porch of Grace and Robert E.'s house. She saw him watching, and he knew it, but he didn't care. She was his wife, and she meant more to him than anything or anyone in the world. He knew he was an idiot for not telling her sooner, but it was the past, and he couldn't change it.

She looked up again, and she saw him looking at her, and she picked up her things and walked inside. Albert sighed heavily, and he stormed back into the room above the clinic. He slammed the balcony doors loudly, and this caused Julianna to open her door and peer into the dimly lit room across the hall. Albert's door was wide open anyway.

"Everything okay?" she wondered, moving into the hall. Albert leaned against the doors for a moment, before he turned around.

"No," he replied.

"Albert, go talk with her. She is your wife after all."

"She doesn't want to see me."

"Yes she does." Julianna laughed a little.

"She doesn't. When she says she doesn't want to see me, she means it."

"Perhaps for a time, but if she's like any woman I know, I bet she's been sitting outside where you can see her, am I right?" Albert's jaw gaped open a little. "I bet she keeps glancing at you, and she probably looks away. She's enjoying it, Albert, even though it hurts. Part of her probably wants to toy with you like this."

"You think so?"

"I know so," Julianna replied. "If there's anything I know about relationships, this is the best time to go speak with her."

"She just went inside."

"Never mind."

"What?"

"She's probably angrier with you for not coming over sooner."

"No…not Lydia." Julianna shrugged. "I have to try. I have to see her."

"Then why are you waiting on Christmas?" Albert watched as she raised an eyebrow, and he shook his head. She'd said that a lot when she was impatient with him during their marriage. He quickly grabbed his hat and hurried out of the clinic and into the dark night to attempt to talk with Lydia.

Michaela felt a cool breeze overtake her body as the flap entrance to the sweat lodge opened. Sully pulled himself in and brought her a canteen of water. She sat up quickly, pulling the blanket around her naked body.

"Drink this, Michaela," he urged, holding it out to her.

"Is it you?" she asked. He moved closer carefully.

"It's me," he promised.

"You're real?" She reached out and touched his face, touching his warm flesh to make sure he was there. But Anna had been there. She'd felt real.

"I'm real. I'm here," he promised, touching her face. "I'll always be here." Michaela sighed softly, and he felt her hot tears spill onto his flesh.

"I know," she said softly. "I believe you."

"Ya feel all right?"

"She was…she was here."

"Who was here, Michaela?" he asked, placing the canteen in her hands. She shook her head and pulled the container to her lips. She drank it down thirstily, quenching the thirst her body had sweated. She placed the canteen down, and Sully moved toward her. "Are ya all right?" She nodded, reaching out for him.

"It's hard to see in here."

"We've got a teepee ready." Michaela nodded. "Ya ready to sleep?" She shook her head and found his body in the darkness. She touched his chest, and she could feel his hard muscles through his shirt.

"No," she breathed. "I feel more alive than ever." Her hands moved up his shoulders and neck, and they cupped his face. She breathed in and surprised him with a full kiss upon his lips, her mouth moving against his, and her blanked body pressing close to his.

"Michaela?" he asked, surprise in his voice as he gently pushed her shoulders back. "Are ya sure 'bout this?" She answered him with a moan as her lips pressed against his again. In the darkness, he couldn't see the flush upon her face at her oh-so-bold actions, but her enthusiasm drove his own desire, and he pulled his arms around her before gently laying her down on the furs. His hands roamed over her body, and he felt the material of the buckskin blanket, and he felt her shifting. A moment later, his hand found bare skin, and he realized she was wearing nothing. "Michaela…" His lips searched the darkness for hers again. She whimpered softly as his lips moved down her neck and kissed a line to her naval. He splayed his hands upon her belly, and he kissed her again. Michaela sat up, and she blindly reached to help him discard his shirt. His moccasins and buckskins went next, and she could feel his warmth emanating and soaking into her as he pulled her tight.

"Sully," she whispered, sweat trickling down her temples and over her lips. He kissed her firmly, loving her and begging for entrance into her mouth. She gasped, as he brought her into his lap, and her legs wrapped around his waist. He reached under her, stroking her and pleasuring her. Their lips never broke apart, and she shuddered into his mouth, her tongue dancing with his. She had never felt closer to him. Their spirits seemed to mold together.

"Michaela," he whispered as her hands stroked his chest, his thighs and gently grazed against him. He shivered and held on for dear life, as she broke away from his kiss for only a moment.

"Sully," she whispered. "Sully, please. Now." She'd never felt freer, more in control of her emotions or more alive, as she placed her hands on his shoulders, and he lifted her up. She slid herself down onto him, embedding him inside of her. She cried out into his mouth, and Sully's own moans of pleasure mixed with hers. Her legs tightened around him. He curled an arm around her protectively, and his free hand found a breast. She let out a sigh of pleasure as they began to move together. His mouth moved from her lips to her jaw bone, placing tiny wet kisses from her chin to a sensitive spot behind her ear. She moaned, lightly nipping at his shoulder, and they tumbled back onto the furs, blind to each other but seeing through the darkness, remembering the maps of each other's bodies. "Yes…" Her arms encircled his neck, pulling him down to her, and he quickly found her other breast with his mouth. "Yes…"

She was losing control, and her back arched as he found her wick with his fingers and set it on fire with his touch. She muffled her cries in his shoulder, and he buried his own in her damp flesh, kissing her and holding her, not wanting to let go.

The race was ending, and Sully held on for her. She held him tight, her body not wanting to let him go. Their hearts pumped together, beating new life into their souls and new breath into their lungs. Her eyes flew open, and for a moment, she could see his eyes staring into her, filling her with pure joy. She closed them tight again, as she felt him thrust once, twice, three more times.

"Sully," she cried out, her body rippling and exploding with his. He cried out her name, and they were silent. Their heavy breaths filled the small dwelling, and he pulled away from her long enough to situate himself beside her. In the darkness, they curled up inside of each other's arms, and they caressed one another, kissed one another and breathed together as the Spirits smiled down on them.

"How do ya feel?"

"Better than I have in a long time. I feel empty of all of the pain, and at the same time, I feel full of everything good in my life. I've let go of it, Sully. I'm completely happy. You're here. We have Katie. We have our son." Sully shifted against her.

"Son?"

"Yes," she whispered. "You don't mind do you?"

"'Course not, but how do ya know?" Her lips curled into a smile in the darkness, and it was almost bright enough for Sully to see.

"I just know. Trust me."

"I do," he replied, kissing her damp forehead.

"Thank you for being here."

"Ya went through it on your own."

"But I felt you near me. You were always close by." Sully placed his hand upon his wife's chest; over her heart.

"I'll always be close by, even if I ain't really here. I'll always be here." Tears welled in Michaela's eyes as she thought about Anna's words to her.

"I know," she breathed. "I know."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Albert left the clinic early the next morning. It was Sunday, and he wanted to meet Lydia before church. He hadn't gotten the chance to speak with her the night before, because he'd lost his nerve when he saw the lights go out and Grace and Robert E.'s house become still. He'd retired back to the clinic and hadn't slept a wink. He knew for sure that Lydia woke at six thirty every Sunday morning to get ready for church. Robert E. chopped wood at six forty five, and Grace started cooking breakfast at seven. It was seven thirty, and church started in a half hour. He knew she always started toward the church at seven thirty five to mingle with the townspeople.

Sure enough, at seven thirty five, Lydia left Grace and Robert E.'s wearing a beautiful rose colored dress and a dark shawl. He started to walk toward her, taking the hat from his head. She noticed him and turned in the other direction.

"Lydia!"

"Go away, Albert," she said, fussing with her money purse as Albert jogged to keep up with her. She moved fast for a pregnant woman!

"I'm not going away. I'm your husband, and I want to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to you," she replied, turning in the opposite direction of the church.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to the Farnsworth house," she replied. "Mrs. Farnsworth is ill, and I promised to look in on her and read to her from the Bible. I spoke with Reverend Johnson, and he understands."

"At least let me give you a ride out there. You can't walk all that way in your condition."

"Of course I can't," she laughed. "Mr. Farnsworth is picking me up." Albert sighed with frustration.

"Aren't we ever going to talk about this?"

"What's left to talk about, Albert? You didn't tell me a very important thing about your past. You didn't mention ever being in such a relationship, and then when your ex-wife shows up, it all comes out. I'm sorry, Albert, but you can't expect me to get over it that quickly."

"Of course not, but I do expect us to be adult about this and not act like children! We're supposed to face our problems through sickness and in hell."

"We're not sick, Albert."

"But this is Hell for me." Lydia stopped and turned to face him. She knew he was telling the truth, and she almost felt guilty for making him suffer like this, but she was still upset and rightly so!

"It's not exactly amusing for me either, Albert. You hurt me, don't you realize that?" Tears sparkled in her eyes, making the gray shimmer blue in the sun. She let out a sigh, and her breath clouded in the cool air. "I have to go, Albert." She turned again, and Albert reached out and took her hand. She froze, but she didn't pull away.

"I know I was wrong. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'd do anything to make up for it all. Please don't shut me out, Lydia, because I'm a better man with you in my life. Please, Lydia. Please talk to me." He watched the tears slip down her face, and she bit her trembling lower lip.

"I trusted you, Albert. I may be a fool, but I still do. We've been through so much, and I don't want to let this tear us apart."

"Then don't. Don't." He pulled her close, and she was still rigid, her hands resting on his chest. She tried to fight him, but her love for him took over for a moment. They pulled one another into a soft kiss, one that made them both want to cry for joy. But, when Lydia realized what was happening, she pulled back.

"I can't, Albert. It's too soon."

"We're married. It's not…"

"I know. I mean, I'm not ready yet. She's going to be around for a while, and every time I see her, I think of you being the way you are with me…with her. It hurts too much."

"It wasn't this way with her," Albert whispered, pulling her close again. "She didn't make my heart pound the way you do. She didn't pretend to laugh at all of my silly jokes. I loved her, but I loved her in a different way than I love you. I love you for your eyes, your smile, your heart and your mind. I love the way you laugh, the way you cry, the way you sigh when you don't even know it. You're beautiful, sweetheart, inside and out." Lydia was crying now.

"You can't just expect…expect me to forgive you for…for that."

"I don't. Hate me if you want, but that's not going to stop the way I feel about you." Hearing that broke Lydia's heart, and she knew then that this wasn't going to be something that she would let ruin her marriage to the man she loved more than anyone in the world.

"I don't hate you," she said softly, shaking her head, as he pulled her close again. She rested her forehead against his, and she saw the tears in his eyes. "You accepted me when you knew my past. I can do the same. No more secrets?"

"No more secrets," he swore. "I'll always be honest."

"So will I," she whispered. He held her so close that when the baby kicked, he felt it too. They both laughed together, and they wrapped their arms around one another to shield out the cold September morning. Their lips met again, and though the hurt wasn't forgotten, it was starting to heal. Things were going to get better now. They had to.

* * *

Michaela woke to the whimpers of her young daughter, and she slowly opened her eyes, peering into the dim light inside of the teepee. Sully was stoking the small fire, and Katie was squirming in her fur blanket. She sat up, and she peered across the flames at her husband.

"Mornin'," he greeted her. She smiled, her cheeks flushing. She was warm, and she threw the buckskin blanket off of her, and she realized she was still naked. She panicked for a moment, her mind still fuzzy, wondering how she got from the sweat lodge to here, but then she remembered retiring to the teepee in the middle of the night and making love with Sully until dawn. They hadn't slept much, but they both felt relaxed and rested.

Michaela looked at Katie and pulled her into her arms.

"Snow Bird brought her in a few minutes ago. Said she was missin' her ma." Michaela smiled and snuggled the baby close to her. Katie yawned and opened her eyes, blinking for a few minutes before going back to sleep.

"Has she eaten?"

"Yep," Sully replied. "She's been changed too." Michaela placed her down between herself and Sully as Sully lay back, pulling the fur blankets over them. He took one of Katie's hands, and Michaela took the other, then they stared at one another over their little girl. Something was different in Michaela's eyes, and when she smiled, he knew what it was. The ritual had worked. She no longer carried the weight of the past on her shoulders, and she was breathing easier. "What was it like? Your experience, I mean." Michaela sighed softly and gently brushed her finger along Katie's cheek.

"It was like nothing I've ever felt before," she replied quietly. "You were there, holding me. David was there, and he went away. Something was so sad in his eyes. He could see clearly, Sully. He could see clearly, and I know it, because there was something right inside of him; something still good that wasn't completely rotted away. I don't know what it was, but I think it's what my heart wants me to believe." Sully nodded and softly caressed her shoulder. "Charlotte was there. She said we did the right thing."

"I knew we did," he breathed. He leaned over Katie to softly kiss Michaela upon the forehead.

"Anna was there…" Her eyes met his, and he propped his head up on his hand.

"Anna?"

"Our baby. She was…she was there. She had your hair and my eyes, Sully." A grin spilled over his face, and he gently bit his bottom lip.

"Bet she was the spittin' image of ya." Michaela smiled a little.

"She was beautiful. She said our little boy is safe, and he'll be healthy."

"Did she?" She nodded.

"I believe her."

"So do I." Katie opened her eyes again, and she grunted, her little face turning red, and she began to cry. Sully sat up and pulled her against his bare chest. Her head rested on his shoulder, and he smiled as he patted her back.

"You're so wonderful with her, Sully." She placed her hand upon her belly. "I know it won't be any different the second time around." Michaela sat up a little, and she looked around. "What time is it?"

"Probably nearin' eight."

"We're going to miss church!" she exclaimed. He raised an eyebrow.

"Dr. Bernard wants ya to rest. Don't fret, Michaela. I'll talk to the Reverend." Michaela let out a soft sight. She wasn't going to let anything bother her right now. She was feeling good, and she was enjoying her family. For now, everything else could wait.

* * *

"Soon," he breathed as he warmed his hands by the fire in his hotel room. He ripped his patch off and threw it into the crackling, sputtering flames. He watched it burn and char with the firewood, and he saw her face in the flames. No, not Michaela. Julianna. Her eyes were staring into his, and he couldn't stop looking into the bright light. For a few moments, his bad eye was good, and he could see everything perfectly clearly.

He opened up his journal, and the orange glow of the fire danced along the pages.

_Julianna Garavaldi. The name rings through my ears, and it's almost familiar. I know who she is, but only part of myself is wise to who she is. I've read my entries in other scripts and moods, and I don't recall having written them. But I read about her. Part of me is infatuated and in love. Part of me desires her the way I desire Michaela. She challenges me, and she is intriguing. I can feel it, but she doesn't really know who I am. She fills my dreams at night, and sometimes she's a stranger. Sometimes I've known her all my life. My head is filled with thoughts that I don't understand, but I want to. What is it about Julianna that drives me mad with desire, when my heart belongs to Michaela?_

He threw his journal to the side and stood up. He slowly walked over to the mirror on the wall. The glass was set in a patiently carved wooden frame with intricate designs that could make one's mind spin. It reminded him of a nightmare he once had, where shapeless forms came for him in the dark of night and carried him back to the closet he had been locked in; back to the beatings and the other forms of abuse.

"You don't know what love is, David," he said as he looked into the mirror. "You're pathetic. You're not even a good doctor. I told you that years ago."

"I love Michaela," he answered. "She understands that."

"You love her in the way you tried to defile her?"

"I tried to make her see," David said, banging his fists on the wall beside the mirror.

"Look at yourself, David. You're in no shape to love anyone. Julianna will see right through that. She cares for me."

"She can't. You're in my mind. She can't see you."

"But she will. I can love her. I'd never hurt her. You're damaged, David. You don't know how to love."

"I can learn. They never showed me love. They only showed me their sick version."

"Poor David," Andrew said quietly. "You never stood a chance."

"It's not my fault!" David screamed. "They did this!"

"You blame them for everything, David. When are you going to start taking responsibility for your own actions? You're a grown man for God's sakes! It wasn't your parents who seduced that young nurse and left her with the seed of your betrayal. It wasn't your parents who dragged that poor woman into the alley and nearly killed her just to feed the hunger that grew inside of you."

"You always wanted me to fail."

"We were friends once."

"You tried to kill me!"

"No. You did that. You tried to kill us both. I saved your life, you rejected my friendship, and then you created me in your mind."

"You're not real."

"I'm very real. I'm very, very real. You created me in yourself when you left California. Andrew Strauss is a living breathing human being. If he sees you again, he'll know who you are. Soon, there won't be a man, woman or child in the country who doesn't know who David Lewis is. They'll know you escaped. They'll know what you did. Andrew will know. He'll put you away. You can't let him do that. You have to fight for Julianna. For Michaela. Can you do that?"

"Shut up! Go away! I don't need you!" He curled his hands around his ears to try to block it out, but it was inside of him.

"You created me. You created all of them to hide your pathetic self from the world. If you want Julianna to know the real you, make me go away. She'll see right through you, David."

"No, Andrew!"

"You'll have to kill him. He'll get to Lydia. She'll get to Julianna. Michaela will know. You have to kill Andrew."

"I don't understand!" David screamed, punching his fist through the mirror, watching it shatter into a thousand pieces. He collapsed against the floor, his bleeding hand curled at his side. He pulled his arms around his knees and curled in the corner, firelight dancing on the shards of glass, blinding his eye again.

"I'm not him anymore…"

"I can fight you, Andrew!"

"I'm you now. Let me be you, and you'll be happy. Julianna will love you. Michaela will love you, and then you can decide."

"I don't trust you."

"You don't trust yourself." David picked up a sharp shard of glass and held it in his bleeding hand.

"I'll cut you out."

"If you do that, you'll never prove you love her, David."

"I do love her. I'll kill you, and I'll prove it."

"If you kill me, you're dead. I am you!"

"I can control you."

"Maybe before, but I've grown stronger."

"I don't want this. I never asked for this. Make it go away!" he cried, pounding his fists into the sides of his head in frustration, the shard of glass only mere inches from his eye. "I don't want this. Go away, Andrew! Go away! I'll make it better if you go away! I'll do better! I'll make her love us! I'll make them both love us. Go away! Go away! Go away! I'll be good. I'll be good. I won't hurt them."

"Tell me to leave."

"I told you!"

"Mean it."

"I mean it! Get out of me! Leave me alone!"

"You need me, don't you?"

"No! I'll get better. I will. I want to be the man she wants me to be."

"Who?"

"Michaela."

"Are you sure?"

"Julianna…"

"Which is it?"

"I want them both."

"You can't have them both, David. They're both married."

"I hurt Michaela. She won't want me."

"You haven't hurt Julianna."

"Yet."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't want to hurt her."

"If you hurt her, they'll come after you. You must convince her to leave with you. You don't know her like I do. You need my help."

"I don't need you anymore. No more! No more!"

"Kill him. Don't hurt her."

"I won't hurt her. I won't. I won't. I won't!" He screamed out as the shard cut through the skin on his hand, and his world spun, and soon, everything was dark.

* * *

Albert walked into the clinic, happier than ever now that he was pulling his marriage back together. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Julianna coming down the stairs.

"Jules," he said with a smile. Julianna grinned.

"I know. I saw you as I was getting dressed. I'm happy for you."  
"It's not going to be easy."

"No, but you love each other, and that's what counts." Albert nodded.

"Headed to church?"

"Not this week," she replied. "I'm going to go for a stroll."

"Where?"

"Does it matter?" She laughed. He was still protective of her as he had been when they'd been friends. He was more like a big brother than anything. "If you must know, I'm going to find a quiet place to sit and write."

"Can't you do that here? It's cold out there." Julianna pushed past him, rolling her eyes.

"No offense to the doctor, but this isn't exactly a very inspirational place."

"It seems like the perfect place to write a mystery about mental patients." Lydia rolled her eyes again. She didn't dare tell him that it was turning into much more. There was a hint of doomed romance in her words now. She would have a lot of revisions to do before the book was published, and she had the feeling that it wouldn't be the same book she'd started seven years ago once all was said and done.

"I'll see you later, Albert." She pulled her shawl around herself and hurried out into the cool September morning. She walked and walked until the town was as tiny as the doll houses she used to play with as a child. She found a tree stump and settled down upon it, smoothing out her skirt and opening up her book in her lap. But, she couldn't concentrate. She couldn't shake the cold feeling she felt throughout her body. No, it wasn't the weather. It was something far more mysterious that ran through her veins. She felt like somebody was watching her, but she knew it wasn't true. Somebody was thinking about her though. She knew it, and she knew who it was. He was coming, and he was going to visit his cousin. He knew she was here, but she wasn't sure if he'd want to see her. But, she wanted to see him.

She sighed heavily, shaking her head and scolding herself for being so foolish. The breeze rustled the tree leaves, and some began to fall, swirling around her as if she was in a dream.

"Andrew," she whispered, closing her eyes and letting the wind carry her off into a daydream. Her eyes flew open, and her heart began to pound. Something wasn't right. He needed her. She could feel it. He was hurting. How did she know this? She couldn't be sure, but the feeling her gut was giving her let her know that he was hurting, he needed comforting. He needed to see her. She knew she'd see him soon, and she wasn't quite sure what to expect when she did see him again.

* * *

Katie was napping in the cradle near the hearth, where a warm fire was crackling to keep the room warm. Michaela was lying in bed, her back propped up against the headboard of the intricately carved bed. She smiled as she watched her baby sleep, and she never thought something so simple could be so beautiful. She only wished her mother could see Katie. Mother! She realized that she hadn't kept up on her correspondence to Elizabeth and Josef as she had promised. She'd sent them a telegram as soon as she and Sully had safely arrived in Colorado Springs, but she hadn't written a letter since.

She sighed and pulled out a piece of paper and her nicest pen. She smiled a little, and she began to write.

_Dear Mother and Father,_

_I hope all is well in Boston. Father, I hope to hear that the practice is going well. I know you'll be retiring soon, and I want you to know that I support you in everything that you do. You both must come to Colorado Springs. It's delightful! Pike's Peak is glorious in the mornings, and I only hope to climb up to the top someday. _

_Sully and I are well. We've fully recovered from the train accident, and Sully's scar is completely covered by his hair now. We've been through a few rough events, but I think it has made us stronger. We have a lot of news. I found out during my stay in Denver that I was pregnant, but unfortunately, I miscarried. I thought that was the end, but I never quite felt like I wasn't pregnant. I found out later that I'm indeed still pregnant, and that God has given us the miracle of a twin that was strong enough to hold on. I'm certain that it's going to be a boy. The baby is due in March!_

_Oh, I've met so many wonderful people. Grace runs the café, and Robert E. is the blacksmith. They're both sweet people, and I'm sure that they would do anything to help a person out, even if it put them out as well. Grace and I are already becoming fast friends. I'm still getting to know some of the people in town, though it seems that Lydia and Albert have already become accepted._

_I haven't had any patients yet, but I'm supposed to be resting for a while, which I am doing as I write. Sully is doting on my every need, not wanting me to trouble myself. He's so charming and sweet, and I'm lucky to have him in my life. He's going to be a great father, and I can tell by the way he is with Katie. I told you about the little girl we took in after her mother passed away in Denver. By the end of the month, we should be signing the adoption papers. You'll have to meet her soon. She's an incredible child! I know it's impossible, but I think she has my smile!_

_The Reverend Johnson stopped by a few minutes ago to drop off a basket of Grace's finest cooking. I hadn't realized how famished I was until I ate, and now I feel like I could eat again! Sully's downstairs making tea for me. _

Michaela sighed. Food wasn't the only thing Reverend Johnson had brought with him. He'd brought telling news that Julianna Garavaldi was indeed Albert's ex-wife, but there was no way Michaela would divulge that information in such a letter.

_I'm feeling very tired now, so I will make my letter brief. Tell Marjorie and Rebecca I miss them, and for what good it may do, give my love to Maureen and Claudette._

_Your loving daughter,_

_Michaela_

Michaela folded up her correspondence and placed it aside. She smiled when Sully walked in with a cup of tea in his hands. He handed it to her, and she accepted it gratefully.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"How ya feelin'?"

"Like I could take one of the horses out for a very long ride," she said, breathing in the steam from the tea, reminiscing about the glorious time she and Sully had had the night before and early that morning. Sully raised his eyebrow. "I know, Sully. I won't do such a thing until after the baby comes." She grinned and touched his cheek. "I can't believe our baby is with us right now, safe and warm inside of me." Sully's hand moved up Michaela's leg, over her knee, up her thigh and under her gown to place his hand against her bare stomach. Michaela smiled a little and leaned back, taking a sip of tea and placing the cup on the nightstand.

"Six months from now, we sure are gonna be busy." Michaela nodded.

"Are you ready for it?"

"I don't think we'll ever be ready for it, but that's part of life, ain't it?" Michaela nodded.

"That's very true. I can't wait to see what he looks like," she whispered. "I know it sounds silly calling this child a he, when there is no way we can possibly know. But what she said…it's true, Sully. I know it is."

"I know," he replied. "And, it ain't silly." His lips curled into a grin. "Got any names in mind?"

"I wanted to name our first son after my father," she said quietly, "and your father. I'd like to name him after you, but I know how you feel about your name."

"So it's gonna either be Jonathan Josef Sully or Josef Jonathan Sully?" he asked. Michaela grimaced a little. "Nah. It don't sound like a son of ours."

"Perhaps another name."

"What do ya have in mind?"

"Well, what if…" She smiled a little. "What about a fourth name?"

"Can ya do that?"

"It's been done," Michaela replied.

"Well, what would ya like it to be?"

"Just listen to it. You don't have to agree, but…" She shook her head.

"What is it? Ya can tell me."

"No. Perhaps we should wait until it gets closer to time." He gave her a look.

"Michaela? What name?"

"Elijah," she responded quietly. Sully considered the name.

"I don't mind it. Just gotta think 'bout what's best for the baby. Ya think our boy would like to be called Eli or Elijah Sully when he's grown up?"

"It sounds sophisticated. Perhaps he'll be a doctor or a lawyer, or…President of the United States." Sully chuckled and beamed at his wife's excitement.

"We got lots of time to pick a name, Michaela, but anything you're happy with, I think I'll be happy with too." He pulled her close and kissed her deeply. She surrendered to his touch, and they lay back into the bed together, holding one another. They were both feeling the effects of their lack of sleep, and Michaela yawned. Sully chuckled, and he kissed a line from her chin to her ear, and he finally gave her another kiss upon the lips. "Ya better rest."

"So should you," Michaela replied. "Hold me?" Sully grinned and pulled her close. She rested her head upon his chest, her arms curling around his neck.

"Always."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Two weeks later, September was surprisingly warm for the time of the year, and children were running around outside and watching the new schoolhouse go up. School was to open within a week, but the problem was that a teacher hadn't been chosen yet. It seemed that nobody wanted to teach school children out in the middle of nowhere. Julianna didn't know it, but the townsfolk were eyeing her. She was sophisticated and a writer. That had to mean something good. Surely she was capable of educating twenty children a few hours a day.

Julianna hadn't decided when to leave Colorado Springs yet. She felt like her soul was taking root here. She loved the people, for the most part, and she had never felt so inspired before! She stayed out of Lydia's way, because she knew that Lydia was uncomfortable around her. Unfortunately, there was nothing anybody could do about that. Albert was kind to her, and he always asked her how she was doing when they passed each other on the street. See, Albert and Lydia were now the proud owners of a home at the end of town near the Martin's home.

Julianna was sipping her overly sweetened coffee as she sat at Grace's, and she heard Lydia and Albert speaking from two tables away.

"Oh, we had better go, darling. The stagecoach will be here any moment, and Andrew should be on it." Julianna nearly spit out her coffee. Andrew was here. Her heart was racing, and her blood was starting to pulse at her temples. Oh God.

"Hello Julianna," Michaela said, entering the café with Katie in her arms. Julianna smiled at the lady doctor.

"Michaela," she replied. "Hello little Miss." She grinned at Katie, and Katie stared at her for a moment before closing her eyes and going to sleep. Michaela grinned and kissed the top of Katie's bonneted head. "Would you like to sit?"

"No, no, I was just passing through. I have a patient to tend to."

"Your first patient? How exciting!" Michaela flushed.

"Well, not quite. Katie's not feeling well, so I'm taking her home. If you see Sully, would you let him know?"

"Of course. I hope she feels better." Michaela nodded. She started to step away, but she turned back to Julianna. "Was there something else?"

"The school is opening soon, and we don't have a teacher."

"Yes, I heard," Julianna replied, sipping the last bit of her coffee.

"How long were you planning to stay?"

"Not as long as I have," she admitted. "For a while, I was considering moving here and doing my writing from out here."  
"Why don't you?" Michaela wondered. Julianna laughed a little and shook her head, her blonde hair falling into her face a little.

"I wouldn't want you put you out."

"It would be no trouble. As you can see, I haven't had any patients yet."

"Yet you sit in your office eight hours a day. I don't see how you do it, Michaela."

"I have this little lady to keep me company." She grinned at Katie. She sighed a little, however.

"It's not easy being new in town. I'm newer than you are."

"They really like you here. I'm sure you have the qualifications to become a teacher." Julianna's eyes went wide.

"I do, but a teacher is a permanent position, Michaela."

"It doesn't have to be. The town council is considering you, and they want to ask you. You're not supposed to know this yet, but I thought I would warn you." She laughed a little, and Julianna put her payment down on Grace's tablecloth.

"Thank you for telling me, Michaela. I'm sure I won't be here long enough to…"

"Just think about it," Michaela urged. "You said that you were thinking of moving here." Julianna sighed a little, too tired to argue. She hadn't slept well lately.

"I'll think about it. Thank you, Michaela." Michaela smiled and hurried off with Katie. Julianna was just turning to leave the café when she bumped into Abagail Martin, who doubled over for a moment. "Abagail! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Ya just startled me," she said, obviously out of breath.

"I could run after Michaela. You don't look well."

"I'm fine. I'm…I'm fine." Abagail straightened up, and Julianna noticed her clenching the sides of her skirt.

"If you're sure…"

"I am. Don't worry." Abagail gave her a smile, and she walked away. Tears began to stream down her face, and she fought off the pain. It hadn't come so much lately, but now it was worse than ever. She knew she needed a doctor, but she feared what the doctor would have to say.

* * *

"Andy!" Lydia exclaimed, practically jumping into her cousin's arms as he departed the stagecoach. The man, a good ten years older than her, pulled her into a happy embrace. "Oh, it's so good to see you!" He was starting to gray at the temples, but he looked so handsome, his glasses reflecting the sun into her eyes. She took his glasses off. "Let me look at you."

"Lyddie," he laughed, "I'm like your older brother. Stop acting like my mother." She kissed him upon the cheek.

"I'm sorry. I've missed you!" The townsfolk watched the sight, shaking their heads and grinning at Lydia with this visitor. Lydia just lit up when she saw her cousin. He had been her best friend as a child, and she had missed him so much! She tugged on his hand and led him away from the crowd, as Albert found Andrew's bags. Soon, they were all gathered on the porch of the clinic. "Andy, this is my husband Albert.. Albert, this is Andy. I've wanted you two to meet for so long. Andy's a doctor. Albert's a lawyer." Her face was flushed with excitement, as her husband and favorite cousin shook hands.

"I've heard so much about you, Dr. Strauss," Albert said humbly.

"Please. Call me Andrew. Only Lyddie has permission to call me Andy. She's called me that ever since she could beat me up when we were children." Lydia laughed and hugged her cousin again. "It's nice to meet you, Albert."

"Let's take your things to the house, and then we can show you around," Albert suggested. Andrew nodded in satisfaction, and he walked away with his cousin and her husband.

Julianna's jaw gaped open as she watched them walk away. He was Andrew Strauss. He was a doctor. He was from California. But he wasn't her Andrew Strauss. No, it couldn't be coincidental. Where was _her_ Andrew Strauss?

* * *

Colleen and Brian huddled under a blanket in the back of the wagon. They were lost. They were in a dusty old town and parked beside a saloon. Each town seemed to get dustier and older as they moved further westward. This wasn't the way they went before with Charlotte, and they weren't quite sure how much ground they'd covered in the past two weeks. Where were they? When would get be reunited with their little sister?

Matthew seemed to get older as they moved further westward as well. His body was tired, and his eyes were full of wisdom as they moved from place to place, scraping for food. They loved their brother, yes, but they weren't sure he knew what he was doing anymore. He stopped by saloons in every town they came across, and he played cards for hours, as they listened to the music, sometimes in tune, float out with the cheap women and the drunken men.

"C'mon, Brian," Colleen said softly. "Let's go find some kids to play with. This might take a while." She took his hand, and they jumped out of the wagon. Not long after, Matthew walked out of the bar, five dollars richer but smelling of the cheap drinks and cigars that had been passed around.

The sun was bright, and he thought it was playing tricks on him, when he noticed that his little brother and sister were not in the wagon. He rushed over, nearly tripping over himself as he pulled the blanket out.

"Colleen! Brian!" He turned quickly, nearly running right into a young woman of about his age.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, her piercing blue eyes staring straight into his, her dark hair falling into her face for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Miss," he said softly. "I'm…"

"It's quite all right," she said, smoothing out her fancy dress. Matthew stepped back, taking in her features. She was small, thin and pale, porcelain white. Her eyes were the bluest he had ever seen, and her dark hair framed her rounded face like a portrait.

"Lissie! C'mon!" yelled a young man from a fancy, fringed carriage. "We'll be late!"

"I'm coming!" she called. "Tell Father I'll be just a moment, Andrew!" She turned back toward Matthew. "I'm very sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going."

"It was my fault. My brother and sister…have you seen them? A girl and a boy. The look like me." Lissie smiled and nodded.

"They ran past me," she said, her laughter like a symphony. She pointed, and Matthew's enchanted gaze followed.

"Thank you." He cleared his throat. "Ya don't look like you're from 'round here."

"I'm not," she replied. "We could be taking the train back to Boston, but Father insists on taking the scenic route for the next few days." Matthew chuckled a little. His eyes couldn't leave hers. She was stunning!

"Lissie! Come on!" the boy called again.

"My brother," she laughed. "It was nice meeting you, Mr…"

"Cooper."

"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Cooper," she said, extending his hand. He slowly took it, feeling her delicate hand in his. That hand was small, but it seemed to hold the power of the world in it. "I'm…"

"Come along!" another voice said impatiently. He stuck his head out of the carriage window. She sighed.

"I'll be right there, Joseph!" There was almost a sense of fear and irritation in her voice. She turned back to Matthew, her face flushing.

"Goodbye, Mr. Cooper." She turned and hurried back toward the carriage. He watched her run off, and he couldn't help but feel that he would see her again someday. Someday.

"Goodbye…" The carriage pulled away, throwing up dust behind its path. Matthew watched until it disappeared from sight, and he realized that he needed to find Colleen and Brian. So, he took off in the direction the beautiful young woman had gone in. He didn't even know her name. Lissie. Surely that wasn't it. He sighed heavily. No. He'd never see her again. He couldn't be that lucky.

* * *

_The demon is gone from my thoughts, and I am completely in control. I feel more alive than I have in years. I want to make up for it all. I know I can never pay enough for what I did to Michaela. My mind hurts sometimes, and my heart has been broken a million times over. I don't think I ever learned to love, because the people who brought me into this life showed me a world of only pain, terror and suffering. I wanted to love, but they showed me the kind of love that only comes in nightmares. They touched me in ways that make me shudder with disgust. And they called themselves my mother and father. I can't remember a happy moment except for the day they stopped breathing by my hands. They were monsters, and my fate was already decided before I was born. I would live and breathe the sin they committed, and I would follow in their footsteps to bring harm to everyone pure and good in my life. I have a child growing now. I'd never hurt him, but a part of me wants to just to make them proud. Why should I make them proud when they did nothing but hurt me? Lydia will raise him right, and if she's sane, she'll keep him far from me, no matter what lengths I go to in order to get to him. I can't promise I won't kill her. I can't promise I won't tear away the clothes that cover her body and have my way with her without consent. I can't promise that I won't try to hurt Michaela again, and I can't promise that Julianna will want me after what my body wants to do to hers. But, I want to be good. I want to be loved, but nobody can love me. Andrew is gone from my mind now. If he comes back, I'll kill him. If I ever see him again, I'll kill him. He'll hurt them worse than I could by telling them the truth about me. He saw me when I started to lose my grip. He tried to save me, but I was beyond saving. Maybe I can save myself. Maybe I'll end up buried in the cold, hard ground before I make it to Colorado Springs. I'm not ready to go yet. I'm ready, but I can't. It's not time. My broken heart will tell me when. It will carry me away._

He closed his book, and he gripped it tightly. He was running out of pages. Someday he would have to start on a fresh first page and a new set of damning thoughts and words. He walked toward the mirror that had been replaced in his room, and he stared at himself, studying his bad eye. The patch was gone, and though he knew he should purchase another one, he didn't want to. He had been passed by the authorities, who were probably on alert to look for him, and they hadn't recognized him as a potential escapee from an asylum. He had shaved, and he looked much different that the prisoner who had escaped. He couldn't remember how long he'd been free from that cell, and he couldn't remember the last time he felt free. Right now, he still felt confined to his dark world and thoughts. Nobody could understand him except for…for her. She didn't know him, but she understood that he was troubled. He could see it in her eyes.

"Julianna," he said quietly, seeing her face clearly as he closed his eyes. He pictured her there with him, telling him he wasn't evil. She made him feel right and guilty at the same time. It drove him insane, but it gave him a rush that he hadn't felt in so long. Then, Michaela's beautiful smile flashed through his memories, stirring things he hadn't felt since they had courted. He had foolishly let her get away. It was his fault, and now she was with Sully. She was happy. It killed him to think that Sully could hold her and kiss her and make her smile. Those were things David wanted to do. He'd had the chance once, but he had taken what they had had together for granted. He didn't want to risk his heart anymore. It was too big of a chance to take. He didn't want to give up on love, but he wasn't sure it even existed anymore.

* * *

"There now, sweetheart," Michaela crooned as she pulled the blanket over Katie. "You're fed, changed and ready to sleep." She smiled as Katie kicked her feet and reached up and out. Michaela grinned and kissed her baby's fingers. "Sleep well, my darling." She slowly left the room and walked downstairs to start fixing lunch. A knock to the door surprised her, and she walked over to find Jake Slicker standing on the other side. He removed his hat.

"Afternoon Dr. Mike," he said quietly, getting used to the nickname that the town had adopted for her.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Slicker. What brings you here?"

"Got a sick patient in town. I did the best I could for 'im, but he's hurtin' real bad. I think it's his heart." Michaela sighed heavily and looked toward the stairs. She knew she couldn't leave and take Katie back into town, but she couldn't ignore a medical crisis.

"I…" She hurried over to grab her medical bag. "Just give me a moment." She gathered as many things as she thought she might need.

"It's Jeb Anderson, by the way." Michaela looked up.

"Martin's father?"

"Yeah. He ain't been doin' too good the past few years." Just then, Sully walked through the back door. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Michaela?"

"In the kitchen!" she called. Jake stood in the doorway and watched as Sully came to greet his wife with a kiss. He grimaced at their affection toward one another, and Sully looked toward Jake, finally noticing his presence. "Sully, there's an emergency. I have to go into town. I've fed and changed Katie. She's sleeping upstairs."

"Michaela, I…"

"Please, Sully. This is important," she said quickly. He sighed heavily, knowing she was certainly needed.

"I'll be here when ya get back."

"Thank you." Michaela hurried outside with Jake and shut the door behind herself. Sully moved toward the window and watched Jake help her into the wagon, and as the wagon rattled away, he let out a heavy sigh. He had promised Cloud Dancing that he would help him at the Reservation, so he hoped his brother would understand. Michaela's job was important yes, but they were going to have to find a way to work their schedules around caring for Katie. His daughter was most important, yes, but there were some things he knew might come up that dropping everything may be difficult to do.

Katie began to fuss upstairs, and Sully hurried up the stairs to tend to her. He burst into the room to find her screaming, her little face turning red. He picked her up into his arms, and he felt her forehead.

"You're burnin' up," he breathed, his heart leaping into his throat. "Wish your ma was here." He kissed her forehead. "It's gonna be all right. Papa's gonna take real good care of ya. Don't worry. Mama will be back soon." He carried her downstairs and began to work to bring her fever down, hoping he was doing it the right way.

* * *

"I'm very sorry Martin," Michaela whispered, coming out of the clinic. "He had a very weak heart, and I…" Martin pulled Abagail close, and Michaela noticed her wince in pain. "I'm very sorry." Martin nodded sadly, his emotions showing in his face, but he didn't want to cry in front of his wife.

"Can I see him?" he asked.

"Of course you can," Michaela breathed, feeling disappointed in herself for not being able to save Jeb. She knew it wasn't her fault, but it still made her own heart ache. She gently squeezed Martin's shoulder, and he started for the door.

"I'll be here if you need me," Abagail called after him. He went inside, closing the door. The crowd that had gathered began to break apart, and Michaela looked at Abagail.

"Abagail? What's wrong?"

"Well, my husband's pa just died," Abagail said quickly.

"You know what I mean. You looked as if you were in pain. Has he…"

"No!" she exclaimed. "I'm fine."  
"Abagail, I'm a doctor. If there's something wrong…"

"It's nothing."

"So there is something?"

"It's really not that bad," Abagail said softly. Michaela frowned.

"Would you like to come inside?" Abagail pondered this for a moment but finally nodded, and she slowly followed Michaela into the clinic. The door to the upstairs was open, and she knew that Martin was up there. So, she shut it and pulled out the divider to block the exam table from view. "Is it a female problem?"

"I…I don't know. I mean, I thought it was my monthly, but the bleedin' got so bad. But, it's been fine for a couple weeks. Now it's startin' to hurt and bleed again." Michaela couldn't help but frown.

"Just lay back, Abagail. I'm sure everything's going to be fine." At that moment, Abagail clutched her stomach and doubled over in pain, an agonizing scream escaping her lips. It was then that Michaela saw the blood, and Abagail passed out onto the table.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

_WARNING: This chapter includes sexual content not meant for younger readers._

A crowd had formed outside of the clinic again, and Martin was sitting on the outside bench with his face in his hands. He couldn't bare the thought of losing his wife and his father in the same day. They were all he had left in the world, and without them, he didn't know what to do.

Loren was sitting next to his son-in-law, trying to ease his worries by confronting his own. His Abby was all he had left in the world, and he couldn't lose her. Not after losing Maude so suddenly.

Even Albert, Lydia and Andrew had come to the clinic. Andrew was standing by in case Michaela needed any help. It had been two hours now, and there had been no word from inside of the clinic. They could only imagine what was going on behind that door. They couldn't even hear Abagail screaming. She hadn't been conscious when Martin had come downstairs to find the situation. She'd be paler than he had ever seen, and the blood had been enough to turn his stomach. Michaela had sent him outside, and that had been the last time he'd seen either one of them.

"What's takin' so long?" Martin asked quietly.

"These things take time, Martin," Lydia said softly. "I've assisted in these types of things."

"What type of things? We don't even know what's wrong."

"Hey Doc," Hank said, looking at Mr. Strauss, "maybe you ought 'ta go in there and see what's takin' so long. Maybe that woman don't know what she's doin'."

"She knows what she's doing," Lydia defended.

"I'm sure Dr. Quinn is doing fine on her own," Andrew replied. "She has quite a reputation." He turned toward Martin. "I'm sure your wife is in good hands."

"What if she had to cut on her?" Martin asked.

"I'm sure Dr. Quinn knows what she's doing," Andrew reinforced. "If she didn't, I don't think she would have graduated from medical school. I believe they're tougher on women there. Don't worry." Sure enough, a few minutes later, Michaela came out of the clinic with her apron spattered with blood, some fresh and some two hours old. Everybody stood and turned toward her.

"She's resting now," she breathed.

"What was wrong?"  
"First of all, Abagail woke long enough to give me permission to do what I had to do. She was bleeding profusely, and I found a growth inside of her uterus." A few faces had blank stares. "Her…womb." Andrew's face grew grim, and Lydia's did too. Both of them knew.

"What's that mean? What'd you have to do?" Martin asked.

"I'm afraid I had to extirpate her uterus. I…I had to remove it." Loren's face grew pale now, and he shook his head sadly. He noticed Martin's searching eyes, and he knew he didn't quite understand.

"What's…what's that mean? What's gonna happen?"

"Hopefully, she'll recover and live life as long as she was meant to."

"But…she can't have…have children." Michaela nodded sadly.

"I'm afraid not. I'm very sorry." Several folks walked away after the news, and Martin looked toward the door, not sure of what to think.

"She agreed to it? She let ya…"

"She was frightened, Martin. If I didn't remove it, she would have been in terrible pain until…" Martin shook his head not wanting to hear anything more. Tears threatened to drown his eyes.

"She's gonna be all right now?"

"She should be just fine. I'm going to monitor her very closely for the next few days." Martin hurried in to sit with his wife, and Michaela put her hand on her nauseated stomach. Lydia hurried over to her.

"Michaela, you're supposed to be resting," Lydia said quietly. "Dr. Bernard insisted." Michaela sighed.

"I know. But, Abagail needs me." Lydia looked to Andrew.

"Andrew? I know you're visiting, but could you do it?" Michaela looked to Mr. Strauss. "Michaela, this is my cousin, Dr. Andrew Strauss. Andrew, this is Dr. Michaela Quinn."

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Quinn," Andrew said, tipping his hat. "I've heard a lot about you."

"And I of you, from your cousin, of course. I've read about you in medical journals as well. They say you're quite talented." Lydia beamed. "I am supposed to rest, and I have a sick child at home."

"Say no more, Dr. Quinn. I'm taking an extended vacation, so what's a few days?" Michaela smiled thankfully.

"Thank you very much, Dr. Strauss. Come along, and I'll introduce you to our patient."

* * *

Katie hadn't stopped crying since Michaela left, and it was grating on Sully's nerves. He was scared, because her fever wasn't appearing to go down, and he didn't know what had happened to his wife. Katie was so uncomfortable, and he felt so guilty for not being able to help her. His nerves were shot, and he only wanted Michaela to get home soon. What had it been? Three hours? Four? He figured it was going on five.

"Please, Kates. Try to eat for Papa." Katie continued to cry, and he knew that if he put her down, she would only cry louder and louder. He was worried, and poor Wolf was lying in front of the hearth, trying to cover his ears with his paws. The animal finally rushed up the stairs to try to escape it. It was getting late, and Katie wasn't about to give up the fight.

Michaela burst in the door, when she heard Katie screaming, and she found a frazzled Sully sitting on the floor, his back propped against an armchair, cradling the screaming little baby in his arms.

"What happened?" he asked, worry in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sully…"

"I've been sitting here for five hours with a sick baby, and you've been…I thought ya got hurt, Michaela!"

"Don't shout at me!" Michaela argued, moving over to pick the baby up in her arms.

"She's been screamin' like this since ya left, and I'm sorry, but that wears on ya after a few hours!" His outburst caused Katie to scream louder, and Michaela glared at her husband.

"I'm not in the mood to argue with you, so I'm going to take our daughter upstairs and try to bring her fever down." Michaela moved quickly, taking the baby up into their room. Her heart was pounding. The baby's fever hadn't broken, and she was scared, because she thought that it could have been her fault. She'd been gone much longer than she expected, and she knew Sully wasn't in the wrong to be upset, but she had had a hard day. On top of losing a patient and almost losing another, she had been worrying and wondering if her little girl was all right at home. She had never thought that being a doctor and a mother at the same time would be so difficult.

Sully entered the room slowly.

"Michaela," he said quietly.

"Not now, Sully." She looked toward the basin. "Pour some cold water into that and bring it over here."

"I already tried that."

"I know. Just bring it back over." Sully nodded, and he did that, as Michaela rummaged through her medical bag. She gave the baby something, and it wasn't long before the crying died down, but she was still fussing.

"How'd ya do that?"

"I guess it's lucky that I'm a doctor," she breathed, her heart still racing. Sully handed her a sponge, and she dipped it in the cold water. She stripped the baby down to her diaper and began to rinse her down. Katie fussed a little more, but her face returned to its normal color. Michaela took out a thermometer, and she checked the baby's temperature. With a sigh, she smiled up at Sully. "Thank God. Her fever's breaking." She wrapped the baby back up and cradled her. Sully watched in silence, as Michaela got their daughter back to sleep. He felt like he had failed them both. "She's sleeping." Michaela kissed the top of Katie's head and placed her down in her cradle. Silently, she and Sully left the room and started down the stairs. As soon as they were in the living room, she turned to Sully, her eyes full of frustration.

"Michaela, I…"

"I know you were frustrated, because Katie was so sick, but that gave you no…no right to…"

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, stepping toward her. "I was worried. I thought somethin' might've happened to ya, and I was so worried 'bout Katie. I'm sorry I snapped at ya like that." Michaela sighed heavily and moved into the kitchen to put on the kettle.

"I know. But, there are going to be times when I can't come home right away. I know we're both very new to this, Sully. Katie's so young, and we have another one on the way. It's not going to be easy, but I'll keep her with me all day when I can."

"And I'll stay home with her when I ain't workin' for Welland Smith." He pulled her into his arms. "I'm real sorry, Michaela."

"So am I." She pulled back a little and looked into his eyes. "I lost Jeb Martin." Sully sighed and nodded softly. "And, the reason I was so late was because Abagail needed surgery."

"Abagail?"

"She's resting now. Lydia's cousin Andrew will be watching over her. I'm staying home to rest. I promise."

"That's good to hear." He smiled a little and kissed her softly. "Bet you'll be ready to get back to work at the end of the week."

"I don't know. I may get spoiled staying home all day with my family." He kissed her softly again, and he moved across the room to the hearth. He sat down on the rug, and he held his hand out to his wife. She smiled and took it, curling up beside the flames with him. "Read to me."

"Read what?" Michaela bit her bottom lip, and she reached over into a small table. She pulled out a book that Sully hadn't seen in a long time. "Your diary?"

"Mmmhmm," she whispered. "Turn to June 8th." Sully chuckled a little, and he took the book into his hands. Michaela's lips kissed his cheek, before she settled her head against his chest. He curled his arms snugly around her and began to read the words his wife had written on their wedding day.

"I've never been so nervous and so ready at the very same time. It's happening. It's really happening today. What happened to Lydia scared me to no end, and I don't want to wait any longer. I'm ready to share my life with this man, because a part of me believes that we've found one another, though our souls have known one another since the beginning of time. I wonder what I've been waiting for? Five months isn't long, but it's long enough to know that this is the man I'm supposed to spend forever with. I know we're right for one another. We understand each other more than anyone. It's time to stop living in fear that David is going to come back to hurt us time and time again. It's time to stop wasting time! I want to be his wife. I want to show him how much I've loved him for so very long. I hope I'm everything he expected." Sully paused from the reading, and he smiled. "You are everything to me." Michaela's eyes watered, and their lips found each other's again.

"Good," she whispered, taking his hand in hers and placing it gently on her tummy. "I want this baby to know that his parents love each other, and that he'll always be loved and protected."

"I'm sure he knows," he replied, "but in case he don't, we'll remind him every chance we get."

"I wish you could have seen her, Sully. Anna. She was so beautiful."

"She was our girl. I'm sure she was more than beautiful."

"She looked like an angel. She was an angel. She was happy, and that's what she wanted for me." She pulled back a little and looked into his eyes. "I am happy, Sully. You've made me so happy." She sighed softly. "Things will be better from now on. They won't always be easy, but we'll get through it." Sully nodded, and he took her hands into his. He kissed each of them, and he looked into her eyes, his big, azure oceans sparkling in the firelight.

"Michaela, you don't know what joy you've brought into my life since I met you. You found me when I was at the lowest point in my life. I was on the edge of death, I'd lost my parents; I'd lost everything. You found me, and you pulled me up. You gave me the chance to live again. You're the one woman who has ever captured my heart, made me laugh, made me cry and made me feel so many emotions at once. I feel right when I'm with you. You're everything to me, Michaela Quinn, and I vow to honor you for the rest of our lives. I vow to love you, cherish you and protect you forever. We've seen each other through sickness and through Hell already, so I don't know what's comin' next, but I know I want to see it through with you." Michaela almost gasped, her eyes fogging up and her lips curling into a smile. Without telling him she remembered, she squeezed his hands.

"Sully, when we first met, I felt a connection to you. I felt a connection to you before you even opened your eyes. I knew you meant something to me. I'm only sorry it took me a little while to figure it out and follow my heart. I've grown with you since we met. I'm certainly more patient than I was before. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid to feel or to love. I'm not afraid to give my love to someone and for them to love me back. You are a gift to me." Sully smiled, and he pulled her closer.

"You saved my life, Michaela. Lovin' you has given me a purpose. Every night before I go to sleep, I see your beautiful eyes, your smile, and I see the crinkle in your nose when you laugh. The sound of your voice and laughter fills me, and it gives me happiness I never knew before you came along. I wanna spend forever makin' you laugh and smile, and I wanna hold ya when you cry. I take you, Michaela Quinn, as my wife, now and forever."

"I vow to be your wife from this day forward, to be by your side during the good times and the bad. I vow to protect you, to honor you, to love you and to patch you up along the way. You've supported me through so much, and you've been there, even when you weren't here. You were always in my heart, Sully, and I vow to you that forever, you'll remain there. I take you, Byron Sully, as my husband, now and forever." Without more words, they pulled each other in. It was amazing how they had remembered their vows after all of the trauma they'd endured in the past couple of months.

Their lips explored each other's, and Sully pulled his hands through Michaela's hair, gently taking out the pins that held it up and out of the way. Her locks cascaded down her back, and she moaned softly as his fingers began to unbutton her blouse. She smiled as he kissed each inch of exposed flesh that was uncovered by each open button. She leaned her neck back, bringing her hands up his sides and around to his back, lightly pulling at his shirt to un-tuck it from his buckskins. She removed his belt next, as he un-tucked her blouse and slid it down her arms. Her camisole clung to her body, itching her skin. His mouth found the bare flesh above her breasts, and he kissed it, igniting the fire that quickly spread throughout her body.

Sully stood slowly and pulled her up with him. He lifted his arms, letting her slide the shirt off of him, smiling as her fingers lingered on his chest. Her eyes sparkled wildly in the flames, and she slowly leaned down to kiss him, tenderly running a finger over his nipple. Sully bit his lip, as her hands loosened the button on his buckskins, and he toyed with her own belt, watching as her skirt floated to the floor. He grinned, watching her standing before him in nothing but her underclothes. She was gorgeous; a vision in lacy white.

She watched him kneel to the floor, raising her camisole to softly kiss and suckle the flesh on her belly. She nearly melted then, but she put her hands on his shoulders to keep herself standing. She stepped out of her pantaloons as he peeled them to the floor with her stockings, and he kissed his way up her body, as she lifted her camisole off. His mouth found her breast and then her other. He was taking his time with her now. In the sweat lodge they had been pure and loving, but that time had been tinged with such raw need and desperation. Right now, the world was theirs, and they had as much time as they wanted or needed.

When he finally stood, he stepped out of the rest of his clothing, and he pulled her down onto the floor again, holding her close and feeling her flesh warming at his touch. He lay her down onto the floor, and he cupped her face in his hand. He gently ran his thumb over her lips, and she kissed the tip, her lips full and ready for more of his kisses. He laced their fingers together, as he leaned down to kiss her fully but taking his time, loving each part of her.

He could smell the scent of lilacs in her hair, and it made his mouth water. He felt her hands exploring him, loving him, caressing him. She knew what to do to please him, and it was so endearing. They knew each other so well, yet each time they were together, they found out something new about the other person. Each time, they found another spot on each other that yearned for exploration. Nothing was ever the same or routine. It could never be as routine as brushing one's teeth. They would never let it.

"Sully," she whispered, her eyes closing as she pulled him close, feeling his weight against her. She lifted a knee, letting him settle between her legs. She lifted to the side a little, knowing he was worried about the baby. They were wrapped up in one another, holding each other, waiting for the last possible moment to join.

His mouth found her neck again, as his fingers explored the place that waited for him and ached for his touch. She gasped, biting her lip as he touched her and sent new fires from his fingers to her core, burning up every reservation she had ever had in her entire life. She loved the way he could do that to her—make her feel like this was all that mattered for these few minutes. The entire world disappeared, and the flames seemed to surround them and protect them.

"Michaela," he breathed as her hands grazed over his thighs, pulling him closer. She opened herself up to him, and she reached for the hand that was already pleasuring her. Her hand fit over his for a moment, and his eyes locked onto hers. Her cheeks blushed deep with crimson, and he smiled, bringing his lips to hers again.

"I need you," she breathed, her breath mixing with his.

"I need you," he echoed, his tongue tracing the outline of her lips before she opened up to him again. The passion grew like the flames that burned inside each of them. Each breath was a labor of love, for they held each other so tight that breathing didn't seem to matter anymore. They lived off of one another, and as Sully began to guide himself inside of her, breathing resumed, and air rushed back to their lungs.

Michaela gasped, feeling her body accommodate him. She raised her hips, taking him in fully, feeling him pulsating inside of her like another heartbeat. They were one, as they were meant to be.

His hand moved to cup her breast, as he began his initial movements inside of her, being gentle and patient, waiting for her to give him the go ahead. Her face was flushed, her eyes glazed with love and need and passion. She bit her lip, as he ran his tongue over her nipple, softly nipping at her but loving and kneading her at the same time. He sweetly tortured her other breast in the same way, and she slowly tilted her head back, feeling his lips moving lower.

"Sully," she gasped as her body began to tremble, her nails lightly raking at the flesh on his back. His thumb flicked over her most sensitive nerves, and she gasped again. He was fighting to hold on, and their mouths met again, dancing to the rhythm of their own bodies. He moaned as her legs encircled his waist, her toes curling to try to hold on. She groaned softly as her core trembled, and he touched her again. She shut her eyes tightly and arched her back, the breath leaving her lungs, as pleasure made her soar.

Sully groaned something indistinguishable into Michaela's shoulder, as his thrusts grew deeper, stronger, faster. He was quickly finding his release, and when he began to stroke her again, he knew she was quickly finding her own once again.

"Oh…" she crooned, as he pulled her body against his, her nipples grazing against his sweating chest. Michaela flashed back to their wedding night. They'd been so innocent and naïve, and now here they were a few months later, almost experts about each other and what to do to please one another. He called her name again, but she didn't hear it, because as she found her final release, he found his, and she felt his body shudder against hers as new life poured into him and flowed into her.

She held him inside of her for just a while longer, not wanting to lose the connection, but in her heart knowing that they never would. Finally, he pulled away and rested upon his back. She rolled to her side, staring at him, watching his chest rise and fall as his body reacted to the coolness and stillness of the room. She smiled, biting her lip and tracing her fingers over his biceps and up his shoulder. He chuckled, out of breath. Was she trying to kill him?

"Michaela, ya keep doin' that, and…"

"And?" she teased, moving to kiss his ear, his cheek, his lips and his chin. She moved back to his lips, slowly rolling to lie atop him. They chuckled together, and his hands caressed her backside and moved up to encircle her still tiny waist. "Your hands are warm."

"They ain't the only things," he replied. She flushed and kissed him again, her hair draping over his face. She sighed happily and finally curled up on top of him, resting her chin on his chest. Her eyes stared into his, studying him and smiling. "What?"

"You're beautiful," she said softly. He laughed a little and tiredly shook his head.

"Don't hear that too much."

"It's true," she replied. "You're a very beautiful person." Her hand rested above his heart.

"Nothin' compared to you." A wicked grin appeared on his face, and he gently captured her in his arms, and he flipped her onto her back. She squealed with laughter as his hands began to explore her again. His fingertips were ticklish, and she squirmed under him.

"Sully!" she shrieked. "Sully!" She gasped for breath again, and soon, their laughter was silent, and they were drawing one another in again, listening to the silent music that guided their bodies and brought them to new levels of pleasure and completion. This was like a blissful dream, and they didn't want to wake up.

* * *

"Where are we?" Brian asked as the wagon creaked to a stop in a wooded area.

"I ain't sure, but we're makin' camp here for the night." He unhitched the horses and tied them up for the night, as Colleen and Brian set up camp. They were silent and tired, and Matthew was alert, watching every movement around, from the rustling trees to the twinkling stars. As he gathered wood for a fire, he kept an eye on his younger siblings. He knew he would do anything for them. He would die for them. He had fought so hard to get them this far, and he had to get them to Colorado Springs. He couldn't let them down, though he had a guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't help but feel that perhaps he would be letting Katie down if he didn't let her stay with Michaela and Sully. What kind of life could he give her, when he was scrambling for pennies on a day-to-day basis? They couldn't keep traveling and living like this forever. They were going to have to settle down somewhere, so he could get a job. In his mind, he knew he couldn't raise a family. He was about to turn sixteen, and he had no job, no house…no anything. All they had was each other, which was all well and good, but it couldn't keep food in their mouths or clothes on their backs.

"Stars sure are bright tonight," Brian said softly, moving toward Matthew to help him gather firewood.

"Sure are, little brother," he said quietly.

"We gonna be in Colorado Springs soon?"

"Soon," Matthew promised.

"How soon?" Colleen asked, walking over.

"By the end of the week, I hope."

"You really wanna take Katie away from Dr. Mike?" Brian asked.

"Katie ain't hers to take. We're her family. Her blood. She ain't livin' with no strangers."

"But, Dr. Mike ain't a stranger," Brian replied. "She took care of Ma. She was real nice to me. She took good care of Katie when Pa wouldn't."

"And I'm grateful, but she ain't Katie's family. We are, and family's gotta stick together. Right, Colleen?" Colleen looked away. "Colleen? C'mon, talk some sense into him."

"Sorry, Matthew. I ain't sure we're doin' the right thing." Matthew suddenly let the firewood drop from his arms.

"Listen to yourselves. You're givin' up on our little sister just like that?"

"'Course we're not!" Colleen exclaimed. "But you should be old enough to know that havin' a warm bed to sleep in and somethin' to eat every day is what she needs. She needs a ma and a pa, and we ain't got that. Dr. Mike's a real nice lady, and I'm sure her husband is a good man."

"Yeah," Brian spoke up. "I'm sure they'll let us see her whenever we want."

"Don't be so sure."

"But I trust her. She's real nice."

"Ya can't trust folks ya don't know," Matthew said quietly. Colleen took Brian's hand and glared at her brother.

"What happened to ya? Ya didn't used to be like this."

"I grew up," he replied. He clenched his fists, as he bent to pick up the wood he'd dropped. He had had to. He was the man of the house now, and he had to take charge. He was doing things that most boys his age shouldn't have to do for a few more years, but he knew he wasn't the first young man in the world to have to carefor his little brother and sister. "I'm gonna keep us together. I ain't gonna abandon none of my family. I ain't gonna do what Pa did."

* * *

"Do you think Andrew is settled in over at the clinic?"

"I'm sure he is," Lydia said with a smile, pulling her hair into a braid and tying it off at the end. She turned toward the bed and slowly slipped between the sheets. "I'll be glad when I can move around without having this gigantic stomach in front of me."

"You're beautiful," Albert replied, grinning as he pulled his arms around her and stroked her belly.

"Sure, you say that now. Just wait a couple more months." Albert laughed and softly kissed her.

"I'll think you're going to be beautiful forever." Lydia sighed a little tracing patterns on her bulging belly.

"I can't help but feel a little guilty. Here we are about to become parents, and Abagail will never be able to experience it. It's so sad," she whispered. "I've seen plenty of women go through it, and in extreme cases, they've become so withdrawn from society, thinking people don't see them as complete women. I hope that isn't the case for Abagail. She's a smart young woman, and she deserves to have a good life. I only hope Martin is strong enough to stay by her side." She looked into his eyes. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Only if you mean it, tell me that you'd stay with me no matter what." A smile crawled over his face, and he nodded.

"From the bottom of my heart, I promise that I'll stay with you no matter what."

"You really mean it?" she asked, playing lightly with the curls at the back of his neck.

"Really." He placed his hands on her belly again, feeling the baby kick. "He's strong."

"Or she," Lydia reminded him. She kissed his forehead. "What do you want? A boy, I presume?"

"It doesn't really matter. I just hope it takes after you." Lydia looked away and rolled to her side, tears beginning to ebb. He sighed and propped himself upon his elbow. Lydia's hand worriedly moved to her stomach, and Albert placed his hand over hers.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know," she replied. "But I worry about it enough. I wonder if it'll look like me or like David. I don't want to stare into this child's eyes and see David everyday."

"I bet you won't have to. I bet this baby will have your eyes. If she's a girl, I bet she will." Lydia smiled.

"Whatever this baby turns out to be, I know it's strong."

"Then it's already like you. You're the strong one, Lydia. We know David wasn't strong. Nothing about him was strong, except perhaps his obsessions." Lydia nodded.

"I know. I keep telling myself that, but it's difficult." Albert nodded and squeezed her hand.

"Don't worry. In a couple of months, our baby will be here, and he or she will look and be just like you. Don't think about the bad things, Lydia. No matter what happens, I'll never stop loving you or this baby. _Our_ baby."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Another week had passed and it was nearly October. Time was flying, according to Michaela, but it seemed to be passing everyone else by slowly. Poor Abagail was still at the clinic, recovering from her surgery, but she was being sent home soon. She was grateful, but she hadn't even seen the daylight since she went in for her surgery. Her curtains were always closed tightly, for she came down with a fever, and her eyes became sensitive to the light. She was feeling a little better, well enough to let Martin open her curtains just a little on this surprisingly sunny day. It wouldn't be sunny for long.

Michaela and Andrew were standing over Abagail's bed and checking her vitals. Abagail couldn't help but smile. Two doctors were tending to her every need, and so was Martin, as he right now sat at her bedside and held her hand in his, telling her how much he loved her. She was the luckiest woman alive, she thought, to have so many people caring about her and pulling for her to get well.

Loren was sitting on the other side of Abagail's chair, trying to encourage his daughter to get her strength back. She hadn't had much of an appetite, and the first couple of days after her surgery had been excruciating. Dr. Strauss had kept her medicated, but she would wake at all hours of the night, crying like a small child. She had been so sad and so helpless, and she reminded Loren of when he and Maude first had her. She'd been a beautiful baby, but she had been so helpless that she couldn't even lift her own head. She'd been tiny but strong, and she learned how to survive fast. As an only child, and a girl, she had to learn how to pull her weight around the house, and she had. She'd been a wonderful girl, and Loren prized every moment he could remember of her life. His girl. His Abby. It frightened him to think that he had almost lost his little girl.

"Your incision is healing well, Abagail," Michaela said happily. This was her second day back to work after a wonderful five days of rest and relaxation at home with Sully and Katie. He had taken care of the baby when he could, and she had rested and built up the strength that the past few weeks had taken out of her. She was feeling better than ever and more alive.

"When can I go home?" Abagail asked, her pale face turning up to the doctor with pleading eyes.

"Hopefully by tomorrow. I want to change your bandages once more, and if there is no more seepage by morning, I'll go ahead and send you home with strict orders of bed rest."  
"No argument here," Abagail replied. "I feel like I could sleep for a month and still be tired."

"That's normal," Michaela said with a smile. Andrew handed her the tray of gauze and bandages, and he left the room with Martin and Loren. Michaela smiled a little helping Abagail all the way out of her shirt so she could wrap her better.

"Martin says it don't matter if we have children."

"He's a good man." Abagail nodded, tears in her eyes.

"I want children though."

"There's always adoption, Abagail. You know that." Abagail nodded.

"I know," she whispered. "I just wanted the chance to feel my baby growin' inside me and kickin' me. All these ladies brag 'bout how wonderful it is, but I ain't normal no more. I'll never get that." Michaela put her hands on Abagail's shoulders.

"You are normal in every way, Abagail. There are many women who can never conceive even if they have…everything they need. You're not alone, Abagail." Abagail wiped her tears away and nodded her head.

"Just finish the bandages, will ya?" Michaela complied and did as Abagail asked, moving slowly and gently with a mother's touch. She tied the bandages at her side and helped her with her shirt. Her eyes searched Abagail's, but Abagail looked everywhere but at her.

"Grace is bringing breakfast for you. I'll check on you after you've eaten." She walked toward the door.

"Dr. Mike?"

"Yes?" She turned back to face Abagail.

"Thank you. For savin' my life, that is." Michaela smiled.

"You're quite welcome. Rest now, Abagail. You're going home tomorrow." Abagail nodded, and she closed her eyes. Michaela moved into the hallway, and smiled at Andrew, Martin and Loren. "She's going to rest for a while. You may sit with her if she wants." Michaela walked down the stairs and was about to sit down at her desk, when Sully walked in with something rolled up in his hands. "Sully?"

"Hey. Ya busy?" A smile was obvious upon his lips, and Michaela walked toward him.

"Not anymore. What is it?" Her eyes sparkled, ready for whatever her husband had to tell her. His smile grew wider, and he handed the papers to her.

"Just got these in the mail. By the time we sign 'em and send 'em in, the month'll be passed. Judge thinks that nobody's comin' for her." He looked down, a frown slowly spreading, and it made Michaela's heart catch in her throat. "He also sent this." He handed a small clipping to Michaela, and she looked at it. It was from a Topeka newspaper. The headline read: WIDOWER ETHAN COOPER FOUND DEAD. Michaela looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Don't say nothin' 'bout the children, 'cept that an aunt was s'posed to come look after 'em."

"Those poor children," Michaela breathed. "They must be so frightened."

"Yeah," Sully said quietly. "They'll make it. From what ya tell me 'bout 'em, they're strong kids."

"They had to be. They had to take care of one another, while Charlotte was in the hospital." Sully enfolded his wife into his arms, and she sighed against him. "I can't believe it, Sully. She's almost ours." She couldn't help but be happy! This child had been brought to them during a difficult time in their lives. It was almost official in every way.

"She already is. We're just makin' it official." Michaela nodded.

"Well, you know what I mean." He chuckled with a nod and kissed her softly. "Ready to sign 'em?"

"More than ready," she breathed. The moved toward her desk and smoothed the papers out on the firm oak. After a few pen strokes on a few pages, they looked at one another with smiles mirroring each other's on their faces. They shared another sweet kiss, before Sully rolled the papers up again.

"I'll take these over to Horace, and then we'll celebrate." Michaela nodded, and she watched as Sully left the clinic. She sighed happily and moved over to the bassinet by the window.

"Little Miss Katie, you're our little one now." She inhaled the sweet scent of the soft blonde hair that was beginning to grow on Katie's head. "Katherine Elizabeth Cooper Sully. Miss Sully. That's what they'll call you one day. I hope you're happy here, little one." Katie grinned a little, and Michaela held her close. "I love you so much, sweet heart. So much." Michaela turned at a noise behind her.

"Oh! Am I interrupting?" Julianna asked, stepping out from the back hall with her shawl draped over her shoulders and her money purse in her hand. Michaela smiled.

"You're not interrupting, but something wonderful is happening right now."

"What's that?" Julianna asked, her eyes wide with wonder and curiosity.

"Sully is taking the adoption papers to Horace right now. They're signed and ready to send back to Denver."

"That's wonderful news!" Julianna said with a smile. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you," Michaela said with a grin. She kissed Katie's cheek and placed her back down into the bassinet. "Have you given anymore thought to the town council's offer? I don't think the Reverend can keep teaching for much longer."

"I'm actually on my way to the church to give them my answer." Michaela eyed her.

"So, are you staying?" Michaela asked hopefully. She had gotten to know this young woman lately, and she enjoyed her stories about New York and her travels. They had a lot in common, yet they were so very different.

"I'm staying," Julianna replied, defeat almost dripping from her voice. "But, I want them to realize that this is a temporary position, and I may leave anytime I choose. I may get bored of living out here." She hated being confined. Nothing was worse than feeling obligated to stay somewhere. She didn't want to drown in self-pity or self-loathing for choosing to stay. She needed the freedom to live.

"You could never be bored here after living in New York all of your life. There is such beauty here that you can't get back there."

"That's true," Julianna said with a soft sigh. "There's only one Pike's Peak." Michaela smiled and nodded, a chuckle escaping from the back of her throat.

"Good luck." Julianna nodded and left the clinic. She began to walk across town, her black shoes squishing in the soft mud that was left after the storms yesterday. The breeze was biting today, despite the sun, and her cheeks turned red from the cold. She thought about the events of the past week, and her head nearly spun. She had gotten the chance to sit down and talk with Dr. Strauss during his three day stay at the clinic after Abagail's surgery. He was so very much like the Andrew Strauss she had met on the train, yet he was so different. She wondered what had happened to the stranger she'd met. Obviously, he wasn't this Andrew Strauss. Because of this, the stranger intrigued her further. A man with a very mysterious past and a patch over his eye had been afraid of her, and then he had changed into someone completely different. He had been charming and witty. He had been romantic. At the end of the night, he had been that mysterious, dark, closed up man that she knew from their first encounter. He was quickly turning into the man from her book.

She had started to wonder if she was going mad. Perhaps she had brought the character from her novel to live in her own mind. Perhaps her novel was becoming a part of herself, and her studies of mental illness were giving her one! It sounded like a case for a sanitarium. She wanted to know more, but she wasn't sure how. She had no name to go by, only a description. Besides, she didn't think she would ever see him again, though her heart wanted to. She wanted to delve deep into the mind of this fellow and find out what made him tick. She knew it was probably not a good idea, but she had never done things the easy way. Knowing that he might not be "right in the head" made her even more fascinated.

Julianna sighed as she stepped up onto the porch of the church. She smoothed out her skirt and placed her hand on the doorknob. She gathered her thoughts and moved into the church house. The council, minus Jeb Martin, was seated at the long conference table beside the altar.

"Afternoon, Miss Garavaldi," Jake Slicker said with a nod. The other fellows stopped talking and waited for her to step forward. "Did ya decide yet?" Julianna controlled herself. She wanted to scold him for acting like a petulant, impatient child, but she decided it would be best to keep quiet for now. She had to remember to have patience with people like this.

"Yes I have," she replied. "I will accept the job offer, but I must warn you that I wish to have the freedom to leave the position at any time. I don't plan to live here permanently, but I think I will be here long enough to get these children started with a proper education." The men looked at one another and whispered amongst themselves. Julianna couldn't help but roll her eyes while they weren't looking. They were only wasting time. They had no other choice. They were desperate. They were going to accept her conditions.

"You're hired."

* * *

He dismounted the horse at the edge of the trees after having made an excellent woodsman over the past three days. He had survived in the woods long enough to get here. He had gotten to her, and he had found Colorado Springs. He watched as men and women walked through the meadow, enjoying the last bit of sunlight the tiny town would be able to enjoy for a while. A storm was coming, and it was sure to be a nasty one.

His eyes scanned over the sight, and he climbed back onto his horse. He began to move toward the nearest road, not wanting to look like he'd just come from the woods, which he obviously had. So, he doubled back a little bit, and he enjoyed the sights around him. He was moving and staring, but he wasn't paying attention to the road ahead of him. In his mind, he wasn't doing anything wrong. He wanted to see her.

"Hey Mister!" came the voice of a little boy as a rickety wagon passed by. "We got turned 'round. Could ya tell us where we are?" David's eyes, even his bad one, gleamed in the sunlight, as he turned his horse back around. He moved up to line up with the driver's seat. An older boy stared at him suspiciously, but he looked to tired to be a threat.

"Colorado Springs, son," he said, a hint of pride his voice.

"We did it, Matthew!" Brian exclaimed. "We're here! Hooray!"

"Thanks Mister," Matthew said, tipping his hat. He urged the horses on. "Let's go find Dr. Mike." David's head snapped up at them.

"Excuse me? What name did you say?"

"Dr. Mike."

"Michaela Quinn?" His heart nearly burst.

"That's her!" Brian said with a grin. "Ya know her? She's real nice. She looked after Ma." His head bent a little. "'Fore Ma died, anyway." David looked at the little boy, studying the way his voice grew sad, and his eyes grew thick with tears at the mention of his dead mother. David had never shed a tear after the funeral. His parents had died by his hands, and he had wanted it that way. His heart leapt at the thought of them suffering, burning. He hated them. He hated everything they were about. His only solace had been the wonderful people who had taken him in, raised him, tried to raise him and get rid of the evil inside. He'd masked it well, but his heart still bled with every beat, bled with desire, rage, anger, hate and the need to expel everything inside of them that reminded him of the past.

"We're old friends," He said, wringing his hands on the horse's reins, thinking about the fear in her eyes the night he dragged her into that alley; the night he almost…

The wagon started toward town, and David watched them go. Who were they? Why did they want his Michaela? They had no right to talk of her, when he hadn't even gotten to be close to her. How long had it been? How many months, weeks, days, hours or seconds had it been?

It was then that he saw her. She was walking from the church, and she was heading back toward town. He cleared his throat. She didn't know who he was. He could still be Andrew Strauss for a little while.

He rode toward her for a few minutes, watching her move without a care. His eyes narrowed in the sun, waiting for the clouds to cover it and take away the pain and the light. Soon, he dismounted, and he followed her like a snake in the grass. Her blonde hair was sparkling like gold in the sunlight. Her hands were fidgeting with her money pouch. Her dress billowed at her feet, scooting across the damp grass occasionally. She looked like a portrait, and he fought the urge to reach out and touch her. His voice could not be stopped.

"Julianna," he breathed. She halted and stiffened at the voice. That voice. That…voice. She turned to see him, and she almost couldn't believe it. For a moment, she thought she had gone mad. He was standing there in front of her, just as handsome as she had remembered, but there was something about him. There was a look in her eyes that made her question everything she remotely knew about him. She didn't know him at all.

"You," she said quietly, stepping toward him. "You're here? How?" There were so many more questions to ask, and they were all pounding at her head, screaming to be released and asked. But, she couldn't bring herself past his sudden presence. What was he doing there? Why was here standing before her now, and what did he think he was doing?

"I have my ways." Julianna stepped forward once, noticing the missing eye patch and the way the sun soaked into his hair and kissed his skin. He had shaved, but she had recognized him immediately.

"You're different. You're not…" He stepped forward, silencing her with his interruption.

"I'll explain it all later, but you have to trust me." Julianna pulled back. She shook her head, her eyes glaring into his, yet at the same time, reaching out to him, needing to know what he was all about.

"I can't trust a man who doesn't give me his true name." David looked stunned. "Andrew Strauss is in town right now. Oh, he's a doctor from California, but he's certainly not you." Her eyes narrowed, and she was still shocked at seeing him. But, David was no longer looking at her. His eyes were staring toward town now. His fists were clenched at his sides. He turned back toward his horse. "Wait!" He didn't stop, but she followed after him. "Please, tell me your name!" He mounted his horse, but she grabbed the reins. "Tell me your name."

"I told you my name." She shook her head.

"You lied."

"That's not who I am anymore. The man you met…this is me. This is who I am."

"What should I call you?"

"You shouldn't call me anything," he replied. He tugged the reins from her grasp. "I need to find her. She needs me. I'll find her soon. Soon." His words made no sense to her.

"Find who?" But before she could say another word, he was racing off toward town. She watched, fear in her eyes. She was confused. This man wasn't perfect, and he wasn't sane by any means. But, he was hurting, and her heart broke for him. She could still see the good in him that made him who he was. The pain and the confusion showed past everything else. So, she picked up her skirts and hurried toward town, hoping that he wouldn't disappear before she could talk to him again.

* * *

As she waited for Sully to return from the telegraph office, Michaela heard a horse gallop past furiously, and she rushed outside of the clinic, only to see mud being thrown up in the path of the escaping horse. She tried to catch a glimpse of the rider, but it was too late. Several townsfolk were coming out of their homes and stores to see the commotion, but the rider was long gone. Katie began to scream inside, and Michaela knew she couldn't stay outside much longer, before Katie's fit turned into a full blown tantrum. She saw Sully leave the telegraph office and come rushing over, Horace rushing out too.

"Michaela? You okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, shock coating her voice.

"Saw that man tear through town. I'm gonna go after 'im and see what's goin' on."

"Be careful," Michaela made him promise.

"I will," he replied. He kissed her before jumping on his horse's back and rushing out after the man on the horse. Julianna came rushing over, her face red from running and her dress soiled of mud.

"Julianna? What on Earth?"

"Did you see the man on the horse that came running through town?"

"Yes, I did. Sully went after him." Julianna's eyes went wide. Something didn't sound right about it. She didn't know the man very well, but she didn't think he deserved to be chased like that, and she didn't think he would appreciate it either.

"He did? Oh no. I don't think he likes being followed, Michaela. I have to go after Sully and stop him."

"You know this man?" Julianna's eyes grew dark, her head confused and her heart even more so.

"I thought I did." She rushed over to the livery and took a horse from the corral. A moment later, she was rushing out of town, mud and dirt flying up behind her. Michaela watched in utter shock and confusion, as Katie continued to scream inside. She hurried inside to tend to her baby, and she hoped that her husband would be safe.

* * *

Sully stopped his horse, when he heard another picking up speed behind him. He watched, waiting for the rider to come into view, and he was surprised when he saw who was gaining on him. Julianna pulled back on the reins, slowing her horse when she caught up to Sully.

"Julianna? What're you doin' out here?"

"I…I'm going to visit someone." She knew that wouldn't suffice. "I saw you ride out of town chasing that man, and I thought I might be able to help."

"Do ya know the man on the horse?"

"You could say that," she replied.

"Tell me about him," Sully said quietly, taking a swig of water from his canteen.

"I don't know much about him, except he told me a name that wasn't his. All this time, I thought he was Lydia's cousin."

"Andrew?"

"He said his name is Andrew Strauss, and that he was…I just assumed. I confronted him, and that's when he took off. I don't think he takes well to confrontation."

"Well, ya best come on back to town with me. He's long gone by now."

"Actually, I was also…riding back out to the Miller house. I promised Rose I'd help her master a stitch I learned in New York," she lied. Sully nodded, not thinking of anything but getting back to his wife and daughter.

"You be careful," he said. "I doubt he'll come back."

"He wouldn't harm me even if he did," Julianna assured him. Sully looked down.

"I wouldn't be so sure. Sometimes there are folks that can surprise ya. Sometimes folks are somethin' completely different that what they appear to be." Julianna eyed him.

"It sounds like you've had a lot of experience in this."

"Ya could say that." He looked toward home. "Trustin' people is somethin' ya gotta do with your gut. There've been times when I've known people just by the first impression, and most times, my gut's been right. Just be careful, Julianna."

"I will. Thank you for your concern. You should get back home. It sounded like Michaela needed help with Katie. Congratulations, by the way. She told me about the adoption papers." Sully beamed with pride now.

"Thanks," he replied. "I think we're gonna have a celebration dinner. You should come."

"I don't think Lydia would appreciate that," she said quietly. "I'll see you and Michaela later." Sully nodded and started off back toward town. Julianna waited until he was out of sight and earshot, and she pushed her horse onward, hoping to find her mysterious stranger.

* * *

He had made a quick trip through town, and he had spotted the medical clinic. Yes, that was where she was. He knew it. She had to be. Now he was a good five miles outside of town, and he would be safe. He would wait. He would watch.

He frowned, tying his horse up and sitting down against a fallen tree. Sully had followed him. He knew it. He had seen him for only a moment, but he had made a quick escape through the trees. He was only a few yards off of the main trail, but with the heavy brush and thick trees, he was well hidden from any search parties looking for the lone rider who sped through town.

Sully had turned back, but he knew somebody else was coming. They couldn't find him. If they did, he'd have to do what he could to keep them quiet. They couldn't know where he was. Only she could. He knew she'd find him. He wanted her to find him. Only time would tell, but if he knew her as well as he thought he did, she would find him soon.

* * *

Michaela was just placing Katie back down in her bassinet, when she heard a knock at the door. She glanced down at Katie, hoping the knock hadn't woken her. But, the little girl was sleeping peacefully, and she was curled up under her blanket.

"Just a moment," Michaela called, moving across the room and opening the door. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw the three Cooper children standing on the porch, tired, dirty and hungry from their long journey. "Oh my God."

"Hi Dr. Mike," Brian said tiredly.

"Brian," Michaela whispered. She looked into the eyes of all three of them, and each of them looked relieved to see her, though Matthew's posture was rigid, and his jaw was clenched. "Come in. Come in." Pain was in her voice, memories of the past rushing back to haunt her. She ushered them all inside and closed the door firmly behind them. Colleen immediately spotted the bassinet, and she hurried over to see her little sister. There was a connection that couldn't be broken, and Michaela couldn't deny that.

"That Katie?" Brian asked. Michaela nodded, stunned. She smiled at the boy. She said the only thing she could think to say that was fair. Was it fair? Would Charlotte think it was fair?

"Yes. Go see your sister." Matthew's head snapped up. Sister. She still called Katie their sister? Was she being courteous?

"We don't need your permission to see our own sister," he said flatly. Michaela was surprised at the jab, and she looked at the oldest boy.

"I didn't mean to imply that…"

"We came all this way for her. We don't need nobody's permission but ours." Matthew moved across the room, and Michaela stood back, feeling like an outsider again. She couldn't help but let her heart break as the children looked at the baby with awe and devotion in their eyes. It was so sad, because this was the portrait of a family that been reunited, yet they could never truly be whole again.

"She's getting big," Colleen said with a smile.

"She's a healthy eater," Michaela replied. Matthew looked toward her. "We've been feeding her from a bottle, and she's really taking to it."

"Her name's still Katie, right?" Brian asked.

"'Course it is," Matthew interjected. "Ain't nobody changin' the name Ma wanted for her."

"Of course not," Michaela said quietly. She felt a wave of nausea, and she held onto the side of her desk. The children didn't notice, and Matthew lifted Katie up into his arms.

"We swore we'd come back to get ya. We'll be a family again, just like Ma wanted." Michaela felt her heart stop for a moment.

"Excuse me?" She couldn't think of a better response.

"We're takin' her with us." Colleen and Brian backed away. Michaela wasn't sure what to say now. She swallowed hard. "Pa's gone."

"I know," Michaela whispered. "I found out today. The judge from Denver sent an article with the adoption papers." Matthew held Katie closer.

"Adoption papers?"

"Sully and I put out articles in several papers…"

"We know. We found one," Brian spoke up.

"Hush, Brian," Matthew said quickly. "Go wait outside."

"I'm stayin'!" Brian replied.

"Me too," Colleen replied. Michaela moved toward Matthew.

"Where do you plan to go?"

"We'll find a place. We ain't goin' back to Kansas. It ain't home no more." His head was spinning. He knew in his heart that what he was doing wasn't right. But he had to keep them together. He couldn't break the family up any further. Not anymore. They deserved a good life. A good life. Could he promise them that?

"What do you plan to do to earn money?"

"I'm sure there's plenty of ranches 'round here."

"You're just a boy, Matthew," Michaela said softly.

"I'm sixteen."

"You're fifteen. Ya ain't sixteen 'til next week," Colleen retorted. Matthew glared daggers at her. She certainly wasn't helping matters at all. Colleen squeezed Brian's hand. "Think 'bout Katie."

"How do you intend to feed yourself and three children with no income to speak of?"

"I'm the man of the house now. I'll find a way." Michaela sighed heavily. She shook her head. "We did all right."

"I'm sorry Matthew. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry for everything you've been through. But, I can't in good conscience let you take that child out of here. She needs a home, a family. Sully and I have given her that, and we love her very much. Can you honestly say you can provide her with a warm bottle every night and tend to all of her needs?" Matthew's resolve was quickly deteriorating. Michaela looked at the children. "Your mother loved you all so much, and she wouldn't want to see you living like this. She wants you to have a family."

"We got a family," Matthew said. "It's just a little broken right now. We don't need a Ma and Pa no more."

"Maybe that's the way you feel," Colleen said quietly. She took Brian's hand. "It ain't been easy, Matthew."

"What are ya doin'?"  
"I'm tellin' the truth! Ya can't be strong all the time. You're still a kid like us!" Matthew looked at his little sister.

"What are ya doin'? Are ya tryin' to keep our family apart?" Tears sprang to Colleen's eyes, and she shook her head. How could he think that? How could he be so selfless and selfish at the same time?

"No! I don't want us to be apart, but I don't want Katie to have to go through what we did comin' out here! Ya got hurt, Matthew, at that saloon! What if somethin' worse woulda happened? We wouldn't have nobody to look after us, and we ain't old enough to take care of ourselves. We had as long as we could with Ma, but Katie…Katie didn't get that. She needs a ma. She needs to be safe and loved."

"So you're just gonna let some stranger take care of Katie?" Michaela gently moved to take Katie from Matthew's arms, because the little one was starting to fuss. He didn't try to stop her, and his arms began to tremble. At that moment, the clinic door opened, and Sully came in. His eyes were narrow with concern, when he heard his daughter crying.

"Michaela? What's goin' on?" Michaela moved toward Sully, and she handed Katie to him.

"Sully, this is Matthew, Brian and Colleen Cooper." Sully's eyes widened. She had told him about them, and he looked down at Brian. This boy had come to visit him during his coma. Michaela turned back to the children. "This is my husband, Byron Sully."

"Byron?" Brian asked. Sully knew that voice.

"Just call me Sully."

"We ain't callin' ya anything. We're takin' our little sister and leavin'." Sully and Michaela glanced at one another. Matthew made a move to take his little sister.

"Hold on," Sully said quietly. "Michaela told me what happened to your family, and I'm real sorry, but ya ain't takin' Katie anywhere. We just signed the adoption papers, and the stage coach just carried 'em off to Denver."

"Ya can't do this!" Matthew screamed. "She's our blood! She's our sister!" Katie began to scream louder, and Matthew felt like someone had ripped his heart out. Colleen was begging him to calm down, and he found himself trembling. What had happened to him? When had he gone from being a boy concerned for his family to a young man trying to cause trouble every where he went? This wasn't good for anybody, least of all Katie.

"Michaela, take the baby upstairs," Sully said quietly, eyeing Matthew. Michaela didn't want the baby to be frightened, so she complied and carried her off. Sully stepped toward Matthew. "Look, son. I know you're scared. I know things look bad now, but ya gotta realize that goin' 'bout it like this ain't helpin' nobody. Ya lost your ma and your pa. So did I. It's tough, and I can't imagine how tough it is for ya, bein' so young. If ya wanna be the man, ya better start actin' like it. Look at them. Look at your brother and sister." Matthew slowly turned toward them. "They're scared. They're hungry. They're tired. So are you. Ya ain't thinkin' straight."  
"I'm tryin' to keep my family together!" Matthew shouted. "I promised I would! I promised!" Brian moved toward his brother.

"Ya did that, Matthew," he said softly. "Ya did what Pa didn't do. Ya did what ya could to get us here so we could see Katie. I'm proud of ya." Matthew was trembling now. He sucked in a sharp breath.

"Me too," Colleen whispered. "You're my big brother, and I look up to ya more than anybody. I knew ya could get us here. But, I don't think it's right to take Katie away. Yeah, I want our family together, but Katie looks so happy here. I don't wanna see her grow up and get dragged from place to place. I want our little sister to have a good home." Those words were spoken by a ten year old? When had she grown up so fast? He saw it now. He saw the way his brother and sister stuck by him, but put him in his place. How had he gone from knowing what to do to being completely lost? He was still a boy in so many ways; a scared little boy who needed his mother and father, only he didn't have either one of them.

Michaela entered the room again, and all was silent. Sully moved toward her, wrapping his arm around her waist. He pulled her close, and they stood together, watching the children embrace. They'd taken a long journey, and it had ended, and now they could cry and release their fears and frustrations.

When it seemed that Matthew was calming down, Michaela stepped forward.

"You must be starving," Michaela said softly. "I'll go to the café and pick up something for dinner."

"Don't bother," Matthew said quietly. "We ain't stayin'."

"Ya ain't leavin' right now, Matthew," Sully said quietly. "I can't let the three of ya go like this. Ya need food. Ya need sleep."

"We have plenty of rooms upstairs."

"I said don't bother," Matthew replied. "We don't need your charity."

"No, but you do need nourishment."

"We ate."

"You can eat again," Michaela replied sternly. She looked at Sully, and he nodded. "I'll be back in a few minutes." Michaela left, and she closed the clinic door. She leaned against it, sighing heavily. She hated being stern with those children, especially since they were so vulnerable after the death of their parents. But, she had Katie to think of, and Matthew wasn't of age to care for a family on his own. They needed a good home. They needed parents they could count on. They needed a mother who would love them just as much as Charlotte had. They needed a father who would be there, unlike Ethan.

Tears sprang to her eyes. She wished she could give that to all of them. Things were so stressful now, and she wasn't sure what kind of help the children needed. They had been through so much. The least she could do was give them a warm place to stay and a few good meals. After that, what? Could she actually let the three of them ride out of town with not a penny to their names? She knew she couldn't. It broke her heart, and she tried her best not to break down. She took a deep breath and thought of Charlotte.

"I wish you were here, Charlotte. They need you now more than ever."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

"Come on, boy," Julianna urged, her body growing tired from riding so much. She had slowed the horse considerably, and they were at least four miles out of town, maybe more. She had never traveled this far away from Colorado Springs since she'd arrived, and though she knew she could just turn around and take the path right back, she was beginning to feel uneasy. "Let's go another mile, and then we'll double back." The horse whinnied in compliance, and Julianna pulled her shawl tighter around her shoulders.

For ten minutes, she rode in silence, taking in the sights around her, feeling the urge to write her thoughts down in her journal. It wasn't until the horse rounded a bend that she heard another horse whinny. She pulled back on her horse's reins.

"Shh, boy," she breathed, seeing her breath fog in the air. It was growing colder, and she knew she needed to turn back before the dark clouds overhead split open and poured fresh rain onto the ground. Where was the sun? It had been here before. It was quickly dying into the afternoon sky, behind the thick, ominous clouds that threatened to conceal it forever. She knew better than to call out, but she couldn't help herself. "Hello?" She slowly dismounted, cursing under her breath. Her feet landed firmly on the dirt path, and she looked around, searching for any sign of her stranger.

The wind began to pick up, and the thunder rumbled furiously. She gasped as the horse reared and bucked, whinnying and thrashing his head up and down. She grabbed the reins, trying to get the animal under control, but he was too much. He pulled back again, turning toward town, and she found herself falling, falling, and everything went dark. The last thing she heard before she lost the battle to stay conscious was the sound of the horse clamoring back toward town as the thunder rumbled in the near distance.

* * *

Katie cried, and Michaela watched as Colleen consoled her. They were seated around a large table in the back room of the clinic. Matthew hadn't eaten much of his lunch, but Colleen and Brian had. Michaela's appetite hadn't come back yet, and Sully was slowly sipping his coffee, keeping his eye on young Matthew. He felt bad for the boy. He knew he was lost, and he only wanted the comfort of the family he used to have. It had broken apart in less than a year, and he was having trouble facing reality. 

"It's gonna be hard to say goodbye," Colleen said softly, as she pressed her lips to Katie's forehead. Michaela looked at Sully, and then she glanced at the young girl.

"Perhaps you don't have to." Matthew looked over, but he remained quiet.

"Whaddya mean?" Brian wondered.

"You could stay in Colorado Springs and be near your sister. You could play with her every day. You could visit and be a part of her life." Brian and Colleen's eyes widened at the idea.

"Ya'd really let us?" Colleen asked.

"Why not? She's your sister," Sully said with a smile. "Sure would be nice to have somebody 'round to remind her of the ma she had 'fore she came to us." Colleen and Brian looked at Matthew.

"Can we, Matthew?" Matthew cleared his throat, and he tried to hide the fact that tears were ebbing in his solemn eyes.

"We ain't got no place else to go," he replied. "We'll stay here in town. There's a hotel?"

"Not exactly," Michaela replied, "but there are plenty of rooms above this clinic." She looked at Sully, and he nodded, squeezing her hand.

"Or, if ya wanna be near Katie, ya can stay at our place." This was feeling way too much like family to Matthew, and these were not his parents.

"We'll stay in town. Thank ya. I'll find a way to pay ya."

"It's not necessary."

"I'll pay ya back. Soon as I get a job and get us a place of our own, I'm gonna pay ya back."

"Matthew…" Michaela said quietly.

"I'm gonna pay ya back!" Matthew said quickly. "Ma always taught us never to take without givin', so I ain't gonna start now. I'll re-pay ya just as soon as I can." Sully knew that Matthew was trying to be adult about it, and he nodded his head.

"You'll pay us back when ya can."

"Where can I find work 'round here?"

"What can ya do?"

"He helped Pa on the farm," Brian chimed in. "Didn't ya, Matthew?"

"That's right. I helped on our farm, and I worked with cattle at a couple farms 'round us."

"Well, Loren Bray's sister owns a ranch outside of town. She ain't around now, but I'm sure Loren could get ya workin' out there tendin' to the cattle. It ain't much, but it's a start."

"Where can I find Mr. Bray?"

"The general store across town," Michaela replied, reaching over and taking Katie into her arms. "It's time for her bottle." Matthew stood up and started for the door.

"It's gonna storm, Matthew," Colleen called. Matthew didn't listen, and he walked outside, shutting the door firmly behind himself.

"Is Matthew mad at us?" Brian asked. Sully shook his head.

"He's not mad at either of ya, Brian. He's just upset 'cause of the way things are changin'."

"He don't want ya to adopt Katie."

"That ain't his choice to make, but it'd be nice to have Katie's brothers' and sister's blessin's.

"Ya have mine," Colleen said softly. "You're both real good with her. I just don't want her to forget our real ma."

"She won't," Michaela promised, holding Katie close as she began to feed her. The rain began to pour outside, and Dr. Strauss, Albert and Lydia came rushing in.

"It's getting cold out there," Lydia said with a soft laugh and a shudder. She shook her head, and she noticed the children. "You two look awfully familiar."

"This is Colleen and Brian. They were at the Denver hospital, remember?" Michaela asked. "Katie is their sister."

"Oh! Hello children. I'm Lydia."

"Hi Lydia," Brian and Colleen said softly. Albert nodded toward them.

"Julianna with ya?" Sully asked.

"No, why?" Albert asked as Lydia removed her bonnet and shawl.

"She was out ridin'. Said she was goin' out to the Miller house, but I figured she'd be back by now." Michaela's eyes grew concerned.

"I hope she didn't get caught in the storm…" At that moment, Robert E. burst in, startling everyone and causing Katie to cry.

"That horse Julianna borrowed earlier…it came back. She ain't on it though." Sully stood quickly. "She ain't been here long, and I know we ain't had a storm this bad since she got here." Sully looked at Michaela, seeing the concern in her eyes.

"I'll go look for her."

"I don't know how much help I'll be, but I'll come too," Andrew offered. Sully nodded his thanks.

"I'm coming with you," Albert announced. He turned to Lydia, seeing the tension in her face as her posture grew rigid. "I have to Lydia. She's…we have a past, and…I still consider her…"

"You don't have to explain," Lydia whispered, kissing his cheek. "Go on. Be careful." Albert pulled her into a lingering kiss before heading out the door. Sully pulled Michaela close, embracing her, kissing her and then kissing baby Katie.

"I'll be back soon."

"Be careful. Hurry back," Michaela replied, her voice tinted with concern. The men left, and the sound of the clock ticking underneath the thunder was all that could be heard until Katie began to fuss again.

"I should put her down for a nap."

"I'll take her up," Lydia offered. "I'm going to check on Abagail anyway and lie down for a while." Michaela nodded.

"Thank you." She handed the baby to Lydia and sat down at the table across from Brian and Colleen. Nobody spoke, nobody moved, and Katie continued to cry upstairs, no doubt disturbing poor Abagail who couldn't even have children. Tears were apparent in Michaela's eyes, and her hand absent-mindedly wandered to her stomach. Colleen noticed this, but Brian didn't seem to, and he moved toward a window.

"Sure is rainin' hard," he announced. The thunder clapped hard in the sky, and a lightning bolt tore through the sky like a thousand knives. Brian jumped, and Michaela stood and moved toward him.

"Come sit down," she said softly.

"Matthew's out there," Brian said softly.

"I'm sure he's waiting out the storm at the store. Don't worry, Brian. Everything's going to be all right." He looked up at her.

"Promise?" he asked. Michaela hesitated, but she couldn't resist his sweet face.

"I promise." Then, he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the side of her skirt as he'd done back in Denver. She looked at Colleen and gently caressed the soft feather-like hair upon the boy's head. She knelt down to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Don't worry. You're safe here. Everyone's safe." Brian nodded, and Michaela brushed a tear off of his cheek, as Colleen smiled gratefully at the lady doctor.

* * *

Julianna moaned as she opened her eyes. She was surprisingly warm, but she was laying on something hard. It wasn't a bed. Where was she? As she looked around, she noticed that she was surrounded by thick, stone walls, and the heat was coming from a simple fire. She gasped, sitting up, the pain in her head starting to go away. As she peered across the flames, she saw him. 

"How's your head?" He moved over by her side, and she scooted back a little. He placed his hands on her cheeks, and she thought for sure he was going to try to kiss her. She was frozen. She couldn't think. "Your pupils look normal. I couldn't wake you for a while. I was worried." Who was this man? All of the sudden he was concerned.

"Don't worry about me. You obviously didn't earlier."

"I'm sorry if I frightened you."

"You didn't frighten me," she replied, moving closer to the flames to warm her hands. "What the hell were you thinking?" He raised an eyebrow in surprise. A woman had never talked to him like that before. "Who are you?"

"You don't want to know," he replied.

"I wouldn't have bothered asking or chasing after you if I didn't want to know. You owe me an honest answer." David was silent. He handed her a cup of something.

"Drink this. It'll make the pain go away." Julianna threw the liquid into the flames. David wasn't surprised at all.

"You think I'll trust you?"

"I'm a doctor."

"From California?"

"From Boston," he replied. "If I told you my name, they'd find me."

"Who?" David drew away, but she touched his arm. "WHO?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't trust me."

"Then there's nothing to lose. Tell me." David looked into the flames, the white of his blind eye shimmering.

"David," he whispered.

"What?"

"David. My name. Dr. David Lewis." Lydia thought for a moment.

"I've heard that name before. I…" Her eyes went wide. "They put you in a sanitarium. You were in prison…" David shuddered at the memory, and he pulled up his sleeves to reveal the scars from the manacles. Her voice was almost inaudible "What did you do?"

"You don't want to know. It wasn't me. I…it was me, but I wasn't myself. You see…" Julianna shivered, her rain-soaked clothes suddenly chilling her to the bone despite the heat from the fire. But, she wasn't afraid now.

"I believe you." He looked at her. Nobody had ever said that to him before.

"What I did…was unforgivable. I was mad with…grief…with anger…with confusion. I see clearly now. I know what I want. I know how to get it, but it takes time. It takes pain. It takes suffering."

"What do you want?"

"I thought…I thought…" He rested his head in his hands, and Lydia eyed him. The more she sat here, the more the scent of her hair wafted over the flames and up into his nostrils, the more he wanted her. Did he want Michaela anymore? Yes. But he couldn't have her. He remembered now. He wanted someone else. But, he had to make Michaela see him first. He had to prove that he was changed. Maybe then she would forgive him. Maybe then she would…

"David?"

"It was so clear until…until…" His head hurt again, and he fought it off. It was rising. Andrew was coming back, and he couldn't let him. He had to be himself with Julianna. He knew it. He felt it. "NO!" Julianna's eyes widened, and she scrambled to her feet. Moving toward the entrance. David held onto the thread of sanity he held dear to him, and he rushed to block her path. "No! You can't…"

"I need to get back to town! You're not well…"

"You can't go back. You can't go back unless you swear to God you won't tell them! If you tell them, they'll put me away before I can make up for it all. You can't breathe my name. You can't mention me at all."

"David…"

"Swear it! If you don't, I'll have no choice. I'll have no choice!" He was shaking, and she knew he was insanely serious. Julianna swallowed hard, and David fell to his knees. She saw the trembling little boy inside of him, hiding in the dark corner; hiding from the demons. He was whimpering and snotting at the nose. She felt so bad for him. God, she wanted to make it all go away for him. "Swear it! Swear to God you won't say a word." Julianna swallowed hard, her eyes looking down into his scared, crying ones. Did she have a choice? Did she want to take that chance?

"I swear," she whispered. She knelt down next to him. "Whatever you've done, you want to make amends for it, don't you?" He was silent, but the way he slumped down onto the floor of the cave told her that yes, he wanted to do something to make amends for the demons that tore at his soul. "I won't say anything. But you must promise me two things." David looked at her in surprise.

"P…promise you?"

"Don't hurt anyone." David swallowed hard.

"Nobody can promise that. What else?" Julianna stared for a long moment, trying to tell herself that this was right.

"Let me write about you. It won't be your name, but it'll be you. Let me write about you for my novel."

"Why?"

"Because, you're the man I've been writing all along," she whispered. David scooted near the fire, and he reminded her very much of a child then. Thunder shattered the silence, and Julianna walked away. She turned back toward David. "All of this time, I thought he wasn't real. I thought I was writing a man my own mind had created, but I realize now, that I've been writing you." She wrung her hands on her damp skirt, and she moved toward the entrance of the cave, not looking back at him. He hadn't turned to look at her either, but his mind focused on her voice. He closed his eyes, seeing her. Seeing her clearly. "Stay here. It's safe and dry." As she moved out into the dissipating rain, her heart broke a little. Something was clearly wrong with him, and whatever he had done was something he wanted to make up for. He was the man in her book. Whether or not he'd come to life from her imagination wasn't important. What mattered was that he had been so desperate to make her swear not to let anyone know about him. God…what could he have done that was so terrible? She couldn't find out. She had to wait. She had to wait and try to trust that he would tell her. Somehow, her heart told her he would.

* * *

Matthew was still at the store making arrangements with Mr. Bray. Michaela looked out the window every few minutes, and it seemed as if a deal was being made. Colleen and Brian were resting upstairs, as was an exhausted Lydia, who didn't feel like walking home in the rain. The rain had stopped a while ago, but it threatened to pour again at any moment. She had nothing to keep herself occupied with, because even little Katie was still napping, as well as Martin, who slept near his recovering wife. 

Michaela sighed, looking at the clock. It was nearly suppertime. Her appetite was coming back slowly, but she didn't feel like she could possibly eat anything. The thunder started up again, and she could hear the rain began to pour down. She sighed and shook her head. She paced the floor, waiting…waiting. Each noise made her jump, hoping Sully was back, but he wasn't. She wished she were home in front of a roaring fire, reading as she lay in her husband's arms. Right now, she was cold, and every few minutes, she would stir the ashes in the stove.

The room grew darker as the clouds grew thicker in the afternoon sky. She hoped they would return soon, though she knew that a search could take a long time. God, she hoped that Julianna was all right. Being stuck out in the rain at a time like this wouldn't be easy, and she hoped the woman had enough sense to find shelter.

Finally, the door opened, and Albert rushed in with Julianna in his arms. Michaela rushed to the door as Dr. Strauss, Robert E. and Sully piled in behind him. A curious Grace hurried in, taking leave of the café during the storm.

"What happened!" They were all soaked to the bone, and Julianna's face was almost as pale as the fresh linens in Michaela's cabinets.

"Found her on the road. Looked like she'd been walkin' a ways. Found her a few miles outside town," Robert E. explained. Michaela swallowed hard and immediately took action.

"Take Julianna upstairs. Grace?" Grace looked at Michaela, eager to help out. "Would you put Julianna into something warm and dry? There are gowns in the drawers upstairs."

"Sure," Grace replied, following Albert up the stairs.

"Robert E., I need you to bring up some warm water."

"I'll get to it." Michaela turned to Sully.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Go help Julianna," Sully replied softly, kissing his wife's forehead. "I'll look after Katie and the kids."

"Thank you." Michaela looked at Andrew.

"Would you like to assist me?"

"It'd be my pleasure." They hurried up to take care of their patient, hoping that she hadn't been caught out there for too long.

* * *

By midnight, everyone had either gone home or was resting. Lydia, Albert and Dr. Strauss had left, Julianna was resting comfortably with no signs of illness yet. They had questioned her about the bump on her head, but she had assured them she'd fallen while trying to maintain control of the horse. She had been convincing enough. The Cooper children, including an exhausted Matthew had taken a room together, while young Katie slept in another room, where Sully waited for Michaela. 

She was turning down the lamps and locking up downstairs for the night. She was exhausted from standing on her feet all day, and she was ready to curl up in a warm bed with her husband.

The rain was still pouring down outside, but it was no longer worrisome. Everyone Michaela knew and cared about was safe, and she could rest easy knowing that. So, once she had put out the lamps and secured the downstairs, she started up the stairs, feeling her body giving in to exhaustion. She smiled when she opened the door a little and entered the room, seeing Sully sitting up in bed with Katie sleeping in his arms. He didn't see her, however, and he moved across the room to place the baby in her crib. He said something in Cheyenne that Michaela recognized as "I love you," and he turned down one lamp, removing his shirt and placing it over a rocking chair. She smiled, leaning against the doorframe, watching him remove the rest of his clothing. Sully preferred sleeping bare, and she figured that once winter came, he would quickly change his mind. She couldn't complain at the moment though!

Sully heard her stir, and he jumped in shock. Michaela grinned, her cheeks flushing slightly.

"Michaela! I thought you was…what if it wasn't you?" She stepped in and closed the door behind herself, slowly turning the lock.

"My, that would have been embarrassing," she replied. Sully's heartbeat began to return to normal. "Don't worry. Everybody's rooms are dark. It's quiet enough to hear a pin drop." Suddenly, she didn't feel tired any longer.

"Michaela Quinn? What's gotten into you?"

"Mmmm," she thought for a moment. "Tonight I prefer to be Mrs. Sully." He sensed a slight purr in her low voice, and it sent shivers down his spine.

"Ya feelin' okay?"

"I'm fine. It's been a long day," she replied, moving across the room and sitting on the edge of the bed to remove her shoes. He watched her, and after she'd slid her shoes and stockings off, she stood again.

"Ya think the kids are okay?"

"They've had a rough time," she said softly. "Matthew got a job working at the ranch. I think so, anyway. He hasn't spoken much to me."

"Me either," Sully replied. He shook his head. "I can't blame 'im for bein' angry, ya know? He's mad at the world now, and he's got every right to be. But those kids need him. He's just gotta make himself see that he can't do it by himself."

"They need a lot of things," Michaela replied quietly. She began to remove her blouse, but Sully moved toward her, doing it for her. All thoughts of the bad things were gone, and her eyes gleamed as they looked into his. "I'm perfectly capable of doing this, Mr. Sully." He sensed the playful tone again. He always enjoyed it when Michaela was like this. She was still shy and hesitant in this manner, but her eyes and her body told him what she wanted and needed.

"Yeah, but I want to." Michaela let him remove her blouse, leaving her in her camisole and skirt.

"Would you hand me my gown, please?" she asked him, almost thankful they had left some extra clothes at the clinic for these 'just in case' emergencies. But, her eyes were daring his. They both had something else in mind on this night.

"Don't think you'll need it tonight, Mrs. Sully."

"But it's cold."

"I'll keep ya warm," he replied teasingly, nipping at her earlobe. Michaela flushed again, feeling his lips on her bare shoulder, as he slipped her camisole off of her. She closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of his body pressed against hers. Clothes continued to be discarded, and they moved toward the bed.

"You're right. I am warm," she said softly, tugging the blankets around them both.

"C'mere," he replied with a deep chuckle, pulling her close. "I'll show ya warm." Michaela's giggles echoed throughout the room, but they soon shattered into silence, and the night was theirs.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

A month later, it was early November, and a fresh coating of snow was blanketing the ground. Julianna was just closing school for the day to give the country kids time to get home before dark. Colleen and Brian were about to start toward the clinic, where they knew a fresh basket of Grace's finest cooking would be waiting for them. They knew Matthew wouldn't be there until sundown, because he worked at the ranch, trying to get the livestock ready. They were going to be taken south in a few weeks, and little did anyone know that Matthew had been offered a job. He was sixteen now, and the ranchers knew he was good with a horse and roping a steer.

Julianna was wiping off the black board, as the children filed out of the little schoolhouse. She heard the church bell across the meadow chime two, and she quickly moved to pull on her coat. She was going to be late for her session with David. She had been going to the cave once a week to visit David, and he had been keeping himself warm and busy at the cave. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what he did to pass the time there, but the only thing he could tell her was that he was waiting for the right time. Whatever that meant.

She sighed and moved outside, locking up the schoolhouse. She moved around back and found the horse she had purchased from Robert E. Oddly enough, it had been the same horse she'd run off on the day she chased after David. She had named him Royal, simply because he walked with his head held high, like he was better than the other horses. He was dark brown, almost black with a white streak down the front of his face.

Royal marched through town, holding his head high and letting out a pompous snort. Julianna chuckled and patted his side as she rode. She stopped at the livery and walked the rest of the way to the café. A picnic basket was waiting for her.

"It's all ready for ya, Julianna," Grace said with a smile. "That sure is a lot of food for one person."

"What can I say?" Julianna asked with a mild chuckle. "This is the best cooking I've ever had." Grace laughed and thanked Julianna, and Julianna turned, hurrying back toward Royal. Robert E. held her picnic basket and handed it to her once she was securely in Royal's saddle. She thanked him and started off.

"Be careful," he called after her.

"I always am!" she shouted back. She was feeling just fine, having suffered no illness after her fall during the storm a month before. She'd been asked a hundred questions, but she had kept a cool head and explained that she'd fallen, and she had taken cover, but when she headed out again, she'd gotten caught in the rain, and she'd lost consciousness, because of the bump on her head. Nobody knew about David. That's the way he wanted it, and that's the way she promised for it to remain. She had been learning a lot about him. Nothing about his past, but she knew a lot what went on in his head. She knew that one moment he was sure of what he was doing, and the next, everything was turned around. She knew about the other personalities who tried to surface, and it was obvious that this man had been in a sanitarium for a reason. But what had he done that had been so terrible that he would have such ugly scars from those manacles? She wanted so badly to find out, but she couldn't say his name without breaking a promise to him.

* * *

"Hey Dr. Mike!" Brian exclaimed, rushing into the clinic.

"Hey Dr. Mike," Colleen said tiredly, putting her books down on Michaela's desk.

"How was school?"

"Good," Colleen said, her eyes brighter than the snow in sunlight. "Miss Garavaldi told us 'bout New York today, and we gotta write an essay 'bout what we learned."

"I ain't good at spellin' yet," Brian said softly. "Ma taught me the letters, but I ain't real good with 'em yet." He looked down, and Michaela gently knelt down beside him.

"I'll help you. Would you like that?" Brian's eyes lit up, and he nodded.

"Yeah!" Michaela grinned and stood, smoothing out her skirt. Her belly was showing a lot now. She couldn't believe how fast time was flying. In the matter of four months, she was going to be giving birth to her little one. This child meant so much to her, and she couldn't wait to hold him in her arms. The children knew about the baby, and Brian often cried at night, asking what would happen to Katie if the same thing happened to Michaela when she had her baby. Of course, neither Colleen nor Matthew told anyone about this, because they didn't want to frighten or worry Michaela.

The door opened, and Albert came in with Sully. Sully was holding a basket from Grace's.

"Sorry we're late," he chuckled. "Robert E. had to fix my tomahawk." He glanced at Albert.

"Don't look at me. You're the one who told me I could throw it," Albert replied. "You're lucky Widow Johnson didn't see that it almost hit her wagon!" Sully moved over to greet his wife, and he pulled his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in, kissing her lips and softly rubbing her belly.

"How ya feelin'?"

"Wonderful," she replied. "Not ill at the moment, so it's a perfect time to eat." Sully laughed.

"We best hurry then." He was right. The nausea came and went, and sometimes it was unexpected. Michaela took the picnic basket.

"I'll have Colleen help me set out the plates. Where's Lydia?"

"She's not back yet?" Albert asked. "She was going to sit with Widow Perkins and read to her for a while. I expected her to be back by now." He looked at the clock. Michaela smiled a little.

"I wouldn't be concerned," she replied. "Pregnant women move slower sometimes, and she may have just lost track of the time." Albert didn't look convinced.

"Her due date is so soon." Michaela frowned a little, placing her hand on her stomach.

"If ya want, I can go look for her," Sully offered. Albert swallowed hard. Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind.

"That's right. She was supposed to visit Widow Nichols afterward." He sighed heavily. "My thoughts must be all over the place."

"You're about to become a pa, Albert. I think it's normal," Sully chuckled. Albert's face flushed. Everyone went about doing what they needed to, and before too long, they were sitting down to a late lunch.

"Matthew won't be here 'til late," Brian said. "He's been workin' real hard at the ranch."

"I've noticed," Sully replied. "He's doin' a real good job."

"Now that he's sixteen, maybe he can get better jobs," Brian said. "That's what Matthew said anyway. Wonder what else he could do?"

"He's a hard worker," Sully said quietly. The truth was that Matthew was an extremely hard worker. He did his share, got paid fairly, and he came back to town at the end of the night to stay at the clinic with his brother and sister. They were never alone, however, because Julianna almost always retired to her own room before Michaela and Sully headed home for the night. But, Matthew had already started to pay Michaela and Sully back for their hospitality, though Michaela was putting the money toward Colleen and Brian's school necessities anyway.

Michaela reached across the table for the pitcher of water, and when she did, she felt a distinct jolt from the inside.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, stopping in mid-reach and placing her hands on her stomach. Everyone leaned forward and toward her.

"Michaela!" Sully asked. Michaela's face grew bright with a smile.

"Give me your hand," she whispered, tears in her eyes. Sully quickly complied, and Michaela placed it over the area that she felt a kick in.

"I don't feel nothin'," Sully said quietly.

"Just wait." Everything was quiet as if everyone was waiting for a sound. A tiny thump to Michaela's belly came again, and Sully felt it. His eyes brightened, and he laughed with Michaela, reveling in the feel of their child kicking for the first time. Michaela had felt flutters before, but this was the first strong kick she'd felt.

"What is it? What is it?" Colleen asked

"The baby's kicking," Michaela said with excitement dripping from her voice.

"Oh, can I feel!" Brian asked.

"Of course. Come give me your hand." Brian rushed over, and Sully moved away so the boy could feel.

"Hey! That's just like Katie when she kicked in Ma's tummy." Colleen moved toward Michaela, and Brian pulled his hand away. Michaela looked up at the girl, and she smiled.

"Would you like to fee it?" Colleen thought for a moment. Would her mother mind? Would Charlotte feel abandoned? She knew Charlotte loved her more than anything. Finally, she nodded and placed her hand on Michaela's tummy. Her eyes widened at the feel of the kick against her palm.

"Wow," she whispered. "Baby's strong."

"Yes he is," Michaela grinned. She felt Sully's hand grab hers and give it a squeeze. "Very strong." They continued with their meal, never noticing the dark figure standing outside of the window, watching them eat and smile and laugh together. Nobody noticed the way his eyes grew darker with each passing moment, picturing himself sitting next to her, holding her hand, touching her pregnant belly. That was supposed to be his baby, he thought. Where was Lydia? She wasn't with Albert. Where was she with _his_ child? He'd see them all again soon, and someday, they would see him too.

* * *

Abagail made her way across town, tears in her eyes as she fled from the general store. This wasn't the first time this had happened. It was all in her head, and she knew it, but the way she felt when people looked at her made her feel about as big as an ant on the side of a mountain. She hated feeling like this. Her heart would break every time she heard a baby laugh or a child cry. She would never get to experience the joy of holding and comforting a child of her very own. She would never get to experience the pain of childbirth or the blessing of motherhood.

She broke down into sobs when she reached the comfort of the inside of her home. She shut the door and leaned against it, feeling so many emotions at once. And Martin, poor Martin had married her, and now he would never get to have the children that she knew he wanted desperately. She would never get to see his son, the spitting image of his father or their daughter with eyes like her mama's and hair just as beautiful.

The physical pain wasn't so bad, but her heart ached so much that it seemed like it was. She held it back, and she opened up her shawl, digging into a pocket she had secretly sewn in. She pulled out a bottle of something her pa had told her was for grown up men a long time ago. Men. She knew people were given whiskey for pain sometimes. What kind of pain was worse that than what she was going through? Men didn't have to feel this way.

She opened the cap and took a small swig. She sputtered, coughed and it burned her nostrils. Perhaps that was her punishment for stealing it from her father's shop. He had to understand. They all had to understand. Michaela couldn't understand, because she had little Katie. She hadn't given birth to her, but she was a mother nonetheless. She was pregnant too, and in a few months, she would have two little ones, but Abagail would still have none. She'd be alone. Martin was there of course, but there was a part of her heart that was empty, and Martin couldn't fill it no matter how hard he tried.

"Abby?" came a voice. It was Loren. She couldn't let him see her like this.

"I'm not feelin' well, Papa," she replied, trying to suppress her sobs.

"Why'd ya leave like that?"

"I'm gonna lie down," she replied.

"Want me to get Dr. Mike?"

"No. I'm fine," she replied. Finally, he went away, and Abagail retired upstairs to her bed. Dr. Mike had been wonderful, and Dr. Strauss had been as well, before he left to go back to California. He had been called back for a meeting. But, Michaela's business had soared. After she had saved Abagail's life, more people began to go to her, and now she actually had appointments scheduled. She wasn't as busy as she would be in a few years, but she had a steady flow of patients. It was that time of the year, anyway.

She placed her hand on her stomach, closing her eyes and seeing all of the children she could have had. A little girl with hair as dark as the night and eyes as blue as the day would have been named Elizabeth. A little boy with hair like his father's and eyes like his grandpa's would have been named Thomas. Another little girl would have probably followed, and her name would have been Sarah.

She began to cry again, and she noticed a picture on her bedside table. She took it into her hands and held it close to her heart. It was a family portrait. Maude and Loren looked so young, and Abagail had been a young girl of five. Then there was the boy sitting on his father's knee. James had only lived to his second birthday. She missed him. She missed being the big sister, and she smiled, remembering being so young and pretending to be his mother when Maude was out.

She clutched the frame harder to her chest. Why couldn't she be happy like she was back then? Why did life have to find a way to tear her apart from the inside out? She could still hear them laughing on their Sunday picnics. She could still remember holding James for the first time after his birth. Why did God have to take that all away? He had taken the laughter out of her life, and the only answer she saw was to numb the pain.

The bottle shook in her aching hands, but she took another drink, ignoring the bitter taste it left in her mouth. She wanted to forget. She wanted to stop feeling for just a little while, because all she could feel was pain.

* * *

Julianna hooked the full picnic basket over the horn of her saddle, and she climbed back atop Royal. David hadn't been there today, and she wondered where he was. She needed to see him in order to get more information for her book. She was already starting to re-write it. It was almost an account of David's life as only he could tell her, though she knew nothing of him now except for what he gave her from the present. Someday, she'd know his past. Someday she would know everything about him, and that frightened her. Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe it would be better if it was all left unsaid.

She sighed heavily, and Royal snorted, not wanting to make his way back to town just yet.

"Come on, boy," she urged. "The clouds are getting dark again. We both know what that means. I don't want to be caught in another storm, especially a snow storm." She sighed as Royal whinnied and protested for a moment, but he finally gave in and led her on toward home.

* * *

Lydia sighed heavily, as she trudged through the snow. Her wagon had gotten stuck a hundred yards back, and since she was so heavily pregnant and couldn't pull herself into a saddle, let alone ride, she had turned the horses loose to go back to town. The Nichols' place was a mile away. She only wanted to go home and snuggle up in front of a cozy fire with Albert, but she had promised Widow Nichols to read to her. She couldn't break that promise.

She felt frozen to the bones, and she felt like someone was watching her. She pulled her coat tight around her body and stuck her hands in her pockets. She hummed a soft tune, rubbing her belly and trying to get her mind off of the biting cold. One more mile. Three quarters of a mile. A half of a mile. My God, was she ever going to get there?

A tree branch snapped behind her, and she gasped, spinning on the blanket of snow that covered a thin layer of icy mud.

"Who's there?" she asked, shivering more in fright than anything. When she didn't get a response, she shook her head and turned around again. Her arms moved to cradle her belly, softly whispering to the baby that they would be home soon, and Papa would make a nice pot of tea. "Don't worry, little one. Just rest now, and when we get home, I'll read to you." She smiled and began to hum again, and it wasn't long before she felt like she was being followed. She ignored it, however, and continued humming a soft tune.

He was watching her, watching the way she walked with his child deep inside of her womb. A seed he had planted months ago had grown and grown, and now here she was.

"A boy," he said quietly. "I can tell." Lydia froze at his voice, and she began to tremble.

"No," she whispered, memories of their night together, the pain he had caused Michaela and the night he had put a bullet in her. "David." She turned around, seeing the face of the man she'd once cared for. He looked so different, but she saw into his eyes, and she knew exactly who he was. "What…"

"It's almost time," he said quietly, stepping forward. She stepped backward.

"This isn't your child, David."

"We both know it is. That child is a part of me."

"No!" Lydia replied.

"I want to be there, Lydia. I don't want another man raising my child."

"It's not your child. Albert is the father. You can't be a part of this baby's life."

"I know the truth. I want to be there. I want to make up for everything."

"There is nothing you could ever do to make me want you in this child's life. What you did to Michaela..."

"She'll understand someday. She'll forgive me."

"No! I forgave you a long time ago, David. That should be enough."

"It's not enough. Not anymore. I need to be there! I need to make up for what they did wrong!" Lydia shook her head.

"I'm sorry, David. I really, truly am sorry for what's happened to you. Let me go. Let me go back into town, and they'll never know you're here. Please, just let me go." He saw the fear in her eyes, and they were bright blue, sparkling like snowflakes. She pulled away, starting back down the path.

"Please, you have to wait!" he exclaimed. "I have to explain…I have to explain why."

"I don't want to know why! Not anymore," Lydia replied, shaking her head. "Not anymore." She hurried forward, moving through the snow as fast as she could. David grabbed her arm.

"Please!"

"Let me go!" Lydia yelled. "Don't try it, David. Just stop!" She pulled back, and he moved toward her again, but his foot slid on a patch of ice, and he fell back, back, back, and his head cracked on the frozen solid ground. Lydia let out a yelp, and she stared on, as he lay there motionless, staining the snow red with his blood. "Oh my God. David!" She couldn't just leave him lying there if… She bit her trembling bottom lip and knelt down on the frozen ground. Her hands pressed against his neck, and she felt his heart beating steadily. "David…wake up. Wake up!" He groaned in pain, and that was good enough for her. "I'll send somebody for you. You're going to be all right. Just don't…don't move." She had to get back to town. She had to tell somebody. They had to get David and lock him up before he could hurt anyone else.

She rushed down the path as long as she could before her legs started to burn, and her back started to ache. She was sore all over, and as soon as she leaned against a tree to rest, a pain shot through her back.

"Oh!" she groaned, doubling over, clutching her swollen stomach in her hands. "Oh…hold on, baby. Just hold on. We'll be home soon." She bit her bottom lip and waited for the pain to pass. "It's going to be all right." She finally composed herself and was able to start back down the path. She had to get home soon. It couldn't be much farther, could it?

* * *

"She's still not back," Albert said quietly, looking out the window as the sun set in the sky. Michaela and Sully exchanged quiet glances, knowing that it wasn't like Lydia to get home so late. "Come to think of it, Julianna hasn't come back either."

"Why don't ya come out with me, and we'll see if they didn't get turned around on the path somewhere," Sully offered. "Best go out now before the light's gone and the snow starts fallin'." Albert nodded slowly, and Sully patted him on the back. "I'm sure they're fine. The snow's probably just slowin' 'em down."

"I'll go saddle my horse," Albert replied. Sully nodded, and Albert left quickly. Sully turned toward Michaela.

"We best stay in town tonight. If somethin' did happen, we're gonna need a good doctor." Michaela nodded quietly, worried about her friends.

"You think Julianna and Lydia are all right, don't you?"

"I'm sure they'll be fine, Michaela," he replied, tension in his voice. "Stay warm and rest now." Michaela nodded, enfolding her arms around her husband's neck and standing on her tiptoes to kiss him warmly.

"Be careful."

"I promise." He put on his coat and grabbed the one that Albert had forgotten in his flustered state. He gave Michaela a simple wave before hurrying out into the biting evening. Michaela moved toward the window and watched the men mount up and head out. It wasn't until Brian called for her from upstairs that she finally tore herself away and put her mind on something else.

* * *

Lydia's face was red from the cold, and her body was shivering in pain, fear, and again from the cold. She had made it as far as she could, but she couldn't move any longer. The pain was horrible. There was a little shack just up the path, but she couldn't make it any longer. She was too tired, too cold and too sore to move.

She heard a horse behind her, and for a moment, she thought it was David.

"Who's there?" came a woman's voice. Who was it? She sounded familiar. She didn't care right now. She just needed help for herself and for her baby. "Hello? Who's out there?"

"Help me, please!" Lydia replied, anguish tinting her voice. Royal, along with the two horses from Lydia's wagon appeared in sight. Julianna's eyes went wide when she saw Albert's wife slumped over on the driest patch of ground she had been able to find.

"Lydia?" Lydia winced when she saw Julianna.

"My horses…"

"I thought these were yours. I found them trying to graze along the path, and I was brining them back to town. What's happened?"

"I…he…I saw him...and…he's hurt," She groaned in pain again, and Julianna realized what was happening, and she was too panicked to worry about anything else.

"Oh my God. You're not…no, you can't be." Lydia bit her lip and groaned in pain once more.

"The pains are coming closer and closer together. I need to get back to town."

"Yes. Yes," Julianna said quietly. "Um, how much time…"

"I don't know. I…I've seen it take hours, and I've seen it take minutes. I don't know. I…OHHH!" Julianna cursed under her breath, and she moved over to kneel by Lydia. Despite the tension between these two, they only had each other right now.

"Oh God. All right. This is what we're going to do." Lydia cried out, clutching her stomach. "Are you listening?"

"Be quiet," Lydia cried out, gripping onto Julianna's arm. Once the pain was gone, she nodded. "I'm listening."

"Okay. I'm going to help you to that shack up the path, and I'm going to ride back into town to get help."  
"No! Not enough time. Even if it takes hours, it'll probably be too late before you get back. I need…I need to lie down." Julianna nodded.

"Fine. All right. Can you stand?"

"I think so," Lydia replied shakily. She squeezed Julianna's arm again, and Julianna hoisted her up.

"Good?"

"Good."

"Okay. Come on." They slowly trudged through the snow and down to the rickety old shack. It wasn't much, but it was protection from the storm that was sure to hit. "It's going to snow soon."

"I need Albert," Lydia whispered, her head feeling dizzy.

"Come on. Just a little further," Julianna urged. They made it to the door, and Julianna slackened some of the ice at the bottom of the door with her foot. Finally, it creaked open, and she led Lydia inside. There was a bed off on the far wall, and Lydia and Julianna both verbally thanked God. "Just lie down. I'll…I'll see if I can start a fire." Lydia groaned, lying down on the dusty old bed. She clutched her stomach and nearly ripped the fabric of her dress. Julianna hurried outside and led the horses around to the back of the shack, took hold of the picnic basket, knowing they would be hungry later, and she found a bunch of neatly stacked firewood. She found the driest ones in the pile and carried them into the house a load at a time. Lydia's cries were growing more urgent and more painful, and Julianna wondered what she was going to do. She'd never done this before. She had never even seen a baby being born, which was rare for a woman of her age. Her mother had always done the birthing if a doctor or midwife hadn't been around, so she only hoped that she could come through for Lydia. She felt that she at least owed her that for unknowingly putting a strain on her marriage to Albert.

"It's so cold," Lydia breathed.

"I'll try to get a fire going. I'm afraid I haven't mastered the art of that yet." She began rummaging through nooks and crannies and drawers, looking for matches. There had to be some around there somewhere. Finally, she found a few, and she stacked a few logs neatly in the ashy hearth. After a few unsuccessful attempts, the fire finally came to life, and the little cold shack began to glow warmly. "Better?" Lydia nodded quietly after a contraction. Julianna searched for clean blankets, which there were very few of, and she looked around for things that might be useful for once the baby arrived.

"Michaela…she should be here."

"This is going to be okay," Julianna assured her. "You can do this, and soon, your baby will be here, and it'll all be over."

"Albert…I need him. I need him." Tears were in her eyes, and Julianna's heart leapt into her throat.

"Shh," she whispered. "Rest now. Rest." She sighed heavily and leaned against the side of the bed, as she sat on the floor. Lydia began to groan in pain again. It was going to be a very, very long night.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

It was late now, and Michaela sat in the rocking chair in her room with Katie in her arms. She was feeding the baby her bottle and watching out the balcony doors, hoping to see her husband and Albert riding into town with Lydia and Julianna. Julianna still wasn't back, and Michaela had a horrible feeling that something bad had happened. She only hoped her friends would be all right, and if they were somehow together, they wouldn't kill each other. She knew there was a great amount of tension between them, but neither of them was to blame. It was one of those strange laws of nature that there was supposed to be tension between the old wife and the new one. These were certainly odd circumstances.

Katie finally finished eating, and Michaela got her ready for bed. Once the little one was sleeping peacefully, Michaela placed her in her cradle and quickly changed into her nightgown. Just as she was turning down the covers, a knock came to the door.

"Yes?"

"Dr. Mike? It's Brian," said the sleepy little boy's voice. Michaela smiled a little.

"Come in, Brian." He turned the knob and pushed the door open.

"I couldn't sleep, and Colleen's so tired that I can't wake her up."

"Come here." Michaela sat down in the rocking chair, and Brian moved toward her. She patted her knee.

"Is it okay? The baby?"

"The baby's fine, Brian. Don't worry," Michaela replied with a smile. Brian smiled and climbed up into her lap. He rested his head against her chest, and she wrapped her arms around him.

"Ma used to rock me like this," he said softly. "I miss her."

"I know you do," Michaela breathed softly, kissing the top of his head. "Your mother was an amazing person."

"Will I ever see her again?"

"Someday, Brian," Michaela replied. "Someday you'll see her again."

"Pa too?"

"Your father too," Michaela answered with a solemn nod.

"What's gonna happen to us, Dr. Mike?" His arms encircled her neck and held on tight. A lump formed in Michaela's throat, and the tears threatened to fall. "We ain't got no home. We ain't got a ma and pa no more. I don't wanna go live in one of them homes where kids like me are." Michaela gave him a snug squeeze.

"That's not going to happen, Brian. I won't let that happen. Things will work out."  
"I want a ma and a pa. I want a nice family where nobody leaves." Brian began to weep, and Michaela's own tears began to fall.

"You'll have that, Brain."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Michaela looked up to see Colleen standing in the doorway. Her eyes were sad, and Michaela could see the tears glistening on her cheeks. She held a hand out to her, and Colleen hesitantly walked across the room. She took Michaela's hand, and the lady doctor gave it a squeeze. "I think he went to sleep." Colleen nodded, and Michaela slowly stood with Brian in her arms, and she carried him down the hall to the recovery room that he and Colleen were staying in. She placed him down in his cot and pulled a blanket around him. She turned to Colleen.

"I woke up, and he was gone. I thought he left us too." Michaela pulled Colleen into a hug, and she looked toward Matthew's cot. Something wasn't right. She broke away and moved toward it. She pulled back the covers, and pillows were arranged neatly underneath it. On top of one of the pillows was a note, and Colleen gasped. "Matthew!"

"I didn't hear him leave," Michaela said frantically, rushing toward a bedside lamp. She turned the flame up, and she held the paper under the light.

_Dr. Mike and Sully,_

_The cattle drive left early, and I had to go. They offered me good pay if I stuck with them until they came back at the beginning of the year. Don't come after me, because this is what I've gotta do. I have to make money to pay you back, and I know Colleen and Brian will be safe with you. I don't mean to burden you, but I know they're happy there. I hope it ain't too much of a problem. I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but it was too hard. I didn't want to see the looks in their eyes when I told them I was leaving. I didn't want to see them look at me like they looked at Pa. Please tell them I love them and that I swear to God I'll be back. Tell them to be good, and please don't worry. I'll be alright. I'll send money every chance I get._

_Thanks,_

Matthew 

Colleen looked up at Michaela, and her eyes were wide.

"What now? We gonna go after him?" Michaela swallowed hard.

"As much as I want to, I don't think we can." She knew how badly Matthew wanted to care for his family, and she and Sully had talked about how Matthew couldn't feel like he was being parented right now, because he was too grief-stricken over his loss. He needed the chance to realize how hard it was to be grown up before he decided to be a kid again.

"You're just gonna let him do this!" Michaela closed her eyes. She didn't want him to do this, but going after him would only make it worse. She wasn't his mother. She couldn't tell him what to do, and she couldn't overstep her boundaries.

"Go back to sleep, Colleen. We'll talk about it in the morning." Colleen didn't go back to her own cot, however. She moved to Brian's and tucked herself in next to him, pulling her arms around him.

"Don't worry, Brian," she whispered to her sleeping brother. "Matthew ain't like Pa. He'll come back. I promise. He'll come back." It broke Michaela's heart, as she walked away, and she seriously contemplated riding off after the drive to pull Matthew back by his collar and show him how frightened his siblings were going to be once it really sank in that he was leaving. But, she was in no condition, and she knew it would only make things worse, and perhaps it would make him angry enough to leave with the children permanently. They were safe here, and Matthew was doing what he thought he needed to in order to help his family. Maybe this was best for everyone.

* * *

"She's not here," Albert spat, climbing back into the saddle. They'd checked every possible home that Julianna and Lydia could have visited, and they weren't there.

"We'll keep lookin'," Sully promised as the snow began to fall. "But right now, we need to get back to town, 'cause we don't wanna get caught in this when the snow gets too thick."

"I'm going to keep looking," Albert insisted.

"We'll look when it's light out, Albert. It ain't safe right now with the storm comin'. They're smart ladies, Albert. I'm sure that they've both been able to find shelter. Maybe they're even together." Albert swallowed hard.

"Maybe that's part of what I'm afraid of," he replied. Sully patted him on the back.

"Don't worry. They'll be fine. Maybe they made it back to town already."

"I feel like I'm giving up."

"Ya ain't givin' up," Sully promised him. "You're doin' what's best for Lydia by takin' care of yourself. Don't worry." Albert sighed reluctantly and nodded.

"First sign of daylight, I'm comin' back out."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from ya, Albert." The two silently brought their horses into a trot and headed back toward town.

* * *

Julianna poked at the fire, as Lydia rested. She had eaten a little from the picnic basket, but her appetite wasn't really there. Things had been quiet for a while, but the snow was falling heavily, and Julianna had a terrible feeling that they might be stuck there for a few days.

She had pulled out her journal from Royal's saddlebags, and she had written a little bit, checking over her shoulder once in awhile to make sure Lydia was all right. For a while now, Lydia's labor had progressed quietly, or so Julianna hoped. Lydia had kept telling her to check to see if she saw the baby's head. While she wasn't sure she felt right about all of this, she did so quietly. The baby's head hadn't been showing yet, though Julianna figured that when it was time, Lydia would certainly let her know quite loudly.

Lydia let out a great moan, and Julianna put everything away. She rushed to the bed and took a sponge from a basin of lukewarm water. She had melted some snow to get it, and she had been soothing Lydia by running it over her forehead.

"How are you feeling?"

"It hurts," she whispered. "I'm afraid." Tears formed in her eyes, and all of the color drained from her face. She was rightfully exhausted. "I need Albert." Julianna sighed.

"I know it would be nice to have him here, but Lydia, you don't need him right now. He can't do anything but hold your hand and tell you he loves you. You know that he loves you. This is all you, Lydia. You're the one who's doing all the work. You don't need anybody but yourself." Lydia began to sob.

"He wants a child so badly. What if…what if I can't…"

"You'll do fine. This baby is going to be healthy, Lydia. Just believe that. You're making Albert a father, and you're all three going to be so happy. Just focus on that." Lydia breathed, relaxing as the contraction passed.

"He wanted children with you," she said softly, her black hair shining as the sweat rolled back into it. Julianna looked away for a moment, but Lydia touched her hand. "He loved you."

"I know he did. But, that's the past."

"No," Lydia breathed. "You still have a connection with him, Julianna. I suppose that's why I've felt so jealous…"

"Jealous?" Julianna asked, snapping her attention back to Lydia. "Lydia, there's nothing to be jealous about."

"The way he calls you Jules…"

"You know about that?" Lydia smiled a little.

"Yes. I've heard him say it. It's slipped into conversation. He still has feelings for you."

"I'm sure he does," Julianna replied. "But, I'm sure they're nothing but feelings of friendship. We were good friends before everything else, and he's probably missed our friendship as I have." Lydia sighed softly, rubbing her stomach and sitting up a little.

"He smiled when he told me about you. I don't think he knew it."

"Lydia, he loves you so much. That's what matters. Every time I speak to him, I see the shine in his eyes. He wants nothing more than to be with you and help you bring this baby into the world." Lydia's lower lip trembled.

"And, he's not here."

"But, he'll be there when it's all said and done." Lydia nodded again, and the pain grew more intense. She cried out, and Julianna jumped back a little. "Lydia…"

"Something's happening. I…I need to push."

"No, don't push yet," Julianna replied. "Not yet." She turned and hurried to get what she might need. Under her breath, she whispered, "I'm not ready for this."

* * *

Sully walked into the recovery room to find Michaela sitting up in bed working on a quilt she was making for the baby.

"You're still up?"

"Did you find them?"

"No," he said quietly. "We were hopin' they made their way back to town."  
"Do you think they're together?"

"Unless they met up somewhere, probably not. We're sendin' out two search parties in the mornin'."

"Good," Michaela replied, a frown tugging at her mouth. She picked up a piece of paper from the bedside table.

"What's that?"

"Matthew's note." Sully moved toward the bed, and he took the paper into his hands. His eyes scanned over the words, and he shook his head.

"He should've told us." He put the paper away and combed his fingers through his hair.

"Colleen's frightened. Brian doesn't know Matthew's gone yet. He's coming back, he says, but Brian's been told that before. Ethan…" She sighed heavily, as Sully sat down on the edge of the bed. "It's amazing how quickly things change, Sully. This hasn't even happened to our family, and it's tearing me apart. Those children…"

"Ya love 'em like they were a part of our family." Sully said softly. Michaela's eyes searched his.

"I do. They're wonderful, and they don't deserve what's happened to them. Matthew…he's so lost. The children…"

"Deserve a good home," Sully finished.

"I want to find that for them, but I can't even begin to think of who could possibly raise them the way Charlotte intended. I don't even know how she intended…" Sully smiled a little, taking Michaela's hand in his.

"Ya know what ya want, Michaela. I see it in your eyes."

"And, what do you want?" Michaela asked, her heart already knowing the answer. "Sully?"

"I want to wait and see what happens. I wanna enjoy what we got right now. I don't wanna worry. I don't want ya to worry." Michaela smiled a little.

"I think I'm a natural-born worrier." Sully kissed her softly.

"Let's get some sleep. I'm sure the baby's tired."

"Are you kidding? He's been kicking all day. I think he realizes how exciting it was for us to feel him move, and he wants to show off." Sully laughed.

"Takes after his ma then," he teased. She feigned offense.

"You think I show off!"

"No, Mrs. Sully, but I think ya like to let your presence be known. Ain't nothin' wrong with that." Michaela grinned as he kissed her again.

"Good answer."

* * *

"Push, Lydia!" Julianna exclaimed, pulling Lydia's skirt up a little. Lydia was gripping the sides of the bed, her face was bright red, and her body was drenched in sweat. "Come on! I see the head." Lydia groaned in pain, bringing her hands up to squeeze the backs of her knees, pulling her legs up to help herself push better. Her body was taking over, and though she had no idea of what she was doing, her body did. Her body was guiding her through the process.

Julianna was amazed at the sense of serenity that came over Lydia's face. She pursed her lips together firmly and focused on pushing and nothing else.

"Good! Another push. Come on!" Julianna ripped one of the linen sheets, tearing out a patch big enough to clean the baby with. Lydia grunted painfully, continuing to push, and Julianna's heart stopped for a moment as the child's head emerged. The eyes opened for a moment, looking out at the world; the cold world that was ready to accept and welcome this child. The little hair on the baby's head was dark like Lydia's. "The head's out. Good job, Lydia. One more. Another push. You're almost done."

"One more," Lydia coached herself softly.

Julianna quickly brought over the dry, warm linens that she had rested beside the hearth. Earlier, she had cut them into several smaller blankets to wrap the baby in.

"Oh!" Lydia cried out, giving one final push. Julianna rushed to the bed just as the child was birthed into the world. The little one slid out into Julianna's hands and let out a small squeak. Lydia's nursing skills went into action. "Clear the throat," she breathed, collapsing onto the pillow. Julianna took action, hoping she was doing the right thing, and she stuck her finger down the baby's throat, clearing the windpipes. The baby reacted with flailing legs, and Julianna quickly placed it on Lydia's belly.

"Congratulations," Julianna said, stunned. "You have a daughter." Lydia cried out, her entire body shuddering with exhaustion from the experience. Julianna wrapped the baby in one of the blankets letting Lydia hold her close.

"Let me see your eyes, little one. Let me see your eyes." She cried for joy when she noticed her own eyes staring back at her. "They're not…oh, my little one. My little one." Julianna quietly cut the cord, hoping the shears she had used were sterile enough. She had heated them over the fire and cleaned them with water.

"Congratulations, Lydia. She looks like you." Lydia sniffled and brushed her own tears away.

"Thank you for being here for me."

"You did it all, Lydia. Albert will be so proud of you." Lydia sighed softly. There was something so familiar about that child to Julianna. It wasn't the eyes, but it was the way she stopped crying as soon as her eyes opened. She stared for only a few moments before her eyes closed again. She seemed like she could see right into her mother, and it touched Julianna's heart. She already saw such a strong bond between the two, yet she felt she knew something extra about this child. It was almost secretive.

* * *

He woke, frightened and shivering. He didn't know where he was, but he knew his name was David. The pain was intense and blinding, and he knew that he was lying in the snow. But, where was he? How did he get there?

"Mother? Father?" he asked, pulling himself up and looking around. All he saw before him was blackness and the clouds of snow that billowed around him. A name crossed his thoughts. Julianna. Julianna? Who was she? "Julianna?" He didn't know who she was, but maybe she knew him. Maybe she could help him.

He slipped on the ice and fell on his hands and knees. It was then that he felt the cold trickle down his back. He put his hand on the back of his head, and he felt the blood running warm but cooling as the night air hit it.

"Where am I?" he asked. Nothing but a coyote responded, and he crawled blindly toward a snow bank. The pain overtook him again, and he fell into the snow. He lay there, hoping for a reprieve from the pain. Where was his family? Weren't they his protectors? Weren't they the ones who had protected him since he was born? Why weren't they here with him now? Why was he alone? Why was he cold? Why couldn't he remember how he'd gotten there? Who was Julianna? He lost consciousness just before two strong arms picked him up and dragged him away.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Julianna hadn't slept at all over the night, for she had spent the entire time watching Lydia carefully and making sure there was enough firewood in the hearth to keep the little shack warm. The baby had already nursed a few times, and she seemed healthy and content. She was a very calm baby, and she was looking more and more like her mother and less and less like Albert. She hadn't looked anything like him from the start, but Julianna still saw no resemblance.

She stood at dawn, and she saw that there had only been a few inches of snow accumulated on top of the previous snow. She breathed a sight of relief, and Lydia made a noise from the bed.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, I was just thinking," Lydia replied softly, caressing the baby's cheek with her finger.

"Are you feeling all right?"  
"Yes," Lydia replied. "Tired and sore, but I'm happy."

"Good," Julianna replied quietly. She sighed softly. "We need to get into town."

"How do you propose to do that?" Lydia asked softly, putting the baby down beside her on the bed.

"I could build something to carry you back on. That might take a while though."

"You can build?" Lydia asked skeptically.

"There's a first time for everything," Julianna said with a slight laugh. She pulled on her coat and hurried outside, shutting the door firmly behind herself. She moved around in the snow, observing her options. She was surprised, however, when she heard two horses coming up the path.

"Hello!" she called.

"Lydia?" She recognized the voice right away.

"Albert? No! It's Julianna!" The horses came around a bend, and Julianna breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of them. "Thank God you're here." Albert's face brightened when he saw her. Maybe she could help him find Lydia.

"Have you seen Lydia?" Albert asked. His heart leapt for joy, when he saw a smile creep over her face. She nodded shortly.

"She's inside." Albert moved to go to the door, but Julianna touched his shoulder. "A word of warning…be very quiet. We're all very tired." Her eyes gleamed. "All three of us." Albert cocked his head to the side for a minute, but Sully understood. He patted Albert on the back, and Albert stared at Julianna, stunned.

"She…the baby's here?" He sounded as if he didn't believe his own words.

"Go have a look." Albert rushed into the shack, and a flood of emotions came over him, when he saw his wife and child lying in a bed at the side. Her eyes widened at the sight of him, too, and she tried to sit up.

"Lydia…"

"Albert!" she exclaimed. He rushed to her side, brushing the hair out of her face and kissing her softly upon the lips and forehead. "You're here…"

"I'm here," he breathed. "Are you okay?"

"I'm wonderful," she whispered with a smile. "So is she."

"She?"

"She has my eyes, Albert," Lydia whispered, tears in her eyes. Albert slowly took the baby girl into his arms, and she opened her eyes for only a moment. "My eyes…"

"You're right. She does," he whispered gratefully. He looked at his wife and kissed her again. "I was so worried about you."

"We took care of ourselves. Julianna was wonderful, Albert. She was here the entire time. She didn't leave, and she…she helped with the baby." Julianna and Sully stepped into the small shack, and Albert looked up at his ex-wife.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"She did all of the work," Julianna assured him.

"Congratulations," Sully said to the happy parents. Julianna gathered up their things and walked out to the horses. Sully helped her carry some of the items, and Albert turned back to Lydia.

"You feel all right?"

"Yes," she replied. She was silent, reminiscing silently until she began to tremble, remembering everything that had happened prior to giving birth.

"Lydia? What is it? What happened?" he asked quietly, studying the features on his new daughter's face, counting her little fingers for the longest time, until Lydia finally spoke up.

"The wagon got stuck in the snow, and I let the horses go. I was walking," she whispered. Her eyes brimmed with tears. "Oh my God."

"What? What is it?"

"He was here! He fell. There was so much blood…"

"Who? Who was here?" She shook her head, covering her face with her hands for a moment, gathering her composure. The anger boiled inside of her, but she was too exhausted to let it out. The baby's birth had taken a lot of strength out of her. "Lydia, tell me. Who?"

"David," she whispered, brushing her tears away. "He…he grabbed me, and I tried to get away. He said he wanted to explain. He fell and hit his head so hard. Oh God…" She sat up slowly, placing her hands on Albert's. "Don't let him take her away. Don't let him take her. He's here for her, Albert! He wants our baby." Albert shook his head, trying to take it all in. David?

"David…" Albert placed the baby back in Lydia's arms and moved across the room, pacing for a few moments. Lydia watched him, tears slowly trickling down her cheeks. "You're sure…?"

"I'm sure. I know it was him. Albert, he's out there. What if…what if he wants to hurt Michaela again?"

"That won't happen," Albert said softly. "He's not going to hurt anybody. He's not going to take anybody away. I promise you that." He kissed her hand softly. "I'm going to go talk to Sully. I'll be right back." Lydia nodded, and she brushed away her tears. Albert rushed out of the shack and found Julianna placing things back in her saddlebags. Sully was fixing up a litter to carry Lydia and the baby back to town on.

"Almost done with this," he said quietly. "She ready to go home?"

"He's back, Sully." Sully tightened a rope around a few pieces of wood, and Julianna raised an eyebrow, looking at them curiously. He threaded the ropes together, holding a part of it in his teeth as he tightened it. Finally, he looked up at Albert.

"He's back? Who's back?" Sully asked, his mind not even thinking about the man who had tortured the woman he loved. David was locked up, and he wasn't a threat to anyone anymore. Why worry about him?

"Sully," Albert said gently. "It's David." Julianna let the journal in her hand plop down into the snow. Neither man noticed, and she stood still, watching as Sully stood quickly, his fists clenching at his side.

"What? What are ya talkin' about? He's in that asylum. He was arrested after…"

"I know, but he's out. Lydia said she saw him right before she went into labor," Albert replied. Sully ran his hand over his face.

"Maybe she was hallucinatin'."

"She's not feverish, Sully. She's so scared. She said he's hurt." Julianna's guilty heart leapt into her chest. Hurt?

"I'm goin' after him. Can you and Julianna handle takin' Lydia back into town on your own?"  
"Yes, but I want to go with you. I say we take her back to town, and we both go after him."

"Who's up there!" came a rough voice.

"Over here, Hank!" Sully called. The search parties had joined up and re-grouped before splitting off again an hour ago, after having searched all over, and they were finally gathered in the same place. Hank, Jake, Loren, Martin, Horace, Robert E. and Timothy rode up, bundled in their coats and hats. Hank noticed Julianna right away.

"Where the hell ya been? Ya had the whole town worried."

"We found 'em both," Sully said quietly. "I'm buildin' a litter to take Lydia and the baby home in."

"Baby?" Timothy wondered, holding his bible close to his chest.

"She had her this morning," Julianna spoke up. "I found her in labor and brought her here."

"Found her all by yourself, did ya?" Jake asked.

"That's what I told you," Julianna snapped. Sully cleared his throat.

"Me and Albert need your help."  
"What's goin' on?" Loren asked.

"Ya remember David? Dr. Lewis," Sully said quietly.

"From Boston. Yeah. The fella who hurt you folks…" Julianna's eyes widened. "What about him?"

"Lydia saw him. He's out here somewhere. Ya know what he looks like. Ya'd know him if ya saw him. I need ya out there with 'em lookin' for him. He needs to be caught. He can't hurt nobody else. He's done too much as it is. Me and Albert are gonna take Lydia back into town, but we need ya out here lookin'. We'll join ya as soon as we can."

"Why does he need to be caught," Julianna asked, her heart almost not wanting to hear it. Sully cleared his throat, the memory of his wife's attack during his absence breaking his heart. He turned toward her quickly, and his tongue was just as sharp.

"He's hurt a lot of people, Julianna. He's done terrible things that…some people can't even conceive of. He's a sick man, and he deserves to rot." She had never seen him like this. She knew Sully wasn't a cruel man, but what could spark such a nasty outburst of opinions? What had David done?

"C'mon, boys. We'll have ourselves a lynchin'," Hank sneered, biting off the tip of his cigar and lighting it.

"No!" Sully barked. "I want him alive and breathin'. I got a few words of my own to say to 'im." Julianna quickly mounted Royal.

"What do ya think you're doin'?" Jake asked.

"I'm going too."

"Ain't no place for a woman," Hank grumbled.

"I've seen him." Everyone was silent, and Albert looked up at her.

"What?"

"I've seen him. I…I might know where he is." She held back the tears that were threatening to form.

"Ya know David Lewis?" Sully asked, his fists tightening around the ropes he was holding onto.

"I…I do. I've known him for a while. I know he's ill. He said…he said things that didn't make sense. Now he's waiting. I don't know what he's waiting for, but he says he wants to make up for things…" Sully and Albert exchanged glances before turning back toward Julianna.

"Don't listen to that," Sully replied. "David Lewis does nothin' but hurt people." There was venom in his voice, and it frightened Julianna to think that a man like Sully could hate somebody so much. What frightened her even more was what David could have possibly done to deserve this man's hatred.

"Maybe ya ought 'ta go back to town with Albert and Sully," Horace spoke up.

"Yeah. Ya should tend to Lydia and the baby like a woman's s'posed to," Jake offered. Julianna raised an eyebrow and buttoned up her coat.

"If you don't know by now, gentlemen, I'm not like most women." She tugged on Royal's reins. "Sully, tell Michaela I'll be late for dinner." She brought Royal into a quick trot, leaving all of the men on horseback drop-jawed and bug-eyed.

"We best go after her," Loren said. "Looks like she knows what she's doin'."

"She don't know nothin'," Jake grumbled. Albert shook his head and hurried inside to let Lydia know what was happening.

Up ahead, Julianna could hear the men following slowly. She didn't know what to do. Her heart told her not to break her promise to David, but she already had. She'd told them she knew him. But, he was hurt, and her heart cared for him too much to let him lie out here freezing and hurting. What if he died? She could never forgive herself for that. Besides, her conscience told her that whatever his man had done had obviously been enough to warrant his imprisonment. Perhaps this was what was best for him.

* * *

He opened his eyes, feeling the pain throbbing in his head, and he found himself wrapped in a fur blanket. When he touched the back of his head, he felt some sort of damp cloth there. The fire beside him was dying down, but it was still giving off enough heat.

"Father?"

"You are lost?" He sat up at the voice and peered across the flames at the figure before him. He was dressed in odd clothing, and his shiny, long black hair was adorned with a feather in the back.

"An Indian…in Boston?"

"You're not in Boston. You _are _lost." Cloud Dancing would have been amused if the Spirits hadn't warned him that this was not the kind of man to be friends with. However, he couldn't haven denied the man's need for healing and warmth.

"Of course I'm in Boston. I'm…my book. Where is it?"

"You were alone with nothing with you when I came across you. You will need medicine that I do not have."

"You want to kill me, don't you?" Cloud Dancing's eyes searched those of the stranger. The clouded white eye stared blankly ahead, though his good one flashed with fear, confusion and almost innocence.

"Why would I kill you?" Cloud Dancing pondered.

"You're an Indian."

"Because I am who I am, I should want to kill you?"

"You're all the same." He threw the fur blanket off of himself. "The books I've read…"

"Books. The men who wrote those books have never met people like myself. They know nothing. You know nothing."

"Leave me!" David screamed. "Leave me alone."

"If I leave…"

"I'd rather die alone than by the hands of an Indian." Cloud Dancing shook his head.

"Your eyes tell the story of your loneliness. I cannot help you any longer." Cloud Dancing stood and walked out of the cave, being summoned back to the reservation by the Spirits. David pulled himself closer to the flames. He couldn't remember anything. He wracked his memory, trying to think of how he could have gotten into this God forsaken place. He had been working on a novel. Yes! He had been working on it with someone named Julianna. Julianna Garavaldi. They were partners? He couldn't think straight, and he tried to stand, but his legs gave out, and his body slumped back onto the floor of the cave.

"Julianna…"

* * *

"Horses!" Brian exclaimed, rushing into the clinic. Michaela sighed, as she placed Katie down in her bassinet.

"Brian, how many times have I told you to keep your coat buttoned up?  
"But, Dr. Mike! Horses! Sully and Albert are back!" Michaela's eyes filled with hope, and she pulled her coat on, heading outside with Brian. Several townsfolk came rushing over, seeing the young woman on the litter behind Albert's horse. Sully's horse was guiding Lydia's two horses.

"We found 'em," Sully said breathlessly, climbing off of his horse and rushing over to greet his wife with a warm hug and a kiss. Brian jumped up, and Sully picked him up. They were beginning to feel more and more like family, and Sully couldn't describe how wonderful it was to have somebody eager to see him come home.

"Did ya see any bears? Did ya?" Brian asked, his eyes wide with curiosity. Sully couldn't help but smile at Brian's innocence.

"No bears, but we saw a few deer," Sully replied. Michaela rushed over to the litter, and Lydia smiled up at her from under the thick piles of blankets and furs. The baby began to fuss in her arms, and Lydia pulled her close.

"It's a girl," Lydia said softly. Michaela felt tears of joy in her eyes when she saw her friend's firstborn child.

"How are you feeling?"

"Cold," Lydia replied with a grin. Michaela looked up at Sully and Albert.

"Let's get them inside." She looked around. "Where's Julianna?"

"I'll explain when we get inside."

* * *

"She's resting," Michaela said with a smile as she walked into the hall. "She and the baby are both perfectly healthy. Congratulations, Albert."

"Thank you, Michaela." Albert pulled her into a hug, and he quickly pulled away. "Sorry…I'm just…"

"No! You're perfectly fine. You have two very tired girls waiting for you in there." Albert grinned from ear to ear and hurried in to spend time with his family. She turned toward Sully, and she shook her head. "Lydia was going on and on about how the baby has her eyes. She so desperately hoped the baby wouldn't look like David."

"About that…" Sully said quietly. Michaela cocked her head to the side.

"Hmm?"

"Let's go downstairs," he said quietly. He took her hand, and they walked passed Colleen and Brian's room, and they closed off the downstairs examination room so they could talk.

"What's this about, Sully?"

"It's about David." Michaela folded her hands in her lap when she sat down.

"What about him?" She couldn't help but feel a shiver of dread run down her spine. After all, the man had tried to do unspeakable things to her, and he had tried to kill her, hitting the mother of his unborn child instead. Sully took her hands, feeling them tremble in his. He didn't know how to tell her. He didn't know how to break her heart. He didn't know how to face the fear that he knew would shine in her eyes once again. "Sully? Just tell me. Whatever it is…you can tell me anything."

"He ain't in Boston, Michaela. He's…he's here." Michaela drew her hands away.

"What?" Her eyes were big, bright and glassy. They were fixed on his, and she was trying to comprehend what he'd just said to her. She stood slowly.

"Lydia saw him. He's hurt, Michaela. Julianna knows him, and they're lookin'…"

"Julianna? What?"

"She didn't know who he was, and she didn't know what he'd done. She still doesn't, but she might know where he is. She's with the search party, and they're lookin' for him now." Michaela shook her head.

"David's here," she breathed, trying to make it settle in. "David…"

"Michaela? Sit back down. Ya don't look so good."

"I'm fine," she said, feeling the blood draining from her face. "You're sure?"

"Lydia's sure. He's the last person she saw before she went into labor." Michaela sighed heavily and moved to check on Katie at the bassinet. The baby was sleeping soundly under her blanket. Sully moved toward his wife, and he saw her shoulders trembling, and he moved to touch her. Thankfully, she didn't pull away.

"What if he wants to hurt her?" Michaela asked. "What if he wants Katie? What if he wants Lydia's baby? He knows, Sully. She told me he knows."

"He ain't gonna do nothin', all right? I won't let him. Soon as he gets here, I'm wirin' Boston." Michaela nodded.

"I don't trust that he won't try to hurt anyone. He's a dangerous man. We have Katie…this baby now. We have the children to protect." She picked Katie up into her arms, and Sully turned her toward him.

"Michaela, nothin' is goin' to happen to our family. I won't let it. I'll kill him first."

Somehow, she had gotten ahead of them. Somehow, she couldn't hear them anymore. She could only see the place she was going, and she was almost there. Almost.

"David?" she asked, looking toward the cave entrance as she approached it. She saw firelight gleaming off of the side of the walls, and it made her stomach do somersaults. What would he say? How could she tell him he was going to have to go back to the place he'd escaped; to the place they had practically chained him to the wall?

She dismounted Royal and trudged through the snow to the mouth of the cave.

"David?"

"Who's there?" His voice was weak and pitiful, and it broke her heart. "Go away!"

"David. It's me. It's Julianna."

"Julianna?" he asked softly, as she walked into sight. "Are you here to work on the book? We have a deadline, I know." She shook her head.

"No, David. I'm not here about the book. Not today." She saw him shivering by the fire.

"Can you tell me where we are?"

"We're in Colorado Springs, David."

"Colorado Springs? But, Mother and Father want me home for Thanksgiving. I can't possibly make it back. How did I get here?" Her heart broke. Was he slipping away from her again?

"David, don't you realize…"

"You do know me? We're partners?"

"David, what's the matter?"

"I have a headache," he muttered quietly. "I'm bleeding."

"You're a doctor," she said quietly, moving around to kneel beside the fire. "You know more than I do."

"A doctor? No, that's what Uncle Henry wanted me to be. I'm a novelist like you. We're partners, aren't we? I remember us working together. I don't…I don't remember much else." She moved around to take a look at the bandaged gash on the back of his head.

"David, don't you remember the asylum?"

"We were talking about it for the book," he replied.

"Yes, but don't you remember being a patient? You did some things that…"

"Are you serious?" he laughed. "What would I be in an asylum for?"

"David, something…" She moved back around to face him. She pulled up his sleeves, and he looked down at his wrists. "Don't you see?"

"What…I don't understand…"

"Julianna!" came Hank's rough voice from outside. "Where ya at?" Julianna looked at David, tears ebbing in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, David. You need help. I don't want to see you suffering, but you'll die if you stay out here like this."

"Where are you taking me?"

"Into town."

"To the doctor?"

"Dr. Quinn is there."

"Dr. Quinn? Josef Quinn from Boston?"

"No, but I believe…well, let's just go on." She couldn't tell him that Dr. Quinn would fix him up. Obviously, something bad had happened, and she wasn't sure Michaela would even want to see him. Sully obviously hated him. Would Michaela hate him too? She wondered what terrible thing he had done. Who had he hurt? Why did people want to put him away?

"Julianna!" came Jake's voice now.

"In here!" Hank and Jake came in with shotguns in hand, and they were surprised to see the man wrapped in a fur blanket.

"Get away from him, Miss," Jake said.

"Don't hurt him. He doesn't know what he's done."

"What you talkin' bout?" Hank replied.

"I believe he has amnesia. He…he doesn't remember." Julianna stood, and the rest of the men came into the cave.

"We got 'im, boys," Hank replied, taking a rope and roughly tying David's hands behind his back.

"Not so rough!" Julianna demanded.

"What's this about?" David demanded. "What have I done?"

"Don't know, but you're goin' back to town, and you're gonna have to answer to Sully."

"Sully? Who?"

"He knows more 'bout what ya did. I'm sure we all will by the end of the day." Hank pulled him up roughly, and David turned toward Julianna.

"I don't understand…"

"Neither do I," she whispered. "But, we'll have it figured out soon. Just come back to town with us, and we'll sort it all out." She swallowed hard, choking on her next two words. "Trust me."

"Okay," he said quietly, walking out of the cave. Julianna's heart broke a little more. He had trusted her before. But, this was for the best. They had to get to the bottom of this.

* * *

Katie was sleeping soundly upstairs in Brian and Colleen's room, while they did their homework. School had been cancelled for the day, but Julianna would soon be back, and they would have school again in the morning. Albert, Lydia and baby Lucille Michaela, lovingly called Lucy, were sleeping as well, grateful to be safe and well.

However, Sully and Michaela were not sleeping. They were discussing what was going to happen once David arrived in town with the search party and Julianna. He had explained how Lydia had described David as hitting his head, and Michaela was concerned that she might have to treat him. Sully, however, could care less if David injured himself or not. According to him, David Lewis deserved much, much worse for what he had done.

"Michaela," Sully said quietly, "I ain't havin' that man in here."

"I don't want him in here either, Sully, but I'm a doctor, and I can't turn away a patient." She watched him pace across the room.

"Him ya can." Michaela sighed heavily and moved toward the window. She gently put her hands on her belly.

"I'm frightened, Sully, just as much as you are. We have Katie and the baby…the children. I don't want him here, but I'm the only doctor around, and if a man dies, even if it's David, because I refused to treat him, I could never live with myself."

"Michaela, this is David…" Sully took her hands in his and brought her into his arms. "I can't stand the thought of that man, let alone seein' him again. I can't do it."

"You think I want to?"

"'Course not. I'm just sayin' that I don't see how ya can see him again after…" Michaela quickly shook her head. She didn't want to bring the past back right now. It was over and done with, and that's how she wanted it to remain.

"That's the past, Sully. He won't try that again."

"How can anybody be sure of that?"

"We can't be, but we have to believe that the past is behind us. We have to believe that everything bad…is behind us." She took a deep breath and brushed a stray tear from her cheek. "I don't ever want to look at him again, Sully." She placed her hands on her belly, cradling her womb. "But, I need to do this. I feel like if I can face him, if I can look into his eyes and see the past and not turn in fear, I'll know it's over. I'll know he can't hurt me anymore." Sully sighed softly.

"I'll be here for ya."

"I know. We'll be here for each other." They pulled each other in, holding one another. The baby gave a tremendous kick, and they both felt it.

"He's so strong," Sully said with a chuckle, placing his hands on the sides of Michaela's stomach. "Like his ma." They embraced again, kissing softly, but when the door flew open, they pulled apart in surprise. Hank and Jake came rushing in with an unconscious David between them. Michaela froze as they plopped him down onto the table. Her hand gripped Sully's. Julianna rushed in with Horace. Sully immediately remembered what he needed Horace to do. "Horace. Get over to the telegraph office. Wire the asylum I told ya 'bout earlier."

"I'll get right on it." Horace rushed away, and Michaela stared at David's cold, unconscious body.

"Michaela?" Julianna asked. "Is he going to live?" Michaela continued to stare, seeing that night flash before her eyes over and over again. No matter how hard she tried to push it away, it was all there. Here he was, an inch from freezing to death, and not just a few months ago, she had wanted to see him die.

"Michaela, ya don't gotta do this," Sully said quietly, trying not to look at the man he despised more than anyone on the earth.

"Yes," she whispered, her muscles tensing and her voice straining. "I do." David was lying on his side, and Julianna moved to take his hand. Michaela noticed this, and she couldn't ignore it, as she began to tear away the soft cloth that was crusted with dried blood and sopping with fresh. Touching him made her skin crawl. "You care for him?" Julianna didn't look up just yet. Her eyes stayed fixed on David's, wanting and willing them to open.

"I don't know him," Julianna whispered. "I feel like I do, but I don't. And…I suppose I do care for him."

"I cared for him too, once," Michaela whispered, feeling Sully tense behind her.

"What happened, Michaela?" Julianna asked, her eyes searching Michaela's. Michaela trembled again, but Julianna touched her hand. "Please. I need to understand. Please, tell me why you hate him so much." She looked back at Sully, but he turned toward the window, his hands gripping the black, red and white beads that hung around his neck. He was trying to fight away the urge to strangle what life was left inside of that…that monster.

"I'll tell you everything soon," Michaela said softly. Julianna nodded slowly, tears in her own eyes. Soon. Michaela's hands trembled as she worked, and Sully watched her carefully, afraid that it would become too much. But, she handled it, and she bandaged him up almost without flinching. "There. He needs to rest now."

"We can take him to the jail." Michaela looked up at Sully, and she shook her head.

"He'll need monitoring. He can stay here," she replied.

"Michaela, I don't want him stayin' here, when Lydia and Albert are here, and…"

"We can lock his room from the outside too, Sully. He's too weak to be getting up and about anyway."

"No. You don't have to lock him up. I'll stay with him," Julianna offered. Michaela and Sully shared a glance, and Sully shook his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Sully? Will you bring in Hank and Jake, and have them help you take David upstairs?" Sully's gaze softened, and he nodded.

"I'll be right back." Michaela nodded, and she moved to the basin to wash her hands.

"Michaela?" Julianna asked. "Tell me. Why was it necessary for him to be in a sanitarium?" Michaela paused, trying to think of a way to break the news to another woman who was apparently falling into his clutches. She skirted around it for several minutes, trying to form her thoughts and words into sentences that wouldn't be too difficult to say. She didn't want to break down, though she knew she probably wouldn't be able to help herself. And, then she told her. She told her of their courtship, of his disappearance, of his change when he came back. She told her of his obsessive mannerisms, the way he watched her and how he had hurt someone else very much. She told her how David had tried to take advantage of her, and how he had shot Lydia while trying to get to her. Now, Julianna was having trouble soaking it all in. Attempted rape? Assault? Attempted murder? That didn't _feel_ like David. It didn't feel like the David she knew, anyway.

"So that's why Albert hates him too? Because he shot Lydia?"

"Yes," Michaela replied, deciding not to embellish. But, Julianna knew right away.

"Michaela? Lydia…Lydia knows David. She was frightened."

"He shot her, Julianna. Any woman would be frightened of him after that." Julianna nodded. Somehow, it made sense. Lucy looked nothing like Albert, and that was why she was so familiar. The baby looked like Lydia but reminded her of David. She wouldn't say it aloud, but in her heart, she knew the truth.

"And you…how could you treat him after…"

"I put it in the back of my mind. I try to remember that he's ill. He needs help that we can't give him, Julianna. Something happened to him when he was young, and whatever it was formed him into what he is today. You should be careful." They were both silent, as Michaela began to clean up. Finally, Julianna spoke again, and the question made Michaela's stomach lurch.

"Did you ever love him?" Julianna asked. Michaela wiped her hands on a towel and shook her head.

"I thought I did once, but it wasn't love. I think it was admiration and respect, until he tried to force me to leave medical school to be with him. I realized that I couldn't have loved him, because if I had, I may not have gone. I was young and confused, but medical school was what I wanted. I cared for practicing medicine more than I cared for David."

"It's sad, in a way. He's obviously never been loved by anyone before."

"What about you?" Michaela turned toward her. "How do you feel about him? I know you said you care, but…"

"I don't know him," Julianna muttered. "I thought I was beginning too, but every time I think I'm starting to understand, something changes. He doesn't seem like the kind of man who would do such awful things." Michaela tensed again. "I believe you, Michaela, but I don't think he's going to. I don't think he remembers. I feel bad, because he seems to be the man he would have been had he not been through…whatever caused him to be this way."

"Sully thinks he's pretending," Michaela whispered.

"Do you?"

"As much as I hate what David has done, and as much as I know how he'll do anything to get what he wants, I think a part of me wants him not to remember, so we can all move on."

"I'm sorry about this, Michaela. I'm so sorry for what he's done."

"It's the past, Julianna. He's a very disturbed man." She tried to hide the tears that threatened to fall, but it was too late. Julianna pulled her into a hug, and though they weren't the closest of friends, Michaela practically collapsed in her arms, exhaustion and shock from seeing David again had finally settled in. So, Julianna led her to her desk and helped her sit down. She felt like she was going to collapse herself, so she pulled up a chair.

"You shouldn't be treating him, Michaela. It's not good for you or for your baby. Is there anyone I can wire? Anyone at all?"

"I can do this," Michaela promised.

"But you shouldn't. You know you shouldn't." Michaela sighed heavily. Julianna was right.

"William Bernard."

"Denver?" Michaela nodded.

"I'll be right back." As soon as Julianna left, Sully came in with Hank and Jake. He noticed the tears in his wife's eyes, and he sent the two upstairs with David in tow.

"Michaela? What is it?"

"Nothing. I'm fine. I'm…"

"Tell me," he whispered, kneeling at her chair.

"I told Julianna about what David's done. She's wiring Dr. Bernard to take over David's case."

"That's good, right?" Sully asked, softly kissing her hand.

"Yes, but…Sully? What if he does have amnesia? What if he wonders why so many people hate him? How is he supposed to react when he finds out what he's done, and he can't remember?"

"It's David, Michaela…"

"What if it's not?"

"What are ya sayin'?"

"If he can't remember, maybe it's for the best. Maybe it's a second chance for him to start over. He can be the man he should have been, Sully. He can settle down and lead a good life. Maybe…" Sully sighed and stood, moving toward the window, frustration obvious in his tense neck muscles. She stood and moved toward him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head against his back.

"I don't trust him."

"Neither do I."

"I don't want him near the children."

"We'll have the children stay somewhere else," Michaela whispered. "We'll see what happens." Sully turned, enfolding her into his arms.

"I don't want ya alone with him." She shook her head.

"Neither do I. Sully, I want to know for sure. I want to look into his eyes and see if he remembers."

"How will ya know?" She swallowed hard and kissed his cheek.

"Trust me. I'll know." At that moment, Albert came rushing down the stairs.

"Michaela!" Michaela turned quickly and moved toward him.

"What is it, Albert?" He was breathless, and he put his hand against the wall to steady himself. He took a heavy breath, and Sully hurried over in case he passed out.

"Albert?"

"It's Lydia! She's shaking..." At that moment, a chill swept throughout the room, and a terrified scream rattled throughout the clinic, chilling everyone right to their bones.

THE END

_Before you tar and feather me, make note that I ended "From a Distance" with a cliffhanger. I didn't resolve much in this last chapter, mainly because stopping here wasn't planned until the last minute. Look for a sequel to this soon! (HOPEFULLY!)_


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